My Beloved
by jeffer
Summary: At a time when Xi Men finally realizes his true feelings for Xiao Yo, can he actually have her, now that she has found a new and better love? R&R, please!
1. Default Chapter

MY BELOVED  
By Jeffer 

DISCLAIMER: No copyright infringement was intended whatsoever in writing this fic. It is written in pure fun, and that s the way it s going to be. The characters are property of the respective networks and their writers; however, the unfamiliar are mine. 

NOTE: Forgive any inconsistencies or grammatical errors or typos. Believe me, I tried my best to correct them but for those I ve overlooked, I m sorry. 

Feedback: Constructive criticisms, comments, suggestions or what-nots are highly appreciated. Do e-mail me at or check my weblog 

About the fic: It is set a while after the end of Meteor Garden II, and discusses basically what transpired between Xiao Yo and Xi Men right after Xi Men s chapter of Meteor Rain. For the resolution of their story, I ask that you also refer to my other MG3 fic HOMECOMINGS. 

Lastly ENJOY!


	2. Remember When

Xi Men, My Beloved.  
  
The rays of the early morning sun reflected against the billboard, revealing those three words. She could have sworn they looked very much the same as they did before...as though nothing has changed. She stared at the words, unblinking, knowing the sight won't last for very long.  
  
For about three minutes she stood there, unmoving, stock-still, unable to tear her gaze away. When the moment ended, she drew a deep breath and hung her head, willing the memories away as they threatened to engulf her.  
  
How long has it been since she stood here last, watching the same spectacle before her, that declaration of a love unrequited? Almost two years.  
  
She doesn't even know why she came here. When the plane landed an hour ago, she had nothing else in mind but going to a hotel and curling off to sleep. She's dead tired from having to fly nonstop for the entire day yesterday, no thanks to the sudden changes in the airline's flight schedules. After hailing a cab she gave the name of the hotel she was booked into to the driver and settled down for the short drive. But, as they were cruising the early dawn streets of Taipei, she spotted this familiar building and, without a thought, stopped the cab. After asking the driver to wait for a few minutes, she ran up the stairs to the rooftop.  
  
And now she's here.  
  
She doesn't even know what brought her here...why she had to come. After all, it was a closed book. A story that ended a long time ago. Over. Done with.  
  
She should know. She ended it herself.  
  
Realizing the irony of the situation, she could not help but shake her head and smile bitterly. She is over him. He is now nothing but the man she used to love, out of her reach. Away from her heart.  
  
His image rose before her and she closed her eyes, willing it to go away. There's no use crying over spilled milk, she told herself harshly. That was over; now she has a new life, and a better one, at that. She has a bright future, and she could not be any happier with the relationship she has right now.  
  
As if on cue, Drew's face loomed before her, smiling as he bade her goodbye at the LAX in Los Angeles. She won't be seeing him for about a month; she'll sorely miss him.  
  
That's right, she said resolutely. Xi Men is in the past; Drew is her present and, God willing, her future.  
  
Throwing one last look across the street, where the billboard is now nothing but that - a billboard - she turned on her heels and strode off the rooftop.  
  
She stopped when she reached the door and, as if on its own volition, her head turned to look back.  
  
A picture of the not-so-distant past came into view. He was standing there, weeping and, in his arms, she stood.  
  
A wistful look came over Xiao Yo's face as she turned her back on the scene and left. 


	3. Prelude to a Farewell

Almost two years ago:  
  
Xiao Yo lost track of the time; she did not know how long they sat there. The sun is already high up in the sky, reflected in the blue of the water in the pool.  
  
It's already nine-thirty in the morning. They've been here for almost four hours, not speaking much.  
  
She turned to look at Xi Men, who sat on the bench beside her. He has neither moved nor spoken for a long time. He merely sat there, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, eyes staring at a fixed spot in the water.  
  
Not wanting to disturb him, Xiao Yo remained quiet and thought back on what she had witnessed earlier.  
  
Needless to say she was surprised when he broke down upon seeing the words. It was not like him at all; but he did, and it didn't make her think of him any less. If possible, she found herself drawn to him even more. It made her love him even more.  
  
What should she do now? Xi Men was obviously shaken upon the discovery of what Xiao Gen wanted to show him a long time ago. Should she leave him? Somehow that does not seem right. Should she say something? But what? No words seem fit to be spoken right now. His tears...were they for Xiao Gen? Does he care for her still?  
  
Her musings were interrupted when Xi Men slowly stood up. Xiao Yo looked at him questioningly, only to find him smiling at her, as though nothing at all happened.  
  
"Look at the time," he said, almost cheerfully. "You must be hungry, like me. Why don't we go grab some breakfast?"  
  
Staring at him as though he had gone mad, Xiao Yo could only say, "Xi Men..."  
  
He shrugged. "Now that reminds me, I haven't even had a decent dinner last night. No wonder my stomach is killing me right now. I hear there are good restaurants around here. Want to go check them out?"  
  
Her mind still muddled with a dozen questions, Xiao Yo opted not to ask them. She nodded, got to her feet and fell into step beside him as he left the rooftop.  
  
Xi Men spoke again when they were walking down the stairs, his tone still light. "This is a nice building. It's a pity it's not fully utilized. In the right hands, this could be good for business."  
  
He's just making small talk, Xiao Yo knew. But she was not about to put him out. She mumbled her agreement and said something...something she does not even know what it meant. But Xi Men did not seem to notice. He was too wrapped up in his own suppressed emotions.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xiao Yo let him order for her when they arrived at a middle-class restaurant a few blocks down the building. Actually she does not feel at all hungry, which is a surprise since she did not eat since noon yesterday. All her time was spent looking for the building and when she did, the rest was spent searching for Xi Men all around town.  
  
What she wants - needs - now is sleep. Suddenly exhaustion began to settle on her, and it did not escape Xi Men.  
  
When the waiter left, Xi Men looked at her from across the table. "You are tired," he said simply.  
  
Xiao Yo shook her head, pretending to be energetic as she could. "No, I'm not. I'm just..." She couldn't find any excuse so she just looked down.  
  
"Go home after we have eaten," Xi Men said. "You need lots of sleep."  
  
Xiao Yo could only nod. When she raised her eyes a little later, it was to find him thoughtfully gazing at something on the table. But she was mistaken. He was looking at nothing. He was just lost in thought.  
  
She took this moment to stare at him unabashedly. Why, of all the people in this world, did she have to fall for him? He said it himself. He's a good man, just not a good person. Why does she keep on hoping he'd reciprocate her feelings for him?  
  
The waiter came with their orders, breaking the silence between them. Xi Men cheerfully dug into his plate, hunger overcoming him. Like a child, he seemed, and Xiao Yo found it endearing.  
  
"Xi Men," she began tentatively, "about - "  
  
He cut her off. "Eat first. It's not good to talk while eating."  
  
She knew that was not his reason for cutting her off, but she respected it. With less enthusiasm, she picked on her food.  
  
After a few minutes, his plate was empty, while hers was only half- consumed. Xi Men shook his head in amusement as he looked at her plate. "You are really Shancai's friend. You are both too thin."  
  
"I'm not really hungry," she replied. "Thank you for the meal."  
  
His face sobered, then he said, "No. Thank you, Xiao Yo."  
  
She met his eyes, and she's not sure what she sees in them. They looked blank. "For what?" she asked.  
  
"For letting me find out what Xiao Gen wanted to show me," he said. "Now I can put my mind at ease."  
  
"Do you regret not showing up when Xiao Gen asked you to?"  
  
Xi Men did not even as much as blink. "No. I regret hurting her."  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered, not knowing what else to say.  
  
"It's not your fault," he chided, and became serious again. "It's mine. I must have led her on. I should have been up front with her from the start, that way she would not have been hurt."  
  
His next words jarred her. "I don't want to hurt you, too, Xiao Yo. You have become a good friend. Please. Stay away from me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Take Shancai's advice the first time we met," he went on. "Stay away from me." He stood up and slapped a few bills on the table.  
  
"Xi Men, wait - " Xiao Yo stood up and followed him, ignoring the stares of the other customers inside the restaurant. She caught up with him outside.  
  
"Xi Men, I don't want to do that," she said, almost pleading with him, but he was too busy looking for a cab. "I don't want to give up."  
  
Xi Men hailed a cab and when it came to a stop in front of them, he turned to her, a kind smile on his face.  
  
"It's for your own good, Xiao Yo," he said and opened the car door for her. "Besides, you are not my type."  
  
She could only stare at him. She did not even feel it when he gently urged her inside the cab. Neither did she hear him tell the driver to bring her wherever she chooses and gave him a few bills.  
  
It was only when she felt the cab move forward that she seemed to come around. She turned her head around and watched as Xi Men stood there, an unreadable expression on his face as he followed her and the cab with his eyes.  
  
Then he was gone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mei Zuo looked up as he spotted Xi Men striding across the grass to where he and Lei were lying down. Even Lei saw him even before he did.  
  
"Hi," Xi Men greeted the both of them cheerfully and sat down on the grass. "You are sleeping again," he scolded Lei.  
  
Lei gave him a wry look. "That's because you made me stay up all night with you while you were drinking and pouring your heart out."  
  
"I wasn't pouring anything out!" he replied adamantly.  
  
"You missed our first class," Mei Zuo said. "I thought you were not going to come in today."  
  
"I have nothing else to do," Xi Men replied with a lift of his shoulders. He looked around. "Where's A Si?"  
  
"Where else?" Mei Zuo asked back with a grin. "With his dear Shancai, of course. After his mother left he's a free bird!" He sighed. "See what love can do?"  
  
Lei was looking at Xi Men intently. "Where's Xiao Yo?" he asked, and both noticed the sudden sadness that overcame Xi Men's face, something he tried to mask but is fully transparent to his friends.  
  
"She went home to her aunt," he replied tersely. But Mei Zuo would not let it go at that.  
  
"Where did you two go this morning? She seemed really desperate to find you."  
  
Xi Men looked at Mei Zuo and said, "It's none of your business," he said softly.  
  
"Hey!" Mei Zuo protested. "I was with her, remember? We scoured the streets looking for you. I lost a lot of sleep, so I think that makes it my business!"  
  
Xi Men turned away, obviously not willing to reply. Lei said, "If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's alright. Mei Zuo." He called out his friend's name when he was about to speak again. Mei Zuo glanced at Lei and, seeing Lei's serious look, relented.  
  
Xi Men did not see the look exchanged between the two. His mind was somewhere else. At the rooftop. The billboard. Xiao Yo seated across the table.  
  
Yes, he thought. He made the right decision. He should put a stop to it before it gets any worse.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xiao Yo stared at the ceiling as she lay on the bed. She received quite a scolding form her aunt when she came home this morning, but she doesn't mind. She was too preoccupied to even hear her aunt's words.  
  
It was Xi Men's words that rang through her mind again and again, like an audio on a playback.  
  
No. Shancai did not give up, and now she's happy with Dao Ming Si.  
  
Why should she? 


	4. Lie To Me

This was not supposed to happen.  
  
Xi Men mentally berated himself. "Great, Xi Men, just great. You just succeeded in making the biggest fool of yourself. In front of Xiao Yo, no less."  
  
But why should it matter? She's just...Xiao Yo. That innocent girl who sat by the road, devastated over the discovery of her more world-wise boyfriend's infidelity.  
  
Mei Zuo came up from behind and slapped him hard on the back.  
  
"Good morning!" he short of screamed into Xi Men's ear.  
  
Xi Men cringed, giving his friend a dirty look. "You didn't have to be so cheerful!" he retorted and, much to his dismay, this only amused Mei Zuo further.  
  
"My, my, aren't we touchy this morning! And the morning yesterday, if I remember correctly!" Mei Zuo laid an arm around Xi Men's shoulder. "If I didn't know any better, I would think you're having problems of the heart."  
  
Xi Men pushed his hand away. "Well, you don't know any better!"  
  
Mei Zuo was about to snap something back but stopped when he spotted Dao Ming Si and Shancai heading in their direction. "Hey, Xi Men, look at those two," he said in a low voice.  
  
Xi Men looked at the couple. They seemed to be in a world all their own, holding hands, speaking in low voices, smiling at each other ---  
  
He turned away. "Sometimes those two act so starry-eyed it makes me want to throw up," he remarked, eliciting a chuckle from Mei Zuo.  
  
"Yeah, I know. They're getting worse everyday!" Mei Zuo cleared his throat. "Here they come." He moved forward and gave A Si a tap on the shoulder.  
  
"How have you been?" he greeted. "You finally decided to check up on your friends? Getting tired of Shancai already?"  
  
Dao Ming Si looked sheepish. "What are you talking about?" he asked, pretending not to know.  
  
"Oh, come on! You've been hard to reach these past few days." Mei Zuo turned to Xi Men. "Xi Men here is no better. Lately he hasn't been much fun."  
  
"Hey!" Xi Men complained.  
  
"Well, it's true!" Mei Zuo retorted.  
  
"Why?" Shancai asked. "What happened?"  
  
"Why don't you ask your friend Xiao Yo?"  
  
"Xiao Yo?"  
  
"Yes, she --- "  
  
Xi Men cut him off. "Mei Zuo, shut up. He's talking nonsense," he said to Shancai and Dao Ming Si.  
  
"Oh, yeah?" Mei Zuo challenged him. "Then why don't you look around? Because if I'm not mistaken, that's Xiao Yo walking up that path towards us."  
  
The three noticed Xi Men pale visibly as he slowly turned to look behind him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
If it were possible, she looked more nervous than that time she came to his house and made the offer. But she still stood there, with that familiar brand of strength of hers that he has come to admire.  
  
But this has got to stop, he thought. If she keeps this up, and he lets her, then heaven only knows what will happen. In all probability she will only get hurt, and he doesn't want that to happen. For some reason even he is afraid to acknowledge, she means more to him than anyone could ever know.  
  
He tried to make his voice as cold as possible.  
  
"What is it, Xiao Yo? I take it you didn't come here to visit Shancai?"  
  
She seemed to instinctively recoil when she heard him speak. But she recovered quickly. "I came to see you."  
  
"Why? I'm not sick, am I?"  
  
Her brows furrowed, obviously wondering why he's acting like this.  
  
Even Dao Ming Si seemed to notice the change in Xi Men's behavior.  
  
"Xi Men," he called out. "What's the matter with you? That's Xiao Yo you're talking to!"  
  
But he was ignored. "Or are you here to offer yourself to me again? Because if that is so, beware. This time I might not refuse."  
  
"Xi Men!" This time outrage could be heard in Dao Ming Si's voice.  
  
Xiao Yo looked like she had just been delivered a hard slap on the cheek. Instinctively her palms curled but she curbed the desire to hit him. He merely went on looking at her as she fought back the tears.  
  
"What?" he said softly. "No slap this time?"  
  
She couldn't take any more. She spun on her heels and ran away from them, all the while biting her lip, finally letting the tears flow freely. Ignoring the look the other students are throwing at her, she kept running until she was out of the gates of Ying De. Not even when she tasted blood from biting her lip too much did she slow down.  
  
When Shancai ran after Xiao Yo, Dao Ming Si confronted Xi Men.  
  
"What was that all about?" he demanded, none too pleased by his friend's behavior.  
  
Xi Men turned away from him. "It's not your business."  
  
"Not my business!" Dao Ming Si exclaimed. "Twice you humiliated her. What's going on with you?"  
  
Shancai touched Dao Ming Si on the shoulder. "Dao Ming Si, let him be."  
  
"It's for her own good that I'm doing this," Xi Men replied and walked away. Mei Zuo, who remained silent all this time, looked at A Si and raced after Xi Men.  
  
"Xi Men, my friend," Mei Zuo said in a light tone when he was alongside Xi Men. "I don't know what that was all about, but...whatever makes you happy, man."  
  
But Mei Zuo was wrong. Because Xi Men feels crushed, like his heart is about to explode from his chest. He could not quite shake away the sight of Xiao Yo's stricken look. But he has to be firm about this. It's for her own good.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There wasn't any sign of Xiao Yo outside the gates. Shancai proceeded to the park to look for her but was unsuccessful. Getting worried now, she reached for her cell phone and dialed Xiao Yo's number. Her spirits fell when her friend's recorded voice came on the line, asking her to leave a message.  
  
She decided not to leave a message and instead quickly dialed another number, this time, A Si's. When his voice came on the line, her voice was shaky with worry.  
  
"I couldn't find her, A Si! I tried calling her but her phone's off! What should I do?"  
  
"Alright, calm down," he said soothingly. "Tell me where you are."  
  
Right across town, walking aimlessly on the sidewalk, mindless of the throng of people jostling her here and there, Xiao Yo felt lost. Her legs are cramped from all that running; her lungs feel like they were about to burst.  
  
Was she so delusional? Was she so wrong to come back here, all for him? She closed her eyes and once again the tears came. 


	5. In These Arms

Her wristwatch clocked in at 6:45. Dusk ahs finally settled; the lights of the night establishments of Taipei came to life.  
  
Still no sign of Xiao Yo. They have been driving around Dao Ming Si's sports car for almost four hours, with no luck.  
  
Anxiously Shancai glanced at A Si. "Dao Ming Si, I'm really getting worried."  
  
"You're so annoying!" he snapped at her but worry also creased his face. "Don't be such a pessimist. Call her aunt's house again. Maybe she's home already."  
  
But it was no use. Xiao Yo's aunt said she has not shown up or even called. Shancai said goodbye in as normal a voice as she could muster, not wanting to worry the other woman. She turned to A Si. "She's still not there."  
  
Dao Ming Si muttered under his breath. "This is all Xi Men's fault. And he wouldn't even answer my calls. Even Mei Zuo!"  
  
Worry for her friend engulfed Shancai too much for her to even blame anyone, Xi Men in particular. With increasing alarm her eyes searched the side streets, praying she'd spot Xiao Yo somewhere.  
  
She turned to look at A Si when the car came to a sudden stop in front of a bar.  
  
"Why did we stop?" she asked and followed him out of the car. When she spotted the other car parked before them she knew the answer, and immediately rushed after A Si into the bar.  
  
They saw Xi Men lounging at the counter, a drink in hand, chatting with three girls. Mei Zuo saw the two of them come in and immediately walked to meet them.  
  
"A Si," he said, effectively blocking Dao Ming Si's path.  
  
Looking at A Si's face, Shancai could easily tell he's angry. "Get out of my way, Mei Zuo, or you'll have it."  
  
But Mei Zuo stood his ground. "No."  
  
"What's the matter with you two?" Dao Ming Si's voice was loud enough to attract the attention of the other people inside the bar. "You wouldn't even take our calls!"  
  
Mei Zuo sought to calm his friend. "Look, I'm sorry, man, but this is not a good time for Xi Men. Let's leave him alone for a while."  
  
A Si turned to look at Xi Men's direction. "How is this not a good time for him? Can't you see him having fun with those women?" With a sudden movement unanticipated by Mei Zuo, A Si pushed him bodily to the side and rushed towards Xi Men.  
  
Xi Men looked up in surprise. "A Si! I didn't know you're here!"  
  
A Si ignored his words, pulling at Xi Men's arm roughly. "Let's go."  
  
"Go where?" Xi Men pulled back and when A Si would not let go, he pulled harder. "A Si, what's the big idea? I'm having fun here."  
  
A Si looked outraged. "You're having fun!" He scoffed. "Well, good for you, but right now, Xiao Yo is missing and the least you could do is help us find her."  
  
Xi Men's face became expressionless as he turned his gaze to Shancai, as though asking for confirmation. At the grave look on her face, alarm seemed to surge through him.  
  
"We have been looking for her since she left Ying De this morning," she said. Xi Men stood there, not saying anything. Then, without a word, he laid his glass on a nearby table and rushed off.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Shancai had to literally run to keep up with Xi Men's long strides. When they left the bar, she did not trust A Si to keep his cool around Xi Men so she insisted on going with Xi Men while Mei Zuo accompany him. She was afraid that Xi Men and A Si might come to blows if left alone. Xi Men looked distraught, and A Si was obviously irritated at his friend.  
  
Xi Men is really worried, she could see that. Why, he doesn't even seem to notice she's with him. He hasn't spoken a word to her since they left the bar.  
  
He came to a sudden stop and leaned on a lamppost to catch his breath. Shancai stopped and couldn't resist laying a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"We'll find her, Xi Men." Funny. A few moments ago she was the one who badly needed such a reassurance, and now she's giving it to him.  
  
Xi Men looked up and, as though realizing her presence only now, nodded. He drew another deep breath and straightened. "Let's keep looking."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A loud crash seemed to wake her from sleep. She lifted her gaze and looked around at the dark diner. There were more people now than when she entered and the place is getting busy.  
  
Xiao Yo looked at the time and realized she had been sitting in this table for hours. But she has not touched the sandwich and soda she ordered. The food now looked soggy, no one in his right mind would want it. She picked up her phone and sighed when she noticed it was turned off. Battery's dead again.  
  
Fishing for her spare in her bag, she replaced the battery of her mobile and turned it on. She was not surprised to find almost a dozen messages from Shancai and her aunt. Nothing from Xi Men.  
  
What did she expect? Sighing, and completely feeling pitiful, she gathered her things and headed out of the diner. It's already dark, and she looked around, regretting why she came in this part of town, where most of the bars of low repute were located. She must have been too upset to notice.  
  
She retraced her steps towards the subway, planning to go home before her aunt worries any more. Suddenly she bumped into someone.  
  
"Sorry!" she exclaimed, bowing her head. "I wasn't looking at where I was going!"  
  
The man she bumped into spoke. "Well, well! If it isn't Xiao Yo!"  
  
She looked up, her eyes widening in recognition. "Zhong Ze!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zhong Ze looked pretty much the same since she saw him last, at V6 that night when Xi Men warned him off her. He was still good-looking although now in a grungy sort of way. He was thinner than she remembered, and he was looking at her in a manner that disconcerted her.  
  
She moved to the side, and was blocked by another guy. She looked up at the stocky man, apparently a friend of Zhong Ze's. "Excuse me," she mumbled, but he just leered at her.  
  
"What?" Zhong Ze asked. "No hello to your ex-boyfriend?" He leaned close and she smelled liquor in his breath. "No friendly hug?" His hand reached for her arm but she shook it away, taking a step back.  
  
"That's not very nice," his companion said jokingly, making her even more nervous. Warily she searched for a way out. There were a lot of people about, but they looked more like Zhong Ze's type and more likely to ignore her. She looked up at Zhong Ze, pretending to be brave.  
  
"Let me through. Please," she added when he didn't make any move to let her pass.  
  
"You are not being nice, Xiao Yo," he said in a hurt tone. "You came back from Canada and you didn't even bother calling an old friend."  
  
He was being sarcastic and getting dangerously close. Xiao Yo tried to step to the side but he was a step ahead of her.  
  
"Running away? Come on, why don't you let me treat you to a little drink?" he said.  
  
She's getting really anxious now. "Please, Zhong Ze, I have to go. Let me pass."  
  
She did not anticipate what he did next. Before she could react, he yanked her by her arm and pulled into the dark alley nearby. She cried out when she felt her back slammed onto the brick wall, but the feel of his hands moving all over her alarmed her even more. When she tried to scream, he covered her mouth with his palm.  
  
"If you scream, no one will hear you," he murmured, his face very near her face. At the corner of her eye she could see his companion watching, a wicked smile on his face. Xiao Yo tried to scream against his hand, although she knew it was futile.  
  
"Let go!" she screamed against his hand. With her hands she fought him, adrenaline giving her enough strength to scratch at the side of his face. Surprised at her attack, he became angry and, gripping her arms tightly, kissed her viciously all over her face.  
  
"Let me go, bastard!" She heard her shirt rip, and this made her fight more, flailing wildly, not caring that he's hurting her.  
  
To silence her, Zhong Ze delivered a blow to her stomach and she doubled over in spite of herself, clutching her middle. Her knees seemed to give way beneath her and she sank to the ground. When she looked up, it was to see Zhong Ze coming nearer.  
  
With all the strength left she had within her, she screamed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The scream from one of the alleys made Shancai and Xi Men stop in their tracks. Their eyes met. "Xiao Yo!" Shancai exclaimed.  
  
The first thing they saw was the tipsy guy leaning on the wall, looking pleased as he's watching something from a dark alley. His heart pounding, Xi Men raced towards the guy who immediately got into the defensive at his approach.  
  
But the man was too drunk to put up a fight. One clean hit at the side of his face put him to sleep. Xi Men could not help but look at the unconscious man distastefully.  
  
"Xi Men!" Shancai's distressed shout called his attention and when she looked at him she was pointing at something.  
  
That something happened to be Xiao Yo on the ground inside the alley, a man hovering over her. Zhong Ze!  
  
Blood seemed to rise up to Xi Men's head as he rushed forward and, with a strength he wasn't aware he possessed, pulled Zhong Ze roughly away from Xiao Yo's crumpled form, slamming him hard onto the brick wall. Screaming like a possessed man, he proceeded to deliver blows on Zhong Ze's face until the drunk guy could only whimper.  
  
"Enough!" Shancai yelled from behind, shaking Xi Men away from his target. He turned around to find her holding Xiao Yo, who is drifting between consciousness and oblivion. Instantly forgetting Zhong Ze, he let the guy slip back to the ground and rushed to pick Xiao Yo in his arms.  
  
As he ran through the street, unmindful of the curious stares of the people he meets, Shancai was on the phone, talking to A Si as she ran to keep pace with Xi Men.  
  
In his chest, the girl moved slightly and he willed himself not to look down, not wanting to see the bruises that cad had left on her.  
  
"Xi Men," he heard her whisper, and when he couldn't help it and finally looked down upon her, he found her eyes were closed, consciousness finally leaving her. 


	6. Love's Suicide

Xi Men peered into the room, watching Shancai tuck the blanket over Xiao Yo's shoulders. A Si was standing by the window, talking to someone on the phone.  
  
Xiao Yo still has not regained consciousness, but the doctor said there's nothing to worry about. She was just exhausted and needed much sleep. Xi Men turned away, abhorring the sight of the bruises on her face.  
  
Dao Ming Si hung up and said, "I told her aunt not to worry. Shell be staying with us for a couple of days at least...until her bruises are healed." When he looked up and saw Xi Men at the doorway, he gave a slight nod.  
  
Xi Men gave a small smile and turned to look back at Xiao Yo. He had been really worried when they found her in that alley. He swore he could have killed Zhong Ze back then, if not for Shancai's intervention. They brought Xiao Yo straight here at the Dao Ming Mansion, at A Si's insistence.  
  
Shancai's eyes sought Xi Men's and gave him a reassuring look. Grateful but not exactly reassured, he left the doorway and walked down the hall towards the cozy den where Lei and Mei Zuo were sprawled on the sofa.  
  
Mei Zuo looked up at his entrance. "How is she doing?" he asked with genuine concern.  
  
"Sleeping," he replied and sat down beside Hua Ze Lei.  
  
Running a hand through his hair, Mei Zuo shook his head. "Who would dare hurt her?" he wondered aloud.  
  
"Its Zhong Ze, her ex." Suddenly he stood up. "Tell A Si I went out. I have a score to settle," he said and walked off the room.  
  
Mei Zuo stood up, calling after Xi Men. "Hey! Xi Men, where are you going?"  
  
Hua Ze Lei spoke up from where he was seated. "Go after him. I'll tell A Si and Shancai. He might do something rash."  
  
With a nod, Mei Zuo rushed off after his friend.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zhong Ze, sober now, winced as Amee, one of his lady-friends at the bar, dabbed some ointment on his jaw. "Aw!" he complained.  
  
"Stop whining!" Amee scolded him. "Honestly Zhong Ze, you get yourself into these scrapes and I am left picking up after you! Your friend is no better," she added, throwing an irritated look at his companion, who still hasn't come around since he was brought in from the sidewalk an hour ago.  
  
Zhong Ze didn't say anything. He's drunk, but not too inebriated not to have recognized Xiao Yo. He didn't know what came over him, but the next thing he knew he was all over Xiao Yo. Then he came.  
  
Xi Men.  
  
The name left a foul taste in his mouth and he felt like spitting. Why did he always have to come mess him up?  
  
He looked around the bar, still filled with people. It's a good thing the manager is one of his friends, or he wouldn't be allowed in here, what with his injuries.  
  
He had it bad. Xi Men took him entirely by surprise and succeeded in giving him a beating. His nose is broken, and his jaw seemed to be dislocated. Add to that the cut he sustained right under his left eye.  
  
Damn him! he cursed inwardly.  
  
Suddenly a commotion seemed to break out from the entrance and when he craned his neck to see what it was all about, he saw Xi Men barging his way in, one of his friends not far behind.  
  
He stood up in alarm, but it was no use. Xi Men rushed at him like a madman and let his fist meet with his jaw once again. Zhong Ze found himself sprawled on the couch, Amee stepping away, screaming.  
  
The other people at the bar seemed about to rush forward but Mei Zuo blocked their way. They must have recognized the new arrivals for they decided not to join in the fray and returned to their respective businesses, as though nothing happened.  
  
Zhong Ze attempted to stand up but instead found himself pulled by the collar and slammed back down on the couch, Xi Men bearing down on him.  
  
He could have sworn Xi Men was about to murder him but for the blank look in his eyes. It was like Xi Men was looking straight at a thing, and not a human being.  
  
"Touch Xiao Yo again and I will kill you," Xi Men grated against his teeth.  
  
As though finding humor in the situation, Zhong Ze suddenly burst out laughing in between choked coughs, annoying Xi Men even more.  
  
"You make me laugh, Xi Men," he said and laughed again despite the pain its causing him in his chest.  
  
"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I was trying to be funny."  
  
"What is it to you if I give Xiao Yo a little welcome, huh?" Zhong Ze demanded, anger clouding his better sense. "She's my ex-girlfriend and I have not seen her since she left for Canada. Don't I deserve a little more?"  
  
Xi Men let him go and he fell back on the couch, but he wouldn't quit.  
  
"What makes us different, Master Xi Men?" he said, his voice dripping with barely contained hatred. "Your girlfriend is in Canada and here you are, in Taipei, still bedding ladies who make the mistake of venturing into your most hallowed circle. Tell me, what makes you any better than me? Your money?"  
  
Xi Men took a step back, knowing Zhong Ze is now uncontrollable, watching with indifferent eyes as the other man make an effort to stand up, only to fall back down again.  
  
Zhong Ze went on. "You F4 think you are the most powerful, what with your money and looks and notoriety. You act like you can influence others...control others, make them do your bidding." He chortled. "You come to Xiao Yo's defense like she's the most important woman in your life but what do you do the moment she turns your back, huh?"  
  
Zhong Ze sneered at Xi Men, who suddenly seemed to be frozen on the spot. "You jump to the next ready ass offered to you! And here you are, all mighty and righteous." He spat. "When, in fact, you don't care at all."  
  
Xi Men, seemingly calm now, regarded Zhong Ze with distaste. "Pray we don't meet again, Zhong Ze. Next time, I won't be so kind to you."  
  
Then he turned and left, ignoring Zhong Ze's wicked laughter. Mei Zuo threw an almost pitying look at the smashed Zhong Ze and followed his friend out of the bar.  
  
Mei Zuo only spoke when they were in Xi Men's car, well away from the bar.  
  
"It's a good thing there wasn't much damage in there. Lei's not around to pay," he said jokingly. He sobered and said, "What Zhong Ze said back there...I don't think it's true, man. You do care."  
  
Xi Men said nothing, but Mei Zuo could see he was deep in thought, and he decided not to say anything further.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xi Men merely dropped Mei Zuo off at the Dao Ming Mansion and drove off, despite his friend's protests. In frustration, Mei Zuo walked into the mansion and found Dao Ming Si and Hua Ze Lei in the den, waiting.  
  
A Si stood up when he came in. "Where's Xi Men?" he asked, noting he was alone.  
  
Mei Zuo shook his head and dropped down on the sofa, exhausted. "He said he wants to go home." When he looked at the worried looks on the two's faces, he said, "Don't worry. He only talked to Zhong Ze. Not that it did any good. The bastard was too drunk to make enough sense."  
  
"Talked?" A Si could not seem to believe it. "They merely talked?"  
  
"Well, there was some scuffle involved in between, but nothing really serious."  
  
A Si shook his head in annoyance. "And he didn't even care enough to come in and check on Xiao Yo."  
  
"I think he was too afraid to see her," Hua Ze Lei remarked. "Contrary to what he would have us believe, he cares. He's just too stubborn to admit it."  
  
A Si mulled over this, then he sat back down. "He's killing himself," he only said and settled into silence, his two friends also thinking the same thing.  
  
Her whole body felt sore, and she remembered she felt exactly the same way the first time she rode a horse back at the riding park in Toronto. But this was different; even the dull pounding in her head was different.  
  
Slowly Xiao Yo opened her eyes and looked around. The room is unfamiliar, done in shades of blue like the sky.  
  
"You're awake!"  
  
Xiao Yo slowly turned her head towards the voice and smiled when she saw Shancai seated by the bed.  
  
"Shancai," she said softly and winced as the pang of pain on the side of her face.  
  
"Would you like some water?" Shancai asked and when she nodded, gave her a glass from the small table beside the bed.  
  
After drinking from the glass and returning it to Shancai gratefully, she asked, "Where am I?" looking around the room.  
  
"At Dao Ming Si's house," Shancai replied, sitting down. "Xi Men and I brought you here last night."  
  
Xiao Yo closed her eyes and the events of the previous night came to mind. It was all muddled, really. She recalled Zhong Ze's face, his hands on her, his punishing lips...she remembered everything turning black then opening them again to see Xi Men holding her. Then all was blank.  
  
She opened her eyes. "Auntie!" she exclaimed, remembering her aunt. "She'll get mad if I don't go home!?"  
  
"Don't worry, Dao Ming Si already spoke to her and told her you'd be staying here for a couple of days...until your bruises are healed."  
  
Xiao Yo sighed with relief. "Thanks," she said. Having her aunt alarm her parents in Canada is the last thing she wanted.  
  
Shancai's face became riddled with guilt. "Xiao Yo, I can't help but feel this is partly my fault," she said. "I haven't spent much time with you since you came back. I should have been around."  
  
"Oh, Shancai, don't blame yourself," Xiao Yo said. "If there's anyone to be blamed, it's me. I was so stupid to go to that part of town and run into Zhong Ze." Remembering Zhong Ze, fear once more crept in on her, a fact that didn't escape Shancai.  
  
"I don't think you need to worry about Zhong Ze anymore," Shancai assured her. "Xi Men already took care of it."  
  
Her spirits lifted at the mention of his name. "What do you mean 'took care of it'?"  
  
"He went out last night and talked to Zhong Ze," Shancai explained, telling her what Mei Zuo had told them. "He'd be crazy to try to go near you ever again."  
  
Xiao Yo was more elated by the fact that he came to her defense than knowing Zhong Ze would forever be out of her life. Maybe there is hope yet. She smiled despite the pain it brought to her face.  
  
"Xiao Yo," Shancai said. "Don't you think you are investing too much emotionally on this? Xi Men is a nice person but...he's really not the guy I would like for you."  
  
"Neither is he the guy I would like to be with, but he's the one I love. Is that so hard to accept, Shancai? After all, wasn't that the case with Dao Ming Si and Hua Ze Lei?"  
  
At this, Shancai became flustered, knowing what her friend just said was true. She nodded and only said, "I just don't want you hurt, that's all."  
  
Xiao Yo looked up at the ceiling. "What's a little pain, Shancai, when I have one shred of hope to hold on to...that one day Xi Men would love me in return?"  
  
Her heart breaking fro Xiao Yo, but admiring her strength nonetheless, Shancai gazed at her friend. Xi Men has no idea what he's letting go of.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zhong Ze is wrong. He cares. Oh, he cares too much for his own good.  
  
Somehow he couldn't help feeling he was the reason why Zhong Ze attacked Xiao Yo that night. It's called the male macho ego. In the past Xi Men had insulted him, reduced him to nothing but dirt. Naturally when Zhong Ze saw Xiao Yo again, he felt like the only way to get back at Xi Men would be through her.  
  
And he did get to him, damn it!  
  
Xi Men breathe deeply and laid his head on his arms on top of the table. He wondered how she is doing right now.  
  
Possibly she's still at A Si's, recuperating from the bruises she sustained.  
  
Heaven only knows what he would have done had he arrived at the scene a second too late. The thought of Xiao Yo being maligned brought a pain to his chest that he wanted so much to scream.  
  
Now, more than ever, he knew he had to cut off all his ties to her, how ever much it pains him. In more ways than one she has brought here more than enough injury. Her being hurt even more due to his own actions isn't something he thinks he could handle.  
  
He cares about her too much to cause her any more pain that he already did. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
I'd like to say THANKS to my first reviewer ABYSS! 


	7. Hold On

Mei Zuo thanked the maid and went straight to Xi Men's room. Not bothering to knock, he opened the door and let himself in. He shook his head when he spotted Xi Men by the window. So lost was he in his own thoughts that he didn't even seem to notice Mei Zuo come in.  
  
"Two days!" Mei Zuo exclaimed, finally claiming his friend's attention. "Two days we've been trying to find you only to find out you've been locking yourself up in your room." He dropped down on the bed and cushioned his head with his arms.  
  
"I didn't feel like going out," Xi Men said, turning around in his seat to look at his friend.  
  
"Yeah, well, we kinda figured that out." Mei Zuo turned his head and regarded his friend intently. "You alright?"  
  
Xi Men thought about this for a moment, and nodded. "Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
Mei Zuo merely smiled, recognizing a lie when he hears it. "Xiao Yo has been asking about you. And the others are wondering why you haven't come to see her."  
  
"I told you," he replied, "I didn't feel like going out."  
  
Silence reigned, broken a little later by Mei Zuo. "She's alright now, if you care to know. The bruises are fully healed. A day more and it'll be safe for her to go back to her aunt's without raising any alarm."  
  
"That's good to know," he said in a noncommittal voice.  
  
"A Si and Lei also talked to Zhong Ze, who's finally sober, by the way." Mei Zuo shook his head, amused as he remembered the stunned look on the guy's face when confronted by the violent leader of F4 and the dangerously quiet Lei. "I think those two just made some new enemies."  
  
"They shouldn't have bothered," Xi Men commented. "This is my conflict, not the F4's."  
  
"Are you kidding me?" Mei Zuo asked. "Xiao Yo happens to be the best friend of the woman A Si loves. You think he'd just let this go?"  
  
"What's Lei's excuse?"  
  
Mei Zuo shrugged. "Who knows? I stopped trying to figure Lei out years ago. But now," he gave Xi Men a pointed look, "I have this feeling I am going to start having trouble figuring you out, too."  
  
Xi Men only shook his head, a dry laugh coming out. "I'm still me, Mei Zuo. You don't have to worry about that." He stood up and walked towards the bath. "I'm taking a shower. Let's go out tonight."  
  
Letting the cold water bathe him, Xi Men found himself in turmoil. He's in a nightmare, and it is of his own doing. He felt like drowning and the only one who could save him now is Xiao Yo. But he's afraid. He's afraid that when he does reach for her hand, he would pull her along with him, and they would both be caught up in a storm of pain neither one of them could handle.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'  
  
Xiao Yo bade goodbye to Shancai and A Si as they dropped her off back at her aunt's. Nervously her hand crept to the side of her face, hoping the bruises are all now truly gone when she faces her.  
  
With light steps she walked into the house and immediately saw her aunt seated on the sofa in the living room, newspaper in hand.  
  
She looked up at Xiao Yo's entrance and said, "You're back. How was your stay with your friends?"  
  
She did not seem to notice anything amiss, much to Xiao Yo's relief. She tried to act normal. "It was all right. They were very nice."  
  
"It's a good thing you're already back," Auntie said. "Your Mama just called a while ago, asking you to go back to Canada. They re getting worried."  
  
Alarm filled her at the thought of having to leave so soon. "But the term's not going to start for two weeks yet!"  
  
Her aunt shrugged. "They thought you ve stayed here for too long already. It's been more than two weeks."  
  
Xiao Yo's spirits fell. What is she to do now?  
  
Her mother was adamant that she should return home immediately, as it turned out when she called a little while later and talked to Xiao Yo. Despite her pleadings for a few days more, her mother put her foot down. She has to get back before term at university starts. With much rebelling inside her, Xiao Yo had no other choice but to obey.  
  
Closing the door behind her, Xiao Yo crawled into her bed, her mind in a whirl. She couldn't leave now. Not just yet. She still hasn't spoken to Xi Men!  
  
She reached for her purse and took out her cell phone. Crossing her fingers, she dialed Xi Men's number. After a few rings, his recorded voice came on, asking her to leave a message.  
  
Normally this is not how she would want to speak with him, but she had no other way.  
  
"Xi Men, it's me, Xiao Yo," she said. "I wanted to speak with you. I'll be going back to Canada the day after tomorrow. Please. Talk to me. I ll be waiting for your call."  
  
She hung up and gazed unseeing at the wall, hoping against hope that this time, he would heed her. Just this one time.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
His head is pounding as he opened his eyes. He turned his head to look at the alarm clock beside the bed. Half-past noon.  
  
Groaning, he dropped his head back down. Darn, but these hang-overs are getting painful and painful every time! He and Mei Zuo had painted the town red yesterday, visiting three bars in one night, and both of them had too much to drink.  
  
He turned his head and looked at the lady sleeping beside him. His brows knitted as he tried to remember her name. Hannah. That's right. He vaguely remembers running across the half-Mandarin, half-American girl a few weeks ago and when he ran into her last night they ended up in this hotel room.  
  
Careful not to wake her up, Xi Men left her side and wobbled to the bathroom. Minutes later he came out, feeling refreshed after a cold shower, only to find Hannah awake, looking at him strangely.  
  
"What?" he asked, and noted his cell phone in her hand.  
  
Hannah, her blond hair in wild disarray around her as she tried to cover her naked form with the blanket, handed him the cell phone.  
  
"There's a call for you," she said, obviously not pleased. She left a message.  
  
He took the phone and, giving her an uncaring look, walked towards the balcony and played the message.  
  
It was Xiao Yo. He played the message again, then again. Then he erased it.  
  
He went back into the room where Hannah still sat there, eyeing him angrily. He gave her a wide grin as he reached for his clothes and slipped into them.  
  
"Who is Xiao Yo?" she asked.  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"I don't want to have to share my man!" she exclaimed, her American accent becoming more visible.  
  
Xi Men gave her an indulgent smile. "I'm not your man," he said and reached for his wallet and keys. Throwing her one last indifferent glance, he said, "Don't worry about the bill. I've got it covered," and left the room.  
  
As he got into his car, he called Mei Zuo. Unlike him, his friend sounded like he s been up since earlier this morning.  
  
"What is it?" Mei Zuo asked.  
  
"I need a favor," Xi Men said. "I'll be leaving town for a couple of days. Something came up. My mom wants me to go to Hong Kong for some business. Tell the others."  
  
He wants to be as far away from here as possible when she leaves. That way, the pain won't be that much harder to endure. After he hung up, he drove straight to the airport.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hong Kong!" Shancai shook her head. "Why did he have to pick this day, of all days, to go to Hong Kong?!"  
  
"He said it's urgent," Mei Zuo replied. "His mom wanted him to go there."  
  
"He's lying," Shancai said, pouting. She looked up as Hua Ze Lei came in, a grave look in his face.  
  
"I just talked to Auntie on the phone," he said. "She said she didn't ask Xi Men to go anywhere."  
  
"See?" Shancai is frustrated. "I told you he was lying!"  
  
Dao Ming Si wondered aloud. "I wonder where he could be. Lei, why don't you call the airports while Mei Zuo and I check the train listings?"  
  
Lei nodded and went to work. Meanwhile, Shancai was left alone trying to figure out how to tell Xiao Yo that Xi Men had left. What a coward, she thought. He had to turn tail and run!  
  
After half an hour, Lei came up with something. "My friend at the airport told me that Xi Men bought a ticket for Kuala Lumpur more than two hours ago."  
  
Mei Zuo and A Si looked at each other, perplexed. "Kuala Lumpur?" Mei Zuo echoed. "What on earth is he doing in Kuala Lumpur?"  
  
"When did his plan leave?" A Si asked.  
  
"A few minutes after he bought the ticket."  
  
Shancai breathed deeply. "So that's it, then. He left." She stood up, and A Si stood up with her.  
  
"You want me to come along?" he asked.  
  
She shook her head. "Thanks, but I have to do this alone. I have to tell her he s gone before she hopes any more."  
  
The three were left sitting there long after Shancai was gone. Then Mei Zuo said, "I don t know what has gotten into him."  
  
"I think I know," Lei said and both looked at him. "He's terrified."  
  
"Of what?" A Si asked.  
  
"Of something he's not familiar with." Lei stood up and walked to the window. "I don't think he knows what it is he fears himself."  
  
A Si and Mei Zuo didn t say anything, silent agreement coursing between them.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Shancai is getting nervous now. Xiao Yo had not spoken a word since she broke the news a while ago. She just sat there, staring at the uneaten cake in front of her.  
  
They had decided to meet back here at the bakeshop where Shancai works and Xiao Yo used to work at as well. The boss was very happy to see Xiao Yo and even had her eat there for free.  
  
But the late afternoon turned out to be darker for Xiao Yo.  
  
Shancai cleared her throat. "Xiao Yo, are you alright?" she asked, immediately regretting the question. Of course she's not alright!  
  
When Xiao Yo looked up, she was smiling slightly. Maybe he was really busy.  
  
"Xiao Yo..." Her heart went out to her friend, amazed at how Xiao Yo could still make excuses for Xi Men s actions.  
  
"I mean, it was so short notice, right? He had to leave right away, and he didn t even have time to tell it personally to his closest friends."  
  
She stopped talking, and Shancai looked at her with assessing eyes. "Why won t you give up, Xiao Yo?"  
  
"Do you want me to give up, Shancai?" Xiao Yo asked. "I don't remember you giving up Dao Ming Si before."  
  
"That was different."  
  
"How?" she asked.  
  
Shancai didn't want to say the words, but felt like she had to, for Xiao Yo's sake. "Dao Ming Si loved me."  
  
Xiao Yo became quiet, then said, "And I love Xi Men. What's so wrong about that?"  
  
"There's nothing wrong with it," she sought to assure her friend. "But it hurts me to see you re hurting over him. You deserve better, Xiao Yo. Don t be rash."  
  
Xiao Yo suddenly smiled. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am being rash. Maybe I should be patient."  
  
"That's not what I meant," Shancai argued.  
  
But Xiao Yo seemed not to hear her. "So for now, I'll be his friend first. That's right. I'll make sure I'll always be around as his friend then maybe he will come around and realize I m there."  
  
"Xiao Yo..."  
  
"I should be a friend first, right? I shouldn't be too hasty." Xiao Yo laughed lightly. "I remember my literature professor in Canada telling me once, 'everything comes to those who wait.' I should wait."  
  
Shancai knew there was no swaying Xiao Yo's mind once it is made up. She just gazed at her friend, praying she'll be alright and not opening herself to more heartache.  
  
"I will wait," Xiao whispered more to herself than to Shancai.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Petronas Towers loomed before him, and a lot of tourists were busy taking pictures in front of it. Xi Men, meanwhile, does not feel like sight seeing. But he s here nevertheless.  
  
He turned around and crossed the street towards the rental car he acquired the minute he stepped in Kuala Lumpur. Where else could he go? He's been here for one day and two nights now, but the spirit of a tourist has not settled on him just yet.  
  
Xi Men drove into highway and just drove with no particular destination in mind. All he could think of was Xiao Yo leaving in a few hours.  
  
How many times had he spoken to himself like a madman, convincing himself it's the right thing to do? He doesn't trust himself to be anywhere near Xiao Yo these times. He's afraid he just might break down and ask - no, beg - her not to go back to Canada.  
  
And then what? He's still Xi Men. The playboy, the local Lothario. Don Juan de Marco, Mandarin version, as Mei Zuo would jokingly put it. And this is more than enough to hurt Xiao Yo.  
  
She's still a child, still so very young. Whereas he has done many things, good and bad, that he knows would one day come back and haunt him. And she didn't want her to be in the thick of things when they do come back.  
  
Shancai would probably hate him; even A Si seemed to be losing his patience with him. But it will pass, he was sure of that.  
  
Suddenly he looked through the windshield and found himself in front of the airport. As if on their own volition, his legs led him out of the car and into one of the booths. And he heard himself asking about a seat on the next plane back to Taipei.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mei Zuo, Hua Ze Lei and Dao Ming Si stood not too far away as Shancai and Xiao Yo said their farewells.  
  
Shancai couldn't help but feel all teary-eyed all of a sudden. Xiao Yo laughed. "Why do you cry?" she asked. "It's not like we re not seeing each other again."  
  
"Yes, but I will still miss you," Shancai said and gave her friend another hug.  
  
"Thanks for seeing me off," she said gratefully.  
  
"And thanks for letting me see you off," Shancai insisted. "When you left for Canada then you didn't even let me know until you were already going."  
  
Xiao Yo smiled, and Shancai was amazed at her resilience. "Keep in touch," Shancai said,  
  
"I will," Xiao Yo replied, her eyes straying to where the F3 hovered. "I wish you and A Si the best. I mean that."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
When the F3 moved forward to say their goodbyes, Xiao Yo smiled up at A Si. "I'm not going to ask you to take care of Shancai, because I know there's no need for that."  
  
A Si smiled. "That's right," he said and laid an arm around Shancai's shoulder.  
  
Xiao turned to look at Lei and Mei Zuo. "But I'm going to ask you...to take care of Xi Men," she requested, and this took them by surprise.  
  
Mei Zuo shifted uncomfortably. "Uhm...I apologize for him not being here."  
  
She cut him off. "No need to be sorry, Mei Zuo, I completely understand." She smiled. "I'll stay in touch with him."  
  
Speechless, the F3 could only look at her.  
  
When Xiao Yo boarded the plane, Mei Zuo shook his head in amazement. "She's something else," he remarked, admiring her and mentally scolding Xi Men.  
  
Inside the plane, Xiao Yo reached for her cell phone and dialed Xi Men's number. Again that familiar recording came on.  
  
"Xi Men," she said in a cheerful voice. "I hope you are having a good time on your trip. I am on the plane right now, and we re about to take off..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"...I'm so sorry if I've been a nuisance lately and disturbed you. Anyway, I called to say I am willing just to be your friend, if that's what you prefer. You take care of yourself, ok? I ll call you as soon as the plane lands. Bye-bye."  
  
Xi Men played the message again, all the while keeping his gaze on the plane taking off, bound for Canada. From where he stood, he could see Dao Ming Si, Shancai, Hua Ze Lei and Mei Zuo.  
  
They haven't seen him standing there for about an hour now.  
  
He looked once more at the plane as it grew smaller and smaller until it was nothing but a mere speck in the vast sky.  
  
"Goodbye. Xiao Yo." The whisper came out unchecked and he left. 


	8. Drowning

Chapter 8  
  
DROWNING  
  
"...The term started yesterday. I've already met my new professors. Some of them are quite intimidating, but I'm pretty sure I can handle myself. Of course it's scary, but it's not like I have any other choice now, do I? I'll just have to do my best..."  
  
"...Lynn, my roommate? I think I already told you about her. This weekend she's going down to Vermont to visit her family and she asked if I wanted to come along. What do you think? Should I go? I mean I've been here in Canada for quite a long time now, and I have not even visited our neighboring states...hmmm...maybe I will go..."  
  
"...I just handed some samples of my work for the university newspaper this morning. I was really apprehensive about handing it in. After all, I know there were a lot of other writers who wanted the slot at the Editorial Board, and most of them are better in English than I am...Does it seem foolhardy to you? My handing in my work when I know I have a low chance of getting in? The results will be out in a couple of weeks. I don't think I have a lot of chance but I'm still hoping..."  
  
"...I got in! Oh, my God! I could hardly believe it when I went to university today and saw my name posted high up there on the bulletin board! I wanted to shout and just jump around! Imagine, there were a lot of us, and I was the one chosen!"  
  
"...My column is picking up. I was afraid it wouldn't do too good, but Ive been receiving feedback from the readers and I feel more and more encouraged to go on! I don't think I made a bad decision in choosing Journalism as my major..."  
  
"...I heard about Shancai and Dao Ming Si's trip to Singapore. Did you go along? I'm really happy for them. I'm glad his Mama decided to back off and leave them alone..."  
  
"...How are you now, Xi Men? I don't really mind you ignoring my calls. I understand you must be very busy, what with your graduation coming up in a few months. But do let me know how you are doing, ok? Just...let me know..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And so it went. Ever since Xiao Yo had left, everyday she would ring him and give him calls, all of which he would not take. So she settled on leaving him voice messages, telling him about her day, talking about the goings-on in her life, with her family, with university.  
  
Xi Men had grown accustomed to this routine. He wakes up and there's a message from Xiao Yo. His every single day starts with her voice. He listens to it and plays it back several times, then erases it from his phones memory.  
  
The F3 and Shancai knew of this routine, but they were polite enough not to comment on it. Neither did Xi Men talk about it to any one of them.  
  
He knew it was not such a good idea, especially for her, to keep doing this, but he does not have the heart to pick up his phone to answer her and tell her to stop. He was afraid the wrong words would come out the moment he speaks to her; he worries he might ask her to come home to Taipei. Thats the last thing she needs, especially now that she seems to be making headway in Canada.  
  
So he just let it go, every day waking up, looking forward to a small anecdote from her, sharing her triumphs and letdowns silently, holding on to these brief messages for a shred of sanity as he took comfort in the fact that shes doing well without him. He didn't make a mistake, thank God, for turning her away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xi Men opened his eyes and blinked repeatedly until his eyes grew accustomed to the glare of the day outside. As he was used to doing for the past months, he reached for his cell phone on the small table beside the bed and checked on his messages.  
  
A small smile formed as he found one new voice message. He hit on the playback and listened.  
  
"Xi Men, hi!" Xiao Yo's voice came on. "Wow, I had a long day. Remember our English professor? He gave me this tough paper to work on, and he said he trusts me enough to do a good job. I'm quite nervous, but also excited to be doing it. Have I told you already? If I do a good job at this, he'd agree to take me into his Advanced class next term, and even help me out with a few recommendations for an internship. Get this: Its with Reuters! I am so excited!"  
  
Xi Men smiled, sharing her enthusiasm.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She preferred going to the Public Library than at the university, mainly because she felt more at ease within its airy and spacious confines than within the stuffy and much too silent halls of the University library.  
  
In fact she frequents the Public Library every free time she gets. That's where she does most of her research and writing, and as time wore on she became quite known among the people working at the library, and even by the locals.  
  
In fact, the area where the library was located became sort of her second home. At the university she had already lost her anonymity, what with her weekly columns at the university publication being popular among the students and those residing within the area.  
  
This is where she feels at her most peaceful. So it came as an unpleasant surprise when she walked into the library and saw her usual spot at the other end of the room occupied by a guy with dozens of newspapers spread before him.  
  
Feeling slightly miffed that he should take her spot when it has been hers for almost seven months now, she turned to look at Gracie, the French- Canadian middle-aged librarian.  
  
"Who's that guy?" she asked, trying to mask her annoyance.  
  
Gracie shook her apologetically. "I have no idea," she replied. "I came in here after Helens shift and he was already there. I think he's been there since this morning, looking for something. I'm sorry, Rain," she added, "If you want, I could go talk to him and make him move somewhere else."  
  
"No, Gracie," she said. "Don't bother. It's just for today anyway. I could take another table." She threw another look at the guy. This time he was poring over a newspaper page, his had bent down low that she did not even catch a glimpse of his face. All she could see was the short and thick wavy dark hair, with the front ends falling down and covering most of his face as he bent down, reading whatever it is that caught his interest.  
  
Lugging her laptop and a rather large hand bag, Xiao Yo moved to another table at the other end of the room where she knew she wouldn't be disturbed by others. A few minutes later she was absorbed into the article she was writing that she noticed nothing else.  
  
The afternoon wore on and, after about three hours of tapping into the keyboard, Xiao Yo straightened and leaned back, stretching her now tired arms. She smiled as Gracie beamed from her desk. Turning around she was surprised when she saw the guy was still there, and this time the stack of newspapers before him was inches higher than when she first arrived.  
  
Xiao Yo surreptitiously observed him, now that he was leaning back in his seat, reading, his profile now in full view.  
  
Even from this distance, she could tell he is good-looking. He looks like an American, and she certainly doesn't remember seeing him around before. Perhaps he's a tourist, she presumed.  
  
Deciding to finally head for home, Xiao Yo quickly gathered her thanks and bade farewell to Gracie. When she stepped outside of the library, she reached for her cell phone inside her bag and quickly dialed.  
  
She has to tell Xi Men about her getting that internship at Reuters.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'From afar I watch with eyes that shed no tears the words I can never say; the words I will never hear. From this distance I weep with a heart that bleeds for a love unrequited; for your love that I will never have.'  
  
Drew sighed and stretched his head from side to side, easing the tired muscles. This is good, he thought, reading the short poem all over again, almost feeling the sadness that brought the writer to pen this verse.  
  
He glanced at the large clock on the wall and his eyes widened. Four o'clock!  
  
He's been here a whole six hours! Suddenly he felt his stomach grumble. And he has even forgotten to get some lunch!  
  
He turned to look at the other stack of unread newspapers on the table. He has to stop, he thought wryly. Anyway, he can always come back here tomorrow.  
  
Suddenly his attention was caught by the petite lady who stood up from one of the tables at the other end of the room, a laptop in hand and another handbag on the other.  
  
Chinese, he thought, watching with fascination as she smiled at the middle- aged librarian and walked out with a bounce in her steps. And a pretty one, too. What a coincidence, he thought, seeing a Chinese girl while reading some of the works of a Chinese writer.  
  
Drew stood up and walked towards the librarian, who looked up at him suspiciously. He doesn't blame her, really. He must have looked pretty weird to have stayed inside a library hes been for the first time for six hours nonstop. She must have thought he's some sort of a madman!  
  
"Hi," he said softly, careful not to grab the attention of the other people at the library. "I wonder if you would let me have a few of your newspapers photocopied."  
  
The librarian looked at him up and down, still suspicious. "Only members are allowed to have any of our materials copied."  
  
He nodded, "I see." Then he shrugged. "I'll just come back tomorrow then," he said and moved back to the table, beginning to fix the newspapers he had earlier spread all around him.  
  
He looked up in surprise as the librarian came over and began helping him. He smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Gracie," he added the name after reading it from the small tag on her uniform.  
  
Gracie paused, looking closely at the newspaper in her hand. Curious, she looked at the other newspapers, noting they were all of the same publication. "You seem to be pretty interested in the University newspapers," she observed. "Why don't you just go to the University library? I bet they'll let you have theirs photocopied."  
  
He lifted another newspaper from the other stack he was reading. "I also came here for the town paper," he said.  
  
Gracie looked at him, intrigued now. "Why are you so interested about these newspapers? If you don't mind me asking, that is."  
  
Not minding at all, Drew smiled almost shyly. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself." He extended his hand. "My name's Drew. I'm a student, I just moved in at the dorm. I heard from my friends that you had quite some talent here and thought I'd check it out so I came in here and...stayed for six hours," he finished with a small laugh.  
  
"Anything struck your fancy?" Gracie asked, still dubious.  
  
His face lit up. "Oh, certainly. A few people suggested a writer that's why I checked out these two particular publications for some of her work. Her name's Rainie Zhu."  
  
To his surprise, the doubt in her face was wiped, replaced with a delighted smile. "You should've told me sooner!"  
  
Confused at her sudden reaction, he said, "I beg your pardon?"  
  
"You just missed her!" Gracie didn't seem to mind that her voice was a bit loud. "Did you see the Chinese young lady that left a while ago with her laptop? That's Zhu Xiao Yo! Rainie Zhu!"  
  
Drew could only stare at her, wide-eyed, but not really seeing the older woman. His mind conjured the image of the Chinese girl who fascinated him a while back. So that was her...  
  
He looked down and his eyes settled on the still-open page of the paper where her column was, and the words jumped out at him.  
  
'...From this distance I weep, with a heart that bleeds, for a love unrequited; for your love that I will never have...'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Reuters!" Mei Zuo whistled. "Xiao Yo never ceases to amaze me."  
  
"What's Reuters?" Dao Ming Si asked, and Hua Ze Lei bit back a smile. But this didn't escape A Si, who complained. "What's so funny?" he asked in annoyance.  
  
Xi Men and Mei Zuo laughed aloud. "Reuters happens to be one of the largest news groups in the world, Master Dao Ming Si," Xi Men teased his friend.  
  
"Don't mock me!" A Si retorted and sipped from his glass once more. The four of them were at V6, trooping there after Xi Men called them all up and asked to have a drink together. Shancai had gone home earlier, making up an excuse about having to do her homework when it was obvious she was just letting the four of them spend some time alone.  
  
"She must be a very good writer if she's given these opportunities," Mei Zuo remarked. "I won't be surprised if she next works for CNN. Or better yet, she writes a book."  
  
Hua Ze Lei regarded Xi Men thoughtfully, a look that the latter noticed. Xi Men gave a small smile. "I'm proud of her," he said. "Anyone should be."  
  
"What are you thinking now?" Mei Zuo asked his friend.  
  
"That I did the right thing," he replied.  
  
Dao Ming Si muttered under his breath. "I still think you're an idiot."  
  
But Xi Men did not answer him. He merely raised his glass and said, "Bottoms up!"  
  
The four of them shared drinks, talking animatedly, as though they didn't care about the others inside the bar. When they were all slightly inebriated, Xi Men looked up as two ladies approached their table.  
  
Xi Men's eyes widened. "Hannah!" he exclaimed, surprised to see the Chinese- American lady he has spent a couple of nights with in the past. She looked certainly hot, in a little red number, showing off her voluptuous curves.  
  
"Xi Men," she said in a sweet voice and sat down beside him. Discreetly Dao Ming Si and Hua Ze Lei turned away when she laid a hand suggestively on Xi Men's thigh. "It's been a long while."  
  
"I didn't notice," Xi Men said, the liquor getting to his head as he nuzzled her neck. "How are you?" he asked later.  
  
Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck. "Why won't you let me answer that...in a different way?"  
  
Xi Men smiled at her and turned to his companions. "Hey, can you..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Mei Zuo said in a laughing voice. "We'll see ourselves home. You go do whatever you want to do."  
  
Xi Men let himself be pulled to his feet by Hannah and, bidding an incoherent goodbye to his friends, let himself be dragged by the girl out of the bar. The three merely looked after them, shaking their heads in exasperation.  
  
"He's right," Dao Ming Si said quietly. "He did the right thing, letting Xiao Yo go."  
  
The other two nodded their silent agreement and returned to their drinks.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Relief flooded her when she arrived at the public library and found her old spot available. Waving at Gracie, she went straight to her table and brought out her pen and the black bound notebook, ready to start working on her latest project: a short story for children. If it turns out well enough, then it would be another accomplishment for her.  
  
At that moment when she glanced up she saw him again. This time he sat at another table not too far from her.  
  
Observing him under her lashes, she finally managed to get a good look at him. Yes, she was right. He is great-looking. He must be in his early twenties...perhaps twenty-two or three, around that age...And he looked tall. Yes, he is tall, she decided, noting his long legs under the table.  
  
Feeling silly for checking out a stranger, she turned her attention back to her notebook and was again absorbed by the task, once more oblivious of the world around her.  
  
But Drew was anything but oblivious. There was no need for Gracie to catch his attention with a few hand signals for him to note Rainie's arrival. He saw her the moment she stepped through the door, looking really beautiful in a simple blue sleeveless dress and white sneakers.  
  
He watched her as she went straight to the table he had occupied yesterday. He smiled as he remembered Gracie's words about that table being hers and her surprise when she arrived to find him, a stranger, using it.  
  
When she sat down and opened the black bound notebook, he could not help but notice how dainty she moves or how elegantly she moves her head and hands.  
  
She is truly fascinating.  
  
Drew didn't expect the writer Rainie Zhu to be like...her. Judging from the way she writes and the things she wrote about one would think the writer is a bit older. So he was surprised when he saw her. Why, she looked too young! Like she's around 17 or 18!  
  
But Gracie said she just turned 20. Drew smiled, marveling at her. Beautiful, innocent-looking, young, and very talented.  
  
She's a dream.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xiao Yo looked at the time. Oh, dear, she thought. Looks like she's going to be late, she thought. Oh, why did the people at Reuters have to call her on the phone when she's rushing to class?  
  
A lot of the other students were also in a hurry as they tried to beat the buzzer into their respective classes. At a brisk pace now, Xiao Yo rounded a bend and bumped solidly into a guy. The next thing she knew, her books were all strewn on the ground, papers everywhere. The guy she bumped into caught her in time before she could fall and for that she was thankful.  
  
An apology was already well out of her mouth when she looked up and recognized him. It's the guy from the library! And he looked as surprised to see her as she is to him.  
  
"I'm sorry," he murmured as he let her go and bent to the ground, picking up her books and papers. "I wasn't looking where I was going."  
  
Gathering her composure, she helped him pick up the books. "It was partly my fault," she said. "I was rushing."  
  
She glanced at her watch again and grimaced. Two minutes more. She couldn't be late! They have an exam today!  
  
He seemed to notice her anxiety because he asked, "Do you have class?" At her nod, he said, "Then you're almost late."  
  
Xiao Yo picked up what was left of the papers. "Yes, and I have an exam, too."  
  
Suddenly he grabbed her arm, and pulled her forward. "Come on, then."  
  
Xiao Yo would've complained but when he pulled on her arm and broke into a run, her heavy books and papers in his hand, she let herself be pulled along.  
  
They must have looked quite a sight: him pulling her by the hand as they ran through the patio and along the corridors to her designated room.  
  
"Stop!" she told him, breathing hard. "This is my room."  
  
He stopped, also tired, and handed her the books and papers. "Here are your stuff," he said, and sneaked a peek into the room. "You better go in while your professor isn't in yet."  
  
She nodded, taking the books from him. "Thanks," she said and went straight through the door.  
  
She was already halfway to her seat when she stopped in her tracks, remembering something. She turned around and, ignoring her lady professor who just walked in, ran to the door.  
  
Xiao Yo looked up and down the corridor, searching. Then he saw him walking away. "Hey, you!" she shouted after him.  
  
He turned around and seemed puzzled to see her calling out to him. Xiao Yo yelled, ignoring the other students walking past, "What's your name?"  
  
A grin showed on his face, lighting it up. "Drew!" he yelled back. "Drew Masters!"  
  
"I'm Rainie!"  
  
His grin grew wider. "I know!" He raised a hand at her. "Go to class! I'll see you around, Rainie!" With that, he gave her a wave and, turning around, resumed walking.  
  
Xiao Yo breathed, smiled, and turned back to the room, pretending not to notice when her professor looked at her quizzically.  
  
Meanwhile, Drew stopped walking and sat down on one of the benches. Who would have thought he'd run into her? He smiled, happiness filling him. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a piece of paper he tore from the newspaper at the library. It's a verse from one of her poems.  
  
'Your laughter is my hearts song, Your smile my one desire; Your tears are the rain And your sadness my very death.'  
  
Drew folded it and smiled to himself, feeling himself more and more drawn to her, a fact that surprised and warmed him at the same time since he ahs never felt this way towards any woman before. Except Rainie Zhu. 


	9. Hush Now

HUSH NOW Exhausted, Xiao Yo dropped down on her bed, every part of her body screaming, wanting to doze off. But not yet, she thought firmly and reached for her cell phone.  
  
Patiently she waited for his recorded message asking her to leave a message. When she heard the line suddenly pick up, she sat up on her bed. At last!  
  
"Hello? Xi Men?" she asked, hearing someone breathing on the other end of the line. "It's Xiao Yo," she said.  
  
It was a while before the person on the other side spoke. A womans voice. "I'm sorry, Xi Men is still asleep."  
  
Something seemed to tug at her heart. "Who's this?" she asked, although she pretty much had an idea who she could be.  
  
"It's Hannah," the woman answered. "Xi Men's girlfriend. Listen, I don't want to disturb him so could you just leave a message?"  
  
Her mind suddenly blank, all thoughts of her news to Xi Men forgotten, she said, "No, no...thanks...I'll just...thanks." She hung up.  
  
Weakly, she dropped back on her bed, staring at the ceiling. What just happened?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xi Men walked out of the shower, all dressed up and ready to go. He nodded at Hannah, who lay there on the bed, looking at him, smiling lazily.  
  
He stopped, wondering at her smile. "What are you smiling at?" he asked with genuine curiosity.  
  
"Nothing." She stretched like a contented cat. "Are you coming back here tonight? I'll be in town for a few days yet."  
  
Xi Men shook his head. Maybe next time. He picked up his cell phone from the bedside table and put it in his pocket.  
  
"Call me," Hannah said.  
  
"We'll see," was his only reply then he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.  
  
Hannah reached for something under the pillow and looked at the cell phone. Xi Men had taken her phone, mistaking it for his own since they were similar.  
  
She smiled mischievously. Soon he'll realize his blunder and come back for his cell phone. He will come back.  
  
Humming, Hannah walked to the bathroom and enjoyed a luxurious bath, all the while wondering who Xiao Yo is.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She looked up, startled, when a shadow crept over where she was seated on the campus lawn. She smiled when she recognized Drew staring down at her, a large camera around his neck.  
  
"Hi," he said. "Mind if I sit beside you?"  
  
"Please," she relented. "I don't own the school."  
  
He stretched down beside her, his long legs extended in front of him. "By the way," Xiao Yo said, "thanks for yesterday."  
  
"I was the one who sent your things flying all over the place. The least I could do was make sure you got to class in time. We succeeded, didn't we?" he asked with a wide smile.  
  
"Oh, yes, we did," she agreed, returning his smile. "I haven't seen you around here before. Are you new here?" The question came out before she could check it.  
  
He nodded. "Technically, yes. But I'm only taking supplementary classes. Journalism. I came from Minnesota, by the way. St. Paul."  
  
Minnesota, she tried to remember what little she knew of American geography. "That's a long way."  
  
"I get around," he said wryly. "My job takes me places, and I love traveling, so no complaints here."  
  
"What do you do?" she asked, suddenly finding herself curious about him.  
  
"I'm a photographer. Freelance, mostly. I graduated with a Fine Arts degree in NYU."  
  
"I see," she said. "So you're an artist. Wow!"  
  
An amused chuckle issued out of him. "Hardly. I do paint a little, but not too often. I love photography more. You know the feeling you get when you capture a scene on film? It's different when you do it on canvas because with a brush you can embellish it, tone it down a little, make a few tweaks here and there. Whereas in photography, there's more of a sense of reality to it. Sure, you can play with the output a little but...its still reality you've captured...the look on someones face, the smallest smile..." He smiled uncomfortably. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bore you with my nonsense."  
  
"It's not nonsense!" she exclaimed, rapt, amazed at his passion for what he does. "I don't know the first thing about painting or photography. I basically go the insta-matic way, you know? This is my first time to meet an artist."  
  
Drew turned the full volume of his gaze on her. "If there's an artist around here, it's you. I've read some of your work. They're very good. You have a way with words that touches anyone who reads it."  
  
She felt herself suddenly go red, and he went on, "They're pretty much the same, photography and writing, I mean. I capture moments, feelings with my camera; you do it with words. And words are the most powerful tools one could use, even more evocative than any paint brush or camera lens."  
  
Xiao Yo looked down. "You're not only a photographer, I see. You're also quite an eloquent speaker. For a moment there, I almost believed you."  
  
Drew laughed. "I meant every word."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I heard you got an internship with Reuters," he said. "How's that going?"  
  
Her eyes widened. "I didn't know that's public knowledge!"  
  
As their conversation wore on Xiao Yo found herself liking this guy, something that doesn't often happen with strangers, especially men. Little by little she found out more about him.  
  
Twenty two years old...as old as Xi Men, she remembered. He was very easy to talk to, and he has a face that's warm and inviting, and from time to time she found herself staring at him, thinking he's very great-looking.  
  
His eyes were what caught her attention the most. They were a very deep blue, so deep that they seemed almost black. But they were neither cold nor forbidding. Instead, he looked just like a kid, looking at everything with an appreciative eye, giving one a sense of how friendly he is.  
  
He talked easily, and she had the feeling that she had known him for years. As it turns out he had been traveling since he was a child, being the son of a US Marine Officer, going wherever his father is assigned. It was only when he turned eighteen that he decided to go his own way, studied at NYU for four years and finished his Fine Arts degree.  
  
He is the younger of two sons, his older brother also following in their father's footsteps and joining the Corps. Meanwhile he pursued his dream of traveling the world with his camera and publishing his own book of photographs. Its his lifelong dream, to churn out a book.  
  
"So you're a Marine brat, huh?" she joked, remembering the pun associated with sons of men in the Armed Forces.  
  
"Yeah, I guess you can call me that," he said, and they both laughed.  
  
Later when they parted as she went to class and he went somewhere else, she recalled their conversation and realized that was the longest talk she's had with anyone since...well, since she could remember setting foot in the university. In the almost two hours they spent together they talked about almost anything, and Xiao Yo even found herself telling him stuff about her she normally wouldn't have shared with any of her close acquaintances.  
  
She smiled, remembering his amazement when he found out she just came to Canada over a year ago, but her English is near perfect. Xiao Yo shook her head in amusement, remembering his parting shot when they separated.  
  
"I'm your biggest fan!"  
  
Fan. The idea of her having a fan brought pleasant chills up her spine, and it showed as she walked to class with the widest grin on her face.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In frustration Xi Men laid the cell phone down on top of the table. He had been trying to dial his own number for an hour since he discovered he took the wrong cell phone, but Hannah isn't answering.  
  
Mei Zuo, Hua Ze Lei and Dao Ming Si were with him, having lunch at the cafeteria at Ying De. While the three were busy with their meal, Xi Men barely even touched hiw own food, his attention focused on the cell phone.  
  
"Xi Men, are you planning on eating that?" Lei asked. Not really listening, Xi Men nodded and didn't even react when Lei reached for his plate and began working on Xi Men's food, much to Mei Zuo's amusement.  
  
It was Dao Ming Si who could not take it anymore. "Xi Men! Could you let go of that cell phone for a moment? You are starting to irritate us!"  
  
"I forgot my phone at Hannah's!" he retorted. "What, should I just leave it there?"  
  
"Then call later! Let us have some peace and quiet while eating our lunch! Besides," A Si added, "you could always buy another phone."  
  
Mei Zuo smiled mischievously. "I don't think it's the phone he's worried about, A Si." Dao Ming Si looked at Mei Zuo in puzzlement then gave a slow nod as he finally caught on what his friend was saying.  
  
Xi Men ignored their ribbing and again dialed the number. Still no answer.  
  
"You're hopeless," Mei Zuo said, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Did I ask for your opinion?" Xi Men demanded.  
  
"Hey!" A Si exclaimed in mock outrage. "That's my line!"  
  
Hua Ze Lei looked up at Xi Men. "What about your dessert?" he asked. "Aren't you going to eat that as well?" Mei Zuo and A Si bit back their choked laughter.  
  
Sighing, Xi Men pushed the smaller plate across the table to Lei. "Sure, take it," he said and stood up. "I need to go to the men's room."  
  
The hell with it, Xi Men thought as he walked towards the men's room. If he couldn't reach Hannah, then he'll just have to find her. He glanced at his watch. Time to contact her again.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"...Spring breaks coming up in a week, but it looks like I'm not going to have any vacation. My supervisors are sending me off to Washington for the entire two-week break to assist in the Reuters office there. I am not complaining, though. Its another good opportunity for me, dont you think?..."  
  
Hannah erased the message, thoroughly annoyed. Who on earth is this Xiao Yo?  
  
Xi Men had been calling since yesterday bit she had never taken his calls. Not until her curiosity has been sated.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Drew looked at Rainie from under his lashes, sighing as he noticed she was absent-minded again, staring sightlessly at the empty page of the notebook in front of her, her arm poised to write with her pen. They were at one of the tables at the campus lawn, and Drew could not help but notice she had been quite off lately.  
  
He laid down the book he was reading and said, "All right, let me have it."  
  
Rainie looked up, shaken from her reverie, looking at him quizzically. "Huh? Let you have what?"  
  
"Whatever it is that's obviously bothering you," he said.  
  
She shook her head. "Nothing. Just ignore me."  
  
"I don't think I can do that, young lady," he said dryly. "You seem to be drifting in and out of here and that worries me. What is it?"  
  
She smiled, trying to reassure him. "It's no big deal. I'm just having trouble contacting a friend back in Taipei."  
  
"Maybe your friend is busy," he suggested helpfully.  
  
She thought for a while, then said, "Maybe." She suddenly stood up, reaching for her phone. "Would you excuse me for a while? I have to call someone."  
  
"Sure," he shrugged and watched as she walked under one of the nearby empty tables, out of earshot, and dialed.  
  
Her breath caught in her throat as someone picked up. It was a woman's voice again who answered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Her voice stuck in her throat, she couldn't seem to find anything to say.  
  
The woman said, "Hello. Is this Xiao Yo?"  
  
Surprised that she should ask, Xiao Yo still didn't know what to say. But she didn't have to say anything. Obviously the other girl was the one who had something to say.  
  
"Listen," the woman - she presumed it was the same Hannah - said, not bothering to hear Xiao Yo speak. "A word of advice. Please stop with these messages already! You are wasting time, yours and mine both. And you should know your place, whoever you are. I am Xi Men's girlfriend, and I don't really like the idea of another girl going after ny boyfriend. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
Her body must have gone in shock, numbed. She didn't feel the phone drop; neither did she seem to feel going weak at the knees and kneeling down on the grass, her head bent, her mind a whirl.  
  
Drew saw this and was immediately beside her, worry creasing his face as he pulled her to her feet. But she seemed so pale and weak and had to lean on him. "Rainie!" he exclaimed, trying to assess her face. "Are you all right? Are you sick?"  
  
She just shook her head, and he had the distinct feeling she had trouble speaking from trying to keep from crying. He let her sit down gently on a nearby stone bench, feeling her forehead, checking her temperature.  
  
"You look very pale. Are you feeling all right?"  
  
Drew spotted her cell phone still on the grass and bent to pick it up. The name 'Xi Men' appeared on the cell phone, the last number she dialed.  
  
"What happened?" he asked in concern.  
  
Rainie was shaking her head now, her eyes stormy as she bit her lip. Instantly Drew knew it has something to do with the call she made to Xi Men, whoever this person is.  
  
Silently he laid the cell phone down and knelt in front of her, looking up at her face, trying to look and sound calm.  
  
"You know," he said softly. "I won't think less of you if you cry."  
  
At his words, a dam seemed to broke, and Xiao Yo bent her head forward and laid it on his shoulder, letting the tears pour out of her. Drew gently put an arm around her shoulder and held her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xi Men craned his neck above the heads bobbing up and down at the club, trying to spot her. He nodded as he saw one of the bartenders, one of his acquaintances. He walked over to him, his eyes still roving around the rowdy crowd.  
  
"Big night!" he said loudly above the loud noise inside the club.  
  
"Tell me about it!" the bartended yelled back. "What would you have?" he asked Xi Men, but the latter shook his head.  
  
"I won't stay long," he replied. "Have you seen Hannah?"  
  
"Hannah?" the bartender s forehead creased as he tried to remember. "I think I saw her a while ago with a few people. I'm not sure where they went, though. Vodka?" he asked.  
  
Xi Men shook his head and left the counter after thanking him. Anxiously he scanned the crowd once more and walked over to one of the tables where Mei Zuo sat, talking with a lady in whispers, their heads close together.  
  
"You're not helping," Xi Men said, glaring at his friend.  
  
"Xi Men," Mei Zuo said in a patronizing tone, look around you. "We're at a club, and the party is swinging, and you're looking for your cell phone?"  
  
In frustration, Xi Men merely shook his head at Mei Zuo and walked off. Mei Zuo stood up, "Xi Men! Where are you off to?"  
  
"I'll go look for my phone!" he shouted without glancing back and wove his way through the crowd until he stepped out off the club and into the warm night air.  
  
He's having this funny feeling that Hannah had been trying to hide from him for the past couple of days, not taking his calls or heeding his messages. For two nights now he's been looking for her everywhere and one of his friends had told him she'll be here tonight.  
  
Two days. His cell phone had been with Hannah for two whole days. Dao Ming Si is right; he could easily buy a new one. But that wasn't the point.  
  
He has to get it back as soon as possible. No. Now. He has to have it back right now.  
  
When he turned around, he finally spotted a group of women standing by one of the flashy cars parked on the side of the club, and Hannah was with them. Suppressing the urge to rush over there, he casually strode to where the group congregated, ignoring the appreciative looks some of them gave him as he approached, his attention fully trained on Hannah.  
  
Hannah smiled sweetly when she saw him. "Xi Men!" she breathed and met him with a suggestive embrace. "I didn't know you were coming here."  
  
"You would have had you only taken my calls. On my phone."  
  
Her eyes widened, as though in realization. "Oh, that! I was meaning to call you and give it back but something I came up and I completely forgot all about it."  
  
He handed her cell phone. "Ok. I want it back," he said tersely.  
  
Hannah took her cell phone from him. "Oh, dear," she said, smiling. "I forgot your phone in my hotel room."  
  
Xi Men tried to stifle his frustration, knowing it s just her ploy to get him into her hotel room again. But now he's not drunk, and he's thinking clearly, his intention solely on getting his cell phone back.  
  
"Alright, let's go," he said and ushered her to his own car parked not too far away.  
  
He didn't say a word during the short drive to her hotel, but he sensed the curious glances she was throwing at him. When she asked, "Why are you in such a rush to retrieve your phone?" all he said was,  
  
"I am waiting for an important call."  
  
Then she clammed up and also fell back into silence until they reached the hotel.  
  
When they were inside her room, she turned around and removed her coat, moving gracefully across the room toward the small bar. "Want a drink?" she asked softly.  
  
Fully aware of her trying to drag on the time, he shook his head. "No, thanks."  
  
"Fine with me," she said with a shrug. "I'll have one if you won't."  
  
Impatience finally sparked within him. "Just tell me where my cell phone is and I'll get it!"  
  
Surprised at his outburst, she looked at him strangely and pointed at the dresser by the bed. Xi Men walked to it and opened the drawer, grabbing his phone as he saw it.  
  
"See you around," he mumbled and walked to the door.  
  
"Leaving so soon?" she asked. "Not even a thank you?"  
  
"Thank you," he said, wondering whatever he should thank her for, considering all the inconveniences she d put him through just to get his phone back.  
  
Irritation now could be heard in her voice. "An important call, is it?" He stopped when he was in front of the closed door and slowly turned to look at her. She's angry, of that he could tell by her red face.  
  
"Who the hell is Xiao Yo?" she grated, her eyes accusing as they settled on him. He contemplated her thoughtfully, then said,  
  
"It's not your business."  
  
"The hell it isn't!" Xi Men ducked as a wineglass flew towards him. He watched in silence as the shards fell on the carpet, then turned back towards Hannah.  
  
"What's your deal?" he asked.  
  
"You!" She was screaming now. "You are with me, on my bed and you are thinking of another woman!"  
  
A slow smile showed on his face. "But I'm not WITH you, Hannah," he said quietly.  
  
"I thought we had something," she said softly, almost in a pleading tone.  
  
Xi Men sighed, trying to remember how many times he had been in a scene like this. He lost count. "Three nights, Hannah. All in all, we had three nights. You, of all people, should know that is not SOMETHING. Not when it comes to me."  
  
He nodded at her slightly with a small kind smile. "Goodbye, Hannah," he said and opened the door, closing it after him.  
  
Sighing as he walked away, he decided not to have anything to do with her again. "There goes another one," he thought, unconsciously hating himself for it.  
  
When he got into his car, he switched on his phone and checked his messages, eager but not admitting it.  
  
There were no messages.  
  
He checked again. It's been two days; how come there aren't any messages?  
  
His eyes turned towards the hotel lobby, fighting the urge to return to the room and ask Hannah if she had received any voice messages for him. But he knew it's not a good idea to go back in there right now.  
  
With a heavy heart, he drove off, deciding to just wait for tomorrow for a new message from Xiao Yo.  
  
But the next day came and there was no word. Puzzled, Xi Men began having suspicions and before he realized it, he has dialed Hannah s number.  
  
"Hello?" came Hannah's sedate reply, and he felt almost guilty of the words he had spoken to her the night before.  
  
"Hannah, it's Xi Men." He knew she was aware who he is but said it anyway. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to ask you something." When she didn't say anything, he went on. "Have you received any call from...Xiao Yo when you had my cell phone?"  
  
There was a long pause, then he heard her breathe deeply. "She left a message about her becoming busy for the next few days with an internship or something..."  
  
"Only one message?"  
  
She seemed to hesitate, then said, "Yes. Only one."  
  
"Ok, thanks." He said goodbye and hung up, not wanting to torture her anymore by staying too long on the phone. He leaned back and sighed with relief.  
  
Xiao Yo must be very busy, he thought, remembering the internship she ll be having these next few weeks. Perhaps that's why she wasn't able to call.  
  
He smiled to himself, imagining the message he'll be getting soon, telling him about her internship. That's bound to be quite a long one.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Her stint at Washington came up, and Drew would not let her go off to a strange city by herself. He took it upon himself to accompany her, at least until she's settled down in the quarters provided by Reuters. Xiao Yo did not raise any objections; in fact, she seemed to be in a catatonic state lately, moving like a statue, her mind drifting away, her thoughts somewhere else.  
  
It bothered Drew that the animated girl he had met weeks ago had changed, leaving behind an almost ghost-like replica, not smiling, not laughing. He worried about her, and that's one of the main reasons he would not leave her alone. He was afraid something might happen. Something bad. Thankfully an old college roommate's invitation to attend his upcoming wedding came up and he found an excuse to go to Seattle with her.  
  
Her parents, whom he had met a couple of weeks ago, thankfully trusted him enough to leave their daughter to his care. And that's what he intended to do. Take care of Xiao Yo.  
  
That's another thing, he thought wryly. He has gotten himself used to calling her by her Chinese name whenever he s worried or at the height of emotion, something that was jokingly pointed out by one of his friends, considering everyone calls her Rainie. But he knew not everyone knows her quite like he does.  
  
The cab stopped in front of the building where Xiao Yo would be housed for the next couple of weeks. After paying the driver, he turned to see she was in a trance, not realizing the cab had stopped.  
  
Gently he nudged her. "Rain," he said softly, calling her by her nickname. "We're here."  
  
Xiao Yo looked up and seemed to realize they had already arrived. She followed Drew out of the cab and looked around her as he retrieved their things from the trunk.  
  
When the cab drove off, both of them entered the building and was greeted warmly by the doorman who showed them to her room.  
  
Actually it wasn't just a room. It was more of a small pad, complete with a small kitchen, a bedroom, a bath room, and a cozy small den. Xiao Yo looked around in appreciation, and Drew gazed upon her as he lugged her stuff into the room, noting the look of excitement on her face.  
  
When the doorman had left, Drew closed the door and turned to look at Xiao Yo. Joy came over him as he saw the sparkle in her eyes, the first feeling he had seen in her for days now.  
  
"This is amazing!" she breathed, walking to the window and looking down at the road down below, lined with a row of oak trees.  
  
"It is, isn t it?" Drew said, smiling. "I'll leave you alone to unpack, then," he said and reached for his large backpack.  
  
She turned around and looked at him quizzically. "Where are you going?" she asked.  
  
"To my hotel," he replied. "Don't worry, it's just a few blocks down. If I run hard enough, it'll only take me five minutes to get here from there," he jested.  
  
Xiao Yo came forward. "Why don't you just stay here?" she asked.  
  
Surprised, he looked at her. "Stay here?"  
  
She nodded. "If you don't mind taking the couch," she said.  
  
Drew glanced at the couch. It looked quite comfortable. It would not hold his whole length, but he had worse.  
  
He's dubious. "Are you sure?" he asked. After all, some people might not look too kindly with him staying in one apartment with her.  
  
She looked down. "I...I really don't want to be alone..."  
  
Without hesitation, Drew dropped his backpack down. "No problem," he said, smiling. "You get settled in first while I check what restaurants they have around here. I'm starving."  
  
When he left, whistling, Xiao Yo sank down on one of the plush chairs, thinking deeply. Thank God Drew's here with her. If he weren't, she's afraid she'd go mad.  
  
Tears threatened to flow once more and she blinked them back. Enough, she told herself and busied herself with unpacking her clothes.  
  
When Drew returned a while later with a box of pizza and a couple of soda, Xiao Yo was just beginning to unpack his things. She looked up and smiled at him.  
  
"You're back so soon!" she exclaimed brightly, ignoring the look of surprise on his face.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, I hope you don't mind but I already started unpacking for you. I had nothing left to do, so..." She looked at him nervously. "You don't mind, do you?"  
  
Drew slowly shook his head, obviously pleased. "Not at all," he said, and lifted the box of pizza. "But I'm hungry. Could we eat first?"  
  
As though feeling a pang of hunger only now, Xiao Yo laid one of his shirts down and joined him as he sat cross-legged on the floor.  
  
Minutes later, Drew heard her laugh. The first real laughter she had for quite a long while.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xi Men mindlessly played with his cell phone, turning it round and round in the palm of his hand, unthinkingly willing it to ring.  
  
It has been five days since he got his phone back, and still no word from Xiao Yo. If he remembers correctly, her internship started two days ago. He sighed. He should be patient. She's busy, of that he was sure.  
  
She'll call soon. 


	10. Bitter and Tainted

BITTER AND TAINTED

A week has passed and finally she gets a day off from the office. In spite of herself, Xiao Yo looked forward to having the weekend all to herself. It's about time she goes out and sees Seattle, she decided, before going back at the office on Monday. A week more and they'll be going back home.

She glanced towards the small kitchen where Drew sat, cleaning his camera lens while waiting for their dinner to be cooked. She smiled at the sight of him seated there, his brows knitted in concentration with what hes doing. She was truly grateful for his presence. During the day while she's at the office, he'd be off assisting his college roommate Carl in the last- minute wedding preparations. When she comes back to their pad at the end of the day, he's already there, and they would tell each other how their day went as they prepare dinner.

A few times she pondered their situation. Quite like a married couple. But he has been nothing but a gentleman towards her.

The small walk-in closet at the other end of the hall has temporarily turned into a darkroom, where Drew works with his films. It was fascinating to watch him work on the films and see the outcome of the shots he has taken. Feeling envious that he should be going around town while she's stuck at the office, she made him promise to take her around town during the weekend, something she anticipated.

During the five days she stayed under the same roof with Drew, she found out more about him. For example, he is at ease in the kitchen, brought about by the fact that, aside from his mother, there were no other women in the house and he learned to be independent at a young age, brought up rigidly by a Marine father. He can be quite impatient, not really keen on having to wait for anything when he knew it can be done in the here and now. But, more importantly, with him around, Xiao Yo felt safe, protected.

A feeling of calm settled over her, and she leaned back on the couch. Suddenly that sense of peace left her as her mind shifted to Xi Men again, feeling that familiar pang of pain and wistfulness she had come to associate with him of late.

More than anything she does not want to hate him, and she realized if she kept on doing this to herself, that might just happen. She does not want to end up hating him in the end. Maybe he was right all along, about her staying away from him.

She just realized too late. But not yet too late, she hoped, for her to recover.

From the kitchen table, Drew laid down the camera and sighed in satisfaction. Dinners taking too long and now hes famished. His eyes strayed to the living room where Xiao Yo was curled on the couch, reading. Well, at least that's what she was doing when he last looked in her direction. Now she just lay there, the open book laid on top of her belly, staring into space.

Not wanting to disturb her, Drew went about setting the table and preparing dinner. After a few minutes, Xiao Yo looked up, startled, as Drew laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Dinner's ready," he said, and went back to the table, Xiao Yo following closely. She inhaled deeply when she was seated across the table from Drew.

"Hmmm," she murmured. "That smells so good! I can't get over how good you are in the kitchen! You put my culinary skills to shame!"

He smiled, suddenly self-conscious at her lavish praise. "So now you're changing your opinion about Marine brats?" he teased.

"Hmmm," she pretended to think it over. "If all Marine brats cook like this, then I am sorry for the American Armed Forces because sooner or later all their men are going to turn so fat they would no longer be of any use to the State!"

Drews eyes settled on her, loving the sound of laughter in her voice, her eyes alit. He must have been staring hard because she asked, "What? Do I have dirt on my face or something?"

He shook his head. "It feels so good to see you like this. Smiling...laughing..."She looked down. "You can't believe how hard it was for me, seeing you so sad in the last few days. I was so worried."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "but...why would you worry so much?"

His eyes widened on her as though she had just lost her mind. "What are you, blind? Surely you can tell when a guy is just being friendly or serious."

Xiao Yo did not speak. In her subconscious she knew this was coming. Drew could not have been interested in her merely as a friend. He had been very nice to her, always there when she was down and out, not really pressing or asking about anything. He was just...there.

Drew went on speaking. "I am interested in you, not just as a writer, not just as a friend. Somehow I know you knew that. You're a smart girl, and I've never been too good at hiding anything, especially not from you."

She stared at him, seeing his heart in his eyes as he laid it bare before her. Guilt is overriding her, and also understanding for she had felt the same way towards another before...

"I am falling for you." He gave a small laugh. "This may sound pretty stupid, but I think I fell in love with you the moment I read one of your works. All the time I was thinking, 'Wow. This girl sure could write,' and I wondered what made you write those. I found myself wanting to know more about the person who conjured these words, about the mind that put them together into something that makes sense, even..." he reached for her hand and squeezed it repeatedly. "even the hands that penned them."

"Then something happened," he lifted his gaze and held hers. "I somehow sensed from the start there was a certain sadness about you, but it was never fully revealed to me until the last few days."

"Drew..."

"I never asked before, Xiao Yo, and I won't start asking now. Whatever it is that's bothering you, don't forget you have me."

Xiao Yo became silent for a long time, and when she looked up, Drew saw uncertainty in her eyes.

"His name is Xi Men," she began. The man I love the most." Drew's face became shadowed but he stayed in his place, ready to hear whatever it is she's about to tell him.

Like something that has long been locked up within her, the words spilled out. She found herself telling him things she has never told anyone, not even Shancai.

All throughout Drew listened, and soon their dinner was forgotten. He never said anything throughout her speech, merely listening, showing no reaction. When Xiao Yo told him of the phone call she had with the girl Hannah, he nodded, remembering when she broke down.

When she was finished and fell to silence, Drew leaned back. "You still love him." It was not a question. It was a statement, and Xiao Yo's only reply was more silence.

"He's crazy," he said, smiling and shaking his head. "Why me? Obviously you've never told these to anyone...why tell me?"

Xiao Yo had asked herself that question a second ago, and she knew the answer. She smiled, albeit wistfully.

"Because the moment I decided to give up this...futile adoration, I looked up and...there you were. I never cried over him since I came back from Taipei, and the first time I let the tears flow, you held me."

He was silent for a long while, then asked, "Why are you giving him up?"

"It's about time I let it go," she replied, surprised at how easily the words came out. "This is where I get off, Drew. I don't think I could go on any more."

"This girl...Hannah...what if she is lying?"

Xiao Yo took a deep breath, remembering the other woman's words. "Even so. I realized...if it were not her, then it would be another woman. And the pain would be the same. Even if she's lying, this doesn't change the fact that he would never love me."

The three words came out, and Drew did not regret saying them out loud. "I love you."

"I know," she whispered, "and I'm sorry."

Not understanding, Drew shook his head. "What sorry?"

"I cannot love you back...yet. In my heart...there's still him."

He nodded in understanding. "But will you give me, us, a chance?"

Her eyes locked into his and he saw fear in her eyes that he sought to assuage her fears. "I will never hurt you," he said.

"That's the least of my worries, because I know you won't," she said. "It's just..." She swallowed. "You know what my greatest fear is? I'm afraid that I could never love you even half as much as you love me. I'm afraid of hurting you...of failing you."

His grip on her hand tightened. "Whatever you do, you will never fail me." He smiled. "Patience has never been one of my very few virtues. But I'm willing to wait, Xiao Yo," he vowed, using her Chinese name, "until you learn to love me."

"Now that you know I am in love with another, why do you still love me?"

With a lift of his shoulders, he said, "The same reason you still love him despite his shortcomings. Because I just do."

"I don't think I'll ever forget Xi Men," she said.

"And I don't think I want you to, either," he said firmly, shaking his head. "I know some huge part of you will always love him, and I won't stand against that. I'm just here."

Drew stood up and walked over to her, taking her in his arms. Xiao Yo closed her eyes and laid her cheek on his chest, feeling his heartbeat as he stroked her hair.

"I'm just here..."

* * *

What's wrong? Is she sick? What if something happened to her?

Xi Men's gaze slid towards Shancai and Dao Ming Si, laughing at something Mei Zuo said. The five of them, with Mei Zuo and Hua Ze Lei, were all lounging by the campus benches at Ying De, waiting for their next class.

It was Hua Ze Lei who noticed Xi Men not being with them. "Something bothers you," he observed quietly.

All eyes turned on him. "I thought you already had your phone back," Shancai wondered aloud.

Xi Men shook his head. "Don't mind me," he said. "I just don't feel too good today." Actually he had the urge to ask Shancai about Xiao Yo, but bit back the question. Anyway, if something indeed happened to Xiao Yo, Shancai would be one of the first to know.

When they were on their way to class, Hua Ze Lei took him aside. "I'm worried about you," he said, and this made Xi Men laugh.

"I'm touched," he jested, "that you should be worried about me. Normally you're just this stoic statue." He laughed, but even to him it sounded hollow.

Lei gave him a thoughtful look and said, 'Would it happen to be Xiao Yo?" he asked.

In surprise, Xi Men looked at his friend, who merely smiled, and said, "If it helps, I remember Shancai telling me that Xiao Yo is in Seattle, on an internship."

It helped. Seattle. Maybe she's swamped with work. Xi Men felt himself almost go weak with relief. He smiled at Lei. "Thanks," he said and, looping an arm around Lei's shoulders, went to class.

God, how he missed her voice!

* * *

Everyone seemed curious about her. Since they arrived at the wedding and later at the reception in one of the plush hotels in Seattle, everyone was wondering about Drew's Chinese girlfriend.

Girlfriend. Xiao Yo smiled serenely. Since that night last weekend everything had changed. She was no longer Drew's friend; now she's his girlfriend.

Drew knew almost everyone at the wedding; some of them attended the same college, worked with him, or simply knew him. And they were all very friendly towards Xiao Yo that she found herself blending in easily, feeling utterly welcome in their circle. They didn't even seem to give much thought to the fact that she's Chinese; they were just glad to finally meet the woman Drew loves.

Watching them now, Xiao Yo could sense the deep feelings of love and respect these people have for Drew.

Letting Xi Men go was probably one of the hardest and most painful decisions she has ever made. After all, she still loves him despite the fact that she has never laid eyes on him for a very long time now, not even his voice reached her ears. But she had to let go. It had to be done. It was an act that was long overdue.

And probably, too, one of the best decisions she has ever made of late was choosing Drew. He isn't hard to love. Soon, when the time is right, she's pretty sure she'll love him back...the way he loves her...the way she loved Xi Men.

And she will get over him. Soon.


	11. Calm the Storm

CALM THE STORM

Graduation is coming up in less than ten days. A lot of stuff came up, enough to occupy the F4. Shancai's parents have written telling her they'll be returning to Taipei, and Dao Ming Si is helping Shancai out in preparing for their return. Mei Zuo is preparing some blow-out during graduation day. What he is cooking up his sleeve, no one knows just yet.

Meanwhile Hua Ze Lei is still helping out his father in their business, as he had always done in the past.

Him? He just received word from his father that right after graduation; he should be going to work in their own company. It wasn't a thought he relished, having to work under his father's eye, but it was something he had to do, if only to appease his mother and put her worries to rest.

He still has not spoken to his father personally. In fact he doubts he would ever have the urge to want to talk to him. So what if he owns the company? Soon, it will be Xi Men's. And he will be a man a hundred times better than his father. No, a thousand times.

He sighed, unwilling to get up from his bed, but also unable to go back to sleep. The bedside clock read four-forty-two in the morning. Every day seems to be becoming more and more of a drag. Dao Ming Si has Shancai to share his upcoming joys of graduation with. Mei Zuo is able to keep himself busy. Hua Ze Lei has family.

What does he have?

With a hopeful heart he reached for his cell phone on the bedside table, hoping against hope that this time there would be something from her.

But again, just like it was for the past five weeks, there was none.

His heart sinking, he stared up at the ceiling. Well, what are you whining about? he told himself sternly. Wasn't this what you wanted, what you asked her to do? Stay away from him?

Before he realized it, his fingers had dialed her number. He waited for it to ring.

Instead heard the voice of the operator, telling him the number he's trying to reach is no longer in operation.

He looked at the phone as though it holds some sort of an answer. But there was nothing. Shancai would know, he thought. She would know Xiao Yo's new number.

And then what? an inner voice asked. Are you going to call her?

He laid the phone down and closed his eyes, crossing an elbow on top of his eyes, pressing on them.

What's happening with me? he asked himself. Why am I suddenly turning into some sort of a lovesick puppy longing for a master?

* * *

"Wheee! I am going to Spain!"

The F4, trying to hide their reactions at Shancai's exclamation, went to their respective seats, except Mei Zuo who went back throwing darts. Dao Ming Si draped his arm around Shancai's shoulders and began talking about Barcelona and the places they would go to.

Mei Zuo caught Lei and Xi Men's glance and all three shared a secretive look. Of course they would not be coming along to Barcelona! This trip is for the two lovebirds alone; the three of them will be left behind in Taipei. But A Si does not know that yet, and neither do they plan to let him know until the day they actually leave for Spain.

Hua Ze Lei suddenly said, "Has Xiao Yo called to greet you?"

Xi Men did not quite know what to say to that. He merely gave a small smile and shook his head. He has never told any of them about Xiao Yo stopping making her calls. Maybe he did not want their pity...or he just doesn't understand his own reactions and didnt want them to start analyzing his feelings for Xiao Yo.

"Something's wrong."

In exasperation, Xi Men breathed. "You should consider a career in psychology, Lei," he said sarcastically. "You seem to know when people are feeling down or low."

"Are you?" Lei asked, much to Xi Men's chagrin. "Feeling down, I mean."

Suddenly, they heard Shancai's cell phone ring. Everything seemed to stand still for Xi Men when they heard her exclaim.

"Xiao Yo!"

Xi Men did not notice the furtive glances the F3 threw in his direction. His eyes were fixed on Shancai while she talked on the phone to Xiao Yo.

"What?...Oh, yes...the ceremony went great...yeah, I wished you were here, too...Really! That's great!...Oh, nothing much...Guess what? I am going to Barcelona! I am so excited!...What?...Oh, wow, having barbecue with a colonel, huh?...Sure...take care of yourself then...here's A Si."

Shancai handed the cell phone to Dao Ming Si and Xi Men watched in silence as A Si spoke with Xiao Yo, who is obviously congratulating him. Xi Men looked down at his half-full wine glass, hearing every word A Si is saying.

"Hey," A Si said on the phone, "Xi Men is here. You want to talk to him?"

Xi Men's head lifted hopefully, but the hope faded when he saw the veiled look that came over A Si's face.

"Oh..." A Si said, "alright...next time then...you take care, too. Bye- bye." He hung up, a confused look on his eyes as he looked at Xi Men, who smiled, pretending as though nothing happened. He could feel the eyes of his friends on him so he gave an uncaring shrug.

"What did she say?" he asked lightly.

"Congratulations," Dao Ming Si said. "She said 'congratulations'."

Xi Men nodded and drank the remaining contents of his glass, putting up an unaffected front. Hua Ze Lei did not say anything, but when he laid a hand on Xi Men's shoulder, Xi Men looked up with gratitude in his eyes.

Later he found himself in the men's room, staring at his reflection in the mirror, soaking in the silence. With a heavy sigh he splashed some water on his face and once more looked back at the somber man in the mirror.

Now he realized she was not too busy to give her a call. Nothing bad happened to her.

She just decided to end it.

"You make me laugh," he said to his reflection, a bitter smile twisting his lips. Slowly he watched as tears slipped from the corner of his eyes. "You make me laugh," he whispered, softer now.

* * *

Xiao Yo hung up. She doesn't really care anymore what they would think of her after refusing to speak to Xi Men. Besides, what would she tell him? Somehow, a simple 'Congratulations!' would seem too weird to be spoken between them.

She looked up as Drew strode into the room. She was at the living room of the Masters' home in St. Paul. She and Drew flew down to Minnesota from Toronto yesterday, as per invitation from his family since this is the time of the year when Drew's colonel father Jacob, who is now an Army consultant mainly based in the Far East, and his older brother Will, with his wife Rachel and two-year-old daughter Lana, were home.

She got to meet Drew's family, and was instantly overwhelmed by the warm welcome they bestowed on her.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked, stroking her hair. "They are looking for you outside."

Xiao Yo smiled up at him and looked outside through the large window. The Masters home is breathtaking, its backyard overlooking a small lake. Right now she could see Jacob on the shoreline, a fishing rod in hand, talking to his granddaughter playing beside him.

"I just made a call to Shancai," she replied. "It's her boyfriend's graduation."

Drew nodded. Xiao Yo had spoken a lot already about her friend Shancai and Dao Ming Si that he felt like he already personally knew them. He pulled her gently to her feet.

"Come on," he coaxed gently. "The day is too beautiful to be wasted staying indoors. Dad's trying to catch some fish. Let's go cheer him on."

Laughing, Xiao Yo walked out into the backyard hand in hand with Drew.

On the barbecue stand, Will looked up and yelled at his brother! "Hey, Drew! You mind giving me a hand here instead of your girlfriend? You've been holding on to her for too long already!" It was a joke and Rachel laughed as she and her mother-in-law Carol were seated on a chaise-lounge.

"You're just jealous!" Drew retorted and turned to Xiao Yo.

"Go," she said, smiling. "I'll be fine with Rachel and Carol."

With hesitation, Drew dropped a feather kiss on top of her nose and went towards his brother, playfully sparring with him.

"Kids." Carol was shaking her head as Xiao Yo came to sit beside them. "How I ever survived those two boys, I will never know."

The three ladies looked up as a shadow crept over them. Jacob.

The old man was smiling down at Xiao Yo. "Would the young lady be nice enough to take a walk with me?"

Curious and nervous at the same time, Xiao Yo agreed and soon she was walking along the shoreline away from the others.

She slid a sideways glance at the colonel. He is formidable, she thought, but never did he give her the impression he is ruthless. In fact, she expected a stern figure, your typical Marine colonel. But he was anything but stern.

He looked every bit as friendly as his son Drew, and there was definitely no wonder where Drew got his charms from. Colonel Jacob Anthony Masters has loads of it!

"So you're from Taipei," he said when they were already out of earshot of the others. "I actually have few close friends from there. From time to time my duties bring me to Taipei. It's a very nice place."

"It is," she said, suddenly missing Taipei again. "It's been a long time since I've been there and I kinda miss it, too."

He glanced at her, and she couldn't help but feel as though it was Drew who was looking at her. They have identical eyes, and the intensity of their gazes are pretty much the same.

"It's so good to have finally met the girl who was able to make my son stay in one place for quite a long time."

"I'm confused."

A wry smile surfaced on the colonel's face. "You were able to make Drew stay in Toronto for a good five months, and that's quite a long time. Maybe it's my fault," he breathed. "Ever since they were kids we have moved from one place to another, not staying in one place for longer than a year. Drew has developed wanderlust, a desire to keep moving...somehow you changed that."

"I doubt I did very much," she said.

"Did you know you were the first girl he has brought home to introduce to me?"

Her eyes widened, obviously shocked upon the discovery, and the colonel smiled in amusement. "It's true. My son is quite a catch; I hope you're aware of that."

"I know that, sir," she said, "you don't have to sell him to me," she added jokingly.

"He has never given me a lot of problems. Oh, except when he quit the football team and threw away a scholarship for med school and opted for the swimming scholarship from NYU. He has very little patience; he easily gets bored. He has a very short attention span, except when it came to you. Other than that, he has always been a very good son."

Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and turned to her, his eyes intense. "My son is in love, and I'm glad it's you."

Xiao Yo smiled at him. "Thank you, sir."

As they walked back to his family, talking about fishing, Xiao Yo felt a deep sense of serenity surround her. She's with people who accepted her into their fold, with a man who loves her dearly...who has made her forget about the past and the pain it had brought her."

She sighed inwardly. Of course she will never completely forget the past, not Xi Men...but Drew had lessened her sorrow and made her whole again.

He never went back on his word. He has always been right here.


	12. Refuse to Feel

REFUSE TO FEEL

A long time had passed. A lot of things have taken place. Dao Ming Si was lost, then was found. The F3 had been witnesses to the despair Shancai had gone through; Yesha entered their lives, then left again. Just weeks ago A Si and Shancai have made their vows and now they have decided to spend a few weeks in New York before coming back home to Taipei.

He has made up with his father, and now his family is whole again. The company was left in his hands, a challenge that left him undaunted; instead it gave him purpose. It gave him life.

Lun, his secretary tapped on the door and opened it. Xi Men looked up and smiled at his loyal employee. "What is it?"

Lun shifted on his feet. "It's about lunchtime, sir."

"I still have some papers to attend to," he said. "Go ahead. You can go for lunch now."

"But...your father was very clear on his command that you should not skip any meal. Your stomach might start acting up again."

Amused, Xi Men shook his head and closed the folder he was reading. "You're worse than my father," he said and stood up, finally deciding to go out to lunch. "Honestly I wonder why I put up with you," he joked. "If you were a woman I would have dumped you a long time ago for being such a nag!"

As he was accustomed to for the past months since he began working at their company, Xi Men had lunch at a small restaurant with Lun.

"By the way," he remembered. "Mama called early this morning. I want the preparations done before they arrive."

Lun nodded. "Everything has been set, sir. The planners have it all covered."

"Good," he said, nodding. Right now his parents were in Tuscany. They have been on this European trip for two months now, and when they come back to Taipei, they have decided to renew their vows, something Xi Men took upon himself to organize.

To say he was pleased about his parents reunion would be an understatement. Since he was younger he had been very wrong about many things about his parents, his father especially. It was a good thing their rift was repaired before it became even larger.

The day after tomorrow they will arrive from their trip and also they will be renewing their vows in a private ceremony, involving only family and friends.

Things are coming up roses. Dao Ming Si and Shancai are now married. His parents are renewing their vows. Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao are going to formally announce their engagement in a couple of weeks. Hua Ze Lei, according to some business contacts in Japan, is going out with a relatively new celebrity.

Things could not get any better, he thought and went back to his food after Lun gave him a pointed look.

* * *

The day of the ceremony arrived and Xi Men was at the venue to make sure there weren't loose ends. Lun was there with him, ever the diligent assistant. At the last minute Hua Ze Lei came in from Japan, alone. Smiling, Xi Men told him he would have wanted Lei to bring his date along but Lei merely smiled.

Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao were also there, together with their parents, being friends of Xi Men's family. The only thing lacking was Dao Ming Si and Shancai who had to beg off because of some pressing matters they had to attend to in New York before coming home to Taipei.

All throughout the solemn ceremony Xi Men was at the front, behind his father. A smile was never wiped off his face as he watched his parents speak their vows to each other. Happiness filled him, and he realized things could not get any better. Given the chance to relive it all over again, he would not have changed a thing.

The party went along smoothly, Xi Men made sure of that. Afterwards, while everyone was busy mingling, Xi Men was finally left alone with his parents. He retrieved something from his coat pocket and handed it to his mother.

"Ma, Pa, my gift for the both of you."

Suspiciously, his mother opened the small box and looked up in inquiry when it revealed a small key. Even his father looked at him quizzically.

"A car?" he exclaimed. "You're giving us a car?" Incredulity could be read in the old man's face that Xi Men laughed.

"There's a small picture at the bottom of that box," he said helpfully.

His mother looked closer and retrieved a small square inch photo. The couple's eyes widened. Xi Men shrugged, pleased.

"Since you loved traveling so much, I figured it's about time you got yourself a boat."

"A yacht!" Ma exclaimed and reached up to wrap her arms around her son.

Papa, shaking his head, slapped his son a few times on the back. "Thank you, son," he said. Seeing the almost childlike appreciation in his parent's eyes elated Xi Men, and he knew he did not make a mistake in picking a present for them. He had a lot of help from his diver friends in choosing which craft to purchase and when he saw the white schooner, he knew it was perfect.

Suddenly his mother's eyes lit up as she spotted someone across the room. "There she is!" she told her husband.

Xi Men turned around, trying to follow his mother's gaze but found no one in particular. Turning back to her, he asked, "Who?"

"Do you remember Xiao Gen?" she asked. "You used to be close when you were younger."

Xi Men froze, the name registering instantly. He swallowed and feigning a nonchalant air, said, "I remember her."

It was his father who spoke. "It was a nice coincidence when we ran across Xiao Gen in Venice, on a vacation herself. Your mother invited her tonight, and we thought she wouldn't come, but there she is," he said, smiling at someone beyond Xi Men's left shoulder.

Bracing himself mentally, Xi Men slowly turned around and watched the young woman approaching, met by his mother in a slow hug.

"Xi Men, you remember Xiao Gen, right?" his mother said when they were finally face to face.

Nodding his head slightly, Xi Men spoke softly. "Of course." He accepted Xiao Gen's extended hand and placed a small kiss at the back of her hand. "How do you do, Xiao Gen?"

Her eyes never left his, and only she knew what that look meant. "Good. It's nice to see you again, Xi Men. It's been a long time."

She still looked good, but now he sensed maturity in her, no more of that innocence he often associated with her every time he came into his room when they were younger and chatted with him. Her hair is a little longer now, reaching to her shoulders. And she looked much thinner than he remembered. However, it suited her.

This was the only time for the entire evening that he found himself alone at the table with her, and suddenly he didn't know what to say.

Xiao Gen was the one to break the silence. "You look good, Xi Men."

"You're not too bad yourself," he replied, relieved that she seemed to show some interest in small talk.

"Uncle told me about you running the company. He's very proud of you, I can tell."

He smiled at this, that familiar warmth creeping over him every time he hears something about his father being proud of him. Ah, he'll forever be a little boy when it comes to his father.

He changed the subject, turning to her. "Ma told me you got married more than a year ago. Congratulations."

A veiled look crossed her face but it was gone before he could even give it a thought.

"Thank you."

"Where's your husband?" he asked, feeling more and more comfortable. Come to think of it, why should he feel otherwise? It's not like anything serious came up between him and Xiao Gen. He made sure of that.

"In Hong Kong," she replied. "He had something to attend to. An emergency at work."

"Work." He shook his head. "I know how that feels. I could never really put my mind at ease when there's pending work left on my table."

She simply nodded then said, "And how are you, Xi Men?"

Her question gave him pause. Slowly he smiled at her. "Work occupies most of my time. Autumn's coming up and it's bound to be a busy season for the company."

Xiao Gen nodded and was about to ask something. Then she seemed to change her mind as she reached for her glass. "Let's toast to that, then," she said and lifted her glass at him.

Xi Men did the same and drank his fill, leaning back after he did so. He thought he'd be in turmoil upon seeing her again but he realized all he feels now is a small degree of guilt over what he has done to her a long time ago. Nothing more.

* * *

"Who's Xiao Gen?" Mei Zuo inquired when Xi Men was left alone with his two friends. "Was she that girl who used to go to your place and interrupt your trysts?"

Slightly miffed by Mei Zuo's choice of words, Xi Men nodded. Hua Ze Lei and Mei Zuo's eyes turned on Xiao Gen across the room, talking with a few people.

"You never told me she looked this good," Mei Zuo remarked.

Xi Men smiled to himself, remembering how Xiao Gen looked before. She was beautiful, but he never noticed her in that light. To him, she was just his childhood friend, more like a sister.

"Dare I say she's your first love?" Hua Ze Lei asked.

Xi Men thought for a moment, trying to search within himself for the answer. Then he shook his head. "I don't think so. She was important to me, perhaps what they would call my puppy love."

"But not your first love?" Mei Zuo prodded.

"No, not her."

Mei Zuo chuckled. "Silly question," he said. "I don't think you've ever truly fallen in love." He stood up and strode over to where Xiao Qiao stood talking with a couple of acquaintances. Xi Men and Lei followed him with their eyes.

Xi Men snorted. "He has Xiao Qiao and he thinks he knows everything there is to know about love."

Lei's thoughtful eyes returned to Xi Men. "I think he's wrong."

"Who's asking?" Xi Men shrugged.

"How's Xiao Yo?"

Xi Men almost dropped his glass when Lei asked him the question.

"Have you heard anything about her lately?" Lei asked again.

Xi Men stared at his friend teasingly. "You are no better than Mei Zuo. You are 'seeing' someone in Tokyo and you also think you know everything."

"It's just a simple question," Lei said patiently. "All it requires is a simple answer. Do you have one?"

Xi Men shook his head and stood up, drink in hand. "Love has muddled your brains," he said and turned away.

"You know how that feels, right?" Lei said quietly, stopping Xi Men in his tracks.

"You are so irritating," Xi Men sighed.

"And you are still so stubborn." Lei stood up and walked up behind his friend, laying a hand on his shoulder. "I wonder where you got that from, your father or your mother. At least now they know better than you." Tapping his shoulder a couple of times, Lei excused himself and went to the men's room.

Xi Men laid his glass on the table, thinking.

Across the room, Xiao Gen was looking at Xi Men with a wistful look on her face.

* * *

The package was neatly wrapped in blue linen paper, and Xi Men turned it over and over in his hand. Smiling, he looked up at his mother who sat beside him on the sofa, waiting for him to open it.

"Ma," he said. "You didn't have to buy me anything."

After the party has broken up, his family headed for his parent's home and before Xi Men could leave for his own pad, his mother handed him the package.

"Nonsense," his mother said. "I know it's pointless to buy you anything since you could have anything you want, but I saw that and thought I'd give it to you. It isn't expensive or anything, but...it's the thought that counts, right?"

His father spoke from the doorway where he stood, watching his wife and son. "Indulge your mother, Xi Men."

"Ok," Xi Men said with a sigh and tore the wrapper of the package to reveal a small inch-thick hard-bound book. He quirked his brow at his mother, saying, "A photo book? You gave me a photo book?"

She smiled. "I saw that in this small bookstore in London. I have my own copy, given by your father's friend. Remember the colonel your father befriended back in the Philippines? He gave me a copy of that book, and when I saw it sold in London, I immediately thought of you."

"Ma, you know I'm not really into these things," he said patiently.

"Oh, shut up!" she said sternly, a smile in her voice. "You should start having fun, Xi Men. Look at Mei Zuo! Now he has Xiao Qiao! And A Si has Shancai. You, with your playboy ways, need to find someone you can stick to."

Xi Men's eyes met his father's amused ones across the room. In disbelief, Xi Men shook at his head. "Are you in this, too?" he asked his father, who merely lifted his shoulders, feigning ignorance.

"It's a lovely book, Xi Men," she went on, ignoring her son's whining. "The photographs are very good, and the poems attached to them, as well. Just give it a chance."

Finally relenting, Xi Men looked at the cover and read it aloud. "_Awakenings: Photos by Drew Masters. Poetry by Laraine Zhu_.' He nodded. "Masters?" he asked his father.

"That's right. He's the son of my colonel friend."

"Laraine Zhu," Xi Men repeated the name. "Chinese?"

His father nodded. "If I remember correctly, Jacob once told me Laraine Zhu is Drew's girlfriend."

"Wow." He smiled. "Talk about chemistry." He flipped open a page and saw the photo of two hands intertwined, both ring fingers gleaming with rings. The title on top of the page was _'Vows_.' At the bottom of the page, a verse read:

_Forever and now_

_speak of a time when_

_hearts were locked,_

_lives were entwined,_

_hopes were shared._

_Speak of a time_

_when you were here._

_With me._

"This is too mushy for my taste," he whispered, but reassured his mother. "I'll read it," he promised. "Thanks, Ma." He leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

When he left for his own place minutes later, he found himself reciting the verse, instantly memorizing the words after reading it only once. He laughed at himself and got into his car, the book in his hand.

* * *

Repeatedly Xi Men felt Xiao Gen's eyes on him through the entire meeting, and somehow this made him uncomfortable, but he didn't show it as he went on with the meeting with a professional air.

When he met Xiao Gen a couple of nights ago at the party he thought that would be it. She would go to Hong Kong and he would not see her again. So imagine his surprise when he found her at the meeting this morning, being the representative of her family's company in this new joint venture Xi Men devised.

When Xi Men and Xiao Gen's father formed this project, it never occurred to him that she would be the one sent in to arrange it.

No worries, he thought and proceeded with the meeting.

Xiao Gen has truly changed, he observed secretly. She was no longer as bubbly as he remembered him. Ever since she came in, she had been all brisk and business-like, something that put Xi Men slightly at ease.

There is nothing he wanted more than for her to treat him as she used to, before all that hoopla over the billboard happened.

When the meeting ended and they all trooped to the small lounge for some refreshments, Xi Men approached Xiao Gen.

She looked up and smiled at him. "Surprised to see me here?" she asked.

"Just a bit," he replied.

"Good," she said, "because we are going to see more of each other. My father has permanently assigned me to work on this. I hope you don't mind."

Xi Men shook his head. "Of course not." He smiled. "I didn't know you were interested in business."

"I go after what I want," Xiao Gen said meaningfully and excused herself with a small smile before joining the others. Xi Men could only look after her, puzzled at her words. He turned when Lun came up beside him.

"There's someone waiting for you at the office. It's Miss Hannah."

Nodding, Xi Men silently slipped out of the room, all the while trying to remember who Hannah is. He certainly doesn't remember doing business with anyone named Hannah before.

He finally remembered who she was when he entered his office and saw her seated on one of the couches. He lifted his head and gave her a polite smile.

"Hannah," he breathed, noticing how ravishing she looked.

She stood up when he came in and strode purposefully towards him. "Xi Men, honey," she said flirtatiously. "It's been a long time."

Xi Men did not resist when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the lips. When she drew away, he only said, "Yes, it was," and slowly disengaged himself from her.

"What brought you here?" he asked, walking to his seat, trying to put as much distance between them as possible.

"Just visiting," she replied, eyeing him warily. "I arrived in Taipei late last night and thought I'd drop by to greet an old friend."

Xi Men smiled. "That's very flattering, thank you."

Hannah came forward and leaned over the desk towards him until their face were close together. "I missed you," she whispered.

He was about to say something when the door suddenly opened and Xiao Gen stood there, her face a mask as she took in the scene before her. Xi Men slowly pushed away from Hannah and smiled at Xiao Gen.

"I'm sorry," Xiao Ge said, her eyes settling coldly on Hannah. Meanwhile, the Chinese-American was also sizing up Xiao Gen. "I didn't know you had a visitor. Your secretary wasn't at his desk."

"It's alright," Xi Men said, relieved of the interruption Xiao Gen caused. "Hannah was just leaving."

Hannah turned to look at Xi Men, her eyes questioning, obviously wondering who the other woman is. Xi Men lifted a brow at her. "I'll be seeing you around," he said.

Hannah nodded and grabbed her purse from the couch. She walked up to Xi Men and kissed him passionately on the lips. Afterwards she said, "You know my number," and walked out of the room, past Xiao Gen, who remained standing by the doorway.

When she was gone, Xiao Gen looked up and smiled wryly up at him. "I see I have not let go of one of my worst habits."

He waited for her to elaborate on her words. She said, "I still keep interrupting your meetings with girls."

Laughter boomed out of Xi Men as he realized the truth of her words. "Come on in," he said. "Sorry you had to see that. You wanted something?"

Xiao Gen closed the door behind her and walked into the office. "Yes, there are a few things..."

She has become quite keen in business, Xi Men noted a few minutes later. Funny, he thought. He expected to have awkward moments between them, but he has become comfortable as they went on speaking.

Good, he decided. At least they are now both over that fiasco years ago. After all, she is now married, and he...well, he has other better things on his mind right now to start worrying about the past coming back to haunt him.

Xiao Gen leaned back, closing the folder before her and eyed Xi Men with a slight interest. "So," she said in a light tone. "That lady who was just here...is she your girlfriend?"

He was unable to mask the surprise that sprang into his face at her question. He shook his head. "No, just an old friend whom I have not seen in quite a while."

"What a warm welcome," she said, laughing. "You certainly did not give me that kind of welcome when we met."

Again puzzled by her words, Xi Men could only smile. This is so much better than he expected. Once again Xiao Gen is his friend. As simple as that.

* * *

The next few days became quite a lull, at least for Xi Men. As things began to pick up at work for the coming autumn season, he found himself becoming more and more involved with the task at hand.

Xiao Gen was also there, overseeing things alongside Xi Men, and theirs became a very professional working relationship. Little by little Xi Men warmed himself to the thought of his relationship with Xiao Gen going back to how it was originally.

Things only picked up when, days before Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao's engagement party, Dao Ming Si and Shancai finally arrived in Taipei. Xi Men took time off his schedule to help the couple get settled down in the modest house he had helped pick out for them. He even agreed to help out A Si in the initial stages of the bar he's planning to open and extended his business insights for the couples future plans.

Meanwhile Hannah had been around, continually visiting Xi Men at the office, conveniently present wherever he was. Xi Men found no reason to complain. After all, he has made it clear to Hannah that he has no intentions of taking her seriously, and she did not seem to have any problems with that. Call him a cad, he doesn't care. But she sure is one hell of a beautiful distraction.

The evening of the engagement party Xi Men was late in adjourning the meeting he had with his staff. When everyone has left, he looked up from his desk to find Xiao Gen at the doorway. He smiled.

"I thought you've gone already," he said, referring to the party where Xiao Gen was also invited.

Xiao Gen, already dressed in a simple black dress, replied, "I thought we could go together."

"Oh," Xi Men nodded, looking shamefaced. "You should have told me sooner. Hannah is coming by any minute now, and I asked her to come with me."

Xiao Gen was obviously mildly surprised but she smiled nonetheless. "I see. Well," she shrugged. "I could just go alone, then."

"If you want, you could ride with us," Xi Men offered helpfully.

"No," she refused gracefully. "I'll just drive myself to Xiao Qiao's."

"Are you sure?" he asked just as Hannah, looking really sumptuous in a slinky red dress appeared at the doorway.

Xiao Gen turned her head and saw Hannah, who stood there silently, looking at the both of them. "Yes," she said, moving toward the doorway, openly ignoring the other woman. "I'll see you at the party, then."

Xi Men nodded. "OK. See you."

When she had gone, Hannah strode in, a question in her eyes. "Who is she really? Sometimes I think she's not just your associate."

Xi Men smiled indulgently at her as he walked forward to meet her. "Jealous?" he asked. "You don't have to."

Hannah smiled sweetly. "Because she is nothing to you?"

Flat out, still with that honest smile, he said, "Because both of you are nothing to me."

Hannah stared at him, obviously hurt. "Let's go?" Xi Men extended his hand towards her, and she took it a bit shakily.

When they were walking towards his waiting car did she ask, "Why are you like this? You seem to take joy in hurting me."

"Do you want me to lie then?" he asked and when she did not say anything, he went on. "I take that as a 'No'. I'm not used to lying, Hannah. What you see is what you get."

Hannah did not say anything so Xi Men just let it go.

The party was in full swing when they arrived at Xiao Qiao's mansion, already filled with people from the elite circles their family moved in. Xi Men instantly spotted Dao Ming Si and Shancai seated in one table with Shancai's parents, Shage, Qing He and Xiao Qiao. Xi Mens eyes lit up when he saw Hua Ze Lei in another table with his own family, a petite and vibrant lady beside him. His date.

As they approached the table, Xi Men felt familiarity strike him as he gazed on Hua Ze Lei's date. Something's familiar about her.

After introducing Hannah to Shancai's parents and Shage, he held out a seat for her beside Xiao Gen as he also slid on the seat beside Dao Ming Si.

"You're late," A Si remarked, and Xi Men smiled.

"Work," he simply said and turned to their other companions. "Where are the lovebirds?" he asked, referring to Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao.

Instead of answering, A Si said, "Something's up."

Xi Men glanced at his friend inquiringly. "You see that lady over there with Lei? That's his girlfriend. Do you recognize her?" he asked.

Once more Xi Men looked at the girl whose head was leaning closely towards Hua Ze Lei as they spoke in low voices. "She looks familiar..."

"That's because we've seen her before. She's Aisha."

Aisha. He repeated the name. Suddenly recognition dawned on him and his eyes widened. "Aisha! Mei Zuo's Aisha?"

At Dao Ming Si's nod, Xi Men suddenly felt a hard pressure bearing down on him, knowing this could not be good.

Hannah, silently listening to the conversation, asked, "What's wrong with it?"

It was Xiao Gen who rebuffed her gently. "I don't think it's any of our business." Ignoring Hannah's irritated look, she turned away.

Trouble, Xi Men thought. "Hua Ze Lei's girlfriend is the same girl Mei Zuo fell in love with a long time ago, someone he had unfinished business with."

Yes, trouble, Xiao Gen though to herself. But she was on an entirely different plane. She does not care about Mei Zuo or anyone else. She came back to Taipei for one reason alone: Xi Men.

Once he had hurt her, and more than he would ever realize, he ruined her life.

After all these years, she came back all the way to Taipei. To give him a dose of his own medicine. She will make him real sorry for what he did to her before.

But first she has to make sure everything's taken out of her way. She will make Xi Men fall for her, whatever it takes, he will fall for her.

Her eyes strayed to Hannah. Poor Hannah, she thought, she doesn't know what's coming to her.


	13. Sheltered and Concealed

SHELTERED AND CONCEALED

Quite a long time has passed, at least for Xiao Yo. Her stint at the university became more promising by the day. On the next term she became Editor-in-Chief of the university paper and all throughout she was hired and re-hired by Reuters and various other publications for freelance projects.

Across the seas she could only sympathize with Shancai as Dao Ming Si's predicament reached her ears. As much as she wanted to be with her best friend in her times of need she could not. All she could do was to call Shancai regularly and just listen to her.

Of course there were other news...Dao Ming Si got engaged to that princess from Bhutan. He accompanied her on a trip around the world and eventually headed on for home. And he sought out Shancai in Barcelona.

She even knew of Hua Ze Lei confessing to Shancai of his feelings for her...Of Mei Zuo finding love with a cello player...

And Xi Men...Qing He and Shancai never failed to insert Xi Men in every phone conversation they ever had. Xiao Yo was aware when Xi Men was hospitalized due to gastric perforation, when he patched things up with his father, when he moved out of their palatial home and took a place of his own.

They were news she hadn't asked for, but Shancai and Qing He deemed she needed to know.

Whereas she was happy. Contented.

She and Drew had been together for almost a year now. When he was done with the supplementary classes he took at the university, he moved on to bigger freelance projects that took him virtually everywhere. But always, he touched base in Toronto, keeping his small apartment in town, making sure to come home every weekend to be with her whenever a project comes up overseas.

Her family adores him, and she was as much a part of his family as he was to hers. Everyone in her neighborhood and the small suburban area where she lives have nothing but good words for the two of them.

There's possibly nothing more she could ask for.

Looking back now, Xiao Yo could not imagine how she would have gotten here without Drew. He had been her pillar of strength; he took her hand and guided her all the way until she was finally able to get back up.

And not even once did he prod. After that day in Seattle when she poured her heart out to him and told him virtually everything there was and wasn't between her and Xi Men, he had never pushed.

She didn't know someone like him could have existed. Yet there he was, always with her.

Xiao Yo recalled the scene he caused when he saw her off at the LAX in California.

It was a spur of the moment thing when, in front of all the other passengers at the waiting area, Drew whipped out a small box from his jacket pocket and got down on one knee before her. Incredulous, Xiao Yo just stared down at him as he gave her that breathtaking smile of his and said,

"Raine...will you be my wife?"

She barely heard the applause and cheers of everyone who witnessed it. All she could see was his open face before her, that uncertain smile, and his words reverberated in her ears.

Then, with a happiness she had not felt for a long time, she heard herself say, "I will!" and let herself be swept up into his arms

"Head for home," he said. "I'll see you soon."

She looked out of the window of the cab as they drew to a halt in front of the hotel where she had booked herself into. Asking the driver to wait awhile before lugging her suitcases out of the trunk, she walked into the hotel and straight to the desk.

"Good morning," she greeted the young gentleman behind the desk. "I would like to check on my reservation for a single room. I called from Los Angeles yesterday and the person who received my call said there could be a room for me."

The gentleman looked through the computer but after a few minutes, Xiao Yo suddenly felt like screaming when it turns out there wasn't any other room available. Autumn's coming up, and tourists are flocking to Taipei in time for the autumn festival.

Thanking the attendant none too graciously, she wandered back to the waiting cab, not knowing where to go.

"Problem, miss?" the cab driver inquired, seeing her downcast.

She nodded. "Looks like you have to drive me around for a bit, sir, while we look for another hotel with vacant rooms."

The cab driver thought for a while, then said, "The building you just visited a while ago, why don't you check in there?"

Her head jerked up. "What building?"

"Didn't you notice when you entered the building earlier this morning?"

"It was a hotel?" she asked, trying to remember. She thought it was some sort of an office building, at least that's what it was, as far as she could recall since the last time she went searching for it.

"Yes, although a modest one," the cab driver replied. "A few months ago a businessman purchased the building and had it maintained and opened as a simple hotel. More like a large inn, really." He looked at her strangely. "Funny you did not notice that when you went in this dawn."

Xiao Yo shook her head. Of course she did not notice what establishment it was. Heck, she did not even notice how she got up to the rooftop!

She smiled at the cab driver. "Take me there, then."

* * *

True enough, it was a hotel. In the early light of the day Xiao Yo read the large sign in front of the building. Leisure Lodge.

Under other circumstances she would not have chosen this place, this building. But jet lag is kicking in, she felt exhausted and going around town looking for another hotel to stay in does not sound too appealing at this time.

So she checked in, paid the driver and went straight to her room where the bellboy already deposited the two suitcases she had brought with her.

At the sight of the bed, Xiao Yo immediately dropped onto it and dozed off to sleep, the last thought on her mind was giving Shancai a call and then Drew. But her eyes are getting heavy now...Later...

It was already quarter past three in the afternoon when she woke up. She had slept for a whole eight hours and more!

Stretching and feeling completely sore all over, no thanks to her trip, she dragged herself into the shower and took a long, warm bath, letting the steam soothe her aching muscles.

A few minutes later she stepped out of the bath and her eyes strayed towards the window. Since when had this building been a lodge? she thought as she strode towards the window and looked out. Her room was on the fifth floor, just a floor away from the rooftop she had visited earlier this dawn.

She lifted her gaze and saw the billboard. Of course, from this distance, and at this time, it was nothing but a simple billboard. But she knew better.

Sighing, she turned away from the window and reached for her mobile phone. Time to call Shancai and let her know she's home.

* * *

Xi Men threw his car keys to the valet and the uniformed employee rushed to park his car. Purposefully Xi Men strode into the foyer of the hotel and nodded at the person assigned on the desk.

It was just a routine check, something Xi Men does once in a week. He does not mind, really. After all, for some reason, this building has had a special place in his heart. His father had questioned the wisdom of his decision to purchase this building and turning it into a hotel. Of course he could not very well tell his father how much this building meant to him.

But, months later, it turns out it was not such a bad idea. Leisure Lodge has fast become one of Taipeis classy hotels. Not a five-star elite type, but it held a certain appeal to it. This is his baby. His lucky charm.

It does not matter that some painful memories are also inspired by this building. He just doesn't want to let this go. He did not regret it when he purchased it right off the bat, and he feels no regret even now.

After about an hour speaking with the manager of Lodge, Xi Men stepped out of the building and jumped into his waiting car, all set to return to his office.

In the highway, the heavy traffic hindered his journey. Sighing, he stopped as the red light blinked, his hand slightly hitting on the steering wheel as he waited for the traffic lights to turn green.

He turned his head to one side and stopped short. There, two cars away from him, a lady sat behind the wheel of a blue Sedan. He could only see her profile, but everything seemed to stop as he noted the resemblance.

"Xiao Yo?" he whispered.

But the lady he's looking at right now seemed different. This one had quite a long straight brown hair...but she reminded him vaguely of Xiao Yo.

Suddenly the traffic lights turned green and Xi Men quickly moved the car forward, keeping his eye on the lady's car. Changing his original plan of going straight to the office, he maneuvered his car sharply to the side, ignoring the sound of screeching wheels of the cars behind him.

Even as some of the drivers he cut through yelled at him, Xi Men kept his eyes on the blue Sedan, intent on following it.

He could feel his heart beating wildly against his chest as he tried to increase his speed without violating any traffic rule. Somehow he has got to catch up with the blue Sedan and take a closer look.

Much to his dismay, as they reached the intersection, the traffic lights once again turned red and his car jolted to a wild stop. He watched with a sinking heart as the blue Sedan was able to cross the intersection before the lights changed.

Xi Men watched the blue Sedan as it became smaller and smaller then was lost in sight.

Could that girl be Xiao Yo?

* * *

Xiao Yo deftly backed the car into the tiny parking lot of the supermarket, thinking how lucky she was to have been issued this vehicle from the car rental. It was not much to look at, but the engine runs very well, and all her fears of handling Taipei traffic were put to rest.

As she strode into the supermarket she smiled to herself. This is actually the first time she drove a car in a strange place other than Toronto all by herself. Well, she had the best teacher when it came to cars and driving; so good that getting her drivers license seemed like a breeze compared to her other friends who had to go through rigorous tests.

Drew would be so proud.

Xiao Yo promised Shancai she would bake tonight.

Baking...something she had not done for quite a while now. But she's going to give it a shot. Dao Ming Si and Shancai have been nice enough to invite her over for dinner in their home. The least she could do was cook something for them.

Ticking her mental list of stuff she would buy, she pushed the cart forward through the grocery aisles.

* * *

Xi Men was restless, even Xiao Gen noticed it as she kept glancing up at him from the documents she was reading. For the entire time since Xi Men came into the office after coming from Leisure Lodge, something seemed to bother him.

"What's wrong?" Xiao Gen asked, wondering if he was ill.

Xi Men looked up in surprise and shook his head. "I'm sorry, did I disturb you?"

For the whole hour youve done nothing but stare into space, stand up and pace the length of your office. "Yes, you did disturb me." She sighed. "Is there a problem?"

Instead of answering her question, Xi Men glanced at his wristwatch. Less than thirty minutes more before office hours end. He looked at Xiao Gen.

"Listen, can we do this next time?"

Xiao Gen looked at him curiously. "You have someplace you want to be?"

"I just need to go see a friend," he replied, already on his feet. "You can still make use of my office, if you need anything, Lun can help you."

She just stared after him as he strode out of the room. "Sure," was all she could say and then he was gone.

Wondering what has gotten into him, Xiao Gen turned back to the documents she was reading. Suddenly the private line of Xi Men's office rang.

Thinking it's for Xi Men, Xiao Gen did not bother picking it up, letting the answering machine take the message.

Her hand froze when she recognized Hannah's breathy voice. "Xi Men, honey, it's Hannah. I'm just getting ready. See you in a bit."

Bile rose into her throat and she looked sternly at the phone. See a friend, huh?

Xiao Gen took a deep breath and drew it out, trying to control her temper.

"Bitch," she murmured.

* * *

It was only when he was in his car and driving through the late afternoon stream of traffic that Xi Men called up Hannah to cancel their date at the opera later tonight. Sure enough, she was not too pleased about it.

"What!" she exclaimed. "But...Xi Men! I just called your office a while ago!"

"Sorry," he said, guilty for not truly feeling repentant. "I must have already left when your call came through."

"But I've already prepared!"

Biting his tongue to keep from berating her, Xi Men tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible. "Something came up and I have to get to it right away. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"Oh, well, if you put it that way," she murmured. "I'm holding you to that promise!"

"Sure, sure," he said and hung up.

He could not put his mind at ease, not until he has spoken to Shancai. If there's anyone who knew whether Xiao Yo has returned to Taipei, it would be Shancai.

A few minutes later his car drew up the driveway of Dao Ming Si and Shancai's home and Xi Men looked around, noting A Si's car is not in the garage just yet. When he tapped on the door it was Shancai who answered it.

She seemed surprised to see him.

"Xi Men! What are you doing here? Come in!" She stepped aside to let him through.

"Where's A Si?" he asked, looking around at the living room and seeing no one else.

"He's still at the bar, but he called minutes ago and told me he's on his way. Need a drink?" she offered.

Xi Men shook his head, sitting down. "No. I won't take long, anyway. I just came by to ask you something." He was staring at her, trying to sense if she was hiding something.

But she looked innocent enough. "Me?" Shancai sounded confused.

He nodded. "I was just wondering...Well..." He laughed lightly. "How do I say this...Uhm...how is Xiao Yo?"

Shancai nodded slowly, looking at him searchingly. "Where did that come from?"

He looked down, shaking his head, feeling silly all of a sudden. "I was driving around town earlier this afternoon and I thought I saw her. Or someone who looked like her." He looked up to find Shancai in deep thought. "Is she back in Taiwan?"

Shancai did not speak for a long time. Then she said, "I am not aware of her coming back. I'm sorry."

Suddenly he looked downcast. Then he gave a small smile as he got to his feet. "My eyes must have tricked me," he said. "Sorry to bother you."

He walked to the door, Shancai following closely.

"Are you leaving so soon? You're not going to wait for Dao Ming Si?" she asked.

"Just tell him I came by," he said and turned to her when he reached the door. "I'm sorry to have dropped in on you so suddenly."

"No problem," Shancai assured him. Becoming serious, she said, "If I hear anything, I'll let you know."

Xi Men's smile was forced as he tapped Shancai lovingly on the head and walked out of the door. As he was walking to his car, he looked up to find Dao Ming Si's car swing into the driveway.

"Xi Men!" Dao Ming Si exclaimed as he got out of the car and walked towards his friend. "What's up?"

"I just came to ask Shancai something."

"Ask Shancai? What about?"

He shook his head as A Si walked him to his car. "Nothing important," he said.

"Stay for dinner," A Si invited, but Xi Men refused.

"I am going to my parents for dinner, thanks." Xi Men got into the car and, giving his friend a nod, drove off, leaving Dao Ming Si looking after him with perplexity.

When Dao Ming Si turned to look towards the house, he spotted Shancai standing at the doorway. Obviously she had been standing there all along, watching him and Xi Men.

Smiling at the sight of his wife, Dao Ming Si literally raced up the patio to the doorway and greeted Shancai with a tender kiss and a tight embrace. Shancai looked up at him, clearly glad to have him home.

"How was your day?" she asked. "Yelled at anyone today?"

Playfully he pinched her nose and, his hands on her shoulders, pushed her inside. "What did Xi Men ask you?"

Suddenly Shancai stopped and faced him, but could not meet his eyes.

"What is it?" he asked, wondering what Xi Men could have possibly asked her that would bother her so.

"Xi Men came and asked me if Xiao Yo has returned to Taipei. And I said I didn't know."

Dao Ming Si nodded slowly in realization. "So that's why he looked so sad." He shook his head, torn between amusement and sympathy for his friend. "What are you troubled about then?"

Shancai looked down guiltily and turned around. Dao Ming Si lifted his gaze and there, standing on the stairway, is Xiao Yo.

His eyes widened. "Xiao Yo!"

The last time he'd seen her was weeks ago in New York and he was totally surprised when he saw her standing there, looking guilty.

But the enormity of the situation sank in and he turned to look at Shancai who stood there, her eyes down, looking at a spot between her toes. Xiao Yo also looked guilty.

"Why did you lie to Xi Men?" he asked, trying to understand Shancai's actions.

"It's not her fault, Dao Ming Si," Xiao Yo hastily said. "I just arrived yesterday and Shancai only knew of it today. I...I asked her not to tell Xi Men...It's my fault."

Dao Ming Si sighed, his glance switching between the two women. "I don't feel too good lying to my friend," he said quietly.

"Me neither," Shancai said softly.

Xiao Yo walked down the rest of the stairs. "I'm sorry," she murmured and Dao Ming Si could tell she was sincere. Clearly she does not want to see Xi Men...or let Xi Men see her.

He sighed again. "You can't hide from him forever, you know that."

"I'm not hiding!" Her quick reply made Dao Ming Si raise his eyebrows in slight disbelief. "Just...not ready."

His hands on his hips, he looked at the both of them, then said, "OK. I'm hungry. I hear Xiao Yo cooked something?"

Both women exchanged relieved glances and followed Dao Ming Si into the dining room.

Conversation at the dinner table did not even touch on Xi Men or the incident earlier. Their banter revolved around the bar and restaurant recently opened by Dao Ming Si, aptly named **Meteors**. Even Mei Zuo and Xiao Qiao's engagement and the recent revelation about Hua Ze Lei's girlfriend Aisha, who happened to be Mei Zuo's former love.

"Wow," Xiao Yo said. "Looks like things are going to be quite complicated."

Shancai spoke carelessly and the words slipped out of her mouth. But, borrowing Xiao Gen's words, it is not our business.

Xiao Yo's head snapped up. "Xiao Gen?" she said.

Realizing her blunder, Shancai looked at Dao Ming Si, who cleared his throat. "She's a...a friend," he said and Shancai nodded vigorously. Dao Ming Si gave Shancai a secret look and she got the message.

It would not be a good idea to bring Xi Men into the conversation, and Xiao Yo would be better off not knowing about Xiao Gen.

Xiao Yo knew the couple was not aware that she knew of Xiao Gen, so she gave an innocent smile. But her mind is whirling. Everything is happening too fast. First she almost ran across Xi Men. Then she finds out his old love has returned.

Trying to change the topic, Dao Ming Si asked, "How's Drew?"

She looked up and answered his question with a smile. "Right now he's in LA, but he will be coming to Taipei in a few days. He has a stint with National Geographic, something about Mandarin culture."

Dao Ming Si whistled. "Great. It would be nice to see him again."

Silently he wondered how things would pan out when Drew is finally here. Sooner or later Xiao Yo and Xi Men would meet again. Many times Xi Men had told them hes alright...that he does not care for Xiao Yo in the way they thought.

But if there was one person Xi Men could not lie about, it's Xiao Yo. And Dao Ming Si knows he cares for Xiao Yo. Still.


	14. Like an Angel Would

LIKE AN ANGEL WOULD

The moment he appeared among the passengers streaming out of the door, Xiao Yo immediately spotted him as he towered above all the others.

"Drew!" she yelled, waving excitedly. "Over here!"

When he saw her, his handsome face stretched into a wide smile and he sauntered quickly towards her, sweeping her up in his arms and swinging her around playfully, laughing.

When he set her back on his feet, he still would not let her go. He captured her lips in a kiss so sweet she was made aware of how much he had missed her.

"I missed you so much," he whispered against the top of her head when he ended the kiss. "I can't believe it's only been two weeks since I saw you last."

Xiao Yo giggled like a little girl and flicked the top of his nose with a finger.

"Stop trying to be cute," she said jokingly.

Drew picked up his suitcase and lugged his backpack along while Xiao Yo led him to where her rental car was parked. Drew breathed in and sighed.

"It's been a very long time since I came here." Thanks to his father's job, Drew had the opportunity to visit Taipei when he was much younger, and this is the first in a long time he has returned.

"How have you been?" he asked her as he deposited his luggage in the trunk of the Sedan. "Did you miss me any?"

Xiao Yo laughed at his choice of words. "Oh, OK. I see what you're doing. You're trying to make me tell you how much I missed you!"

Drew, a mischievous smile on his face, came towards her and again held her in his arms. "Am I doing good so far?"

"Hmmm," she pretended to think about it then smiled up at him. "Yes. I missed you any."

And again they kissed.

* * *

Xiao Gen turned to him when he stopped the car near the entrance of the airport.

"Thanks for driving me," she said. "I could have sworn my car was in good condition but it broke down."

Xi Men smiled. "It's OK. I wasn't doing anything, anyway. I hope you don't mind if I don't see you inside, I don't want to have to fight for a parking space."

She nodded and opened the door of the passenger seat. "I will only be gone for a couple of weeks at most. I'll try to fix whatever the problem is in Hong Kong as fast as I can so I could come back in time for the launching of the project."

"I have it covered," he assured her. "Just take your time. Your husband must be missing you as you have been gone too long."

Xiao Gen did not say anything to this and stepped out of the car.

"I'll see you soon," she promised and walked away, pulling her wheeled suitcase behind.

When she had gone through the glass doors, Xi Men backed the car out of the curb and made ready to get to the highway. His eyes caught the sight of a couple in a tight embrace and he shook his head in amusement.

Xi Men sighed. Love clouds the mind, he's been told. And it's true.

He looked at the couple again, noting the guy is a foreigner whereas the girl...

He halted the car as he tried to make out the image of the girl. But now she got into the car and all he saw was her long hair, and a glimpse of her profile.

She reminded him of the lady he saw days ago...the one whom he thought was Xiao Yo.

It was only when they had driven away that he was stunned with a fact that eluded him a while ago.

The car was a blue Sedan.

* * *

"Leisure Lodge. Nice name."

Drew looked outside the window and turned his gaze back to the pleasant room. Not bad, he said, nodding his head.

"It's a good thing you found this place when your hotel reservation didn't pull through."

He had checked into Leisure Lodge; unfortunately the only rooms available were on the top floor so he settled for it. Xiao Yo warmed at the thought of Drew respecting her, opting to take a separate room when he could very well share hers and take the couch.

Xiao Yo looked up from the shirt she was folding when she heard the click of a camera. She widened her eyes at him.

"Drew!" she scolded. "Why do you keep taking stolen shots of me!"

Drew shrugged, closing the shutter of his camera. "I just want to." He sat down at the edge of the bed. "Give me a few weeks more and I would complete my project."

"What project?" she asked suspiciously.

Drew grinned sneakily. "It's a secret." He tapped the top of her head. "You'll find out soon enough."

"By the way," he said after a while, "Dad will be taking the next week off from his assignment in the Philippines and he decided to drop by in Taipei before heading off to St. Paul."

"That's great news!" She had not seen the colonel for months now.

"Yeah," he agreed. "He told me we should all go out to dinner when he's here, with some friends of his. Is that alright with you?"

"Like you even had to ask!" she exclaimed. "I miss the colonel, too!"

Drew gave her a lopsided grin. "That kinda hurt, y'know. You tell me you miss my old man right off the bat, while I have to coax you into admitting you missed me. Lady, you hurt my feelings."

Xiao Yo's laughter rang through his room as she grabbed a pillow and playfully threw it at him. She's so happy Drew is finally here with her!

* * *

_Grant me solitude_

_that I may seek_

_the tiniest meaning_

_in an otherwise_

_meaningless existence._

_Silence._

_Grant me solace_

_that I may feel_

_the slightest touch_

_the softest whisper_

_the quietest breath._

_Peace._

_Silence. Peace._

_My refuge._

_My sanctuary._

Xi Men looked at the photo accompanying the poem. It showed the lone figure of a woman, a silhouette, really, against the backdrop of a sunset on top of a mountain in Yellowstone National Park. Somehow it signified Peace. Silence.

Xi Men laid the book down, amazed even at himself for having read it twice over now.

Mei Zuo would surely poke fun at him when he finds out about this. But as it is, Mei Zuo has been quite hard to reach recently as he dealt with his own problems.

Xi Men would have wanted nothing more than to be there for his friend, but Mei Zuo is not really the type to fully share his burdens. He preferred to be alone when things got rough, and Xi Men will leave him at that.

Besides, being with Mei Zuo would probably give everyone the wrong idea about him taking sides. After all, Hua Ze Lei was also caught in the same web of complications Mei Zuo is in.

They are both his friends. His brothers. He should not choose between them. He just has to be there for the crash which, he prays, won't happen.

It seems as they all began their own lives, the F4 has drifted apart. They seldom spend time together anymore, but the few times they congregate were special.

But now Mei Zuo and Hua Ze Lei lay in a tangled mess. Dao Ming Si and Shancai are dealing with their own life now, and whatever their problems are, at least they have each other to weather the storms.

While he keeps having these hallucinations of seeing Xiao Yo again.

Sanity seems to be eluding him, he thought wryly. But on the one hand, for the millionth time, Xi Men wondered how Xiao Yo is. It has been a long time ages since she heard anything about her.

Drawing a deep breath, he stood up and dialed Hannah's number. He promised to make it up to her, so he will.

He only hopes, even for a while, Xiao Yo would stay out of his mind.

After making the call, he decided to finally leave the hotel and go back to his office. For the past two hours he had occupied the master suite of Leisure Lodge because he wanted to be alone for a while, away from the rigors of the office.

The moment he stepped out of the suite and into the corridor, he suddenly bumped solidly into someone. When he looked up, he saw it was an American guy who now smiled apologetically at him.

"Sorry," the American said in accented Mandarin. "I was rushing."

Xi Men nodded good-naturedly. "No problem," he said and watched as the American rushed to the lift. Tourists, he thought and closed the door to the master suite.

Inside the lift Drew completely forgot about the guy he just ran into. All he could think of was he's running late for lunch and he doesn't want to keep Xiao Yo waiting.

* * *

Xi Yong looked at his son as he glanced once more in the direction of the ladies room. He shook his head in amusement.

"I see I am not the only one puzzled about women and ladies' rooms."

Xi Men met his father's gaze. "What's taking her so long?"

'Her' happens to be Hannah, who excused herself from the table a while back to go to the rest room.

"She had been there for about five minutes now. Any minute now and our guests are coming!"

His mom laid a hand on Xi Men's arm and smiled. "Let her be," she said softly.

"Tell me, son," Xi Yong said. "This Hannah...are you getting serious with her?"

His eyes widened and he almost laughed. "Hannah? Hardly! I just owed here a favor so I invited her. Besides," he grinned wryly, "when you said the colonel's son will be bringing his girlfriend along, I didn't want to be left out."

"I am so excited!" His mother gushed. "Finally I am meeting Drew and Laraine! I even brought my copy of the book to get their autographs!"

Father and son exchanged amused glances. At that same instant Hannah returned to their table. Xi Men was about to berate her but the arrival of a tall and distinguished elderly American interrupted him.

Xi Yong met the new arrival with a firm hug. The American smiled at Xi Yong.

"Xi Yong, my old friend! Good to see you again! It's been a long time!"

Xi Yong laughed. "And you are looking good yourself, Jacob!" He turned to introduce the three of them to the colonel.

Xi Men instantly developed a liking to the military man, already sensing integrity emanating from him.

Jacob eyed Hannah kindly. "And you must be Xi Men's girlfriend," he said. Xi Men wanted to correct him but as Hannah seemed to carry on the colonel's thought, he kept mum, not wanting to embarrass her. "Finally Xi Yong would also know how a father feels when introduced to the woman his son loves."

"Speaking of which," Xi Men's mother butted in, "where's your son and his girlfriend?"

"They are on their way. They'll be here any second." His eyes lit up as he saw something behind Xi Men. "There they are!"

Slowly Xi Men turned around. Recognition struck him when he saw the tall American young man coming through the doorway. It's the same guy he ran into at the hotel.

His breath seemed to stick in his throat when he saw the lady the American is with, their hands linked.

She looked different enough. The hair is longer, left flowing down her shoulders in light brown tresses.

But she had constantly been in his dreams he would recognize her everywhere.

And so did she, as Xi Men noticed her go pale, the blood draining from her face as their eyes met.

Xiao Yo.


	15. Be Still, My Heart

BE STILL, MY HEART

Her heart sounded like a million drums beating all at the same time, drowning all other sounds as she beheld him looking back at her.

Instinctively her hand tightened around Drew's and he stopped, looking down at her. "Rain? What is it?" he whispered, seeing her ashen face.

"Th-that guy..." her voice sounded terribly feeble even to her ears.

Drew followed the direction of her gaze and looked at the younger man waiting at the table where his father sat. Familiarity struck him as he remembered an incident two days ago back at the Lodge.

"I remember him," he murmured and Xiao Yo looked at him, her eyes wide. He explained, "I ran into him at the hotel a couple of days ago. Do you know him?" The question came after he realized she has really turned pale.

"Xi Men," she whispered. "He's Xi Men."

It felt like icy water was poured over Drew as she spoke the name. Quickly he tried to assess the situation. If they turn back now...he shook his head and, giving a quick smile of reassurance at his father, signaled with his hand to give them a moment.

He drew her to one side and held her by the shoulders, shielding her from view of everyone else at the table. She looked really faint now with shock and surprise. Obviously she was not expecting this. Neither did he.

"We can turn back," he said softly.

She seemed about ready to agree but then she said, "What about your father? What will he say?"

"I'll take care of it."

Xiao Yo became silent, as though thinking it over. When she lifted her gaze to his, she asked, "Should we leave?"

Warmed at the thought of her asking for his opinion on this matter, he gave a tiny smile. He wanted to leave, yes. He wanted to take her away from this place, from Xi Men...but he also knew it would not do any good.

He sighed. "We both knew from the beginning this would happen. Your paths will cross again. There's no use in running, Rain. But if you really want to, I'll run with you."

Xiao Yo gazed deep into his eyes until she felt lighter…better. "I don't want to run. Not yet, at least." She whispered fiercely, "Stay with me."

His grip on her hand tightened reassuringly. "Always."

Xiao Yo took a deep breath and let Drew lead her to the table, all the time fixing her eyes on the colonel who beamed at them. There were four others on the table: an elderly couple whom she presumed to be Xi Men's parents, an attractive lady...and Xi Men.

The colonel gave her a warm hug as they arrived. "Rain, my dear," he said. "It's good to see you again. You look better than ever!"

"Thanks, Dad," she murmured, already used to calling him that, and graciously kept the smile on her face as the colonel proceeded to introduce her and Drew to the others.

"This is my friend Xi Yong, and his lovely wife A Li. Here, of course, is their son Xi Men and his date Hannah."

How Xiao Yo kept her surprise evident from everyone, she didn't know. So this is Hannah, she thought and shook the other lady's hand. Pretty, exactly Xi Men's type.

Forcing her eyes to meet Xi Men's, Xiao Yo gave him a slight nod and then turned her gaze away.

"This is my son Drew, and his fiancee Rainie. Of course most people know her as Laraine Zhu now."

After the introductions were made, Xiao Yo sat down on the chair drawn by Drew, silently thanking him for letting her sit between him and Jacob, with Xi Yong and A Li right across the round table from her.

To the side Xi Men sat beside Hannah, and he had not spoken a word.

Xi Yong turned an appreciative look at Drew and Xiao Yo, then at the colonel. "So they are engaged? That's wonderful! Have you set a date yet?"

It was Drew who answered. "We only got engaged recently so there are no immediate plans as of now. Besides, Rainie has to complete her university studies in a few months."

A Li said, "Rainie...is it?" Xiao Yo nodded. "Is that your real name or is it Laraine? By the way, I am a big fan of yours!"

She blushed at the old woman's praise. "It's Rainie. Laraine is just my pseudonym, the one I use when I write."

"And your Chinese name?"

"It's Xiao Yo." From the corner of her eye she saw the perceptible jerking of Hannah's head into her direction. Obviously the other girl remembered the name.

"How long have you been together?" A Li asked, obviously interested about the young couple.

"More than a year now," Drew said, deliberately brief in his replies.

The colonel chuckled. "That's my son. Quite protective when it comes to anything about him and Rain. Don't take it the wrong way," he said.

"Oh, no," Xi Yong said, sharing his friend's laughter. "We completely understand. I envy you, my friend."

Jacob's attention veered towards Xi Men. "Is your son not thinking of settling down yet?"

Xi Yong shook his head hopelessly. "I'm afraid it looks like I am going to die of old age before I see any of my grandchildren."

The elders laughed, and Xiao Yo and Drew pretended to join on the joke. But Hannah did not look too pleased, and neither did she make much effort to mask it. Xi Men, as expected, merely smiled a little.

When the laughter subsided, Drew said, "I'm sorry if we were a bit late. We still had to come from the hotel."

"Where are you staying, by the way?" Xi Yong inquired.

"Leisure Lodge." At Drew's answer, A Li's eyes widened in pleasant surprise.

"Why, Xi Men owns it!"

Drew glanced at Xi Men, a trace of disbelief on his face. When he turned to glance at Xiao Yo beside her, she seemed surprised as well. He feigned a casual smile.

"My, coincidences abound," he said, eliciting more laughter.

A little while later, A Li said, "Rain – may I call you Rain?" She nodded, and the old woman went on, "I was told you lived most of your life in Taipei. I thought you grew up in Toronto!"

"Oh, no, ma'am," she replied. "My family migrated to Canada a couple of years back. I grew up here in Taipei."

Suddenly it occurred to her as she was speaking that she should not worry about anything, so with a casual air she slid a glance at Xi Men. "In fact Xi Men and I knew each other."

All eyes turned on Xi Men, pleasant surprise on the faces of the older ones. "Really?" A Li asked.

Backed into a corner, Xi Men straightened in his chair and nodded. "Remember Shancai?" he asked his parents. "Xiao Yo happens to be her best friend. That's how we knew each other."

The two old men laughed in disbelief. "What a small world!" Jacob exclaimed.

A Li eyed his son with incredulity. "How come you didn't recognize her name on the book?"

Xi Men shrugged. "I was not aware of the name Laraine," he explained. "She has always been Xiao Yo or Rainie."

A Li shook her head, smiling. "Small world."

As Xiao Yo caught Hannah giving her the eye, she turned away pretending not to see it. Indeed. Small world.

* * *

Fiancee.

Xiao Yo is engaged.

His eyes slid to her left hand, noting the gorgeous diamond on her ring finger.

The first shock of the evening came when he saw her coming in, not believing his eyes and ears when the colonel told them she is Laraine Zhu, Drew Masters' girlfriend. Then he finds out they are engaged.

Then she reveals they knew each other.

What was he supposed to do? Deny knowing her? Somehow that seemed farfetched. He was just thankful his voice came out steady when he spoke.

She is so beautiful.

So elegant. There was no doubt in his mind now that she was the lady in the blue Sedan. Her hair is tied back from her face, and Xi Men could clearly note it has grown long, reaching just above her waist. The pink halter dress she had on set off her wonderful tan. No other word could describe her. She's simply beautiful.

Xi Men never thought he would think this way about Xiao Yo. She had always been that cute girl from before, innocent-looking, young, quite like a child.

But right now, as she sat there, her profile to his, her hand in her lap with Drew covering it, smiling at Jacob Masters who obviously adored her...Xi Men felt as though he had just been delivered a sharp kick to his gut.

Xiao Yo is acting pretty much the same way he would, had their places been reversed. She was acting natural, and this knowledge grated on him.

And why should it? They were never an item. He has no right whatsoever.

Right now the guy who has every right sits not a few feet from him, the same foreigner he bumped into at Leisure Lodge.

He looked up when Xiao Yo suddenly got to her feet, mumbled, "Excuse me, I need to go to the ladies' room," and walked off.

A scant few seconds later Hannah followed suit. Xi Men looked after her curiously as she also went through the door where Xiao Yo disappeared into. As he turned his attention back to the table, his glance met Drew's for a flitting moment. Xi Men must have imagined it, but Drew seemed to have nodded at him imperceptibly.

Before Xi Men could be sure of the action, Drew returned his attention back to A Li who was telling him something.

* * *

Xiao Yo tried to act unaffected when she looked up and saw Hannah enter the rest room after her. She gave a small smile, something Hannah barely acknowledged with a lift of her head.

Instead the other woman looked her up and down, an act that mildly irritated Xiao Yo. Her old self would cower, hide in the corner, but that has long changed. She returned the other woman's gaze with casual innocence.

"We finally meet." The scorn in Hannah's voice was unmistakable, and Xiao Yo merely smiled at her.

"I'm sorry," she said politely, "I wasn't aware we knew each other."

"I couldn't forget a phone call!" Hannah reiterated acidly, "especially like the one you made before."

"You have a good memory." Xiao Yo's remark was equally tart as she proceeded to walk past the other girl.

"Stay away from him."

Hannah's warning stopped her in her tracks. She breathed, trying to control her temper.

"Funny," she said lightly. "I don't see me panting after Xi Men." She slid a sideways glance at Hannah, lifting a brow.

"Just...keep your hands off him."

"My hands are right where they should be," Xiao Yo replied. "Away from Xi Men." She lifted her palm into the light, and the diamond glittered. "You don't have to worry about a thing."

Without waiting for Hannah's reply, Xiao Yo walked out of the restroom. Yes, she thought to herself as she made her way back to the table, her eyes taking in the sight of Xi Men and Drew. Drew and Xi Men.

Drew.

* * *

So this is the famous Xi Men. Drew stole a glance at the other man, careful not to let him notice he is being observed.

He looked dignified. Handsome. And he carried himself like a guy who had his pick of women would. His hair, a bit long, is swept back from his face and fell in waves on his shoulders.

Drew is torn between hating Xi Men and being civil towards him. Jacob seems to think very highly of this family, and Drew had always trusted his father's instincts when it comes to judging other people's characters.

On the other hand, this Xi Men is the main reason of Raine's misery back then. And for that, he found it hard to fully like him.

Maybe never, he thought, drinking from his glass, not really tasting the wine.

The rest of the evening went by in a blur, at least that's how it seemed like to Xiao Yo. Xi Yong and A Li were gracious hosts, and all the younger ones did was to listen to the elders' anecdotes as they relived old times and new.

Xi Men was uncharacteristically quiet, and this did not escape A Li's attention. But heer maternal instincts seemed to warn her to let him be, at least for the moment.

The next thing Xiao Yo knew, they were saying their goodbyes, accepting a warm hug from A Li and a small peck on the cheek from Xi Yong.

"It was a real pleasure to have met you, my dear," A Li said warmly to Xiao Yo.

"It was mine as well, ma'am," she replied.

"Oh, call me A Li. By the way," the old woman seemed to remember something, "my birthday is coming up next week. I would really appreciate it if you could attend the celebration. Jacob here has an appointment in Washington so he couldn't come so why don't you two kids go instead?"

Xiao Yo and Drew exchanged glances, not knowing what to say. But Jacob took the choice out of their hands.

"Of course they'll go!" the colonel remarked. "Besides, they don't have a lot of stuff coming up in the next week so that should be OK. Right, son?"

Genially Drew nodded after seeing the resigned look that came over Xiao Yo's face. "Sure, ma'am. We'll be there."

A Li nodded in satisfaction. "Very well, then! We'll have the invite sent to the Lodge first thing tomorrow morning!"

Drew and Xiao Yo were the first to leave as their car was brought around by the valet in front of the hotel. For a flitting moment as she got inside the car, Xiao Yo smiled slightly at Xi Men, almost uncertainly. Xi Men nodded and gave a small smile, watching as the car drove off.

When Jacob had gone, A Li turned to her son and drew him slightly away, whispering. "You've been off all evening, Xi Men. What's the matter?"

Xi Men shook his head, and dropped a kiss on his mother's cheek. "Don't fret," he reassured her. "I'm just exhausted."

He turned to Hannah just as his own car came around. "I'll drop Hannah at her apartment and go straight home, I'll see you next week at the club?"

A Li, obviously dissatisfied by her son's response, simply nodded. "Alright. Be careful in your driving! Bye, Hannah!"

Xi Men did not say a word inside the car while driving, and neither did Hannah say anything. It was perfectly fine with him; he's not really up to much talking right now.

He stopped his car in front of Hannah's apartment building. "We're here," he said, needlessly as she moved to open the car door. Then she turned back to look at him.

"That's her, right?" she asked.

He looked straight ahead, not bothering to look at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Hannah breathed deeply, as though deciding not to pursue it any further. Instead she said, "Are you sure you want to go home tonight? You can swing at my place..."

"Good night, Hannah," he said tersely.

Hannah looked at him, thinking deeply then she opened the car door and stepped out.

"Good night," she said and closed it.

Xi Men nodded and stepped on the accelerator as he drove away, not even glancing back at Hannah who stood there, looking after him with troubled eyes.

All he sees is Xiao Yo, laughing, smiling...but not at him.

* * *

Xiao Yo opened the door to her room and turned to look back at Drew who remained standing outside the door.

She smiled tentatively up at him, noting his sudden somber attitude. "Are you alright?"

"Are you?" he asked back, and she looked down.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I had no idea...I didn't know he was gonna be there – "

"It's not anyone's fault," Drew said. "We both knew this was coming, you seeing him again. I guess we just didn't see it happening tonight."

Uncertainty clouded his face as he stared at her and asked, "When you saw him...how did you feel?"

Xiao Yo thought for a moment, then replied, "Shocked. I didn't expect to see him this soon. I also felt...embarrassed...ashamed…especially when I remember all those things I did before..."

When she looked up, Drew was nodding, his eyes veiled, and she could not tell what was running through his mind. "How did you feel?" she asked.

A wry smile surfaced. "I'd be lying if I said I'm completely OK with it...I am jealous."

Her hand reached up to caress his cheek. "Believe me, you don't have to."

Drew's hand reached up and held hers. Then his somber face lit up as he smiled at her. "You better go in. It's getting late." He leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Sweet dreams," he whispered against her lips and she smiled at him.

"You too," she said and stepped into her room, closing it.

For a while she stood there, her back against the door, her eyes closed. She felt like she's caught up in a storm...and the tempest has just begun.

Outside the door, Drew had not moved an inch. He remained standing there, hands in his pockets, staring at the door, somehow sensing Xiao Yo still stood at the other side of the door.

His worst fears are here. And he's terrified as hell.


	16. Run To Me

RUN TO ME

Mei Zuo's jaw literally dropped. Dao Ming Si and Shancai merely exchanged glances, and Xi Men instantly realized they knew about Drew, about Xiao Yo coming back. He could only smile and shake his head.

It's already late in the afternoon, and right after work Xi Men headed straight to Meteors, luckily catching Dao Ming Si and Shancai before they headed for home. Mei Zuo was also there, sans Xiao Qiao...and Xi Men was smart enough not to ask why, knowing it would not do any good, considering the state Mei Zuo is in right now.

He had told them about the dinner a couple of nights ago, when he met Xiao Yo once again. All throughout he kept a detached attitude, a normal tone of voice, but his friends knew him quite well enough to know he's more affected than he lets on.

Mei Zuo whistled. "Tough!"

Xi Men caught the guilty look that crossed Shancai's face and said nothing.

"Xi Men..." she began, but the words won't seem to come out so she sought A Si's help with her eyes. A Si sighed and said,

"We're sorry, Xi Men," he said, "We knew Xiao Yo was back in Taipei for more than two weeks now. That day you dropped by our house...she was there."

"We're really sorry for keeping it from you," Shancai said apologetically.

Xi Men nodded. "No matter," he said, forcing a smile. In truth he is offended that his friends should keep this from him, but he understood fully well why they did it. "You were trying to protect Xiao Yo. I understand that."

He gave a small laugh and went on, "Of course she doesn't seem to need you to protect her, now that she's engaged."

"What did you think of the guy?" Mei Zuo inquired, genuinely curious about the man Xiao Yo is involved with.

It was Shancai who answered. "Dao Ming Si and I had the opportunity to meet him in New York and he seemed a nice enough man." Her eyes looked towards Xi Men and became cautious with her words. "He was really good to Xiao Yo."

Xi Men recalled Drew Masters' face. He was good-looking, and he seemed really nice. A natural athlete, an artist...

He sighed and said, "He's exactly what Xiao Yo needs."

My exact opposite, he thought silently.

* * *

Xi Men walked to his car parked in the far corner of the Lodge's parking lot, noticing the lamppost bulbs out. He has to have someone look at it first thing tomorrow.

Just his luck. After leaving Meteors earlier hoping to have an early night he realized he forgot some documents at the Lodge and had to drop by to take them. It's a good thing he did not drink himself into a stupor or else...

Xi Men frowned as he spotted four figures standing by his car. From this distance he could not make out their faces but from the way they were standing, obviously waiting for someone, he knew they were up to no good.

As he neared them he noticed the four guys straighten, awaiting his approach. His confusion was wiped when he finally got near enough to recognize one of them, obviously their leader.

"Long time no see, Master Xi Men!" their leader sneered, and Xi Men instantly recognized him.

"Zhong Ze," he said calmly, smelling trouble. With calculated eyes he looked at Zhong Ze's companions, deciding they were street thugs from the way they looked. "What are you doing here?"

"Payback time," Zhong Ze declared, coming forward. Xi Men did not move as the four of them surrounded him.

"I don't remember owing you anything, Zhong Ze," he said in an even voice.

"That's just too bad," Zhong Ze said. "Because now you have to pay for what you did." A blow landed on Xi Men's stomach, causing him to drop the envelope he was holding, clutching his stomach.

"What's the matter, Master Xi Men?" Zhong Ze snickered and his three companions were laughing as well. "Not fighting back? Giving up?"

Xi Men knew he could take them on, but not all at once. There were four of them, and he's alone. But it's worth a shot, he decided and straightened.

"To you?" he mocked back. "I don't think so."

Zhong Ze was about to advance towards him when they heard a calm voice say, "Four against one. That hardly cuts as a fair game, don't you think?"

They all turned to look at the speaker and Xi Men instantly recognized Drew, dressed in a black leather jacket, and looking thoroughly serious as he stood there, his hands across his chest.

"Who the hell are you?" Zhong Ze asked.

Drew moved forward and Xi Men wondered what he is doing.

"Someone who knows a good fight when he sees one," Drew replied. "It's been quite a while since I've beaten anyone up." His glance flittingly settled on Xi Men then on Zhong Ze.

"Stay out of this, white boy," Zhong Ze warned.

"Zhong Ze, right?" Drew asked. "Your name sounds vaguely familiar. But I don't think we've met. Thank God for that."

Xi Men gradually understood what Drew was doing. He was buying time to let Xi Men recover from the blow Zhong Ze just delivered to him.

Slowly Xi Men gave a small nod at Drew. Drew saw the gesture and grinned at Zhong Ze. "Tell you what, why don't we make this a little even. Two to one. How's that?"

Zhong Ze shook his head, still wondering who this white guy is. "My fight is not with you."

"It is now," Drew whispered.

With lightning speed he reached out and punched Zhong Ze squarely in the face. At the same moment Xi Men launched himself on his feet and tackled the guy closest to him, sending him sprawling on the ground. From the corner of his eye he saw the other lunge at him to his left and he moved back, catching the guy squarely by the chest and giving a neat clean chop on the back of his neck. In seconds the attacker was asleep.

He turned around and saw the third one was also scampering off, followed by the first guy he had tackled. With fascination he watched as Drew spun around and gave Zhong Ze a kick on the chest, causing him to stumble and fall flat on his back.

With a cry Drew threw himself bodily on top of Zhong Ze and repeatedly hit him on the face. He looked like a madman and Xi Men quickly went to his side to stop him.

He grabbed Drew's fist just as it landed on Zhong Ze's now battered countenance. "Drew! Enough!"

As though woken up, Drew looked at him and Xi Men thought his blue eyes looked dazed. Then they cleared and Drew stood up, stepping back and looking at Zhong Ze distastefully.

Right this minute two of the Lodge's guards are now rushing towards them and Xi Men stepped back.

"Call an ambulance," he ordered. "And also the police. Two of them got away, but these two aren't going anywhere."

The guards nodded and dragged Zhong Ze and his unconscious companion away. Breathing a sigh of relief, Xi Men turned to see Drew standing there, quietly looking at him. He smiled tentatively.

"Thanks for coming to my aid," he said.

"Why did you stop me?" Drew asked and Xi Men realized he was referring to his beating Zhong Ze up. "He deserved it and you know it."

"You're right. He deserved it. But you don't." He shook his head. "Don't stoop to his level."

Drew didn't say anything. He just walked past Xi Men, but stopped not a few feet away.

"Oh," he said and Xi Men looked at him. "For the record, I didn't mean to help you. I just wanted to get my hands on that Zhong Ze." Then he resumed walking back to the Lodge.

Xi Men only followed him with his gaze, his mind blank. Wearily he picked the envelope up and got into his car.

Drew seems to know a lot of things about Xiao Yo's past. Does he also know about him, and the role he played in that past?

* * *

Drew entered his room and went straight to the shower, hoping the cold water would at least help cool down his temper.

He could not let Xiao Yo see him this way, he thought. He has to cool down first.

He didn't know what came over him a while ago. He went to the car to lock it up when he saw the five men standing not a few feet away, and in the middle it was Xi Men. The other four seemed threatening and Drew also noticed Xi Men going on the defensive.

Drew couldn't care less. He almost turned to walk away when he heard what Xi Men called one of the guys.

Zhong Ze.

He had stopped and listened more, and from the way Xi Men and Zhong Ze's conversation went, Drew was sure this was the very same Zhong Ze from Xiao Yo's past.

And he joined the fray.

He wasn't lying when he told Xi Men that he didn't mean to save him. He was just conveniently there.

Drew let the water fall freely on his face, welcoming the coldness of it, soothing the raging emotions boiling inside of him.

* * *

It was all Dao Ming Si's idea, and although they weren't too amenable with it they went along, knowing A Si would not take too kindly on his invitation being rejected.

And now they are playing basketball in the basketball court right at the back of A Si and Shancai's home. Three on three. Dao Ming Si, Drew and Qing He in one team, Xi Men, Lun, and Mei Zuo on the other.

Qing He has vastly improved on his basketball skills, and Drew was not half as bad either. In fact he was very good at it, and after only a few minutes, their team was ahead with five points.

"Way to go!" A Si said just as Drew took a jump shot and the ball whooshed smoothly through the basket.

Just then Xi Men came from behind and managed to steal the ball, jumping and releasing the ball at the same time to score three.

Suddenly the tone of the game changed, and the other players sensed it. The next plays mainly centered on the two guys: Drew and Xi Men. The four were relegated to the background.

Drew and Xi Men traded shots, all of which went through the basket. Dao Ming Si stood by watching the two with veiled amusement.

Qing He, breathing hard, said, "What is going on? I couldn't seem to get my hands on the ball!"

Mei Zuo came up beside A Si. "Yeah. I've never seen Xi Men play this well!"

Dao Ming Si nodded solemnly, a small smile in his eyes. "He has found his match," he said.

"What do you mean?" Qing He asked, and Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo looked at him with impatience.

"It's called rivalry, Qing He," Mei Zuo said and returned to watching Drew and Xi Men take turns at each other.

The play ended when Dao Ming Si thought it had gone on too far. In fact, so absorbed were the two in their match that no one even bothered keeping score.

When the game broke up, Drew excused himself and went straight to shower.

Xi Men sat down on the chair on the side and noticed Mei Zuo looking at him strangely. "What are you staring at?" he asked.

Mei Zuo shook his head, smiling. "Nothing. I just never thought you could play that good. You were motivated enough, I can tell."

"Shut up!" he said in annoyance and left the table, ignoring Mei Zuo's laughter.

Meanwhile inside the shower Drew was thinking over the things that happened. It must have looked petty, like some children's squabble. But he isn't a hypocrite.

He dislikes Xi Men. Why pretend he does?

Not even the fact that he seems to be quite a decent guy…that he happens to be the son of Jacob's dear friend could not change the truth that it was Xi Men who has brought Rainie enough despair in the past.

* * *

Xi Men had that coming.

Damn Mei Zuo for cracking these jokes. Xi Men has never been more annoyed with him than he is right now.

Wanting to get something colder to drink except water, Xi Men left the others at the courtside and went inside the house through the kitchen door, hungering for some beer.

Walking in, he went directly towards the freezer and opened it, his eyes scanning the contents. When his eyes alit on a can of Heineken beer, he took it.

He turned around as he heard a shuffling noise behind him and saw Xiao Yo about to turn back from the kitchen. Obviously she planned to come in here but is turning back when she saw him.

This knowledge grated on him but he acted nonchalant. "Xiao Yo!" he said cheerfully and she stopped, turning around slowly towards him.

She still would not look at him straight in the eye, as she always did whenever they found themselves in the same room.

"Looking for a drink?" she said and glanced up at his face, but would not meet his eyes.

"I'm just exhausted, I feel dehydrated." It irritated him that he should find himself running out of things to say in front of Xiao Yo. Him, Xi Men, the smooth one. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, just tinkering with my laptop," she replied, "Shancai's giving me a hand with something and I just came in to get some drinks."

Xi Men moved aside, beer can in hand. "It's all yours." He smiled. "I have to get back to the others."

Xiao Yo walked towards the freezer and Xi Men stepped aside as she grabbed a pitcher of juice. "Thanks," she murmured and turned to go back to the living room.

Suddenly she stopped and turned, looking at the Heineken in his hand. "It's still much too early for beer, don't you think?"

As though realizing something, she shook her head and bowed her head apologetically. "I'm sorry. I had no right...Excuse me." She left the kitchen hastily.

Xi Men drew a deep breath and found himself leaving the kitchen, going back outside to the others, the Heineken, now forgotten, left at the kitchen counter.

When she heard the door close, Xiao Yo peered into the kitchen and the first thing she noticed was the beer left on top of the counter.

Weakly she leaned on the door jamb, staring thoughtfully at the Heineken.

Why did he change his mind about drinking? Was it something she said?

She would never really figure him out.

Awkward. That would be the perfect word to describe the atmosphere whenever they found themselves together in one room, or in the company of the others. It pained her to have to act like this around him when they had nothing in the past but a friendly camaraderie...

Well, things changed, perhaps they will return to what they were like before. Perhaps not.

It only saddened her that it's taking a long time.

* * *

The day of A Li's birthday came real bright and sunny, and when Drew and Xiao Yo drove into the parking lot of the exclusive country club where they are to spend the day to celebrate, they noted a few people already there.

Obviously this was a small affair, with only close friends and family invited. When they went into the small pavilion, they found Dao Ming Si, Shancai, Mei Zuo and Qing He already there, including Shancai's parents and Shage.

Xi Men was also there, seated beside Mei Zuo.

Mei Zuo was the first to notice Xiao Yo's arrival and called Xi Men's attention.

"Look who's here," he whispered to his friend.

Xi Men lifted his eyes and instantly saw her, dressed simply in a white long sleeved shirt and white trousers. Her hair was tied up in a tight ponytail, making her appear younger than she actually is.

"She's hot," Mei Zuo observed but Xi Men didn't hear him, his eyes fixed on her.

Xiao Qiao spoke again. "That tall guy...Is that her fiance? Drew what's-his-name?"

Xi Men's eyes moved slightly to Xiao Yo's side and he was overcome with a sinking feeling as he recognized Drew Masters. Right now the two were speaking with A Li, and both were smiling.

Xi Men turned his gaze away and caught A Si looking at him with something akin to worry in his eyes. He raised his glass at his friend and smiled widely, belying the sadness that has begun to envelop him again.

Xiao Yo saw him the moment she and Drew entered the pavilion, but she pretended not to have noticed him. It's better this way, she thought, as they waited for A Li to come up to them. This awkwardness would, one way or another, end soon...and everything will be back to how they were a long time ago.

When Xiao Yo was talking to A Li on one side, Xi Yong found that time apt to ask Xi Men to join them, and when he approached, the old man laid both hands around each of Xi Men and Drew's shoulders, smiling, obviously pleased.

"I hear you young men have spent some time together," he said, tapping each on the back, oblivious of the silence from the two. "I'm glad. Jacob would be so pleased our sons are getting along so well."

Drew smiled at the old man and said nothing as Xi Yong left them alone.

Xi Men cleared his throat and said, "About Zhong Ze...I took care of him already."

"Yeah, I heard." Drew looked at him impassively. "Although if it were up to me, I would have let him rot in jail rather set him free."

"I warned him not to do anything foolish again." Xi Men silently recalled Zhong Ze's last words to him back at the precinct. "It's not over, Xi Men, I'll get back at you."

"And you were too gullible to believe him." Drew snorted.

Shaking his head, Xi Men finally asked, "You don't like me, do you?"

"Not really, no." Drew's eyes bore at him.

"I didn't do anything to you."

"True, but not entirely. But," Drew sighed, "you're a friend of Dao Ming Si and Shancai...and Rain." He shrugged.

Xi Men said nothing and knew for certain Drew knew. About him...and the past.

* * *

All the time A Li was speaking, Xiao Yo was not entirely listening. Her eyes kept straying towards Drew and Xi Men talking not a few feet away. She could not hear their words, but they both looked calm as they spoke about something serious.

She didn't know what to think...how to feel, seeing the two men standing there together. Drew is taller by a mere inch, but they both looked striking, and here and there she could see more than a few appreciative glances coming from ladies thrown in their direction.

She sighed inwardly and turned her attention back to A Li.

The entire morning was spent at the pavilion, but after lunch, Xi Men, A Si, Mei Zuo and Drew found themselves dragged by Xi Yong to the golf course to tee off, something that none of the four young men seemed eager to do.

Meanwhile, Xiao Yo and Shancai were left to themselves, walking along the wide paths of the club, just a distance away from the course.

"How is your project going?" Shancai queried.

"Barely halfway through," Xiao Yo replied, rolling her eyes. "I am not in a rush, though. I still have the whole of the remaining term to finish it. I was already contacted by the Reuters local office out here in Taipei and I am going to call in tomorrow to start some part-time work with them."

"That's wonderful!" Shancai exclaimed, glad for her friend.

"Yeah, it is. I figured I have to find some ways to keep myself busy while I'm here. Might as well be productive."

Shancai nodded in agreement. "True," she said. Suddenly she grew serious. "By the way, we were told about the dinner you had last week."

Xiao Yo did not say anything and Shancai instantly got the feeling that she doesn't want to speak of it. When they neared the stables, Xiao Yo rushed forward, and she knew it was a deliberate act not to answer her.

"Ooooh!" Xiao Yo gushed in excitement as she gazed upon a white stallion inside one of the stalls. "Isn't she a beauty!"

"Xiao Yo, since when did you like horses?" Shancai asked, watching her friend reach out and stroke the beast's mane.

"Back in Canada there's this small ranch where I go riding every weekend. Drew taught me how to ride." She turned to the stable hand standing nearby. "May I ride him?"

The stable hand seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Sure...but won't you settle for another horse? Maddie is quite spirited."

Xiao Yo did not seem to hear the young man's words. Her eyes were fixed on the horse, Maddie.

"Maddie," she echoed. "Beautiful name." She turned once more to the stable hand. "Saddle her up," she said.

"But - "

"Don't worry. I can handle her." With this, the stable hand went on to saddle Maddie. Shancai looked at Xiao Yo, smiling uncertainly.

"Are you sure about this, Xiao Yo? Didn't you hear what he just said?"

"Silly!" Xiao Yo giggled in delight. "It'll be fine! I am so excited! It's been a few weeks since I last rode! I'll be back in a jiffy," she said and headed towards an inner stall to get ready.

Shancai did not feel too comfortable. She had never ridden a horse before, so that must be the reason why she is quite uptight.

Just to make sure, she raced away from the stables towards the course and waved her hand wildly until she caught A Si's attention.

They must have sensed her worry for the four of them raced toward her, leaving the bewildered Xi Yong behind.

"What?" A Si asked when they reached her. "What is it?"

"Nothing serious," she hastened to assure them. "I just wanted to let you know Xiao Yo...well, Xiao Yo has decided to ride one of the horses."

Mei Zuo and Xi Men exchanged glances, but Drew grinned. "Rain's a capable rider, there's no need to worry."

"Which horse is it?" Mei Zuo asked.

"Maddie. The stable hand said - " Before she could finish her sentence, Xi Men and Mei Zuo were already rushing off. Drew, puzzled, looked at Dao Ming Si.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Maddie happens to be the wildest horse in this club. Not even I can handle her - "

Drew was already racing away.

As they were running towards the wide corral, Xi Men and Mei Zuo far ahead already, they spotted Maddie galloping around the enclosure, Xiao Yo on her back. It looked harmless enough, and Xiao Yo rode very well, her whole body poised forward, her legs hugging the flanks of the stallion, moving as one with the animal.

It looked alright when, all of a sudden, Maddie began to swerve here and there. They watched in horror as the stallion reared back on its hind legs, Xiao Yo gripping tightly.

Then, Maddie jumped over one of the high fences. The jump was so high and they all held their breath as they saw Xiao Yo thrown out of the saddle and sent flying through the air, landing solidly on the ground on her back.

As though broken from a trance, Xi Men shouted, "Xiao Yo!" and jumped over the fence. From behind, Drew also rushed forward, clearing the fence of the corral cleanly with a leap.

It was quite a sight, seeing the two men running across the field towards where Xiao Yo lay, unconscious.

Xi Men got to her first and he leaned down. "Xiao Yo!" he called out her name, wanting to shake her to wake her up but afraid to even move her. "Xiao Yo! Wake up!"

He looked up and yelled at the stable hands that now began to troop out of the stables. "Get an ambulance!" he screamed at them and they all scurried off.

Drew came up and knelt beside Xiao Yo. "Xiao Yo!" he said fiercely. "Rain! Are you alright!" When she remained lying there, her eyes closed, Drew's voice increased as his hands groped for any broken bones. "Goddamnit, Xiao Yo, open your eyes!"

Xi Men watched as slowly her eyelashes flickered and dazed, looked up at him. He found himself smiling with happiness that she's conscious.

Slowly her eyes moved to the side at Drew.

"Xiao Yo!" Drew exhaled in relief. "Oh, baby, you alright? Are you hurting?"

With some effort, she nodded.

"Is anything broken?" Drew asked.

"N-no...I don't think so..." she replied and tried to lift herself up on both elbows.

Drew sighed. "It's a good thing you landed on this patch of grass or else..." He drew a deep breath and fiercely took her in his arms. "Oh, God! You crazy woman! What the hell were you thinking!" he demanded.

Despite the pain on her back, she laughed a little. "Did I worry you?" she asked Drew.

"Are you serious?" Drew asked back and there were traces of tears in his eyes. "If you weren't hurting I'd throttle you till your ears bleed!"

But he contradicted his words by gathering her into his arms again. "Don't ever do that again. Promise me, ok, baby?"

She nodded in his arms.

From across the field, a few of the club's paramedics are rushing forward.

"I'm sorry," she was whispering.

Drew kept stroking her hair. "It's OK, baby. It's OK...just promise you won't do anything foolish again..."

When the paramedics arrived, Drew would not let them take Xiao Yo away. He lifted her in his arms and carried her towards the waiting ambulance.

Left behind stood Xi Men. Forgotten.

* * *

Thankfully, after being seen by the country club physician, there was no need for Xiao Yo to be taken to the hospital, so he simply reminded her to get some rest and also reiterated how lucky she was. She was an inch close to being paralyzed, but she was still lucky.

Outside the small clinic, they all waited until the doctor came out and told them everything's fine and that Xiao Yo should be given a couple of hours sleep before taking her back to the hotel to rest.

Relieved, the others went back to the pavilion and their respective activities, except A Si, Shancai, Mei Zuo, Xi Men and Drew.

Shancai walked up beside Drew and smiled up at him. "She's alright now," she told him and he smiled back.

Suddenly Xi Men spoke from behind. "Are you crazy?"

They all turned towards him when they heard the anger in his voice. Sure enough, the usually unruffled Xi Men looked thoroughly heated right now, and he was staring straight at Drew.

"She could have died back there! All because you were stupid enough to teach her how to ride!"

"Xi Men..." Dao Ming Si laid a hand on his friend's shoulders but Xi Men shook him away and walked towards Drew.

"What if something bad happened to her, huh?"

"Xi Men, it's not his fault!" Shancai said loudly, dreading what's going to happen next.

Xi Men's eyes turned to Shancai, as though he woke up from slumber. He blinked once, twice, and turned his gaze back to Drew, who remained quiet all this time. He breathed.

"Sorry," he murmured.

He turned away but stopped when Drew called out his name. "Xi Men."

Xi Men turned around and faced Drew. Drew walked towards him.

"I need your permission for something. Would you let me?" Drew asked.

Xi Men shrugged. "Go ahead. What is it?"

To everyone's shock Drew delivered a hard punch on the side of Xi Men's face, jolting him and sending him sprawling on the ground. Mei Zuo was instantly on the defensive, ready to hit Drew back, but Dao Ming Si held him back.

"What the-" Mei Zuo tried to shake free from A Si but could not.

Reeling from the blow, the side of his face hurting, Xi Men leaned on his elbows on the hard ground, and when he looked up, Drew was looking down at him coldly.

"That's for hurting Xiao Yo."

Drew's words seemed to echo again and again.

"What are you talking about?" Mei Zuo was outraged at Drew. "Xi Men did nothing!"

"Shut up, Mei Zuo."

It was Xi Men who spoke those words and Mei Zuo glanced at him in surprise. Xi Men was looking down, still sprawled on the ground. Slowly he looked up at Drew and gave a wry smile.

"That hurt," Xi Men said wryly.

"That doesn't even begin to cover it," Drew replied. For a long while both men looked at each other, Drew standing there, Xi Men lying down.

Then a smile appeared on both men's faces.

As Dao Ming Si, Shancai and Mei Zuo watched with curious and confused fascination, Drew held out his hand to Xi Men and helped him to his feet.

"Thanks," Xi Men said softly, tapping Drew slightly on the shoulder.

Drew shrugged. "No biggie," he replied.

Mei Zuo could only stare at them in frustrated confusion, while A Si and Shancai shared relieved - and a little puzzled - smiles.

* * *

Shyness. Fear.

Those were the two emotions that overcame her earlier when she opened her eyes and saw Xi Men bending over her.

Xiao Yo closed her eyes and steeled herself against the sharp pang of pain that climbed up her side. For sure she will be sore for the next couple of days or so. But, crazily enough, she doesn't feel any regrets for taking on that wild stallion. When she was riding astride Maddie, she felt...freedom. Like she didn't have to care about anything, or think about anything...

Then the unexpected happened and she almost got killed.

Everything went black for a while, then she heard two male voices. When she opened her eyes, it was Xi Men she saw first. And yes, she did feel ashamed, embarrassed to look into the eyes of the man she had long pursued, to no avail. And fear.

Fear of his ability to probably wreak havoc to her emotions once again. So she sought Drew. And in his arms again she knew serenity.


	17. Crash

CRASH

"I'm so sorry I caused you to worry too much." Xiao Yo let Drew carry her to the bed and smiled gratefully up at him when he deposited her gently on the soft mattress. After she had rested for a couple of hours at the clinic of the club, Drew drove her back to the hotel where she could rest more.

"Just don't do it again, or I'll have the pleasure of wringing your neck!" He was smiling when he gave out the threat and Xiao Yo laughed slightly, careful not to cause too much pain on her side.

When he sobered, he said, ""For a while there you scared the living daylights out of me. Don't ever do that again, you hear me?" His voice was stern, brooking no argument.

Xiao Yo nodded obediently. "Yes, sir," she said with a mock salute. Drew kissed her on top of her head and left her to rest.

Xiao Yo snuggled deep under the covers and it was only now that she fully realized the extent of what she had just done. One wrong move, she would have died...or worse, live forever as a paraplegic. She murmured a silent thanks to God and dozed off.

Drew closed the door quietly behind him and walked to the elevator, going straight to the ground floor, where Shancai, Dao Ming Si and Xi Men were seated at the Lodge cafe.

Shancai asked when he sat down on the table with them, "How is she?"

"Sleeping," he replied. "I already called a doctor and he would be coming around later this evening to check on her."

Xi Men was contemplative as he said, "I could have her transferred to a larger room. The master suite, perhaps."

Drew glanced at Xi Men and smiled slightly. "I'd really appreciate that. At least with more room I could look after her while she recovers. Although the doctor says she would be up and about in a day or two."

"I was really worried back there," Shancai murmured.

"Who isn't?" Dao Ming Si said. "That was reckless, what she did. It's a good thing she was a very good rider. Or else..."

"I don't even want to think that." Drew said hastily and Dao Ming Si kept quiet.

After a while, the couple said their goodbyes and left the Lodge in their car, leaving Xi Men and Drew on the table, sharing an awkward silence.

To break the stillness, Xi Men said, "I would have the master suite prepared immediately so you could move in later."

"Thanks," Drew nodded, his gratitude sincere. He became thoughtfu for a moment, and said, "Listen, what happened back there, at the club, when I hit you - "

"It's alright." Xi Men tried to smile. "I guess I had that coming. I deserved it."

"Yes, you did," Drew said tersely. "And more, if it were up to me."

"Then I am glad it was not up to you." Xi Men laughed and after a while, Drew laughed along, finally seeing the humor of the situation. At the same time, both men realized things have become lighter between the two of them.

"You pack quite a punch," Xi Men said.

"Growing up in the Marines, what would you expect?"

They became quite again, until Xi Men said, "I'm glad nothing bad happened to her."

"You really were worried, weren't you?" Drew could not help but ask, and he had his answer when Xi Men turned away.

"She's my friend," Xi Men said. Laughter that sounded a bit like a scoff issued out of Drew.

He sighed. "I know all about you, Xi Men. You don't have to pretend around me."

"Do you?" Xi Men smiled. "What do you know?"

"Oh, nothing much," Drew replied airily. "But I know for sure you are crazy." He drew a deep breath and grinned. "You know, if you weren't the son of my father's close friend, and Dao Ming Si and Shancai's friend as well, I would have given you the beating you deserved."

Xi Men beamed back. "You think I'd let you?"

Drew shrugged. "Worth a shot. But there's one more reason I couldn't beat you up."

"And what is that?"

"You are the man Rain used to love."

Xi Men stared at Drew as he went on. "For others that would be reason enough to beat you into a pulp, but not for me. You were once a part of her life; I'd hate to hurt her when I do anything to offend any of those she cared about."

Drew stood up, motioning one of the waiters forward. He shook his head when Xi Men was about to speak to the waiter. "This one's on me," he said.

"That's ridiculous." Xi Men complained. "I own the Lodge."

"Indulge me," Drew said, smiling. "It's not everyday I get to pay for a meal with a business tycoon." He turned to the waiter. "Put that on my tab," he said and told him his room number.

Afterwards, he nodded at Xi Men. "See you around," and went towards the elevators to Xiao Yo's floor.

Little by little Xi Men found himself sinking deeper and deeper. He should be happy for Xiao Yo; Drew is a man of substance.

Then why doesn't he feel at all happy?

'…the man Rain used to love…'

Used to.

Xi Men shook his head and stood up, not wanting to think any more, but finding it difficult to do so.

Get a grip, Xi Men, he told himself. Right now you have to deal with this on your own. Mei Zuo has his problems. Hua Ze Lei left for Japan just so the tension between him and Mei Zuo would be eased. Dao Ming Si and Shancai have their own issues to deal with.

There's no one for you now. No one.

* * *

Xiao Yo could not sleep. She opened her eyes and stared at the small clock on the low table beside the bed. Five o'clock in the morning.

She had not slept a wink, and if she stayed in bed for a few minutes more she swore she's go mad! She needed some air.

She stood up and grabbed her robe, wrapping it around her nightdress. Tiptoeing silently out of the room, she walked into the small den of the suite they had just moved into. Her eyes strayed towards the other bedroom door, knowing Drew was behind it, probably sound asleep.

Not wanting to wake him up she left the suite and walked towards the flight of stairs leading towards the rooftop. Curiously enough, she found the door was unlatched and cautiously she pushed it forward, peering into the darkness of the dawn.

At first she did not see anyone, so she let herself out into the rooftop and closed the door behind her, breathing in the cool air s she closed her eyes.

"You're much too early," a voice said and her eyes flew open. There, seated not a few feet away on one of the benches, was a lone figure. Xi Men.

Xiao Yo wanted to flee but found her feet would not move backwards. But why would she run away? It's not like she had done anything wrong!

Resolutely she moved forward until she was near him. "May I sit here?" she asked, and thankfully her voice sounded normal.

Xi Men nodded. "It's a free country."

She sat down and accepted the bait of his joke. "It's your hotel."

"That's right," he said, chuckling slightly. Xiao Yo glanced at him under her lashes and noticed he didn't seem to have slept at all. He still wore the clothes he wore at the club yesterday. She would have pointed this out but decided not to. Instead, she said,

"I was really surprised when I found out you also ventured into the hotel business. Thinking of competing against Dao Ming Si's mother?"

He shook his head, laughing at the ridiculous notion of him going head to head with the queen. "That'll be suicide," he said. "No, this is just a small venture. I don't plan on expanding it." He turned to her and smiled. "How are you feeling after yesterday?"

Xiao Yo grimaced. "Sore. Otherwise, I am perfectly fine. All I need is a couple of days' rest and I'm back in action."

He was staring at her in fascination, and suddenly she found herself feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. "What?" she asked.

Xi Men shook his head. "I'm just marveling at how much you've changed."

"For the better, I hope," she jested, trying to make light of the situation.

He nodded. "Oh, yes. For the better." He was thinking, if she had stayed, if he had asked her not to go, would she be the self-confident beautiful young woman she is right now, seated beside him, in a thick robe, her hair cascading down her back?

No. She wouldn't have turned out to be this vision before him, with that diamond ring.

Xiao Yo did not seem to notice his sudden lapse to silence as she said jokingly, "You know, this is the first real conversation we had since I got back to Taipei. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss this."

Xi Men smiled, nodding. "So do I. I see you've done pretty well for yourself."

She shrugged. "I got lucky."

"No, you are talented."

"Thanks." Xiao Yo breathed deeply beside him and she stood up. "I have to go back to the suite. By the way, thanks again for letting us use it."

"No problem," Xi Men said.

"I'll see you around," Xiao Yo said and turned to walk away.

"Xiao Yo," he called out and she turned around and looked at him questioningly.

He seemed to forget what he was supposed to say. "Uhm...it's good to see you again," he said and mentally kicked himself for such a lame remark. Xi Men, an inner voice seemed to laugh at him. Xi Men, the smooth one, coming up with the lamest statement!

Xiao Yo smiled and nodded. "You, too." Then she was gone.

When Xi Men turned around, the sun was coming out, and in a few seconds the light hit the billboard. Those words appeared again...and again he's looking at them, alone.

* * *

Xiao Yo let herself into the suite and was surprised to find Drew standing by the door of her room, looking all worried. He rushed forward when he saw her.

"There you are." he breathed. "I woke up and you weren't in your room."

She sought to reassure him. "I just went for some air so I decided not to wake you up."

"You're still not fully recovered yet," he said and led her back to her room and into her bed. "Your parents will have my hide if they find out I am letting you just go off when you were still recuperating!"

Xiao Yo laughed. "I just went for some air, that's all." She lied back on the bed and let him tuck the blankets around her.

Drew smiled impishly at her, realizing he had been clucking like a mother hen. "So where did you go?"

Xiao Yo thought for a moment, then said, "The rooftop."

"Next time you decide to go off alone in the wee hours of the morning, tell me so I can accompany you. I don't want you breaking anything, not when you were spared by that incident with the stallion."

"Yes, drill sergeant!" She laughed and covered her face as he playfully reached to pinch her.

No need to tell him about her running into Xi Men at the rooftop, she thought as he went out of the room. It doesn't mean anything, anyway.

* * *

Drew gazed around the block around the Lodge, fascinated by the assortment of shops and stores. He lifted his camera and clicked nonstop at anything that caught his eye.

He smiled at the sight of two Chinese kids talking to what seemed to be a stray dog. He peered through his lens and clicked again, grinning as the kids noticed him and stared at him with curiosity.

Drew turned and walked away, making his way back to the front lobby of the Lodge. Stopping right in front of the swing doors, he peered through the camera lens once again, this time, swinging it back and forth, up and down, hoping to catch something worth taking a shot.

Taipei is a wonder, he thought, but he longed to go to the hillsides, quite like in New Zealand. Out there even the skies are worth capturing into film.

Speaking of skies...Drew swung his camera upward to the sky, and stopped short.

An advert billboard.

Siemens.

Slowly, he laid the camera down, thinking of something Rain said once before, a long, long time ago.

"It was a billboard, advertising Siemens...right across the building...in the morning, when the rising sun shines on it..."

Early this morning she went there...

Drew turned towards the entrance and approached the guard. "Excuse me," he said in his passable Mandarin, "That building across the street, would you happen to know how long it stood there?"

The guard nodded. "It was there eversince," he said, "even older than this building."

"And the billboard?" he asked. "The billboard on top, has it been there long, too?"

"Yes. It's been there for more than four years now."

"Thanks," he said and once more turned to look up into the billboard.

His heart racing, Drew took a deep breath. There is only one way to find out.

"Oh, God...please…don't let it be so..."

* * *

Xiao Yo looked up from her laptop when the door of the suite opened to admit Drew.

"Hi!" she greeted cheerfully. "So did you take a lot of pictures?"

Drew nodded, looking thoughtful as he looked at her strangely. Xiao Yo looked at him curiously. "Drew? What's the matter?"

He shook his head, smiling wryly. "Nothing. I'm just a little tired." He pointed at the laptop. "How's your paper coming along?"

"All right," she replied. "A few more research and the toughest part is over."

Drew nodded. He thought for a moment then suddenly said, "Rain...ever considered moving to a different hotel?"

Her brows furrowed, she asked, "Don't you like this Lodge?"

He shook his head immediately. "No, I like it. I just...wondered."

"I see," she said, nodding. "I don't know. When I came here and the reservations got mixed up, the Lodge was the first place I could check into without spending too much time looking for a vacant hotel. Would you like to move?"

Drew looked at her again in that strange way, then shook his head, smiling. "Nah, I'm cool," he said and removed his jacket. "I'm tired. I think I'd catch a nap first."

"OK," she said softly and watched as he disappeared into his room. He's acting weird today, she thought. Then she shrugged and faced her laptop again.

* * *

They had a quiet dinner together inside the suite after which they went to sleep in their own rooms. Xiao Yo still noticed he was uncharacteristically silent, and began worrying. But he smiled at her and kept reassuring her he's alright. But she knew something was bothering him.

Her worries over him must have been the reason why she found it hard to sleep soundly. At dawn she heard something, like a door closing, and instantly woke up. Curious as to what caused the noise, she put on her robe and went out of her room.

She found the door to Drew's room open and when she peeked inside he was not there. Wondering where he might have gone, she went out of the suite and saw one of the night maids walking down the hall.

"Excuse me," she called out to the maid. "Did you notice someone leave this room?"

"Oh, you must be talking about the American?" the maid asked and Xiao Yo nodded.

"I saw him walk up the stairs to the rooftop a few minutes ago."

Xiao Yo thanked the maid and walked to the stairs. What is Drew doing at the rooftop?

Suddenly she had the feeling this was not an ordinary 'breathe some air' act for Drew. There is something different about this.

Xiao Yo did not seem to notice how she literally raced up the steps to the rooftop. When she stepped out of the door, she spotted him instantly. His back was to her, and he was closely looking at something.

In the east, the sun was rising. Xiao Yo followed his gaze, and her eyes widened.

Drew must have sensed he was not alone, for her slowly turned his head and met her eyes. And in his eyes, from this distance, she could see pain.

Xiao Yo shook here head, whispering, "Oh, no...no..."

* * *

Glancing at his watch, he found it was already time. Drats! he thought then willed the elevator to go faster.

Quietly he mulled over what he is doing. Stupid, he told himself. Why'd he have to be doing this? Just to see that?

Nevertheless Xi Men sighed with relief when the elevator stopped at the top floor.

* * *

She watched in dazed silence as Drew slowly turned around and walked to where she was standing, his face dark and gloomy. She didn't like seeing him this way. She didn't like seeing him hurt.

When he stopped in front of her and looked at her without saying a word, she said, "Drew..."

"What are you doing up so early?" he asked, a small smile surfacing. "You should be resting."

Xiao Yo wanted suddenly to beat at him, scream until he shows some reaction, ANY reaction. Instead she drew a deep breath.

"Drew, it isn't what you think."

Drew nodded, his eyes veiled that she doesn't know what he's thinking. She went on.

"If you think this is the reason why I chose the Lodge, then you're wrong. I already told you - "

"I know," he said quietly, still looking down. "You told me."

"Drew..."

"And I believe you." He lifted his gaze and her heart almost broke at the anguish she saw in his eyes. "I have never doubted you, Raine. You know that."

They lapsed into silence and her eyes turned towards the billboard. The moment has now passed; the billboard now meant nothing.

Drew spoke and she turned to look at him.

"There is nothing I want more than to take you away from here, this place, away from Taipei, and go back home. To Toronto."

Xiao Yo smiled up at him, a decision quickly forming in her mind. "Then let's do it," she said firmly. "Let's leave this place. Let's go home."

He gave her a bitter smile. "But I know it's not that easy. You still have a lot of things to do...and I don't want to get in the way."

"You are never in the way!" Her voice leveled. "Besides I have already done most of the work on my paper, I could do the rest when we're back home. The office had not given me any assignments yet so we can leave whenever we want. Today, if you want."

He shook his head as he continued. "Once you told me your greatest fear. Let me tell you mine."

His eyes held hers and his fear was palpable she could have sworn she felt it.

"I don't want to lose you, Raine."

Xiao Yo moved forward and he took her in his arms, holding her tightly her breath she found it hard to breathe. Against his chest, she said, "You will never lose me. Ever."

She lifted her gaze to his and she smiled reassuringly up at him. "I love you, Drew...and nothing – no one – can change that."

Drew searched her eyes and must have liked what he saw, for he held her tighter, his cheeks on the top of her head. "I love you," she whispered against her hair, closing his eyes.

His fear has not been fully allayed.

Behind the doorway, a shadow lurked, leaning helplessly against the wall.

He has heard everything – every word...and damn, it hurt. Like hell.

Xi Men closed his eyes and banged his head slightly against the wall...once, twice.

It was a painful scene to witness, and the most hurtful part was hearing her speak the words he had so longed to hear from her...to another man.

With great effort he pushed he pushed against the wall and walked down the stairs, numb, yet feeling all the pain at the same time.

* * *

She is feeling good today, actually better than usual...better than she had felt in a very long time.

Xiao Gen even found herself smiling at the sight of Lun walking out of Xi Men's office.

"Good morning!" she greeted gaily, and was unaware of the surprised look on the secretary's face at her warm greeting. She had never been like this to anyone, especially not to him.

"Is Xi Men in?" she asked.

Lun nodded. "He's talking to someone right now."

Suspicion arose within Xiao Gen. "Someone?"

Lun nodded. "His father."

Relieved, Xiao Gen nodded. "I see. I'll wait, then," she said and sat down on the couch in the waiting area outside Xi Men's office.

A few minutes later, Xi Yong came out, followed by Xi Men, and the old man's face lit up when he saw her.

"Xiao Gen! This is a surprise!" Xi Yong warmly hugged her, beaming.

"You're back," Xi Men said, smiling and Xiao Gen smiled back, happy to see him.

"Yes, just early this morning."

"Alright, I better leave you children alone," Xi Yong said pleasantly. "I still have a meeting. Xi Men," he patted his son on the shoulder. "I'll keep in touch."

When the old man nodded, Xi Men turned to Xiao Gen. "You've been gone for almost three weeks."

"Did you miss me?" Xiao Gen asked, smiling, and Xi Men laughed in spite of himself.

"Of course."

Xiao Gen became serious. "Listen, Xi Men. Can I talk to you?"

Xi Men glanced at his watch. "Maybe later? I have to meet someone first," he said, and she noticed something different about him. His pallor has changed, and he seemed to have lost some weight.

Xi Men laid a hand on her shoulder. "Talk to you later," he said and left, Xiao Gen staring after him in curiosity.

She turned to Lun, who was now busy with something on his table. "Lun," she called out and the secretary looked up.

"Xi Men...he looks different. Has he been ill?" she asked.

Lun shook his head. "No, ma'am. I was not aware of anything like that. Maybe he was just overworked, and..." he smiled wryly, "his friends kept cracking about him going gloomy over the return of an old flame."

Xiao Gen stared at him, frozen by his words.

"Old flame?"

"Yes. You know...old girl friend...former - "

Xiao Gen nodded in exasperation. "Yes, yes, I know what old flame means." She breathed. "Do you know who she is?"

Lun's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "Who knows?" Of course he knew, he just didn't feel like he was in any position to tell anyone about the lady Xiao Yo. Besides he had said enough already.

When he looked up, he found Xiao Gen has already left the room soundlessly. Shrugging, he went back to his work.

Xiao Gen felt like screaming. In fact, so stormy was her face that everyone she meets at the corridors step aside in fear.

Old flame, is it? Old love?

She turns her back for merely three weeks and now Hannah is making progress? Damn her!

She left Hong Kong late last night in the hope of setting foot in Taipei and facing a new life. With Xi Men. That was clear to her.

Of course this wasn't the original plan. All she wanted back then was to bring Xi Men to his knees before her...to make him pay...It was all set. Her plan was in motion.

But she had not counted on one thing.

She had not counted on falling for him all over again. Now that she has him, she'll be damned if she lets him go again.

As she rounded the corner, she reached for her mobile phone. Just one call, and these will all be done with.


	18. Stripped

STRIPPED

Xiao Yo stared in incredulity at Hsin Yi, not believing what she's hearing. Hsin Yi is Reuters-Taiwan editor-in-chief, and she had just told Xiao Yo her major assignment.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Xiao exclaimed in disbelief.

Hsin Yi shook her head patronizingly. "I'm not."

"But – why me! There are other writers out here who can do this!"

"But I don't want them to do it. Besides, what are you so worked up about? It's not like you aren't close to him."

'Him' happens to be Xi Men, and Hsin Yi just told her what her assignment would be: write a full feature on Taipei's Business Wonder Boy, and it would require her to spend a full week with Xi Men, giving the readers a full glimpse on a week of his life.

Xiao Yo corrected Hsin Yi. "We KNOW each other, but we're not exactly close."

Hsin Yi nodded. "Then it's about time you two became closer. Honestly, you know the F4, youre a writer and you decide not to use that leverage to scoop!"

"I told you, I am only close to Dao Ming Si."

Hsin Yi held up her hand, ending the argument there and then. "Enough. My mind's made up. You are doing this, or I am not going to give you that recommendation to Seattle. Besides, everything's booked."

"What do you mean 'booked'?" Xiao Yo asked with a degree of dread.

"In three days you will leave for Japan with him."

In frustration Xiao Yo looked at her, dreading what's coming next. Her voice was weak when she asked, "Japan?"

Hsin Yi nodded. "Master Xi Men is going to attend a week-long conference in Tokyo, and you are going with him. It has all been arranged."

"This can't be happening," she murmured. "Does he know?"

"No, I was not able to tell him who will be going with him, but it doesn't matter. This is the first time he has agreed to be interviewed – much less featured – in any publication, and I am not taking any chances. I trust you will do a good job on this."

Xiao Yo nodded weakly and didn't speak even after Hsin Yi dismissed her and she left the office.

* * *

Surprisingly, Drew was calm when she told him about the assignment the moment she got back to the Lodge. He merely nodded, thoughtful.

When she stopped talking and waited for him to speak, he said simply, "This is a good break. Take it."

"Are you sure?" she asked in uncertainty.

"They won't give you the recommendation if you don't do this, right? You have to."

"I don't know..." She shook her head.

"What are you worried about?" he asked and she looked at him, her eyes troubled. Drew smiled. "Don't worry about me. I trust you. And," he shrugged, laughing slightly, "I can't believe I am saying this but I also trust Xi Men. He will take care of you."

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" she asked. "It is for a week. An entire week."

Drew nodded. "I heard, but as I've told you, you need to do this. And don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I have the job with this magazine, so I can keep myself busy while you're away."

Xiao Yo stared at him then grinned. "Oh! Why do you have to be so understanding?" she groaned as she ran to his arms.

Yes, why? he asked himself as well. He's scared as hell, but he doesn't want to think of the implications of this trip. He's afraid to.

* * *

"Xiao Yo?" Xi Men echoed, staring in disbelief at Lun. "She's the journalist?"

Lun nodded, politely averting his gaze as Xi Men suddenly became agitated. "Why wasn't I told of this?"

"The editor just came up with the idea at the last minute," Lun explained. "She figured since you and Miss Xiao Yo already knew each other, it would make it easier."

Easier? Xi Men wanted to laugh out loud. It will be sheer torture! Being with her, and not really WITH her!

Suddenly a knock came on the door and Lun went to open it. Xi Men looked past the secretary to the doorway and saw Drew. He stood up.

"Drew!" he exclaimed, knowing this was not a casual visit. "Come on in. Lun, get some coffee."

Drew walked in, shaking his head, saying politely, "I won't be long, but thanks for the offer."

When Lun had left the room, Drew sat down and faced Xi Men, his face serious. "I came to talk to you about something."

Xi Men already knew what Drew came here for. "I think I might have an idea what that is. Believe me, Drew, I wasn't aware of any of this until this morning."

Drew nodded. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I have experience with editors, remember? I know how bitchy they could get."

Xi Men nodded, sighing with relief. Drew went on. "I just came to ask you to take care of Xiao Yo while you're there, and by that request, you know what I mean."

Man-to-man, Xi Men was fully aware what Drew meant. He nodded firmly. "Count on it," he said.

Drew extended his hand across the table and Xi Men accepted it in a firm handshake.

* * *

Hannah fished for her car keys in her purse as she neared her car, her heels clicking on the concrete floor of the hotel's basement parking.

She looked around as she heard a shuffle, and stifled a scream as she saw three men walking towards her.

In a panic now, she raced towards her car, her hand still digging around her purse for her keys. She could hear the three men's footsteps as they raced after her.

They caught her when she was right beside her car, and she doubled over when she felt a blow to her stomach. Painfully she yelled for help but there was no one else in the basement.

Hannah could do nothing as the three men took turns hitting her on the face, on her stomach…

It went on for what seemed like eternity. And after about a mere couple of minutes, the three let go of her and she slid to the ground, whimpering in pain. The attackers threw her one dispassionate glance and left after saying four words.

"Stay away from Xi Men."

What she remembered last before consciousness left her was the sound of her own sorry cries resounding through the basement parking area.

* * *

Xiao Gen entered Xi Men's office to find him getting ready to leave. Her eyes strayed towards the pair of tickets Lun handed Xi Men, and asked, "Are you going somewhere?"

Xi Men smiled, nodding. "Tokyo. For a week-long conference. Haven't I told you before?"

"I thought it won't be for another month," she said, feeling panicky all of a sudden.

"Well, it starts tomorrow and my plane leaves in three hours." He turned to Lun. "Check if Xiao Yo's ready and tell her to meet me at the airport."

Lun nodded and left the room quietly.

When the secretary closed the door behind him, Xiao Gen once again turned to Xi Men. "Xiao Yo?" she asked.

"A journalist assigned to do a story on me," he replied smoothly. He looked at her. "You needed anything?"

She moved forward, thinking it's now or never. She has to lay it all out. "We haven't talked yet since I got back."

"Oh, yeah," Xi Men remembered, glancing at his watch. "There's still time. What is it you wanted to talk about?"

Xiao Gen opened her mouth to speak when the door burst open and Lun came in, looking agitated. "I called Miss Xiao Yo. She agreed to meet you at the airport."

"Thank you, Lun," Xi Men replied, and when he noticed his secretary looking overwrought, asked, "What is it?"

"The hospital just called. It's Miss Hannah...she's been mugged in her hotel."

Shock registered on Xi Men's face and this didn't escape Xiao Gen.

"What? When...?" Lun shook his head in response, obviously not having the answers.

"Alright, have my car taken out front," Xi Men said, reaching for his jacket and slipping it on while Lun scurried away to do his bidding. He gave Xiao Gen an apologetic look. "Can we do this when we get back?" he asked her. "I have to see Hannah first."

Her voice had a slight trace of bitterness when she spoke. "Your plane leaves in less than three hours and you're going to see her?"

In a rush, Xi Men did not heed the way she spoke the words. Instead he walked to the door and, opening it, he said, "We'll talk the moment I get back from Japan."

"But this can't wait!" she said, her voice a notch louder and Xi Men stopped at the doorway. Sighing, he turned around and looked around after glancing again at his wristwatch.

"Alright, what is it?" He noted the distraught expression on her face and suddenly wondered what's bothering her.

Xiao Gen breathed and stared straight at him. "Do you know why I went to Hong Kong and stayed there for three weeks?" she asked, and when he remained quiet, waiting for her to go on, she said, "I was busy...finalizing my divorce papers."

"Divorce?" Xi Men wasn't sure he heard her right.

She nodded and continued. "Just last week the papers were fixed." She smiled. "I'm free, Xi Men."

Still wondering why she would get a divorce when he heard nothing bad about her marriage, he forced out a smile.

"Congratulations...I guess."

A bomb seemed to explode in his ears when she said, "I did it for you."

"Huh?" Complete amazement engulfed him.

"I did it for us," she added. "So we could be together."

Xi Men laughed slightly, thinking this must be some joke. "You're joking, right?"

But she wasn't smiling; she was serious.

"What's wrong?" Xiao Gen asked, walking towards him and stopping just an arm's length away. "Surely you expected this. We had an unfinished business back then, Xi Men, and I can vouch for that. Because...I still love you."

Xi Men stared at her, astonished, unable to believe she was saying these. She went on.

"I'm different now. I've changed." She shrugged. "I'm exactly how you preferred the women you had relationships with."

"What are you saying!" he demanded, feeling weird all of a sudden.

"I can do for you whatever the others can!" she insisted. "I don't care if you don't love me right now, you will learn to!"

Xi Men shook his head vigorously. "No, no...Xiao Gen, stop..."

But she wouldn't stop. "I love you so much that I am willing to do anything for you! I came this far just to be with you! I am not - "

Xi Men gripped her shoulders and shook her almost violently.

"STOP IT!"

Xiao Gen finally stopped talking and stared up at him in surprise. Xi Men let her go and shook his head.

"What has gotten into you?" he whispered.

"I was not kidding - "

"Well, I am finding this funny!" Xi Men stepped back, a smile that was anything but humorous showing on his face. He drew a deep breath, not wanting to be rude or cruel, but knowing it's the only way.

"Go back to your husband, Xiao Gen. Salvage your marriage."

"But I don't love him!"

"And neither do I love you!" His outburst came out and he did not bother reining it in. "I may be a cad, Xiao Gen, but I am not in the habit of sleeping with married women, divorced or otherwise. I am not keen on breaking up families, and I sure as hell don't want this on my conscience."

"You are not breaking anything that's not already broken!" Her voice now took a desperate tone as she tried to reach out to touch him. But he rebuffed her advance with another small step back.

"Please..."

Xi Men shook his head. "Don't beg, Xiao Gen." Tears began to form in her eyes and he looked away, remembering that last time they talked before she disappeared from his life for a long time.

His voice was calm when he spoke. "I cannot love you."

She lifted her eyes and looked at him with bitterness. "That's right. I forgot. You aren't capable of love."

Xi Men didn't rise up to her provocation. Instead he said, "I'm sorry, Xiao Gen."

Then he spun on his heels and walked out of the office, ignoring the glances his employees threw at him. Clearly they've heard snippets of the conversation.

But he's way past caring now. Besides, they're already used to women coming into his office and leaving with their hearts broken.

As for Xiao Gen...he has broken her heart twice already.

But he cannot lie to her and pretend he loves her when his heart is screaming for someone else. Someone he could never have.

He shook the thought away. Tokyo...but first, Hannah.

* * *

She had it bad. The side of her face was battered and bruised, and Xi Men felt pity surge within him as he took in her appearance. The hair on the right side of her scalp had to be shaved off so the doctors could do some stitches on it, and her right eye was swollen. A bandage was wrapped around her head, and her left arm was in a sling, her upper torso also bound with bandages.

When he arrived Hannah burst into tears, and he tried to soothe her. Even when he asked her what happened, she would not say anything about her attackers.

What puzzled him even more was when she refused to let the police in on this matter. But he didn't push.

"We'll fix this once I get back from Japan after a week," he promised.

"I don't think I will be here when you get back," she whispered painfully, and Xi Men wondered at her words.

Hannah tried to smile between dry and chapped lips. "My dad called, and they will be arriving tonight. I've decided to go back home to LA."

Xi Men looked at her and nodded thoughtfully, thinking it was for the best. Hannah had been close to him, he had to admit that, and all he wanted was the best for her.

He smiled gently at her. "Keep in touch then," he said.

When he left a little while later for the airport, he marveled at the occurrences this afternoon. And now he wondered what else could happen.

He sighed and got into his car, finding he has barely half an hour before boarding the plane. He has to get to the airport...Xiao Yo awaits.

Drew kissed Xiao Yo lovingly, uncaring that the others at the airport waiting area were giving them amused – even envious – glances. When he let her go, he planted another firm kiss on her forehead.

"Call me when you get there, OK?" he whispered. "And you take care of yourself."

She nodded, smiling up at him. "You, too," she said. He will be leaving for New Zealand in three days and for sure when she returns from Japan he would most probably still be out of the country.

* * *

Xiao Yo looked at her wristwatch and frowned as the last call resounded.

"Where on earth is Xi Men?" she wondered aloud.

As if on cue, Xi Men came rushing, a suitcase and backpack in hand.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, stopping before the couple. "I had to stop by the hospital."

"What happened?" Xiao Yo asked.

"Hannah was caught in an accident," he replied, not really wanting to elaborate.

Before Xiao Yo could inquire further, Drew said, "You better board the plane now. The last call just came through."

Lugging her one suitcase, Xiao Yo reached up in a tiptoe to kiss Drew slightly on the lips. This didn't escape Xi Men, who turned away to avoid witnessing the tender moment.

When he looked back up a meaningful look passed between him and Drew. Then he followed Xiao Yo.

Drew stood there until they were out of sight. Afterwards, he went to the car and sat there in silence until he caught a glimpse of the plane already up in the sky.

Millions of thoughts are running through his mind right now. But nothing made sense...except the fear that again began its onslaught upon him.

* * *

Theirs was the first class cabin, and Xiao Yo immediately took a seat next to the window. Xi Men noticed her efforts to stay as far away from him as possible but he acted quite natural and took a seat a bit farther away from her.

He motioned for the flight attendant and asked for some wine. When the tall attendant left to take his order, he turned to find Xiao Yo looking at him with disapproval.

"Drinking again."

Her words held a trace of reproof and he smiled guiltily. The flight attendant returned with a wineglass and handed it to Xi Men.

Xi Men looked at the glass, then smiled brightly at the flight attendant, turning up the charm. "I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind about the wine. How about some fruit juice for me and my companion?"

The flight attendant, dazzled by his smile, nodded and left again. Xiao Yo was smiling and shaking her head in amusement at the flight attendant's reactions, obiviously smitten when Xi Men turned up the charm.

"Thank you," Xiao Yo said when she was handed the juice. Sipping from her glass, she looked at Xi Men through the rim. "What happened to Hannah?"

"I don't know, either. All I know is she was attacked by three guys in the basement parking of the hotel she's staying in."

"I hope she's OK," she said sincerely. She did not like Hannah but the thought of her being maligned or in any way seriously injured did not sit well with her.

"She will be," Xi Men reassured her, fascinated by her genuine concern for someone she barely even knew. That's the Xiao Yo he knew. That's the Xiao Yo he grew to care about.

"I'm glad you were the one sent on this project." The admission was out before he could help himself and she looked at him in surprise. Then she gave a close-lipped smile and said nothing, turning to look back outside the window and at the clouds down below.

This is going to be a long week, she thought.

* * *

Xiao Gen, now calm and ready, didn't bother knocking when she went inside the room.

At her sudden entrance, Hannah looked up from the bed and confusion clouded her face as she recognized Xiao Gen.

Xiao Gen quietly assessed the product of her handiwork. Hannah now looked anything but desirable, half of her head shaved, the side of her face bruised and scraped…

A smug smile appeared on her face and this was not lost on Hannah.

"What are you doing here?" Hannah asked.

"Just visiting," Xiao Gen replied casually. "How are you?"

"Why are you visiting?" Hannah asked suspiciously, not bothering to answer the other woman's question. "You're not my friend."

Xiao Gen shrugged. "Still...I wanted to see you." She sighed. "I hope now you've learned your lesson."

Hannah's brow creased in confusion. "Lesson? What lesson?"

Xiao Gen's head tilted to one side as she said, "To stay away from those that don't belong to you."

The last words of her assailants came back and Hannah's eyes widened in mixed anger and fear. "It was you!"

Xiao Gen didn't answer her query. Instead she said, "Sometimes we just have to do what needs to be done, right? I heard about an 'old flame' plaguing Xi Men so I decided to do something." She smiled sweetly and began walking out the door.

Suddenly she stopped and turned when she heard soft laughter coming from the bed. Hannah was now laughing, despite the pain the act caused to her battered body.

"What's so funny?" Xiao Gen demanded.

"You are." Hannah's shoulders shook with mirth. "You are funny. Where is Xi Men now? In Japan, right? And he's with someone?" More laughter. "I bet he rejected you flat out, just like he did me."

"What are you talking about?" Xiao Gen challenged, getting impatient now.

Hannah sobered, but she was still grinning when she spoke.

"You got the wrong girl, Xiao Gen. I'm not the 'old flame' everyone was talking about." Hannah relished the look of apprehension that crossed the other woman's face. "It's Xiao Yo."

Xiao Yo...the name rang a bell in Xiao Gen's ears.

Hannah added, "And she's with Xi Men right now. In Tokyo."


	19. Spinning

SPINNING 'ROUND

Upon arriving in Tokyo, Xi Men and Xiao Yo were picked up by a limousine sent by the convention organizers and brought straight to their hotel. They were given separate rooms on the same floor, just across the hall from each other.

Xiao Yo complained of exhaustion after the flight and had an excuse to stay inside her room. After giving Drew a call telling him she had arrived safely in Tokyo, she kept herself busy unpacking and also getting prepared for the job she came here to do.

However, that evening, she had to go out and join Xi Men for dinner as Hua Ze Lei dropped by the hotel to catch up with them. Xiao Yo suddenly found herself warming to Hua Ze Lei, somebody she was never close to before - but knows a lot about - thanks to Shancai.

Wanting to give the two friends some alone-time, she excused herself early from the table and went back to her room to catch an early night.

This still feels so surreal, she thought as she lay in bed that night. She is in Tokyo, Japan. Miles away from home and everything else that was familiar to her. And she's with Xi Men, the man who, for the longest time, she had pursued, to no avail.

How fate plays.

* * *

At the hotel diner, Hua Ze Lei and Xi Men were sharing a drink, and Lei now spoke of Xiao Yo.

"I was surprised to see her here" he remarked. "Was it a mere coincidence that she was assigned on you by her company?"

Xi Men looked at Lei with mock disgust. "What, you think I arranged all these?"

Lei lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I won't be surprised if that were the case."

"Again you insult me, Lei," Xi Men said in mock horror, then sobered. "I wasn't aware of this, if you must know. I was as surprised as she was when I found out about it."

"And pleased?"

Xi Men shook his head, laughing silently. "You know me so well, don't you?" he asked Hua Ze Lei. Changing the subject, he said, "How are you holding up?"

Lei's face became grave, as he replied, "Coping."

"Aisha is OK, as well?"

Lei nodded, but would not say anything more. In understanding, Xi Men nodded and laid a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Soon all these would take its proper course, and we'll all be back to normal. Everything will be alright."

Lei stared at his friend searchingly. "Do you honestly believe that?"

"Hell, no." Xi Men scoffed. "It just sounded optimistic, something you needed."

"And you, too." Lei raised his glass and the friends toasted.

* * *

Drew once again looked at Xiao Gen, seated across the table from him. He was really surprised when she showed up at Meteors earlier in the evening and went up straight to him, asking that they talk.

He chose the table on the farthest corner of the room and now he's waiting for her to say what she had come here to talk about with her.

"How are you?" she asked and Drew could have laughed. Why would she ask how he is when they barely even knew each other? But he could not bear to be needlessly rude.

"Cool." he replied, then smiled. "Is this what you wanted to talk about?"

Xiao Gen smiled, shaking her head. "Not really. Uhm...how's your fiancee?"

"Xiao Yo?" he asked, confused. "She's in Tokyo right now. Didn't Xi Men tell you?"

Xiao Gen nodded quietly, Hannah's information confirmed. "Yes, he did. So she's a reporter, your fiancee, I mean."

"A journalist," he corrected her, quietly wondering what she was getting to. "Listen, is this going anywhere?" he could not help but ask.

Xiao Gen nodded, standing up. "Thank you for speaking with me," she said and hurriedly left, leaving a confused Drew looking after her.

When Drew went back to the counter and joined Mei Zuo at the bar, Mei Zuo asked, "Where did she go?"

"Beats me, " Drew replied, all the while contemplating on why Xiao Gen paid him a visit.

The next day he was to wonder again when he received a call from Hannah, asking him to meet with her. He refused at first but relented when she said it was something concerning Xiao Yo.

Drew was surprised when he entered the hospital room and saw Hannah seated on the bed, bandages around her head and torso, and her left arm in a sling.

But obviously he was not there because she was hurt. He was there because Hannah had something important to say.

"I'm sorry I had to make you come all the way here," Hannah apologized, to which Drew smiled. "I am leaving for LA tonight and I wanted to talk to you before I left."

"No problem," he replied. "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I already found out who did this to me."

"Really?" he asked, his strong sense of justice brought by Marine upbringing coming to the fore. "Have you told the authorities yet?"

Hannah shook her head. "I don't see the need to do that. But I did want to tell you."

"Me?" His frown deepened. "What has this to do with me?"

"More than you know," Hannah said quietly and sighed. "It was Xiao Gen. She hired some guys to beat me up."

Xiao Gen? He shook his head, finding it hard to believe what she's saying. Xiao Gen doesn't seem like someone capable of doing something like this, "Are you serious?"

She nodded. "She told me."

"Wow," he said softly, then looked at her again. "Still...I don't see how this is any of my concern."

"She had me beaten up for one reason alone," Hannah added. "Because she thought I was Xi Men's 'old flame' who has returned."

Suddenly it dawned on Drew, what Hannah was saying. "You mean..."

Hannah nodded slowly. "Xiao Gen already knows who it really is. You have to make sure Xiao Yo is safe."

Drew became thoughtful, staring into space, recalling the strange meeting he had with Xiao Gen last night at Meteors. She was spying!

He turned to look at Hannah. "You're not lying about this?" he probed.

Hannah shook her head. "Look at me now." She smiled bitterly. "Do I have cause to lie?"

Drew did not keep his eyes off her as he asked again. "I know your history with Rain. Why are you telling me this now? Why do you want to protect her?"

"A lot of reasons." she replied. "For one, I care about Xi Men but I am not about to get myself killed just because of that adoration. Second, I don't want any other woman going through what I just went through in the last couple of days."

"And," she went on, "I have wronged Xiao Yo in the past, and now I was hoping to redeem myself, even a little."

Hannah looked away, then returned her gaze on him again. "Keep her safe," she said softly.

"You don't have to ask twice."

She nodded. "Good. Then you have to act fast. If my instincts are correct, Xiao Gen would be flying to Tokyo to follow Xi Men and Xiao Yo. God only knows what will happen then."

Drew was already on his feet at the mention of Xiao Gen following Rain in Tokyo. After thanking her yet again, he left the hospital.

* * *

Xiao Gen was just stepping out of the door of her elegant apartment building when a car dew up in front of the building in a loud screech.

In surprise she looked up as Drew stormed out of the car and raced to where she was standing. Suddenly he grabbed the plane ticket from her hand and shredded it right in front of her.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, watching in dismay as the torn pieces fell to the ground. "That's my plane ticket."

When Xiao Gen looked closer, she saw his eyes had become darker, and the muscles on the side of his face were twitching from barely concealed anger.

"You're not going anywhere," he said.

"Says who?" she challenged.

"Keep away from Rain."

Slowly Xiao Gen nodded in realization. "I see...You know, I can always buy another ticket."

"Do that," he dared her, "and I will be breathing down your neck."

"Are you threatening me, Mr. Masters?" Outrage filled her that someone – anyone – would treat her this way.

He shook his head. "I don't make threats."

"I am not afraid of you," Xiao Gen insisted, although she was actually beginning to quake in her shoes.

"You should. I don't give a crap about your money, or the power you wield. You could be the goddamn daughter of the Queen for all I care. Just stay the hell away from my fiancee."

"You don't scare me." Her voice is smaller now.

He stepped away. "Miss Xiao Gen, you don't want to see me mad."

He had driven away and now Xiao Gen was left standing all alone, thinking about Drew's words.

She looked down on the ground, the torn ticket screaming back at her. He seemed serious enough. And he looked really angry. In fact his desire to physically harm her was so palpable a moment ago she could have sworn he was on the verge of hitting her.

He is serious.

Suddenly fear overcame her, and she began to question the wisdom of her plans. Should she go to Tokyo?

'I'll be breathing down your neck,' he had said.

Xiao Gen turned on her heels and went back inside the building. She wouldn't risk it. Somehow Drew Masters scared her out of her wits. She'll just have to wait then…until Xi Men and that Xiao Yo returns to Taipei.

* * *

What she's seeing right now and for the past three days is a revelation to her. Of course she had heard of Xi Men and his dynamic skills in business. Many times she had read of his exploits in business as well as his 'other' exploits with members of the opposite sex, but seeing him in action first hand is something else.

He's good, she decided almost condescendingly. In the conference it was obvious how the other businessmen from other countries valued Xi Men's opinion, always asking the young Taiwanese businessman what his thoughts are on the subject.

And always he never failed to disappoint them, rising up to the occasion with savvy and style characteristic of the Xi Men the media and business circle have come to associate with him.

But for Xiao Yo it seemed all new. She watched in fascination as he was able to command a room and have everyone virtually in the palm of his hand.

She had been working diligently for the past three days, observing the conference sessions quietly, continuously scribbling on the small notebook she had brought along with her. In the evenings she would be holed up in her hotel room, tapping on her laptop, working on the rough drafts.

For the past three days she only got to see him during the sessions, but she steered clear of him during all the times in between. Of course she knew she couldn't keep this up. Sooner, not later, she would have to sit with him and fully talk to him if she hoped to finish the feature.

Soon, she'll get to that. When she had plucked enough courage to get close to him.

Today is the last day of the conference. The fifth day was slated for the delegates' tour around Tokyo and the neighboring towns. And this was exactly what Xi Men had planned.

So when Xiao Yo approached him later the fourth day, he already had an answer prepared for her.

"Maybe tomorrow we could do the in-depth interview," she suggested.

Xi Men looked at her. "Tomorrow is supposed to be our time off. I was planning on going somewhere."

"But I have to get this done by the time we get back to Taipei," she insisted.

An idea popped into his head. "Come with me, then."

"With you? Where?"

"I want to unwind." He turned away and began walking from her.

Xiao Yo kept up with him, asking, "Unwind?"

"If you want to get your article done, come with me," he said, without stopping.

She stopped and looked after him, aghast. "This is blackmail."

He glanced at her and gave a noncommittal smile. "I call it giving us a break."

"You are dragging me out to God-knows-where without my consent! This is virtually kidnapping."

"Almost" he nodded, walking backwards as he stared at her, watching her grow red in irritation. "But not quite. You come with me, you get the interview. Simple as that." He lifted a hand at her in a wave as he stepped into the elevator. "See you in an hour. It's still three in the afternoon. If we leave in an hour, we could get there right after dusk. Maybe around eight." Then the elevator doors closed and she glimpsed him smiling at her.

"Aaaaarggghhh!" She wanted to scream out loud, wanted to berate him until his ears bleed.

Thoroughly peeved, she walked into the other elevator and pressed the number to the floor of her room. When she stepped out into her floor, the door to Xi Men's room was just closing and she caught a glimpse of him entering it.

She had never been annoyed with him, she thought as she let herself into her room, knowing she had no other choice but to go with him. She has to put a stop to any continuing association with Xi Men, and the only way to accomplish that is to get this all done and over with so that when she gets back to Taipei, she would have nothing more to have to do with him.

She grabbed her small tote bag and stuffed only a few clothes, enough for the overnight stay, wherever he's planning on going.

"Hsin Yi," she murmured in annoyance, "you better make a hell of a recommendation or I'll kill you!'

* * *

"Where exactly are we going?" she asked when Xi Men was already driving the car provided by the hotel for half an hour.

"Lei's family owns this small villa on top of the mountain. He was willing to let me make use of it for tonight." He turned to her and almost smiled as she sat there, sulking. "It's going to be a long drive up. You should sleep."

"No, thanks," she murmured and kept her gaze out of the window. She was not about to doze off while he drives, without her knowing where they were headed. Maybe she doesn't trust him, but that's not entirely her fault! He's blackmailing her, how the hell can she?

But the events of the day caught up with her at last, and a few minutes later she was nodding off to sleep. Xi Men slid amused glances at her, and when she had fully gone off to sleep, he stopped the car and carefully laid his jacket over her. She merely moaned softly and settled back to her slumber.

To say he is pleased that she is here with her right now would be an understatement. Xi Men knew this would only be for a day. After that, they would have to return to Taipei, back to the real world, where Drew awaits.

But for now...His lips tightened and set the car in motion again.

Xiao Yo slept throughout the entire trip, and she didn't wake up even when he drew to a halt in the driveway of the villa. Not wanting to disturb her, Xi Men motioned to the servants who came to meet them to get their stuff while he went around the car to her side. Careful not to wake her, he gathered her in his arms and strode into the villa with her tucked snugly in his arms.

So deep was her sleep that she didn't even wake up when he laid her down on the bed in the room one of the servants led him to. Carefully he removed his jacket away from her and also her own sweater. After taking off her shoes as well he drew the sheets around her, pausing when she moved suddenly.

But Xiao Yo didn't wake up. She gave a small sigh and settled back to sleep.

Smiling, Xi Men walked out of the room, throwing one more wistful look at her before closing the door behind him.

Suddenly he's beginning to question the sanity of this whole thing. Xiao Yo is here, with him...in a villa far from civilization.

Now he worried if he could hold on to common sense, not exactly his strongest point...especially when it comes to her.

God help him...this might be a mistake.

* * *

Xiao Yo slowly opened her eyes, blinking against the darkness in the room, relieved only by the light of the small lamp shade in the corner.

Where is she?

Scanning the room, she sat up and noticed her sweater was gone, now it was neatly placed on the small sofa in the corner. Her shoes were also propped not too far away from the bed.

She noted the elegant wooden walls, the drapes and the few adornments in the room. The small dolphin clock on the far wall showed the time: three thirty in the morning.

Xiao Yo shook her head. The last thing she remembered before she dozed off was looking out of the window of a car into the passing scenery as they went higher and higher into the mountain.

Then nothing else.

Xiao Yo got up from the bed and slipped on the slippers propped beside her shoes. Feeling cold all of a sudden, she also took the small robe hanging by the closet and wore it over here now crumpled jeans and shirt.

Quietly she slipped out of the room and found herself in a dimly lit hall with various doors on each side. Walking the length of the hall she came to a stop in a cozy den, with fire roaring in the stone fireplace.

Xi Men was seated by the fire, reading something in his hand.

He looked up when she came in and he smiled. "You're awake."

Xiao Yo looked at him strangely. "So are you," she said pointedly. "Haven't you slept? It's half past three in the morning, you know."

He shrugged. "Insomnia," he said. "I don't sleep much." He closed the book he was reading and kept it in the briefcase he brought along with him.

"What are you reading?" she asked, sitting down on the plush sofa across him.

Xi Men shook his head. "Nothing. I trust you had a good sleep" he asked.

Xiao Yo nodded gratefully. "Yes, thank you. Were you..."

"Yeah. I didn't want to disturb you. You were sleeping so soundly."

Xiao Yo laughed. "You must have thought I sleep like the dead."

Xi Men smiled at this, and said, "You slept like an angel."

"You've seen an angel sleep?" Xiao Yo laughed at the notion but Xi Men merely smiled.

"Is this the beginning of your interview?" he asked jokingly and to his dismay Xiao Yo's face lit up.

"Would you mind if we have it now?" she asked, jumping up from her seat. When he nodded carelessly, she rushed back to the room and got her notebook and pen.

It was the weirdest interview she ever had. It was early in the dawn, and the entire household was quiet as the servants were asleep. They were atop the mountain, away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

But to her delight, it was also the easiest conversation she had with Xi Men. The flow was natural, and at times she would find herself laughing easily at something he says. She had never felt this comfortable around him since...well...since ever.

When they were finished, they were surprised to find the sun already fully out. From somewhere inside the villa they could now hear the sound of the servants going around doing their early morning chores.

She smiled up at him. "Wow. Two straight hours. I'm sorry if I exhausted you."

He waved her apology away, saying, "I told you, I am used to not sleeping."

Xiao Yo glanced around the den, appreciating the old-fashioned design. There was nothing Japanese about the place. In fact, it looked more like your traditional American home. Stone walls, stone fireplace, heavy drapes...

"Hua Ze Lei owns this place?"

Xi Men nodded. "It's where he and his family go to during the summer when things get hot in the city."

"Why don't you buy your own villa?" she kidded, knowing fully well he can afford it. But he shook his head.

"For what?" he asked. "I am based in Taipei, so are my parents. Besides, Lei's family are very much willing to let us use this place whenever we come to Japan."

"This is a beautiful place..." she murmured.

"Wait till the sun comes out fully, then you will appreciate it even more," he promised. "After we've had breakfast, what do you say if we explore the place?"

Xiao Yo's eyes lit up, the prospect of seeing new things sending excitement through her, "I'd love that."

Xi Men smiled in satisfaction. "Then let me check if breakfast's ready," he said, getting to his feet and heading towards the hall which Xiao Yo presumed to lead to the kitchen.

She leaned back when he was gone, a peaceful smile on her face.

This is so much better, she thought, feeling a sense of calm flood her. Times like these were rare, if even possible. She'd been given today. She'll make sure she'll enjoy every moment of it.

Until it all ends again.

After a marvelous breakfast which they both shared at the stone tables in the porch overlooking the pea-shaped pool, they set out together to explore the surroundings.

It was an idyllic place, perfect for those who seek the solace of mountainous silence, away from the stressful way of life in the city. The Hua Ze family villa was the only one in the area, and Xiao Yo was not surprised to find the whole area was indeed theirs.

The villa in itself is a quaint structure, like something one would see in the American magazine Architecture. The only indication that it is not in the States are the tall trees of cherry blossoms surrounding it, their blooms sending gorgeous sprays of color all around.

Sprawling lawns and flower gardens surrounded the villa, and when Xi Men and Xiao Yo casually strolled and rounded the corner her eyes widened at the sight of more flower blooms.

"What is this, paradise?" she asked in admiration. "Who keeps this place?"

"Lei's mother used to, but when she passed away, the servants took care of it." He looked at her with mild curiosity. "I didn't know you liked flowers."

"Are you kidding me? I love them," She bent forward and smelled one pink rose in full bloom. "Hmmm..." She straightened. "Back in Canada there were flower shops all around, even the one beside my parents' antique store. And Carol also keeps her very own rose garden in St. Paul." She shrugged. "I only wished I had the green thumb, but everything I try to plant usually dies or dries up."

"Who's Carol?" Xi Men asked curiously and Xiao Yo realized she had mentioned Drew's mother without even thinking.

She smiled casually. "Drew's mom." Before he could say anything else, she moved forward, craning her neck to see further down the lane leading from the back of the villa. "What's down there?" she asked and went forward.

Xi Men stared after her, a shadow on his face. When she turned around and called out to him, the shadow lifted and he went after her.

The entire morning was spent walking under the trees, their casual banter and laughter filling the air around them. As if by mutual agreement, they talked nothing about Drew, or her life in Canada, or anything that would remotely remind them of home. They were content to just talk lightly about anything, trivial or no.

They only went back to the villa for lunch and set out once again to bask in the sun, smelling the clean air, being friendly.

Tired from walking, they both decided to sit down on the grass under a large cherry blossom tree. Xiao Yo leaned her back on the tree trunk, closing her eyes, smiling.

"I wished I could see Hua Ze Lei and thank him personally," she said.

Beside her, Xi Men leaned back on both hands, his eyes on her. "You may see him yet, once we get back to the hotel tonight."

Her eyes flew open and she turned to him with sudden regret in her eyes. "Tonight?" she asked, dismay in her voice.

This didn't escape Xi Men and he felt sudden warmth creep through him, that she should want to have stayed here a little longer. "Yes, we leave at five."

Xiao Yo's sigh was audible as she leaned back again and gazed up at the sky. "I guess you're right," she said softly. "I still have to work on the article so I could give it to Hsin Yi sooner for next month's release."

"I hear it's for a recommendation," he said.

She nodded. "I need that recommendation badly. It's all I need so I could graduate and be hired by Reuters right off the bat."

"I highly doubt you won't make it."

Xiao Yo turned her head and smiled at him. "Thank you," she said. "Of course, I know you have not read any of my work yet, but you gave me a compliment so I forgive you."

Xi Men did not bother correcting her and telling her he had read 'Awakenings' and had just bought her second collaboration with Drew entitled 'Eye-Openers'. Somehow that seemed insignificant. Not when he is with her right now.

Carelessly she raised her left hand to move an errant strand of hair on her face and Xi Men watched, mesmerized, as the late afternoon sun flashed on the diamond on hr finger, making it glitter.

Before she could sense his eyes on her, Xi Men looked away, feeling something almost akin to pain deep in his chest.

They shared a moment of comfortable silence and merely laid there, side by side, looking up at the sky.

When he lifted his head and peered at the horizon, she asked. "What is it?"

Xi Men shook his head. "I think a storm is brewing," he said and pointed. She followed the direction he was pointing at and sure enough, saw dark clouds rolling in.

"You think it's going to be bad?" she asked and he shrugged.

"I can't be sure. But the weather up here gets pretty unpredictable." He smiled at her reassuringly. "Don't worry. By the time the storm gets here we'll be well on our way back to the city."

His words calmed her and she nodded, reassured.

* * *

Later when they got back at the villa Xiao Yo's mobile phone rang. It's Drew.

"Excuse me," she said to Xi Men and went back out into the veranda.

"Drew," she said on the phone and heard his voice.

"How's my Rain?" a smile could be heard in his voice as he spoke.

"Fine," she said. "We're at Hua Ze Lei's villa right now. You should be here, Drew! The place is amazing!"

As they talked on the phone Xi Men watched her from the window, a sad look on his face.


	20. Wounds For Scars

WOUNDS FOR SCARS

Xiao Yo glanced at the time. Almost five. Time to leave.

She reached for her bag and walked out of her room and into the den.

But Xi Men was not there. Wondering where he could be, Xiao Yo walked out into the veranda, looking for him. He was not in the car as well and when she asked one of the maids, she could not tell her where he was.

"Where could he be?" she thought aloud and walked back into the hall. Suddenly she stopped when she saw the door to his room. Could he be inside still?

She rapped at the floor softly. "Xi Men?" she called out. "Are you there?"

There wasn't any reply but she heard a soft thud from inside.

Her knocking became harder. "Xi Men?"

Again there was no reply and Xiao Yo became suddenly concerned. She turned the knob in her hand to find it wasn't locked. She pushed the door open and saw Xi Men on his knees on the carpeted floor, his arms gripping his middle.

Xiao Yo rushed beside him. "Xi Men? What's wrong?" she asked, worried when she saw his face contorted with pain, beads of sweat forming on his face. "Xi Men, answer me! Are you sick?"

He nodded and tried to stand up, only to fall on his knees again. "M-my stomach...it...it hurts!"

Xiao Yo remembered what Qing He told her a long time ago about Xi Men's gastric problem.

"Do you have any medicine I could get you?" she asked, her eyes scanning the room for any medicine cabinet.

Xi Men shook his head. "I forgot it at the hotel."

Sighing, and worried at the same time, tried to lift him from the floor. "Come on," she coaxed him towards the bed.

He tried to get to his feet but groaned louder, unable to even stand. "It hurts..." he whispered.

Not knowing what to do, Xiao Yo pressed the buzzer on the headboard to summon the maids to the room. Once again she tried to lift him by his arms with her puny strength.

"The maids will be here any second," she said. "Come on, the bed is just a short way. You can do it."

With great effort Xi Men stood up, his hand clutching his middle, Xiao Yo helping him up. Suddenly his knees buckled beneath him but before he could fall back down again, Xiao Yo managed to put his arm on her shoulders. As a result, it was her who almost fell.

It seemed to take forever until she finally managed to put him on the bed. Seeing he was in great pain and could not even move by himself, she let him stretch out on the bed, all the while muttering under her breath.

"Where on earth are the maids!" she muttered under her breath.

Suddenly on the doorway two of the Japanese maids appeared and worry crossed their faces when they saw Xi Men on the bed, groaning in pain.

"Good, you're here," Xiao Yo said hurriedly. "Give me some medicine, pain killers, anything! Whatever you have in this place!"

As one of them scurried away to do as she was told, Xiao Yo turned to the other and asked, "How far is the nearest hospital or clinic?"

The maid looked uncertainly at Xi Men, who now curled on his side, biting his lip to keep from crying out. "It's a two-hour ride away, miss. But I don't think it's a good idea for you to drive right now."

"What do you mean?"

"The storm," the maid. "It's upon us."

Disbelief overcoming her, Xiao Yo quickly walked to the window and looked out. Sure enough, it was already raining hard outside. The thick walls of the villa were able to mask the sound of the rain and whistling wind.

"Then call a doctor," she said.

The maid shook her head. "I'm afraid that's not possible, miss. No one would be willing to drive up here in the mountain in this weather."

Xiao Yo stared at the maid helplessly. "Is there anything anyone can do?" The maid hung her head, not having an answer.

Xiao Yo threw her hands up in the air, thoroughly frustrated. "So what if somebody's about to die, what are you supposed to do?"

"I'm sorry," the maid murmured and Xiao Yo realized her blunder, yelling at the blameless helper.

"No, I'm sorry," she said, softer now,

The other maid arrived with a medicine kit and Xiao Yo grabbed it from her, going through the tablets and bottles in it until she found one she was familiar with.

She turned to look at Xi Men and saw he was shivering now. "Get more blankets in here, quick!" she said, sending the two away.

Xiao Yo was somehow familiar with this illness as her father had gastric perforation a year ago and she took care of him. A while back, panic overtook her and she felt helpless but now that she had calmed down, she knew she'd take care of the situation.

She leaned over him and gently nudged his shoulder.

"Xi Men," she said softly. "You have to drink this."

Slowly he turned his head around and stared at the couple of capsules in her hand and the glass of water in the other. "Wh-what's that?" he asked hoarsely.

"Just pain killers," she answered. "It's all they have, but anything to lessen the pain. Here."

With her help Xi Men downed the capsules and settled back down. When he was about to curl on his side again, Xiao Yo restrained him.

"No," she said. "Lie flat on your back. Bending over will only cause you more pain."

Xi Men nodded, his eyes closed. His hands were tight around his stomach, his palms closed in tight fists. Xiao Yo took a towel from the bathroom and wiped the sweat from his face. When the maids came back with the blankets, she covered him with it.

Xi Men he moaned, biting his lip, looking at her with dazed eyes.

"Ssshhhh," she admonished him, stroking his hair away from his face. "Try to go to sleep. I'll be right here."

Xi Men visibly swallowed and closed his eyes, the motion of her hand stroking his hair and face lulling him.

After a few minutes, he fell asleep, as evidenced by the even rise and fall of his chest. Xiao Yo sighed and stood up, walking over to the sofa and dropping down on it. It was only now that she felt exhaustion creep up on her.

Well, it looks as though they cant leave the villa anytime soon, she thought, noting the cracks of lightning and rolls of thunder coming from outside. Even if they can drive through this weather down the mountain, Xi Men is still in pain. Making his stomach churn during a bumpy ride would be more dangerous.

She sighed again, taking her sweater off. After making sure he was sound asleep she crept out of the room and took her bag from the den, returning it to her room. Quickly she changed from her traveling clothes into a more casual pair of trousers and shirt and went straight back to Xi Men's room.

He was still asleep when she peered into his room so she went to the kitchen to find one of the two maids cleaning up.

"You need anything, miss?" the maid asked politely and Xiao Yo shook her head.

"Nothing. I can take care of it."

"Well, if you need anything, just call us."

"I will," Xiao Yo said and watched as the maid left the kitchen.

Methodically she went about preparing some soup for Xi Men. Obviously, from what Qing He had told her before, his illness was caused by irregular meals and his drinking. Although she had been told Xi Men cut back on drinking, she knew gastric perforation could be quite tricky. Once it is cured, it is not an assurance that it is gone for good. It can always come back.

When she returned to Xi Men's room, she called Hua Ze Lei but he said the same thing the maid told her a while ago.

"You have to wait until this storm stops, and also until the roads are pronounced safe for passage," he said.

She drew a deep breath and spoke softly so as not to disturb Xi Men. "How long will that take?"

"I don't know. If this storm is over tomorrow, maybe you could be cleared to leave the villa in one more day." He paused at the other end of the line. "What's wrong?"

"Xi Men," she said. "His stomach is acting up."

"How is he now?" Lei asked, his voice now tinged with concern for his friend.

"He's sleeping," she assured him quickly. "I already gave him some pain killers. I think they're working." She glanced over to the bed where Xi Men slept soundly.

She heard Hua Ze Lei sigh with relief. "If anything else happens, just call me. Let's hope this storm stops soon."

"Yeah," she said softly and hung up.

Xiao Yo turned to look at Xi Men on the bed, and suddenly loneliness enveloped her, coupled with worry over him. She dialed Drew's number but his phone was off so she just left him a message.

"Drew, hi. Something came up," she said, deciding to be completely honest with her fiance. "We might not be able to come back to Taipei the day after tomorrow. You see, Xi Men is sick, and there's this huge storm upon us right now. I'll just let you know when things are better, OK? Bye...Take care. I love you."

She hung up and laid her phone on the table. With tired feet she moved a chair beside the bed and sat down, leaning back on her seat, gazing upon him as he slept peacefully.

From this distance he looked so peaceful...like a child. What were his words earlier today? Sleeping like an angel? Yes...he looked precisely like that...

Relief filled her that his stomach is no longer causing him pain. Heaven knows, when she saw him in great pain a while back, she almost felt it.

After all, she wasn't used to seeing Xi Men so...helpless.

He had been her savior in the past, defending her, protecting her. In her eyes he was invincible.

But he had failed in one thing. He failed to protect her from him.

The events of the past hours finally caught up on her and she dozed off in her seat.

* * *

Xi Men felt like had been drifting to consciousness and darkness repeatedly...and there was no way out. In her fevered dreams she thought she heard a woman's voice. Xiao Yo.

"Take care...I love you..."

Those were the words he clearly heard she'd said.

But then again he could not be sure, as once again, he felt himself being pulled by another unseen force and he was sound asleep again.

Slowly he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, letting them adjust to the dim light of the room. He winced at the slight pang of pain from somewhere in his middle, barely stifling a small groan.

Recognizing his room at the villa, he slowly turned his head and stopped at the sight that greeted him.

There, beside his bed, an arm's length away, sat Xiao Yo on a chair, her chin on her chest as she slept quietly.

Emotion threatened to choke him and he swallowed, feeling pleased in spite of himself. It felt so good to wake up after a fitful nightand have the sight of her welcome him.

He closed his eyes once again and let sleep claim him, knowing he is safe.

* * *

In a hotel in New Zealand, Drew stepped off the shower, drying his hair with the towel.

He reached for his cell phone and switched it on. Anticipation surged within him as he saw there was a voice message from Xiao Yo. With an eager smile, he played it.

The smile was wiped off when the message ended.

Drew closed his eyes, never feeling so scared in his life.

* * *

When next Xi Men woke up Xiao Yo was already awake, tapping on her laptop at the couch. For a long moment he just stared at her, enjoying seeing her this way, watching her fully concentrating on what she's writing.

She seemed to sense being watched as she turned her head and saw him awake. She smiled widely at him as she jumped up and approached the bed.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

He gave a wry smile and said softly, "Like hell."

Her smile widened. "You are so funny. You have seen how an angel sleeps, and now you are implying you also know what hell feels like." She shook her head in amusement. "What am I going to do with you?" she murmured in mock condescension.

Xi Men watched in silence as she moved towards a small table at the far end of the room and picked up a small bowl. She returned to the bed and sat down on the edge, propping a couple of pillows under his head.

"Have some soup," she said, spooning some soup from the bowl and lifting it to his lips. "I kept this warm, don't worry. You have to put something in your stomach."

Xi Men didn't complain and let her feed him some of the soup. Under other circumstances he would not have wanted anyone treating him this way - except his mother, of course - but somehow, with Xiao Yo, it felt so right.

"You have to finish this," Xiao Yo said sternly. "Honestly I don't understand why you are skipping meals. Are you trying to kill yourself or something? Because if you are, you are doing a hell of a great job!"

Xi Men smiled and obeyed, drinking the soup to the last drop. As she set the bowl aside he said, "What time is it? We're supposed to go back to Taipei today, weren't we?"

"In your condition?" Xiao Yo snorted. "I doubt they'll even let you board the plane. I called Lei last night and he promised he'd take care of everything. The storm's still raging outside, but the weather reports say it is likely to break up tomorrow morning."

Xi Men became silent for a while, then whispered, "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

Xiao Yo breathed and noted the guilt that crossed his face. "Just rest yourself well," she said. "Don't worry about anything." She stood up, picking up the empty bowl.

"You need to have something more solid in your stomach. I've to get this to the kitchen first," she said and walked to the door.

He called out to her when she was already at the door.

"Xiao Yo." She turned around and gave him an inquiring look. "Thank you."

Xiao Yo nodded with a tight-lipped smile and left the room.

Xi Men settled back on the pillows and gazed up at the ceiling. He'd be lying if he didn't say he isn't pleased... happy at how things are going.

Xiao Yo stopped in front of the door, thinking hard. She stared at the tray before her, laden with steaming soup, soft bread and marmalade, and milk.

Why is she doing this? she wondered for the nth time since she walked out of his room this morning.

But the more important question is...why does she want to do this?

She took a deep breath. She is only doing what has to be done. After all, she could not very well abandon him just like that, could she?

Putting a smile on her face she let herself in and beamed at him, propped up higher on his back with pillows, a small book in his hand.

"Reading!" she exclaimed, putting the tray down on the small table beside the bed, and grabbed the book from his hand to find out what he is reading.

Her eyes widened as she recognized the book, and the title. Eye-Openers.

Her book. Her second collaboration with Drew.

She was surprised, to say the least, and she didn't make any effort to hide that fact from Xi Men. "I didn't know you are reading this,' she said lightly.

Xi Men lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I find myself fascinated with the works of Laraine Zhu," he quipped, and she laughed a little.

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said, rising to the bait. "What's up with Laraine, anyway? I thought it was just Rainie."

"Our editors at the publishing house thought Laraine sounded better for a book, so I said yes. Anyway, it's not like changing the name would do anything to the character, right? I'm still Xiao Yo, be it Laraine or Rainie."

"I see,' he said and moved higher as she sat down beside him after putting the tray on his lap.

"To tell you honestly, though," her voice lowered in a conspiratorial whisper, "I don't like the name. Laraine, I mean. I think it makes me sound...older?"

Xi Men laughed. "Tell me about it. When Ma first gave me your first book, I thought you were in your early thirties or something."

She stared at him. "My first book? she asked. "Wait - don't tell me...you've read it as well?"

"Ma threatened to twist my arm if I didn't."

She was rendered speechless, then she breathed. "Wow. I don't know what to say."

"About what?" Xi Men asked, taking a dip at the soup.

Xiao Yo grinned. "The great Xi Men, reading poetry." She laughed out loud, saying, "Sorry, I just couldn't resist it!"

Feeling flustered all of a sudden, Xi Men gave her a dirty look. "Fine. Go ahead and laugh. Pick on a sick man."

Xiao Yo stood up, controlling her laughter. "Yeah, you're sick, alright." Then she laughed again, ignoring the daggers he was shooting at her with his eyes. Anyway, he was smiling at the same time so she could not take him seriously.

But inside she was thinking: Xi Men read her books...her projects with Drew...Xi Men has read her poems, not knowing each word was inspired by him.

* * *

As the storm raged outside, the day went by slowly. While Xi Men drifted in and out of sleep and reading in between, Xiao Yo kept herself busy with her article, hoping to have it done by the time they get back to Taipei. The only time she took a break was when she joined Xi Men for lunch and afternoon tea.

By late afternoon, Xi Men insisted on having his dinner in the dining room and not in his bed. Xiao Yo looked at him doubtfully as he wobbly got to his feet.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Xi Men smiled. "You should see yourself right now, Xiao Yo. You are acting exactly like my mother!"

"Well, for good reason!" she exclaimed. "I am beginning to wonder how she puts up with you as her son."

"I'm fine," Xi Men assured her. "Besides it was just a mild attack, nothing serious."

Xiao Yo followed him out of his room and into the dining room where the table was already set. "Nothing serious! Hah! You were rolling in pain last night, or need I remind you of that?"

Xi Men nodded in mock frustration. "I take it back. You're WORSE than Ma!"

Dinner was a simple fare, and they found themselves enjoying each other's company more and more. Unbeknownst to Xiao Yo, Drew and the others never entered her mind.

After the meal they both convened to the dimly lit den, seated on the settee beside the roaring fire, warming themselves as the wind whistled and blew outside the windows.

Xi Men opened one of the drawers and whipped out a deck of playing cards. For the next hour or so they tried to outdo each other in a game of poker, but Xi Men amazingly found himself being beaten hands down.

Xiao Yo slapped her cards on the table and raised her hands in glee. "Yes! You lose again!"

Xi Men stared in disbelief at her cards then slapped his own set on top of the low table. "This is impossible!"

Xiao Yo was shaking her head, her shoulders shaking with mirth. "I can't believe you suck at this!" she hooted, much to Xi Men's embarrassment. "I'd bet even Qing He can beat you squarely!"

"Hey!" Xi Men rounded his eyes at her but she merely laughed all the more. "Qing He doesn't even know the difference between Ace and King!" He dealt the cards again. "Another round."

Xiao Yo shook her head, smiling. "You are stubborn," she said. "Why do you like to subject yourself to further embarrassment? Anyway, it's your funeral." But she picked up the cards he was dealing.

A few minutes later, Xiao Yo was grinning widely. She won again.

"If we made bets with money, you'd be penniless!" she teased and Xi Men pushed the cards away, frowning.

"I don't want to play any more," he said, sulking like a little boy.

She teased him all the more. "Ooooh, he's about to cry...You're not going to kick and scream and bawl your eyes out, are you?"

Xi Men looked at her with laughter in his eyes. She gave out a yelp when he suddenly lunged at her, tickling her sides.

Laughing, Xiao Yo tried to get away but lost her balance and teetered, falling on the carpet flat on her back. Xi Men, unable to control his balance as well, went down, falling on top of her.

Xiao Yo's laughter died in her lips as she looked up and met his eyes, equally surprised as her own. Their faces were so close; she could feel his breath mingling with hers. The tips of their noses touched.

She felt like drowning and, as if of their own volition, her eyes closed as she felt his lips coming nearer and nearer.

It was the sweetest thing, the union of their lips. In her head she could have sworn a thousand stars exploded into a glorious starburst of colors, way better than the fireworks during the Fourth of July.

She could hear her heart beating loudly in her ears, drowning all other sounds, even the sudden roll of thunder. His hands were gripping her arms as the kiss deepened.

Suddenly lightning crackled again, and a louder roll of thunder boomed, and her eyes flew open.

In a swift move, Xiao Yo pushed Xi Men away from her and sat up, backing away until her back touched the side of the fireplace.

Xi Men was breathing hard, shaking his head as though to clear it. And when his gaze shifted to where Xiao Yo was seated, he saw confusion on her face.

Xiao Yo He attempted to move towards her but she lifted both hands, stopping him.

She closed her eyes and silently Xi Men berated himself. What did he just do?

"Xiao Yo...I'm sorry...I didn't know what came over me..."

Xiao Yo stood up and briskly walked out of the den, leaving Xi Men feeling wretched as he sat there on the floor.

He had no idea what just happened. They were joking around, laughing. He wanted to just tickle her, to get back at her for teasing him mercilessly. But they both lost their balance...

...then the kiss happened.

Xi Men closed his eyes, hating himself utterly.

He looked up when he heard a noise at the hallway. Xiao Yo stood there, looking calm now. In fact, she looked really calm. Cold, even.

"Xiao Yo, I - "

She shook her head. "It's not entirely your fault," she said in a toneless voice. "Let's just pretend none of this ever happened. It was just a kiss, anyway...nothing important. And," she took a deep breath, "promise me you will keep this to yourself."

Xi Men stared at her, trying hard not to let her see the torture he is going through.

"I'm waiting," she said.

He nodded, and murmured, "I promise."

Xiao Yo nodded and said, "Thank you."

When she left the room, Xi Men slumped back on the floor, burying his head in his hands. He could not quite shake off the shock on Xiao Yo's face when she pushed him away from her.

She looked...repulsed.

Xiao Yo did not come out for the rest of the evening, and Xi Men found it impossible to sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night, he rang Hua Ze Lei, letting the phone ring at least more than a dozen times. He knew Lei would not be too amiable for him disturbing his sleep, but he had no other choice.

Annoyance could be heard from Hua Ze Lei's voice when he answered. "Hello?"

"It's Xi Men."

He heard Lei groan on the other end. "It's past midnight! Are you out of your mind?"

"Sorry, but this is important. I hear the storm is now leaving Tokyo, please arrange clearance for us to pass through the roadblocks tomorrow morning?"

Lei seemed to think for a moment. "I think I can do that," he said after a while. "What time would you be leaving the villa?"

"As soon as you could arrange it," he said. "Can you do it...right now?"

"No problem." A pause came on the other line. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything's swell," he said.

Xi Men could almost picture Lei making calls at this hour, pulling strings. He knew it was unfair to ask this of Lei, causing him much inconvenience. However, the earlier they leave the villa, the better.

After less than twenty minutes, Hua Ze Lei called with news that satisfied him.

He stepped out of his room and walked down the hall, stopping before Xiao Yo's door. He could hear no movement from inside but something tells him she isn't asleep, too.

"Xiao Yo...are you awake?" Silence. "Hua Ze Lei called. There's good news. The storm is breaking up, and we have been granted clearance. We will leave at first light."

There was no response whatsoever and Xi Men sighed, stepping away, going back to his room.

What just happened? he asked himself again. One minute they were laughing together, enjoying each other's company.

Then the next they are back to being strangers. Worse, Xiao Yo seemed to hate him now.

In the other room, all lights were out; not even the lamp shade was turned on. Seated on the floor, her back on the side of the bed, her knees drawn up to her chin, Xiao Yo stared off into space, her eyes blank.

* * *

Early the next morning Xi Men went to the car and found Xiao Yo already waiting there. Not even bothering to grab some breakfast, they both set out.

All throughout the trip neither of them spoke. Xiao Yo kept her eyes on the passing scenery by the window, and Xi Men did not say a word. He didn't know what to say.

It was probably the longest four-hour-long drive he's ever had, so when he saw the road sign to Tokyo, he felt relief flood him.

A few minutes later, when they drew up outside the hotel, Xiao Yo didn't bother to wait for Xi Men or the valet to open the door for her. Immediately she got out of the car and, lugging her bag behind her, strode into the hotel.

Handing the valet the car keys for parking, Xi Men raced in after her, catching up at the elevator doors.

"Xiao Yo," he called and she turned her head slightly to look at him.

Her voice was casual. "What?"

He breathed, feeling nervous all of a sudden. "About last night..." he began.

"You promised, Xi Men," she reminded him and stepped inside the elevator. "I'm counting on you to keep it."

Xi Men watched helplessly as the elevator doors closed between them.


	21. Lost Without You

LOST WITHOUT YOU

"A glowing recommendation." Hsin Yi beamed at Xiao Yo. "I just faxed it ten minutes ago to Seattle. I kept my end of the bargain!"

Xiao Yo nodded sluggishly. "Thanks," she said. But the editor was too wrapped up in her excitement to notice Xiao Yo's lukewarm reaction.

Hsin Yi picked up the magazine copy where Xi Men was staring out on the cover. She shook her head in amazement. "Three days of release and it's sold out. You did a great job, Rainie."

"The people don't care about the article as much as they care about the photos," she said tartly.

"Nonsense!" Hsin Yi insisted. "You were able to capture the person instead of the persona! Of course, only a close friend would know that about him."

As much as Xiao Yo wanted to correct Hsin Yi about her presumption of Xi Men being a close friend, she was too tired to even bother. For a few minutes more she listened to Hsin Yi raving about the feature until she was excused from the office.

Grateful for now being dismissed by the editor, she walked straight to the cubicle assigned to her and stared at the blank monitor of the computer.

It has been two weeks since she and Xi Men got back from Japan. Drew has returned from Zealand, they moved from the Lodge to another hotel, the feature she worked on has already been released...and during those two weeks she did not see Xi Men.

All she knew of him were the news tidbits on the papers, about him attending this and that function, going here and there...

Xiao Yo sighed, her musings interrupted by the sound of her name being called out. She stood up and smiled widely when she recognized the person standing at the waiting area outside the office.

Quickly she ran outside and met Drew in a big hug.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, wondering why he had to come here when they were seeing each other at the hotel later.

Drew sighed, uncomfortable. "Something came up," he said. "The big bosses called to say I have to fly to Sydney for a project. My plane leaves in two hours."

Xiao Yo's face fell. "So soon?" She pouted. "How long will you be gone?" she asked.

"About a week, no more than that."

"Oh," she said, relieved. "Remember, we are going home to Toronto in a few weeks."

"Yeah, you don't need to remind me."

"You want me to drive you to the airport?" she offered.

"Nah, you don't have to.' He playfully pinched her nose and kissed her on the lips. "Miss me terribly, OK?"

She smiled up at him mischievously. "I miss you already."

Drew laughed out loud and bade her goodbye. Xiao Yo gazed after him as he left and suddenly felt loneliness engulf her.

Shancai is busy with their business...Qing He is up to his neck with schoolwork in his third year at Ying De.

She sighed. It looks like she has to find ways to keep herself busy. Or else she'll go mad left alone to herself, doing nothing but think about all the stuff that happened since that night at the Hua Ze villa.

If she could, she would have gladly turned back the hands of time. She would have tried her best to argue with Hsin Yi, reached a compromise with the editor to send someone else in her place.

Then she would not be this wreck she is right now.

Guilt wracked Xiao Yo ever since she stepped off the plane and spotted Drew waiting. She had never lied to Drew, and not telling him does not sit well with her so, with Herculean effort, she told him about everything.

Except the kiss.

Somehow she could not bring herself to tell him about it, knowing it would hurt him terribly. So she only told him about the time she and Xi Men spent at the villa, together – as good friends.

The fact that Drew believed her nagged at her, but not as much as the turmoil caused by the events that had transpired at the villa. She is already getting confused about her true feelings towards Drew...and towards Xi Men.

When she set out to come back here in Taipei, it was all crystal-clear to her.

She's with Drew now, they are engaged...and she is in love with him. But now...

Xiao Yo sighed.

She doesn't know what she's feeling anymore.

* * *

A knock came on the door of his office and Xi Men looked up from the book he was reading.

"Yeah?" he called out.

The door opened and Xiao Gen peered in. "May I come in?"

Xi Men had not been able to speak with Xiao Gen since he returned. From the moment he arrived he buried himself into work that he had time for nothing else. It was the only way he knew how to forget.

It worked...for a while...but at the end of the day when he falls on to his bed, that feeling of emptiness would return.

He smiled at Xiao Gen; she's still a friend, and now an associate. Besides, he could not avoid her forever.

"Sure," he said, laying the book down on the small table.

Xiao Gen's eyes fell on the cover of the book and read the title, knowing instantly who the author is. Xi Men merely sat there, waiting for her to speak.

"You've been difficult to talk with lately," she began.

With an air of nonchalance, he said, "A week away from the office and work piled up."

Xiao Gen nodded and walked to sit on the other chair propped against the wall facing Xi Men. "We never did get to talk after you left."

He tried to sound gentle. "Talk?"

"I meant what I've said, Xi Men!" Her voice became intense again. "I'm not asking for marriage, or any sort of serious long-term relationship! All I want is for you to consider...!"

"And I also meant what I've said, Xiao Gen," he said patiently. "I don't get into the habit of breaking up marriages."

Xiao Gen stared at him long and hard, then said, "That's really not the reason, is it?"

Xi Men glanced away, not about to give her an answer. She went on.

"You THINK you are in love...With whom? That journalist?"

At the mention of Xiao Yo, Xi Men's head whipped around to look at Xiao Gen, and he found her looking devastated.

"But you're not really in love, Xi Men," she said. "You just think you do. I know you. Ever since we were younger, these were just games to you."

"Who are you to tell if I am in love or not?" he heard himself ask her almost harshly. "And how did you know about Xiao Yo?"

Her eyes threatened to spill over with tears. "If it is because of her that you are - "

"Leave her out of this," he said coldly and she stared at him, making no effort whatsoever to hide her pain. Xi Men took a deep breath. "Stop this, Xiao Gen. It won't do you – any of us – any good."

"You are rejecting me again," she whispered.

Xi Men did not speak even as Xiao Gen got to her feet and walked to the door. But when she got there she did not immediately leave. She turned around again and spoke in a disparaging tone.

"How do you feel, Xi Men?"

Xi Men looked up at her, not really sure what she's asking about.

She continued. "The woman you dream about is engaged to this wonderful guy, someone who is everything you are not. The woman you long to be with is presently with someone else, whom she would spend the rest of her life with. She will never say to you the words you want to hear, because they are for someone else...not for you."

He looked down, not wanting to hear her but not knowing how to make her stop.

"It hurts, doesn't it? Like a thousand needles being pricked straight into your heart, only more painful. That's exactly what I felt before, Xi Men, when you first turned me down years ago. And that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. But I feel better, knowing you are having first-hand knowledge as to how it feels."

"How many women have fallen for you, Xi Men?" she asked. "Ten? A hundred? And how many women have you sent home with their hearts broken? A thousand?"

Still Xi Men would not speak, and Xiao Yo stopped talking. After a while, she breathed deeply and said, "How does it feel getting a dose of your own medicine?"

Xi Men did not know how long he sat there, his head down, his mind swimming with the words she has just spoken. When he looked up, Xiao Gen was no longer there, and the door was closed.

She left, and he did not even notice.

He sighed and ran his hands over his face, her words wouldn't stop ringing in his ears.

* * *

Xiao Gen ran all the way from Xi Men's office to her own small office at the other end of the hall, trying hard not to cry in front of everyone else. Alone in her office she broke down, her head in her hands, as she remembered how Xi Men rejected yet again.

It was out of bitterness that she said what said to him, but after seeing the stricken look on Xi Men's face as he listened, she almost took them back. But it hurt so much, so she just let the words out, not caring if she hurt him.

Xiao Gen sniffed. One call. That's all it took to get Hannah out of the picture entirely. And maybe that's what's needed with that Xiao Yo, as well.

But to what end? Xi Men had rejected her, despite the fact that Xiao Yo is now engaged with someone else. Here or no, he would still not look at Xiao Gen.

And Drew Masters looked serious enough when he warned her before to stay away from his fiancée. She did not want to risk it.

Xiao Gen sighed helplessly in defeat. "Enough," she told herself sternly. 'He is not worth it." But to her ears she sounded more like a person trying hard to convince herself.

* * *

The office was abuzz than usual with activity when Xiao Yo came in that morning. Everybody seems to be at their wit's end, and from Hsin Yi's high-strung voice could be heard from her office.

It has been two whole boring days since Drew left for Sydney, and she did not expect things to pick up anytime soon. So this was a breath of fresh air.

Xiao Yo asked one of the clerks. "What's going on?"

The clerk spoke in a low whisper. "Chief is going berserk because Tony left for the States without telling her."

Tony, half-American, half-Taiwanese, is one of the main field reporters of the agency. "So?" she asked, still wondering what this has got to do with Hsin Yi's current mood.

"Tony was supposed to cover the high-profile summit of the Chinese-American trade union later tonight," the clerk said, as though it explained everything. "But he just up and left and now no one else is available to cover the event. Every field journalist is already full."

Xiao Yo's mind suddenly began spinning like wheels as excitement rushed through her. She looked at Hsin Yi's office and heard the editor's talking on the phone, annoyance in her voice.

Resolved to have something – anything – to do, Xiao Yo walked straight towards Hsin Yi's office.

Hsin Yi short of slammed the phone down and looked up to find Xiao Yo standing by the doorway. "Yes, Rainie?" she asked in a tired voice. "What is it?"

"I'll do it."

The older woman stared at her, not quite sure what she heard. "Excuse me?"

"The summit," Xiao Yo clarified. "Let me do it."

Hsin Yi shook her head, smiling. 'Oh, no. No, no, Rainie. That's out of the question."

Xiao Yo entered the office and leaned over the desk towards the editor, ready to do battle. "Why not?" she demanded. "During my internships in Washington I've been sent to similar functions. I can do it, Hsin Yi."

"But this is different!" Hsin Yi explained. "Even the happening of this summit is controversial. Do you have any idea what is involved here?"

"I read, watch and listen to the news, Hsin Yi. I pretty much know what this is all about." She gave the editor a small smile. "I hear everyone's fully booked up. I'm the only one you've got."

After a moment's thought Hsin Yi sighed loudly and reached for something in her drawer, retrieving a small brown manila envelope and sliding it on the table to her. Xiao Yo picked up the envelope up and looked at the editor questioningly.

Hsin Yi nodded in defeat. "Alright, you win. The invite is in that envelope. I want a rough draft of everything they talk about in that summit first thing tomorrow morning. And," she added as Xiao Yo was beginning to grin, "don't disappoint me."

"I won't!" she promised and skipped out of the office, glad that now she has something to occupy herself with. For tonight, at least.

* * *

The thought of having to sit in one room and hear all these propagandist business men talk about trade relations and equality and all that between the Americans and Chinese galled him.

It's all pointless. These disputes were just figments of their overworked imaginations. Talk about greed at its extreme level.

He is not looking forward to this, and he does not intend to stay long, either. In less than an hour he would silently leave and go back to the office to do some last minute work.

Xi Men looked around the foyer and noted a few men and women in formal suits entering, obviously for the same reason he was here. He walked straight to the bar and ordered vodka, sitting on one of the high stools, in full view of the hotel entrance.

Suddenly he froze as a lady in a gray suit sauntered into the foyer.

What is Xiao Yo doing here? he wondered and watched as she handed an envelope to one of the ushers, smiling. The usher, after looking at its contents, led her towards the elevator doors.

His drink completely forgotten, Xi Men strode into the foyer and called the attention of the usher who just spoke to Xiao Yo a while back.

"Excuse me," he said, "That lady you just spoke with...what is she here for?"

The usher nodded. "She's here for the summit, sir," he replied.

Xi Men nodded and, without thinking, walked out of the hotel.

Call him a coward, but he can't face her yet. He doesn't have the strength. He just couldn't do it.

* * *

Xiao Yo looked at the wide conference room, almost as large as a grand ballroom. There were already a lot of people there, and she could easily tell the business people from the press, for the main reason that they had their own groups.

On one side a group of American men and women flocked together; the Chinese were on the other side of the room. While to her left, a group of reporters and journalists stood with their cameras and notebooks and recorders.

"Rainie?"

She turned around to look at the source of the voice and her eyes widened in pleasant surprise.

"Liam!" she exclaimed and laughed when the other guy enveloped her in a bear hug. "What are you doing here?"

Liam let her go and grinned, shrugging. "I've been sent to cover this. I'm with AP now. About six months already."

"Associated Press!" she echoed. "That's wonderful! So they hired you right after you graduated, huh?"

Liam – or William Gregor – is one of Drew's high school buddies back in St. Paul. They have been partners in the swimming team, very good friends since the fifth grade. But when college came they rarely saw each other anymore as Drew went to NYU for his Arts degree and Liam attended Berkeley's Journalism course.

Xiao Yo only met Liam the few times she and Drew visited St. Paul and Liam also happened to visit home. Plus, on a couple of writers' conventions they also bumped across each other and had become quite good friends.

He is your typical all-American guy: taller than Drew by a good couple of inches, with a good build, dark blond hair and blue eyes. And those eyes were twinkling now as he spoke.

"Yeah. They must have decided I'm the only one they've got so they decided to take me in. Wow," he breathed, "It's so good to see you again. How long was it since we last saw each other in St. Paul?"

"Eight months," she replied. "You were still about to graduate then."

He nodded. "I remember." He looked around, looking for someone. "Where's good ole Drew?"

"He's in Sydney right now," she replied. "He's got a gig down there."

"I see. I heard about the engagement from Carol. Congratulations. You couldn't have picked a better man."

"Thank you," she said, knowing what he said was the truth.

Their conversation ended when the emcee called the conference to order. Xiao Yo followed Liam to one of the tables allotted for the Press and sat down, ready to get to work.

* * *

Xiao Gen looked up in surprise when Xi Men strode into the conference room of the building. Even the two other employees who were working overtime were startled to see him.

"Good evening,' he greeted them and sat down on one of the chairs. "How's it going? Has the advertising plan been drawn up yet?"

"Just about," Xiao Gen replied and looked at him curiously. "Why are you here? Weren't you supposed to be at the summit?"

Xi Men shrugged. "I'm not too interested in it," he said and reached for the remote control of the television set in the conference room. "Might as well work while listening to the news," he said and switched to the news.

A few minutes later, the two employees volunteered to go out to get some food as the three of them, Xiao Gen included, haven't had dinner yet. When Xi Men and Xiao Gen was left alone, she was the first to speak.

"Why didn't you go?" she asked.

"I went," he replied, staring at the documents before him without really seeing the words written on them, "but I changed my mind."

"May I ask why?" Xiao Gen asked.

He decided there was no use keeping it from her. After all, they both decided they're better off this way.

"Xiao Yo was there."

Xiao Gen stared at him, obviously confounded. "What did she say?"

"Nothing. I left before she even knew I was there."

"Why are you avoiding her?" she asked.

Xi Men lifted his shoulders again, shrugging, and she knew he would not answer her.

She cleared her throat and spoke in a lower voice. "If...If Xiao Yo was not around...would you have chosen me instead of..." her voice trailed as Xi Men slowly turned his head in her direction.

He was smiling kindly as he said, "We've talked about this before, Xiao Gen. Please. Enough."

Sighing she said, "Alright. I'm sorry."

They both looked up as the two employees came back, boxes of Japanese food in their hands.

* * *

After a mere thirty minutes of dialogue, things became quite heated. The debate was getting hotter, and Xiao Yo became engrossed, rapt with the volleying of ideas and arguments between the two parties.

Liam whispered beside her. "Now I see why this issue on trade is so notorious. These people don't know how to admit defeat!"

Xiao Yo nodded in agreement, keeping her ears peeled for any new information as her hand worked nonstop scribbling on her notebook.

In her mind she already has an outline of the article she would be writing. Once she got back at the hotel she's staying in, she would go straight to work on it.

Another half hour passed and still nothing was resolved between the two parties. It was also beginning to wear off on Xiao Yo and she no longer had the interest to listen. Almost mechanically her hands moved to write snippets of the dialogues, but her mind is not really in it.

She wondered how come Xi Men was not here. After all he is one of the most respected business tycoons in Taipei, and from what she discovered about him, his opinions were highly valued by his peers.

Anyway, what if he isn't here? She'd be better off not seeing him again until she and Drew return to Canada in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of Drew, he called earlier during lunch, as he does every time he is away. She was very happy to hear his voice and realized she missed him terribly after merely two days of being apart.

She was shaken out of her reverie by the sound of the doors slamming shut on their hinges. Her head whipped around in alarm and she instantly saw the four masked men in black by the doorway.

"What the – " Liam's voice died in his lips as they saw three more on the left side of the room, and another five more in different corners.

They were all holding AK-14's, pointed at them.

"I call this meeting to order!"

The voice rang out on the microphone and Xiao Yo turned towards the podium. The emcee was no longer up there; he now sat cowering on the seat a few feet away from the podium and, in his place, another man in a black leather mask stood.

The man slowly took off the mask, and his companions followed suit, to reveal their appearances. Chinese, she thought, and when their leader spoke in Cantonese, she instantly knew they hailed from Hong Kong.

"Oh, God," she whispered as she realized what was going on.

"We are sorry to interrupt your party, ladies and gentlemen," the leader at the podium said on the microphone, "but we have just taken you hostage!"


	22. Hours

HOURS

His eyes were beginning to tire and he glanced up at the wall clock of the conference room. Half past nine already.

He, Xiao Gen and their two other assistants have been working nonstop for the past hour already and now he is exhausted. The television was kept on and when he looked up he found the news was already over.

Sighing he reached for the remote and moved to switch channels again. But stopped when the sign BREAKING NEWS appeared on the screen.

The pretty face of the reporter appeared and she began talking. But this became insignificant to him as she went on delivering the breaking news.

"...a group of masked men had just taken the participants of the summit hostage...known as the HK Radicals..."

"No..." he whispered and Xiao Gen looked up from the paper she was reading to look at him, his eyes intent on the television screen. She looked at it and her eyes widened.

The summit has been stopped. Thirteen masked men, members of the Radicals, had just taken the entire conference room of the hotel hostage.

Xi Men stood up, grabbing his jacket.

Xiao Gen also got to her feet and rushed after him as he walked out of the office. "Xi Men!" she called out to him. "Where are you going!"

Xi Men did not even glance at her. "Xiao Yo needs me," he said and stepped into the elevators, leaving Xiao Gen watching after him helplessly.

How he got to his car from his office in so short a time he did not know. All he remembers was speeding past the darkened corridors of the office building, his heart thudding like deafening drumbeats in his ears, a thousand possibilities rolling up before his eyes like a slide show.

He could not believe this was happening. Just more than an hour ago he was at that hotel, and just more than an hour ago he saw her...safe.

In the car he called up Dao Ming Si, who was also shocked to find out Xiao Yo was involved. After agreeing to meet outside the hotel, Xi Men hung up and drove like a hundred ghosts were chasing him.

But when he got a few kilometers away from the hotel, the flow of traffic had stopped, the police had established roadblocks.

Xi Men stepped out of his car and tried to peer towards the direction of the hotel. From this distance he could see police lights swirling round and round the area, a police chopper hovering just outside of the hotel.

He sat back on his car, slamming his fists a couple of times on the wheel. After a moment's thought he left his car in the middle of the stream of traffic and ran all the way towards the hotel.

The police were all over the place, and they would not let anyone come any closer, but Xi Men tried walking past the police line, only to be apprehended roughly by a uniformed man.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you can't come any closer."

"You have to let me through," he said almost pleadingly. "I have a friend inside."

"We have a hostage situation here, sir."

He made an attempt at pulling ranks. "Don't you recognize me? I am Xi Men! You have to let me through!"

"The only people allowed here are those who can help, and right now I don't see how you can do that," the police officer replied, unfazed by his declaration of his identity. "Move back, sir."

In frustration, Xi Men took a step back, looking helplessly at the hotel building before him. He took a deep breath.

He couldn't do anything? Impossible!

"Xi Men!"

He turned around to see who called out his name and was relieved to see Dao Ming Si rushing towards him, Mei Zuo in tow.

"How is it?" Dao Ming Si asked when they got to Xi Men.

Xi Men shook his head.

Mei Zuo tapped him on the shoulders a couple of times, and Xi Men smiled in appreciation. He turned to Dao Ming Si.

"Where's Shancai?"

"She wanted to come along, but I wouldn't let her. It's too dangerous."

Xi Men murmured, "Xiao Yo is inside...and I couldn't do A DAMNED THING!"

"Drew has to know," Dao Ming Si said beside him and Xi Men turned to look at him. "He has to."

Xi Men stared hard at his friend then turned away. Not bothering to ask him again, Dao Ming Si dialed Drew's number on his cellphone.

While he spoke on his phone, trying very hard not to worry Drew too much, Xi Men's eyes were fixed on the building, desperation reigning over him. Before anyone could stop him, he already crossed the police line and racing towards the major officer in charge of the negotiations, ignoring the commotion he caused.

Introducing himself before the officers could restrain him, Xi Men succeeded in putting the officer in charge in awe.

"What's going on?" he asked.

The officer, a dignified man in his late forties, replied, "They are demanding fifty million for ransom."

Disbelief overcame him. "Is that what this is all about?" he asked. "For money?"

The officer nodded. "And they said this is also their way of telling the rest of the world that Chinese and American labor relations are never going to prosper."

Biting his lip, Xi Men asked, "What does the Minister say about this?"

The officer shook his head. "They wouldn't pay."

"Listen," he said intensely. "If they would let the women go, then I would pay."

His eyes wide with astonishment, the officer stared at Xi Men. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious."

Shaking his head, the officer said, "This is fifty million we're talking about here."

"I don't care."

"The State will never allow this. You're a civilian. I'm sorry, sir."

"But I have a friend in there, damn it!" But the officer has already turned away.

Xi Men wanted to hit anybody- anything. Money was supposed to work wonders, right?

* * *

"How can that be!" Drew yelled on the phone, thinking this is all some sort of a bad dream. "She was fine when I talked to her a couple of hours ago!"

Dao Ming Si spoke on the other end. "We just thought to let you know."

He paced the length of his hotel room, his mind working overtime. Rain was taken hostage. No, this can't be real.

"Tell me you're joking," he said intensely. "Tell me you're just playing with me, Dao Ming Si."

"Drew..."

"God damn it!" He cursed under his breath, not caring that Dao Ming Si is hearing him. He took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"I'm coming back tonight," he decided quickly.

"Alright. How soon can you get here?"

"I'll call the airports and book a flight. But please, Dao Ming Si, do something - anything!"

"We'll do what we can," Dao Ming Si promised and Drew hung up.

Quickly he stuffed his few items of clothing on his backpack as his fingers worked furiously on the phone. After a few calls, he was still unsuccessful. But he refused to give up.

Raine is in trouble. She needs him.

* * *

Xiao Yo curled against Liam's side, thoroughly terrified as she stared at the men in black pacing, AK-14s poised for action.

All the participants were ordered to sit on the floor and the fear was so palpable she could have sworn she could prick it with a needle. No one dared make the slightest movement for fear of alarming the terrorists.

Liam looked down at her. "Hey," he whispered, "you OK?"

Xiao Yo nodded, looking at him and seeing how he tries to appear strong and unfazed through this. "I can't believe this is happening," she whispered back.

"I didn't sign up for this, either," he replied in a low whisper.

"What do these people want?" she wondered aloud.

"I heard their leader say something like fifty million on the phone a while back. Maybe that's it. Ransom."

The Radicals, as far as she knows, are anti-American. They are set against China and the U.S. working together, thinking the Americans has an ulterior motive for everything.

"Fifty million," she echoed, then shook her head. "The Taiwanese government will never agree to this."

"Neither will mine," Liam pointed out.

"I'm scared," she admitted, and she felt Liam grope for her hand. She smiled as her friend gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't worry," he said, "I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you, or else Drew will have my hide!"

She shook her head. "You still find time to joke when we're in this situation."

One of the men hovering nearby must have heard them for he yelled at them in Cantonese. "You two! What's going on?"

Xiao Yo and Liam clammed up and looked down as the man walked towards them, noticing how Xiao Yo's arm clung to Liam's.

Suddenly the man, who was holding a revolver instead of those long-handled AK-14's, spat in front of them.

"What is this? A Chinese befriending a dirty American?"

She felt Liam stiffen beside her but said nothing. Her grip tightened around his arm, not wanting him to say anything to provoke the hostage taker.

The man came to a stop and stood before them. "You," he said, speaking with Liam. "What's your name?"

"William," he replied in a level tone.

The man's eyes slid to Xiao Yo and he sneered. "Is this American your boyfriend? ANSWER ME!"

"No, sir," she replied shakily. "He's my friend."

"Friend!" The man snorted. "What is it with you women? Are you blind!"

He walked nearer and tried to yank Xiao Yo up. "Come here!"

Xiao Yo was not able to resist when she was pulled to her feet and her face was brought inches away from the terrorist's. She closed her eyes, steeling herself against whatever is to come.

"Bitch!"

The impact of the terrorist's hand as it slapped against her face resoundingly sent her falling back on the floor, colliding with Liam who solidly caught her. Aghast, Liam stood up.

"Why, you - "

Suddenly afraid that Liam might get into trouble because of her, Xiao Yo immediately got back to her feet.

"Liam, no - "

Her words were cut short by the sound of a gunshot coming from the terrorists' revolver.

* * *

Outside everyone panicked at the sound of the single gunshot coming from the inside. Xi Men, who was still trying to talk to the officer, stopped, the words dying in his mouth.

The officer immediately reached for the phone by his side which connects him to the hostage takers.

"What is going on inside, damn it! What was that gunshot we heard?"

Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo, who obediently stayed behind the police line, finally broke through and rushed towards Xi Men's side.

"What's happening?" Mei Zuo asked, and noticed the deathly pall settling over Xi Menâ€™s face.

But Xi Men did not reply. He watched officer's face pale as he listened to the other end of the line.

After a while the officer said in a voice loud enough that everyone near them heard, "I don't want dead people in my hands! Set the wounded free!"

But as Xi Men continued to watch the officer with growing dread, he knew the person on the other end was unrelenting. When the officer hung up, Xi Men said, "What was that gunshot we heard?"

"Someone's been shot accidentally," the officer said darkly.

"Accidentally?" Dao Ming Si snorted.

"A journalist from an international news group."

Chills went up Xi Men's spine, knowing there were only two reported journalists from international news groups inside.

"Did they say who?" Mei Zuo asked.

The officer shook his head. "They would not."

Xi Men had never prayed so hard in his life...


	23. In The Arms of Grace

INTO THE ARMS OF GRACE

In frustrated anger Drew hurled the phone against the far wall, ultimately hating the air lines to pick this time not to have any available seats for him.

He ran his hands through his face. "Think, Drew, think," he said aloud. He has to get to Taipei. Fast.

It has already been ten minutes since he received the call from Dao Ming Si. And the next ten minutes were spent calling every airline, looking for any vacant seats for Taipei. But he came up with none.

Making his mind up, Drew grabbed his bag he hurriedly packed a while back and left his hotel room. If he has to camp out at the airport, he will. As long he gets to Taipei this same night.

He was already inside the cab taking him to the airport when once again his cell phone rang.

"Dao Ming Si!" he said, silently willing the cab to fly rather than run through the freeway.

When Dao Ming Si spoke Drew instantly knew something was wrong. "Drew...where are you?"

"On my way to the airport," he replied. "There aren't any available flights anywhere near Taipei but I'm taking my chances. How are things?" he asked.

He could feel Dao Ming Si hesitate on the other end. "Something has happened."

Dread filled Drew and he shook the feeling away, not wanting to think of it.

Dao Ming Si continued. "We've been told a journalist got shot. There were only two journalists from the international news groups in the area."

"No!" The cry came out guttural, and Drew suddenly felt bile rise up to his throat.

"We're not sure yet," Dao Ming Si said, "but we thought to let you know..."

In a sudden flash of thought, he heard himself say, "Is Xi Men there? Let me talk to him."

After a while, Xi Men's sedate voice came on the line. "Yeah?"

"Xi Men!" Drew exclaimed. This was the last thing he wanted to do...but he had no other choice. "Do something."

"Drew..."

"Don't let anything bad happen to Rain."

"What do you think I've been trying to do for the past couple of hours?" Drew could almost sense the other man's frustration. "But there isn't anything I can do!"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT!" Suddenly regretting his outburst, Drew took a deep breath and said, "I don't care how you do it, Xi Men. They say you are one of the most powerful men in Taipei. Prove it."

When Xi Men remained quiet, Drew spoke more softly, almost pleading. "I feel so helpless, Xi Men...and believe me, asking for help from you isn't exactly what I wanted..."

"I'll do my best," Xi Men said and hung up.

Somehow, Drew was not reassured. And as the airport loomed ahead he began to wonder why he did what he did...and knew the answer. He loves Rain. If anything bad happens to her...

* * *

Xiao Yo felt dazed, and she tried to focus. The shock of seeing so much blood sent her mind into a spin...

The scene a few minutes ago played itself in her mind again. Liam got to his feet, ready to lunge at the hostage taker. She also stood up to restrain him.

But again she fell back on the floor just as the shot rang out, Liam falling in a heap on top of her, a bullet embedded in his stomach.

His blood sprayed on her clothes and hands.

Xiao Yo turned her head around and looked at Liam, who was now looking pale and feverish. She had tried to stop the bleeding by removing her silk jacket and tying it around his middle. And even now as she gazed at it, it was fully soaked with blood.

"Hang on," she whispered to Liam, wiping the beads of sweat on his forehead with a hankie one of the other hostages gave her. "Hang in there."

But she didn't know how much longer he could hang on. His pupils are now dilated, and he's obviously going into shock.

They have been inside this room as hostages for more than two hours now...and Liam had been shot barely fifteen minutes ago. If this drags on a little longer, he would surely die.

Xiao Yo shook her head, not even wanting to consider that possibility. Liam is a friend; he will make it.

"Hang on," she whispered once again.

Xi Men didn't know how long he stood there, waiting. His talks with the officer had been futile, so he weakly returned to Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo's side, leaving the officer to negotiate with the hostage takers. All he was left with now is the hope that Xiao Yo was not the one shot. If she was...

Even Drew is counting on him. He breathed heavily, trying to ease his mind. But it did not do any good.

Inside the hotel, Xiao Yo was beginning to feel hopeless as Liam's eyes were beginning to shut. In a panic she shook him awake, afraid to let him doze off into sleep. If this happens, Liam might fall into a coma, or worse.

She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears. She had never felt so terrified in her life and, for the first time since the terrorists broke in, the thought of dying occurred to her.

She didn't want to die...

There's still so much she wanted to do...so much she wanted to say...

She couldn't die...

In her mind's eye the faces of the people she loved sprang before her. Her parents...her sister...her friends...Shancai...Qing He...the F4...Xi Men...Drew...

Xi Men...

She was jarred from her reverie when two of the men in black approached.

"Get up," they told her coldly.

Scared, but unwilling to let them see it, she stood up. When one of them reached down towards Liam, she said, "What are you doing? Where are you taking him!"

It was their leader who spoke. "We made a deal with the police. We will let him go."

Relief flooded her and in spite of herself smiled at the leader. "Thank you," she breathed.

"You are going with him."

Her eyes jerked upward in disbelief. "Me?"

The leader nodded and coldly stared at her. "You have quite powerful friends, miss. Now, go."

Xiao Yo felt herself pushed from behind.

"I- I don't understand...!"

"Our fight is against the Americans, and not with the four major families of Taipei. Now move!"

Xiao Yo moved on leaden feet as they walked through the other hostages, Liam held up by two of the hostage takers.

On her back she could feel the muzzle of one of the AK-14s pushing her forward and she tried to ignore it, also trying not to look at the others who are now looking at her with fear in their faces.

No one said a word as they rode down the elevator. When they came to a stop at the first floor, she was roughly pushed forward on the floor and she stifled a scream of outrage as the men also dumped Liam in a heap beside her.

When she turned to look back, the elevator doors had already closed, the hostage takers already riding back up.

Frantically Xiao Yo got to her feet and tried rousing Liam. At this moment a few uniformed policemen and paramedic were rushing inside the hotel foyer.

"Liam!" she called out to her friend. "Liam, stay awake! We're free now! Don't fall asleep!" She stepped aside as the paramedics reached them.

"He was shot on his lower chest," she explained hurriedly. "He lost a lot of blood, please get him to the hospital. Don't let him die!"

A woman medic came forward to her, trying to soothe her as the others transferred Liam to a waiting stretcher.

"It's alright now, ma'am. We will do our best to save him. Are you OK?" she asked, assessing Xiao Yo.

Xiao Yo nodded, still frantic. "Yes, yes. I'm not hurt. The bullet is still inside, you have to take it out - "

"Calm down," the woman assured her. "We'll take care of him."

Xiao Yo stopped talking, breathing hard. She rushed forward, her hand reaching for Liam's reassuringly as the medics began wheeling him away.

She squinted against the sudden flashes of light that welcomed them as they stopped out of the hotel. Police lights everywhere, flashbulbs from cameras.

She raised a hand to shield her eyes as she could not see a thing.

Xiao Yo stood back as more medics came forward to take Liam. Suddenly she felt lost...numb...

She's now free...God has heard her prayers...

Slowly she turned around and blinked against the lights, willing them to go away.

When her eyes focused, she saw him.

He stood there, his arms hanging limply at his sides, looking at her with an unfathomable expression on his face...simply staring at her.

Weakly Xiao Yo looked down at herself, noted all the blood spilled in front of her clothes. She must look a complete mess! The events of the past couple of hours seemed like a dream...like a nightmare. And now exhaustion settled on her.

When she looked back up, and tried to move towards him, she found her knees could no longer seem to hold her up.

Before she could fall, he was already there beside her, catching him up against him, holding her tight, his breath against her hair, his arms crushing her, cutting off her air.

"Oh, God," he whispered hoarsely in her ears, his hands stroking the top of her head repeatedly. "Thank God you're safe." He repeated these words over and over while stroking her back, her hair.

Of their own volition, her arms went around him and she held on tight, having this sudden picture of those men coming out and wrenching her back to that room...away from him.

She closed her eyes but the tears came out just the same, and she heard herself sobbing and crying, her tears thoroughly soaking his shirt.

Xi Men never let her go. Even when some of the paramedics came to take her for various tests, he did not let go.

Instead he scooped her up in his arms and boarded the ambulance, instantly forgetting all about Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo who stood there with utter relief on their faces.

Inside the ambulance, Xiao Yo buried her face in the crook of his shoulders, her arms around his neck.

"Don't leave me," she whispered pleadingly. "Don't let me go..."

"Yes," Xi Men whispered back. "Never again, Xiao Yo. Never again."

His arms tightened around her and he closed his eyes, content to have her in his arms, alive, her heart beating against his, her chest heaving.

"Never again..."


	24. Somebody Else

SOMEBODY ELSE'S

The doctor looked at the small clipboard as Xiao Yo lay on the bed, Xi Men standing close by.

"You don't have any serious injuries except that bruise on your face, but I'd rather you stay here until tomorrow until we've made sure there aren't any more. And no arguments!" he said sternly when she was about to speak up.

Xiao Yo shut her mouth and simply nodded. The doctor turned to Xi Men.

"Watch over our patient here," he said.

"I will," Xi Men replied. "Thanks, doc."

He turned back to Xiao Yo when the doctor closed the door behind him, but at that same moment the door burst open and Dao Ming Si, Mei Zuo and Shancai walked in.

"Xiao Yo!" Shancai exclaimed, rushing to her friend's side. "Thank goodness you're alright! We were so worried!"

Xiao Yo smiled. "I'm fine. Actually I wanted to go back to my hotel but the doctor wouldn't let me."

"He knows best, Xiao Yo," Dao Ming Si said, and Xiao Yo merely rolled her eyes. They talked for a few minutes more until Xi Men broke it up.

"Enough," he said firmly. "It's past midnight, you should all be going home. Besides, Xiao Yo needs to rest."

The three got to their feet and Xi Men ushered them out, short of pushing them away. He gave a reassuring nod at Xiao Yo. "I'll be right back," he promised and closed the door behind him.

When they were in the hallway, Dao Ming Si turned to look at him. "You don't have to see us outside," he said. "Go back to her and keep watch."

"Are you sure?" Xi Men asked.

Mei Zuo laughed. "If you want, I could stay and you go home."

At Xi Men's glare, Mei Zuo laughed harder. Then he sighed. "Oh, man...what a night!"

Shancai nodded. "The news came through. The Radicals had set the hostages free after more negotiations."

"I don't care," Xi Men said dispassionately, thinking how close he was to losing Xiao Yo to those greedy terrorists masquerading as rebels with a cause.

Dao Ming Si gave him a slight slap on the shoulder. "We'd better be off, then."

But before that, he pulled Xi Men to one side and spoke to him in a low whisper. "I hope you know what you're doing," he said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Xi Men remarked, knowing fully well what his friend was saying.

"You just might be poising yourself for more heartache," Dao Ming Si said. "I don't want to see that happening." He nodded and walked away.

Shancai looked at him when he joined them, curiosity written all over her face. "What did you tell him?" she asked.

"What he needed to hear," Dao Ming Si replied. Beside him, Mei Zuo sighed loudly. "What?" he asked.

"This must gall you," Mei Zuo said, "having to come between two parties. First, between me and Lei...and now, between Xi Men and Drew."

Dao Ming Si said nothing. He just laid an arm around Shancai and the three of them walked back to their waiting car.

* * *

When they left the room, Xiao Yo stared at the closed door, and once more fear crept in as she realized she was once again alone.

But Xi Men promised he'd be right back. She had no reason to be afraid.

She closed her eyes, willing away all thoughts of the past couple of hours. She wondered how Liam is doing...

It must have been due to sheer exhaustion but in a few moments she dozed off to sleep. And this is the sight that welcomed Xi Men when he quietly reentered her room.

For a while he stood there, simply watching her sound asleep, the steady rising and falling of her chest. Then he walked forward and sat down on the chair situated beside the bed.

Slowly he reached for her hand and held it, not wanting to disturb her, but only wanting to hold her.

When she walked out of the hotel lobby earlier and he saw the blood on her clothes...all he felt was immense relief when he found out she was not the one who was shot.

Then the next thing he knew he was holding her...and he didn't want to let go.

Xi Men's eyes strayed to her right cheek, where an ugly bluish bruise had formed. From a slap given her by one of the hostage-takers.

He reached up and stroked it. Xiao Yo mumbled in her sleep and his hand stilled. When she gave out a sigh and returned to sleep he slowly drew his hand away.

"I love you..." he heard himself say.

And the words fell on the four walls, unheard by the one they were meant for.

* * *

The moment the cab drew up outside the hospital Drew literally flew up the stairs and into the information desk, asking about Xiao Yo's room. Then he headed straight towards the direction he was pointed to.

He had been up all night, virtually spending hours at the airport until he found a couple of tourists who let him ride with them on their private plane and drop him in Taipei before heading off to Beijing.

Drew glanced at his watch. 7 a.m. Approximately 10 hours since Raine was taken hostage. Dao Ming Si told him the name of the hospital they have brought her into and so he proceeded straight from the airport.

As he saw the private room, he breathed a sigh of relief and dropped his backpack, running the rest of the way.

Careful not to disturb her in case she was resting, Drew slowly turned the knob in his hand and pushed it ajar.

It wasn't what he expected to see...but there it was.

On the bed lay Raine, asleep, her head to one side, a peaceful smile on her face. Her right hand lay on top of her belly, and her left was on her side...

...held by a man who was also asleep as he sat on a chair beside the bed.Xi Men.

Whatever strength he had left seemed to desert him as he took a step back and pulled the door close once again.

Weakly he leaned against the wall beside the door and felt himself slide down on the floor, unaware of the glances a couple of nurses threw his way...

* * *

Inside the room Xi Men opened his eyes and turned to look at the window to see full daylight. His eyes shifted towards Xiao Yo and he smiled when he saw she was awake, and looking at him.

He released her hand and said softly, "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

Xiao Yo nodded slowly and said, "Like I could run a mile!"

A small laugh escaped his lips. "Alright, I'll race you, then."

"Think you can keep up?" she said teasingly.

"You think I couldn't?"

She smiled, giving up the playful banter. "What time is it?" she asked.

He glanced at his wristwatch. "Half past eight already. You want anything? Water? Breakfast?"

She seemed to consider for a moment, then said, "No, thanks." She took a deep breath. "Please tell me everything was just a bad dream..."

"I wish I could; I'm glad nothing bad happened to you."

Her lids lowered as she remembered the events of the past night. "I survived a hostage taking." A wry smile formed on her lips. "I'm a star!"

"It's good to see you've managed to retain a sense of humor after what happened."

When Xiao Yo looked up she noticed the grave look on Xi Men's face and her smile died.

"That's what we're supposed to do, right?" she said softly. "When everything is going down, we ought to smile at it. That's the only way we could get through it."

"You believe that?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. "That's your approach to things, wasn't it? And it worked for you, I can tell."

He didn't answer her quip. Instead he said, "You really gave us quite the scare."

"But you helped me out," she said and gave another wider grin. "So this is how it is like, being a friend of the F4. Everyone cowers in fear and follows your bidding."

"Believe me, last night, I almost felt like that did not matter."

"Well, that's over now," she said. "Now all I want is to leave the hospital as soon as possible. And also I want to know how Liam is."

Xi Men stood up. "I'll check him out, and I'll also call the doctor to come see you. You'll be OK?"

"Yeah," she reassured him. "Xi Men?" she called out softly when he was halfway through the door. He turned around and looked at her enquiringly.

"Thank you," she said, "for staying with me."

He smiled. "Anytime." Then he left the room.

As Xi Men let himself out into the hall, his eyes caught a black backpack on the floor, by the wall. Shrugging it off, thinking it was just left there by mistake, he proceeded to Intensive Care and found William Gregor had been transferred early this morning into a private room, already pronounced out of danger.

This news he told Xiao Yo when he later returned to her room with the doctor. After the physician declared Xiao Yo ready to leave the hospital, Xi Men walked him out of the room as Xiao Yo got ready to leave.

"No need to worry any more," the doctor was saying as they stepped into the hall.

"Thanks for helping us out, doc," he said, watching the doctor walk away.

Satisfied, Xi Men turned around to walk back to the room. But he stopped in his tracks.

At the other end of the hall, a man stood, leaning by the wall, looking out the glass window.

When the man's head turned to look at his direction, Xi Men recognized him.

Drew.

Taking a deep breath, Xi Men sauntered towards Drew and noticed the other guy slightly turn his head away.

When they were standing close together, Drew looked up and Xi Men saw he looked haggard.

"Hey," he said softly. "When did you arrive?"

Drew lifted a shoulder. "I just got in," he replied tersely.

"That room there is Xiao Yo's," Xi Men said, pointing at the door, feeling awkward all of a sudden.

Drew nodded. "I just...Taking my time," he said, breathing deeply. "How is she?"

"Why don't you go in and ask her yourself?"

Drew lifted his gaze and met Xi Men's eyes squarely. "Thank you for helping her out."

Xi Men didn't reply immediately. After a pause, he said, "I would have done it even without you asking me."

"I know."

Drew's reply was spoken so low Xi Men thought he imagined it.

Xi Men straightened and forced out a smile. "I'd better go, then," he said. "The doctor said she can go. She's just getting ready right now. Now that you're here, you can take her back to your hotel."

Xi Men turned around to leave. "Tell her I went ahead."

"Wait."

Xi Men looked back at Drew and found the American looking down at his toes.

"You love her."

It was not a question. It was a statement, and Xi Men was jarred he wasn't able to say anything.

"I can tell," Drew continued. "Otherwise you wouldn't be like...this."

Xi Men swallowed. "Are you asking me?"

Drew shook his head with a bitter smile. Then he let out a sigh. "Will you answer me honestly if I did?"

"Would you like my answer if I did?"

"Would it matter to you if I didn't like it?"

Xi Men thought about this, not saying anything.

Observing the other man's silence, Drew said, "I guess not."

Then Drew laughed dryly. "Look at us. Here we are...both in love with the same woman."

They shared a moment of silence, which was eventually broken by Xi Men when he said, "Tell Xiao Yo I already left."

Drew did not say anything when Xi Men walked away. Neither did he turn his head to look after the departing man.

The door opened and Xiao Yo, now ready to leave, looked up with a ready smile on her face.

"I'm ready -" she faltered when she saw it was not Xi Men but Drew who stood there. "Drew..." she said in amazement.

Drew's tired face lit up into a happy smile as he strode in and gathered her in his arms.

"How are you?" he asked in a low whisper as he embraced her.

Surprised at seeing him here, Xiao Yo could only hug him back, saying, "I'm OK..."

"When I heard what happened, I got so scared." He drew back and gave her a smile. "I'm glad to see you are fine."

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought you were in Sydney."

"I tried to come as fast as I could, but there were problems with the flight schedules and stuff..." He shook his head helplessly and Xiao Yo noted the tired lines on his forehead, the dark smudges under his eyes, the fatigued face...

"When did you arrive?" she asked.

"Just this morning," he replied. "I came straight here from the airport."

She tried to smile. "I see I'm not the only one who had a rough night."

"Not as rough as the one you had," he pointed out. "By the way, Xi Men went ahead. He told me to tell you he had to go."

Xiao Yo turned her gaze away, feigning indifference. "Well, in that case, we'd better go back to the hotel, then," she said and smiled brightly at him.

As they left the room, Drew's protective arms around her shoulders, Xiao Yo suddenly felt like she was back in that room last night with the hostage takers...left with that stark feeling of being alone...

...of having her choices taken out of her hands.


	25. Crystal Clear

**CRYSTAL CLEAR**

Dao Ming Si watched as Xi Men played with his glass, swirling the red wine round and round, but not really drinking it.

"You have any plans of drinking that?"

It has been five days since Xiao Yo got out of the hospital, and this evening Xi Men stopped by Meteors to visit Dao Ming Si. When Dao Ming Si noted the tired look on his friend's face, he insisted they have a drink together in his private office at the back of the bar.

They've been seated together for about half an hour now, and still Xi Men had not taken a sip of his wine.

"Sorry," Xi Men said. "I'm feeling out of my element today. I don't feel like drinking much."

"Well, that's something new," Dao Ming Si said wryly. "You've been acting weird lately. You rarely drink anymore, and Lun said you also bury yourself in your work like some sort of a mad man." He sighed. "What's going on? Does this have anything to do with Xiao Yo?"

"I love her."

This quiet declaration made Dao Ming Si stop short and look strangely at Xi Men. Xi Men repeated himself.

"I love her," he said, louder now.

Dao Ming Si shook his head, aghast. "You say that like you just discovered it."

Xi Men went on, not really hearing his friend. "I loved her then...that's why I pushed her away. I didn't want her hurt because of me...I've been cruel but..." He lifted his gaze at Dao Ming Si.

"I love her. I loved her then, and I love her even more today."

Dao Ming Si's lips quirked into an amused smile. "You keep making that declaration in front of me and I would think you are actually proposing to me." He took a deep breath. "You're in a dilemma here, Xi Men. Your story with Xiao Yo never ended before...precisely because it has never even begun."

Xi Men looked at his friend. "You have no idea what it was like between us before."

Dao Ming Si shrugged. "Maybe. But even so...a lot of things have changed since then, Xi Men. And don't forget about Drew."

"You don't have to remind me." He laid his wineglass down on the table, completely losing interest in it. "I need your opinion, A Si. If I pursue this...if I take my chances with Xiao Yo...do you think it would work?"

"I don't know. That is up to Xiao Yo, but it would probably hurt Drew. Do you want that in your conscience?"

Xi Men suddenly laughed out loud. "You forget. I don't have a conscience!"

Dao Ming Si shook his head and looked down, trying to be serious.

"You're a smart man, Xi Men. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you. Just...don't step on anyone's toes."

Xi Men lifted his glass at Dao Ming Si and downed its contents, leaving not a drop.

* * *

Xi Men dropped on the sofa of his penthouse suite, feeling light-headed. Funny, he had not drunk alcohol for quite a while and tonight, after just one glass, he's feeling tipsy.

The buzzer rang, indicating someone at the door. He looked at the grandfather clock on the far wall and frowned. Who would be coming over at thirty minutes before midnight?

He had his answer when, sauntering towards the door to open it, he found Xiao Gen standing outside.

"Xiao Gen!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by," she replied. "Do you mind?"

"No, not really," he assured her and stepped aside. "Come on in."

Xiao Gen followed him inside and noted the simple masculine decor of his penthouse suite. "Wow," she breathed. "This sure is a far cry from your old place."

"Want a drink?" he offered and sat down on the couch.

She shook her head. "I hope I didn't drop in on you at a bad time."

"I just arrived anyway," he said. "What can I do for you?"

"Actually..." Xiao Gen looked down, almost guiltily. Her voice lowered. "I came here to apologize."

"Apologize?"

She looked up at him and her smile was forced. "I have decided to go back to Hong Kong. To my husband. We talked...and agreed to make it work."

"That's great news," he said with all sincerity. At least somebody is making headway with their relationships. "Congratulations."

"Thanks. I came here to apologize for all those things I did," she said. "And for all those things I've said."

"Forget it," he said, shrugging.

"I was wrong," she went on, "when I said you weren't capable of love...that you cared about no one. A few nights ago, I was proven wrong. You do care. And you love her very much. I can see it in your eyes."

Xi Men turned away.

"I wish you luck," she said and he merely nodded in acknowledgment.

"And there's also something else...what happened to Hannah...the mugging. It was me."

Xi Men's eyes widened. "What?"

She looked down in utter remorse. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was thinking...I talked to her a while ago on the phone, and she said she forgives me. Believe me, Xi Men, I regret it!"

He breathed in, astounded that Xiao Gen could have been capable of such an act. But when he looked into her eyes and saw the repentance in them, he merely said, "That's done with...I don't think we could have changed what happened."

But he was also overridden with guilt afterwards when Xiao Gen had left. It was mainly because of him that Hannah was beat up.

Looking at the watch and realizing it's still daytime in Los Angeles, he rang Hannah. When she came on the phone, he apologized profusely, until he heard he sobbing on the other end.

"It's not your fault, Xi Men," she said in between sobs but Xi Men did not feel any better.

"It was because of me that you got hurt," he insisted.

To his surprise, she said, "Believe me, Xi Men, I had that coming. I deserved it."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"I have a confession to make," Hannah said, sniffing. "I've done something bad, really bad...to you and Xiao Yo."

"I don't get it."

"Remember that time you forgot your cell phone at my place years ago?" Hannah reminded him and he remembered it. "Xiao Yo called twice...and I rebuffed her."

"What do you mean 'rebuffed'?"

"I told her off...I told her to stop calling you."

Xi Men felt himself close his eyes, everything now becoming clear to him. Why Xiao Yo stopped her calls...

"I'm so sorry.."

He wanted to scream, shout...to no one in particular. To Hannah? What good would it make? It's not like it's going to change anything that had happened.

"It's OK, Hannah," he said softly. "Listen, I gotta go. Bye."

Without waiting for her to speak any more, he hung up and sat there, quietly thinking things over. Then he laughed to himself.

What does it matter that Hannah told Xiao Yo to stop her calls? She would have done so anyway, sooner or later...considering he never really had any intention of returning them or even acknowledging them.

He closed his eyes and, for the first time in a long while, longed for sleep to come over him so, for a moment, he could not think of anything.

* * *

Xiao Yo peeked through the door of Drew's room and noted him facing his own computer, typing furiously with his fingers, his forehead creased in concentration at what he is doing.

From the doorway she cleared her throat and succeeded in catching his attention.

"I'm going out," she said. "I'm swinging by Shancai's place for lunch. You want to come?"

Drew shook his head, a small smile showing. "No, thanks. You ladies have a good time."

His brief reply sounded strange to her ears. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"You want me to bring you anything when I get back?" she offered.

"Don't bother. I'll just order room service."

"Alright then," she said softly. "Bye."

Drew merely nodded and returned his gaze to the computer. When he heard the door close after her, he turned his head and stared at the spot where she stood just a few moments ago.

He sighed and leaned back wearily on his seat. Raine must be wondering why he's acting weird lately. Heck, even he is wondering!

But he knew things have changed. Things are different now.

And he's scared shitless.

* * *

True enough, Xiao Yo wondered about Drew's behavior recently, and she shared this with Shancai when they were together at the latter's living room.

"What do you mean 'changed'?" Shancai asked.

"He rarely speaks or laughs much anymore...and you know how Drew is. He's always lively...full of energy. Lately he would be really quiet, or just content to work on his laptop or toy with his camera."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since he got back from Sydney he had been like this."

"Have you said anything to him, or done anything that might have offended him?"

Xiao Yo shook her head. "I don't think so. We rarely talked lately, so I doubt it was something I've said."

"Maybe he was still trying to get over the shock of you having been almost killed."

"Maybe..." Xiao Yo took a deep breath.

Shancai glanced at her friend from under her lashes and here conversation with Dao Ming Si the previous night came back to her, about Xi Men's admission of his true feelings towards Xiao Yo.

"Have you spoken with Xi Men?" Shancai heard herself ask, and Xiao Yo shook her head.

"I have not seen him since I got out of the hospital." Xiao Yo smiled wistfully. "See, that's another thing..."

"What is?" Shancai asked.

"You know when I was inside the conference room, with the guns pointed at me, and Liam bleeding beside me, I only had one thought in mind." She paused, then went on.

"I didn't want to die. I still have so much I wanted to do. And one of them was to speak with Xi Men and tell him what's in my heart."

"And," she went on, "when I was set free and walking out of the hotel lobby, somewhere in my subconscious, I wanted him to be the first thing I see when I stepped outside."

"Are you saying..."

Xiao Yo nodded. "I thought I was over him, Shancai. But back in that room…I realized I never really stopped loving him. If it were possible, I love him more than I ever had in the past."

"But...what about Drew?"

Xiao Yo shook her head in confusion. "I don't know." Then she smiled. "Now I know what you meant when you told me how you felt before."

Shancai frowned, not understanding.

"You said once that Hua Ze Lei is the dream. Dao Ming Si is reality. And Love is real. Well," she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "Drew is like my Hua Ze Lei...Xi Men is my Dao Ming Si."

Shancai nodded in realization, sympathy clouding her face, fully understanding how Xiao Yo is feeling. Her eyes fell on the ring on her friend's finger and saw it flash.

"I wish there's anything I can do to help," Shancai whispered.

Xiao Yo shook her head with a sad smile. "I'm afraid no one can help me, Shancai."

They fell into silence, aftwerwards Xiao Yo said softly, "I don't want to see Drew hurt. For the longest time he had been my pillar of strength. I would not be here now were it not for him...he's perfect."

"But you don't love him."

"Oh, but you're wrong, Shancai," she corrected her friend. "I love Drew...any girl would be crazy not to fall for him. As I've said, he's perfect. He's a dream...I love Drew..."

"But...?"

"But not as much as I love Xi Men."

Xiao Yo closed her eyes, obviously pained by this admission.

"What are you planning to do, then?" Shancai asked.

"I don't know," Xiao Yo replied. "But one thing's for sure. I will not let Drew get hurt."

Shancai looked at her friend intently and could almost feel her turmoil.

Xiao Yo breathed in. "I will not let him down."

"Xiao Yo..."

"I will not fail him."

* * *

When Xiao Yo returned to the hotel a little later that day, she found Drew still in front of the computer, doing some alterations on some images he had taken. He looked up with a smile as she entered.

"Back so soon?" he asked mildly. "How'd it go with Shancai?"

"Fine," she replied, sitting down. "We had a nice quiet afternoon."

Drew nodded, facing the computer once again. "That's good to know. By the way, Dao Ming Si called a while back, while you were out, saying something about going to this resort this weekend."

Xiao Yo knew about this invitation. Shancai told her about it, and Xiao Yo did not accept it for the reason that Xi Men would also be there...and she doesn't want to have any awkward moments with Drew around.

"Yeah, Shancai also told me about it."

"I hope you don't mind, but I accepted their invitation."

Xiao Yo's eyes widened. "You did?"

He shrugged. "It has been quite a while since I got a good swim. I need to loosen up these muscles and get back in shape." He turned to look at her. "You don't mind that I agreed to go without consulting you, do you?"

Xiao Yo shook her head and smiled, as though it was no big deal.

"Of course not. I meant to ask you anyway. Uhm...are you sure you wanna go?"

"Is there any reason why we shouldn't?" he asked.

"Nothing...I just thought you had something to do."

He shook his head. "I need to unwind,' he said. "And so do you."

Later when Xiao Yo got into her room to change, she felt another burden weighing down on her at the thought of having to spend this weekend with Drew and Xi Men together. She took a deep breath.


	26. The Blind Can See

**THE BLIND CAN SEE**

It was a secluded cove, well away from the main part of the beach, and it was reserved especially for them.

"One of the perks of being the F4," Xiao Yo sighed. "Of course, that's minus Hua Ze Lei, but does it really matter? Any one of them speaks, and everybody listens."

She and Shancai were seated on one of the cocktail tables set up. Down the cove the men were playing a volleyball match: Xi Men and Mei Zuo on one side, and Dao Ming Si and Drew on the other. Qing He was keeping score.

Busy at the grill, Shancai's mom and Shage were setting up their food, at the same time trying to keep their eyes on her father who keeps eyeing the cooked food, waiting for the right time to punch in.

"I was surprised when Drew agreed to come," Shancai said. "I thought you said he's been a bit out of it lately."

"I'm puzzled myself," she replied. "But he seemed really bent on coming so I didn't object. Anyway, I think he needs this. Obviously something is bothering him."

"He hasn't talked to you about it yet?"

Xiao Yo shook her head, noting as the guys stopped playing and trooped towards the other table nearby for some refreshments.

"No. But whatever it is, I know he'll talk to me about it...sooner or later. Drew never lied to me, you know."

Shancai got to her feet. "Uh-oh, Pa's at it again. I better pull him away from there before Ma causes him bodily harm."

Amused, Xiao Yo followed Shancai with her gaze as she raced towards her father.

Suddenly she looked up when a shadow fell over her and found Xi Men standing there, a drink in hand.

"I see you're feeling better," he remarked.

"Why wouldn't I? I wasn't injured seriously or anything."

He nodded. "I heard your friend William Gregor will be leaving the hospital soon."

"Oh, yes. The doctors say he will be going home to the States when he could move freely, and that's in about three days."

"I'm glad to hear that," Xi Men said with a smile, and Xiao Yo returned his smile with one of her own.

* * *

From the distance, Drew was looking at them, a sorrowful look on his face. His eyes moved to Xiao Yo...then to Xi Men...then back to Xiao Yo.

He laid his drink down and tapped Dao Ming Si on the shoulder.

"I'm going in for a dip," he said and raced towards the water after Dao Ming Si nodded.

As he let the cold water engulf him, Drew could not shake out the feeling that overwhelmed him. Of course he expected this...somehow, at the back of his mind, the possibility of this happening has always been present.

But it still hurt to have it confirmed, to have to look at the proof right in front of his eyes...

They still love each other...

...and there's nothing he could do to stop it.

He had no idea how long he swam. But his aching arms and feet began to complain and he noticed for the first time how intensely he had worked his way into the water. When he glanced back, he saw he was a long distance away from shore, and the others were just mere specks from where he was.

Deciding to turn back, he made a swift turnaround. A sharp pain shot up his leg, crawling up towards his torso. Drew bit his lip to keep himself from crying out.

Drats! he thought. Why'd he have to be attacked by a cramp right now?

He tried to move forward but another spasm of pain came upon him. This time the pain was so intense he felt himself paralyzed.

The last thing he remembered before darkness overcame him was feeling the water seep into his nose as his head dropped underwater.

* * *

"Xiao Yo!" Shancai called out from the grill, calling the attention of her friend whose head was buried in the paperback she was reading. "Come on! The steaks are ready!"

Laying the book down, Xiao Yo strode over to where the others were already trooping to get their hands on the food. She looked around, looking for Drew.

"Guys," she said, "have you seen Drew anywhere?"

Mei Zuo looked around. "He was just here a while ago."

"Yeah," Qing He added, "He was drinking with us."

Dao Ming Si spoke up. "He went into the water a while ago."

Her eyes moving towards the water, Xiao Yo scanned the horizon. She turned back towards the others.

"I don't see him anywhere," she said. "How long ago did he go in?"

Dao Ming Si shrugged. "About twenty minutes ago."

Feeling nervous now, Xiao Yo walked forward, her eyes trying hard to focus into the water. It wasn't like Drew to stay in the water for that long. He's an excellent swimmer, but he has a thing abut staying in the water for not more than fifteen minutes since he easily gets cramps.

Suddenly her eyes spotted something in the water far away. Something that vaguely looked like a ---

"No!" she cried, and the others turned to look at her.

Xiao Yo was running frantically towards the water, throwing her cap away. Xi Men looked far ahead into the horizon and saw it just as Dao Ming Si also rushed after her.

"My God!" Shancai exclaimed and Xi Men also ran towards the water, following Mei Zuo and Dao Ming Si who were already swimming away.

When Xi Men got to Xiao Yo, he pulled her back. "Xiao Yo!" he said, trying to still her frazzled nerves. "Stay here! We'll get him!"

Xiao Yo was crying now as she sank down into the waist-deep water. "Please!" she sobbed. "Drew..! Help him...! Please...!"

Xi Men nodded and dove in after his friends.

It was a long swim and by the time Xi Men got to Drew, Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo were already there, and he helped the two lug the unconscious man to shore.

It seemed like forever when they felt the sand on their feet and some lifeguards were already there, together with some medics. On the side, Xiao Yo was crying and sobbing heavily, Shancai comforting her.

Drew was laid flat on his back and they all stepped back as the medics began performing CPR on him. Xi Men could hear Xiao Yo's sobs from where he was standing and he breathed hard, exhausted from too much exertion.

Everyone watched with their breaths held as Drew suddenly began coughing sea water then fall back into unconsciousness. Methodically, the medics transferred him to a stretcher and lifted him towards the small mobile, Xiao Yo climbing in after them.

As the mobile left, Xi Men stood there, catching a glimpse of Xiao Yo inside the truck, bent over Drew, her hands holding his.

* * *

When they all arrived later at the hospital, they found Xiao Yo stepping out of the doctor's office, relief written all over her face. Her face lit up when she saw them.

"Xiao Yo!" Shancai called out. "How is he doing?"

"They just transferred him to a room. He's safe now. He just lost consciousness, but the doctors say there's nothing wrong with him. But they had to put a bandage around his head and face because they said some muscles were pulled...something like that."

"That's a relief," Dao Ming Si remarked. "I'm glad he's OK, considering he lost consciousness in the water for quite a while."

"I forgot to thank you guys for saving him."

Mei Zuo shrugged. "We were lucky to get to him in time."

Xiao Yo smiled. "I have to go see him now."

"OK," Dao Ming Si said. "We'll just visit him later when he has rested."

Xiao Yo nodded and watched as they left. At the end of the hall, Xi Men looked back at Xiao Yo and gave a sad smile.

She just stared at him, not showing any reaction. When they were gone, she turned to go to Drew's room.

Drew turned his head towards the door when she came in.

Smiling, she said softly, "Hey..."? She moved towards the bed and held Drew's hand, trying to imagine his face underneath those bandages. "How are you doing?"

"Great," he said. "Let me swim a few more laps?" He laughed slightly but only ended up coughing.

She shook her head and teased him. "You're never going to win over Ian Thorpe with this."

"Wanna bet?"

"How much?" she challenged.

"How much do you have?"

"How much are you willing to lose?"

Drew gave up and just shook his head, smiling. "Forget it. Either way, I'll be the one who loses anyway."

Xiao Yo laughed gleefully. "See? You're no match even for me!"

Unbeknownst to her, Drew meant something else with his words. Something that hurt him thoroughly.

* * *

The next day when his bandages were taken off Xiao Yo was not there because Hsin Yi called her for an emergency meeting. To her dismay, the meeting went on for about three hours so when it ended she was literally rushing off to the hospital to be with him.

But what welcomed her was not what she expected.

When she let herself into his room he did not acknowledge her. He merely sat there, looking against the far wall.

"Sorry I wasn't here," she said apologetically. "Hsin Yi was being the 'strict editor' again. It's a good thing the term is about to start in a few weeks. At least I'd be free of her at last!"

"I called the airline a while ago," Drew said quietly.

"Oh yeah?" she asked. "What for?"

"I booked a flight."

"Already?" she said. "You should have told me sooner so I could have arranged it myself. When are we leaving?"

"We are not leaving," he said. "I am."

"Excuse me?" she asked, not hearing him right.

"I am leaving, together with Liam. You," he breathed, "are staying here."

Xiao Yo shook her head in confusion. "I don't understand..."

"I decided to go back to St. Paul with Liam. You don't have to go with me."

"That's nonsense!" she said. "Of course I'll go with you!"

"No. I don't want you to."

"Drew, what are you saying?"

He sighed, and his eyes still had not moved from the wall. Neither did he look at her.

"It's over, Xiao Yo."

"What do you mean 'over'?"

"I'm breaking up with you."

Xiao Yo stared at him, her jaws dropping, now quite believing what she's hearing. Then she shook her head.

"Is this one of your jokes again?" She laughed slightly. "Wow, this is some joke, Drew!"

"I've never been more serious."

She stood up and paced the length of the room, her mind whirling. "I am confused. What is going on here, Drew?"

"Look, let's not kid ourselves, shall we?" he said and his voice was the same toneless one he used since this silly conversation began. "This isn't working anymore."

"What isn't working!" she demanded. "The last time I checked, we were doing fine! Drew...where is this coming from? What happened? What went wrong?"

Drew's sigh was audible beneath the layers covering his face. "Nothing, just...I'm tired of all these, Raine...tired of having to be constantly afraid...I just...Let's just cool it off...please...?"

Xiao Yo was breathing hard, not believing any of this was happening. When she spoke, it was with barely controlled frustration.

"I don't know what has gotten into you, Drew...You are breaking up with me, out of the blue, and you wouldn't even bother to look me in the eyes!"

Still he would not turn to look at her, his gaze fixed straight ahead.

"Fine." Xiao Yo picked up her purse. "Have it your way," she said and left the room, slamming it shut.

Left inside, Drew's head hung, his shoulders lumped as he closed his eyes, a tear sliding down his cheek. Impatiently he wiped it off.

"It's for the best, Drew," he said, speaking to himself.

Outside, as Xiao Yo strode out of the hospital and into the waiting Sedan, she was fighting back the tears, only letting them flow freely when she was in the comforts of the car.

What just happened back there?


	27. After You

**AFTER YOU**

When the day of Drew and Liam's departure for the States arrived, Xiao Yo remained inside the hotel, locked in her room, not even bothering to answer the calls of Shancai and Dao Ming Si.

It has been two days since Drew broke up with her and they haven't talked since.

Neither did he try to reach her.

This pained her all the more.

She was shaken out of her reverie when a knock came on the door. On leaden feet she got up from the sofa and walked to open the door. Her eyes widened as she saw Xi Men standing there.

He smiled at her. "Hi."

Xiao Yo nodded and opened the door wider then walking back to sit on the sofa. Xi Men let himself in and closed the door behind him.

"Shancai and Dao Ming Si have been trying to call you," he said, sitting down across her. "But they said you wouldn't pick up."

"I didn't feel like talking," she said softly.

Xi Men nodded then said, "I heard Drew left this morning. Why didn't you go along?"

"He wouldn't let me."

"What happened?" he asked.

A bitter smile twisted her lips. "He broke up with me...when he was in hospital." Disbelief showed in Xi Men's face and she went on. "The worst part is, I had no idea why he did it. It was completely out of nowhere."

"You wanna talk about it?"

Xiao Yo looked at him and realized she had a lot of things she wanted to let out. She took a deep breath.

"The biggest argument we ever had was months ago, when he decided to make Toronto his base. I didn't want him to just give up his apartment in New York and leave everything he had just to stay close to me. Petty, isn't it? But that was the biggest fight we ever had...and it doesn't even qualify as a fight, really.

"Then he breaks up with me...just like that. No explanations."

"Didn't you ask him?" he asked. In truth this conversation is affecting him more than she knew, but she is obviously hurting, and he would't let her see it.

"I did, but he wouldn't tell me. He wouldn't even look at me."

Xi Men became silent for a moment and they both became quiet.

When he found out about the break up from Dao Ming Si, he couldn't deny the small feeling of elation that came over him. But there was also the curiosity as to why it happened. As far as everyone knew, Drew and Xiao Yo were doing great.

But now...

His eyes strayed to her hands and he noticed how she was absently twirling the diamond ring on her finger. She's still wearing Drew's ring.

He tried to maintain a reassuring tone. "He'll come to his senses, you'll see. The moment you get back to Toronto he'll be there waiting for you. I would."

"I don't know." She shook her head and again they fell back into silence.

But when Xi Men left her room a while later, he knew something was wrong with this picture. There was something he missed...something...

* * *

Ten minutes later he found himself inside the office of the doctor who treated Drew.

"Master Xi Men!" the doctor said genially. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I just wanted to ask you something, doctor," he said airily. "About a patient you had recently."

"Who are you referring to?"

"Drew Masters. The American."

Xi Men immediately saw the noticeable way the doctor's face became shuttered at the mention of the name and he knew he was on to something. He pressed.

"Can you tell me what his real situation is?"

The doctor shrugged. "A simple case of drowning, that's all. I hear he just went back to the States."

"Don't give me that." He tried to sound as polite as he could. "There is something you are not telling."

"I'm sorry, Master Xi Men, but I cannot betray confidences with my patients."

"Won't you make an exception?" he asked politely. "This is important, doctor. Drew Masters' fiancee is suffering." He knew it wasn't fair to appeal to the physician's conscience but he had to do it.

The doctor seemed thoroughly distressed. "He specifically asked me not to tell anyone...that's why I did it. He said it was important not to let anyone know, especially his fiancee. I didn't ask then but he was very adamant, so I agreed."

"Not to tell what?" he asked, his patience wearing thin. "What was it?"

"Well...you see...during the drowning incident...he was in the water long enough to sustain retinal displacement - "

"I'm a businessman, doctor, not a man of science. Speak in a language I can understand."

The doctor paused, and put it simply. "Your friend, Mr. Masters, has lost his eyesight."

Xi Men gaped at the physician. "Are you saying..." His voice trailed as the old man nodded.

"He is blind, Master Xi Men. Sightless."

* * *

As she stepped out of the elevator doors fishing for her room keys from her purse, she didn't notice him standing there. But when she looked up she stopped in her tracks and gave him a small smile.

"Xi Men!" she said in mild surprise. "What are you doing here?" He was just here last yesterday, and she was certainly surprised to see him again.

"If you think I am still down and out over this break-up, then worry no more," she assured him. "I'm over it. If Drew wants to break up, then I'll respect that. If we were really meant for each other, then everything will work itself out. For now," she shrugged and opened the door to her room, "I'll just take one day at a time."

"I know why Drew broke up with you."

His words made her stand still and slowly turn to look at him.

"I know why he pushed you away."

"What...a little bird just told you the reason?" She tried to joke, but failed miserably when he merely looked at her.

He shook his head. "No. His doctor did."

Her brow creased. "What does his doctor have to do with this?"

Xi Men stared into her eyes and almost drowned himself in her confusion. All the time while he was walking from the hospital to her hotel, skipping the use of his car, he had to fight a dilemma.

Should he tell her? Should he let her know?

He has his chance now, now that Drew had withdrawn from the picture. If he tells her, then he might as well just give her a private plane to fly her to where Drew is.

He sighed. "Drew...I think he left because...he's blind."

"What?" She felt weak all of a sudden and she leaned against the wall, her eyes wide with shock.

"No one knew, except him and the doctor."

Her hand crept up to her mouth as she stifled a sob. "No," she said, shaking her head. "That can't be...That can't be true!"

Xi Men moved forward and held her up before she dropped on the floor. "Xiao Yo..."

Tears spilled now on her cheeks and she was still shaking her head. "He can't be blind! Don't you see? He's...he's a photographer, for Christ's sake! His eyes are his life!"

She was panicky now and Xi Men tried to soothe her as he stroked her head and pulled her against him.

"How could he look through a lens? How could he take pictures and...and...Oh, God!" She buried her face against his chest, her hands biting against his shoulders, sobbing louder now. "I even taunted him for not looking at me!"

"Hush," he whispered, closing his eyes.

It pained him to see her this way, and he knew by telling her this, she would probably be lost to him forever...

...but he couldn't help but feel that, for the first time in a very long time, he has finally done something right.

Xiao Yo cried for the rest of the night, and Xi Men was content to just hold her in his arms. Until finally, sometime near dawn, she fell asleep.

* * *

When Xi Men woke up the next morning, the first thing she noticed was the emptiness in his arms. He looked around the living room and stood up, feeling all tired and cramped from having slept while seated on the floor.

"Xiao Yo?" he called out, wondering where she is. He was about to look into her room when the door opened and she came out, all dressed up.

"You're awake. Good," she said and he noticed she was holding a suitcase. His eyes flew up to her face, noting the dark circles around her eyes.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, knowing fully well where she is going.

Xiao Yo nodded. "I was able to book myself a seat in the next flight to New York. From there I'll fly off to Minnesota."

After a moment's pause he walked toward her and reached for her suitcase. "Let me drive you then."

She stepped back. "I'd rather you don't see me off at the airport."

He stared at her.

"It's easier this way," she said. She walked past him towards the door.

Xi Men felt his chest constricting, like a volcano threatening to erupt. If he does not speak now, if he would just let her go without laying it all out, then he would never get the opportunity ever again.

"I love you."

Xiao Yo halted in her tracks, but she didn't turn around. However he noted the slight shaking of her shoulders and knew she was crying.

"I have always loved you, from that moment you looked at me by the roadside and put your faith in me to rescue you...I loved you then...and I never stopped."

The words came out in a rush, and he felt powerless to stop them so he just let them go. "I am sorry for all the things I put you through. Hannah also told me about a certain phone conversation you had...I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Xiao Yo turned around and he stopped talking as they simply stared at each other. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and her voice was a heartbroken sob.

"H-hannah?" she said.

He nodded. "Whatever she told you, whatever she said..." He shook his head. "She never meant a thing to me, Xiao Yo. Never."

He paused. "It has always been you. I love you, Xiao Yo."

Xiao Yo sniffed and the tears came on faster as she said, "You have no idea how much I wanted to hear those words from you."

Dropping her suitcase on the floor she rushed forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. His arms went around her as he held her tight against him, squeezing her as though he doesn't want to let go of her.

When his lips sought hers she didn't resist, and they kissed, their tears intermingling. Then he just held her.

Xiao Yo could not bring herself to tell him he loves him…she just doesn't have the strength so she just said, "Thank you."

Then she stepped back and, wiping away her tears, smiled up at him. "Promise me you will take care of yourself, OK?"

Xi Men shook his head, confused by her words. "Xiao Yo..."

"Drew needs me, Xi Men...he doesn't deserve any of this." She picked up her suitcase.

"Goodbye, Xi Men," she whispered and walked quietly out of the room, leaving the devastated Xi Men behind.

* * *

Meteors was packed when he dropped by the next evening, intent on having a good time. Instead, Dao Ming Si dragged him into his office when he noted Xi Men had been drinking uncontrollably.

Dao Ming Si threw Xi Men against the wall, grabbing his drink away from him. "Enough," he said sternly.

Xi Men sighed patiently. "What's so wrong with me trying to have a good time?" he demanded.

"Nothing, but you keep this up then you will wake up tomorrow morning wanting to die because your stomach is acting up again!"

In defeat, Xi Men dropped back on the leather couch in the office and laid his face on his palms.

"She's gone," he groaned and Dao Ming Si instantly knew who he was referring to. "She's gone for good."

Dao Ming Si moved forward and laid a hand on his friend's shoulder. When he heard Xi Men sobbing he didn't say anything. He just stood there.


	28. On A Cloud of Dust

**ON A CLOUD OF DUST**

After a brief, albeit strained, talk with Carol and the colonel in the living room, Xiao Yo let herself quietly out of the door into the back yard and saw him instantly.

He was seated on the lounger chairs by the lake, his side to her. A cane was propped by his side.

When she was standing a few feet away from him, he turned his head, sensing her approach.

"Who's there?" he asked. Mom?

She swallowed, thinking how unfair it is that this should be happening to him.

"It's me," she said in a tiny voice.

Recognition dawned on his face and he smiled, turning away.

"Oh, it's you, Raine. Sorry, I didn't hear you." He paused, then turned to look in her direction once again. "You're looking good today."

Xiao Yo threw her hands up in frustration. "Why do you do this!" she demanded. "I know, Drew. I already know. Stop pretending you're OK!"

"But I am OK."

She rushed to his side and knelt on the grass, looking up at him, tears once again spilling out of her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep this from me?"

When he replied, it was in a voice that was obviously fighting to keep from crying. "Because I didn't want you to look at me the way you're looking at me right now!"

"How the hell would you know how I am looking at you right now!" she demanded.

"With pity!" he said explosively and Xiao Yo stared at him in utter amazement. He shook his head. "It is just as well I couldn't see you right now because I know you are looking at me with pity in your eyes, and I DON'T WANT THAT!"

"Drew..."

"I don't want your sympathy, Raine. I don't want that. Not from you." His head lowered and he bit his lip, clearly fighting back the tears.

"Oh, no, baby," she whispered and reached up, pulling his head down to her shoulders. "I don't pity you."

She held his face in her hands and also fought back the tears as she moved his hair away from his face. "I'm  
angry, you hear? Because you didn't tell me about this. I am so angry I want to hit you right now."

Drew sniffed and gave a small humorless smile. Xiao Yo's heart broke at the sight of his blank eyes, those beautiful deep blue orbs now empty.

In a low voice he said, "You're not supposed to be here. I dumped you, remember?"

"Well, I am wedging myself back in," she said, half-teasingly, half-tearfully. Her eyes slid to her left hand. "Besides, we re still engaged, remember? I'm still wearing your ring."

Harshly he pulled his hand away, and Xiao Yo was pushed to the side.

"Don't be crazy, Raine! Leave now! You're not supposed to be here! I don't want you here!"

"I don't care what you say or do, I am staying right here!" Her voice softened as she moved closer to him once Again. "I'm not going anywhere. And you know better than to argue with me and try to talk me out of it."

Drew became silent and looked down. When he lifted his head his face was grave.

"I want you to think about this, Raine."

"I've thought about it," she said. "I've made my decision. I am right where I should be."

"But not where you want to be."

"Drew - "

"Forget I said anything." Drew said and reached for his cane, standing up, refusing her help. "I told you to go back home to Taipei!"

"And I told you I am staying right here!" she insisted. Despite his resistance she moved closer to him, her hand clutching his as she tried to make her point.

"Don't push me away, Drew," she whispered. "Please...not you, too."

To her relief his head bowed low and leaned against her shoulders weakly. His voice hoarse with fear, he said, "I'm terrified, Raine. I'm scared like hell..."

She held him like a child, trying hard not to make him feel her fear as well, knowing that's the last thing he needed.

* * *

Amid the resounding applause from the crowd, Xi Men gave a polite nod to everyone as he stepped down from the podium and walked out of the room, Lun following closely behind.

When they were out of the room and inside the comforts of his office, Xi Men sighed and sank down on the couch, loosening his tie.

He had just delivered a brief report of the performance of their company for the last autumn season, capped by the autumn festival that spelled more profits for the company. 'One more star up in your crown, Master Xi Men,'  
he thought wryly.

A knock came on the door and Lun went to open it, admitting Xi Yong.

"Sir," the secretary said with a nod and stepped out of the office, leaving father and son alone.

Xi Yong strode in, looking at his son who lay there on the couch, his head cushioned in his palms, staring up at the ceiling.

The old man cleared his throat. "An exemplary job, son," he  
said. "You outdo yourself every time."

"Thanks, Pa," Xi Men replied, briefly smiling at his father.

His hands in his pockets, Xi Yong stood there, looking down at his son. "I heard Xiao Gen and her husband patched things up. I also heard about Hannah going out with a Frenchman she met in Paris."

"Yeah," Xi Men replied. "I know all about those."

Warily, his father went on. "I was able to speak with Jacob the other day on the phone. You remember Jacob, right? The colonel...Drew's father..."

"I remember," Xi Men said abruptly. "What about him?"

"He said Drew is undergoing various tests and treatments and the doctors said the possibility of him being able to regain his sight is promising."

"That's good news," Xi Men said, but not after a noticeable pause.

Xi Yong sat down on the other couch. "I agree. Maybe now the wedding could push through."

Xi Men grew silent and this made the old man sigh and say, "I see Mei Zuo was right."

"What do you mean? What did he tell you?" His voice held a tone of reproach.

"Don't blame him," the old man said hastily. "It was not his fault. I made him do it. He told me all about your involvement with Raine...Xiao Yo."

"He has a big mouth," Xi Men said rashly. "He doesn't know anything."

"He knows you're hurting, son," Xi Yong said patiently. "Besides, even if Mei Zuo did not tell me about it, I would still know. Jacob does."

Xi Men sighed. "I hope it didn't affect your friendship with the colonel."

"We are grown men, Xi Men. We have experiences with matters of the heart. Of course we both understand."

"Anyway," Xi Men said with a slight shrug, "I don't see why it should destroy your relationship with the colonel. Xiao Yo and I...it's history."

Xi Yong nodded thoughtfully. "As I've said, we are grown men. So are you. I understand she must mean a lot to you and let me tell you it pleases me to see you have finally fallen in love but it also pains me to see it is a love  
that would never work."

He stood up. "This will pass, Xi Men. Soon you will meet the woman meant for you, and you will be happy."

For the first time since Xi Yong entered the office, Xi Men looked at him.

"The woman I love - and will always love - is on the other side of the globe, with someone else. If she is not the woman meant for me, then I don't want anybody else."

Before Xi Yong could give any sort of response, Xi Men continued, "You know how that feels, Pa. You felt it before with Ma. Don't think you can say anything that would make me feel better, because nothing will."

He stood up and walked to the window, finishing the conversation. He did not even hear his father leave the room quietly.

A few minutes passed and he reached for his cell phone, dialing a number.

"Shana!" he said when the line picked up. "It's Xi Men yeah, it's been a while. Are you doing anything tonight...?"

* * *

The next four weeks passed quickly and Xiao Yo spent those weeks in St. Paul with Drew, accompanying him on trips to and from Minneapolis for his tests and treatments. From time to time she would fly to Seattle and back to  
Minnesota, not willing to be away from Drew for no longer than three days.

Thankfully her professors were kind enough to let her take a leave for a few months from university so she could take care of Drew. In lieu of this, they let her do her internships in Minnesota.

The first few weeks were the toughest for Drew. He was like a child, groping his way through the world, and every single time Xiao Yo's heart would go out to him when she sees his frustrations over the smallest thing. When  
he hits something, bumps into something...

Since he lost his eyesight he had been reduced to something akin to a baby. He had to go back to square one and re-learn everything.

And she made it a point to help him along the way. She became his eyes.

In the eyes of everyone she seemed normal. She's the same bubbly girl they all grew to adore but in the comfort of her own room inside the Masters' home she would sink back to melancholy, her mind drifting back to that last day in Taipei.

It was the happiest day of her life and also the saddest.

Xi Men finally said he loves her and...she had to turn away.

So Hannah made it all up. Xiao Yo smiled sullenly. Drew was right back then.

But would it have mattered? If Hannah had not received that call that day, was it any assurance that everything could have been different?

Would Xi Men have taken her call instead of Hannah?

Somehow she knew he wouldn't. Hannah or no Hannah, there's no difference.

She has made her choice. She decided to be with Drew, the man who held her up when she was down, who gave her strength when she was weak...her angel.

And right now he needs her.

Every afternoon she would accompany him for a walk up the lakeside, and today was no different. He was quiet all throughout the walk, leaving all the chattering to her.

Xiao Yo held his hand while they walked back into the house. "Carol said the doctor might have good news tomorrow, about the transplant."

Drew nodded. "Now who would be crazy to give me their eyes, right?" he said with a trace of scorn in his voice.

"Think positive."

"I just don't want to keep my hopes up."

Her hand tightened around his. "Have faith, Drew. You will see yet again. You will be able to go around the world and take lots of pictures...accomplish that book you always said you wanted to finish..."

Instead of answering her, Drew stopped walking and said, "Raine..."

"Yes?" she asked.

"You pretend like nothing's happened...like everything's back to normal."

"I'm not pretending."

He went on. "But we both know a lot of things have changed."

"Nothing has changed," she said firmly. "You just think that, but I am telling you, nothing has changed."

He shook his head, smiling slightly. "Let's take it one day at a time, shall we? If we rush it, I'm afraid I might not be able to keep up."

When Xiao Yo gripped his hand and led him inside the house, Drew fell back to silence and let her lead him.

* * *

Mei Zuo turned to look at Xi Men, seated beside him on one of the leather seats in Meteors.

"I thought you wouldn't be coming tonight," he remarked.

"Why ever not?" Xi Men inquired.

"I figured you were going someplace with that girl...what's her name? Shana?"

Dao Ming Si spoke up from the side. "Shana was the one the other week. This week it's Carrie."

Mei Zuo nodded, laughing. "Oh, I see...Sorry, Xi Men, I forgot all about the time limit you've set up. So when did Carrie's time run out?"

"Last night," Xi Men said tersely, making Mei Zuo amused all the more.

"I thought you've changed your ways," he said. "I guess I was wrong."

"What change?" Xi Men asked in annoyance. "I just took a break, that's all."

Suddenly Dao Ming Si said, "I'm worried about you."

Xi Men laughed, trying to sound unaffected. "Me? Whatever for?"

"Lately you have been behaving like a mad man, going around town...Personally I don't care who you sleep with or who you dump every other week. It's the drinking I'm worried about."

Xi Men shrugged and said airily. "It's nothing to be worried about."

"Lun told us about your constant drinking," Mei Zuo pointed out. "Even your father is worried."

"Lun." He shook his head. "I might just consider firing him. Maybe I should take a lady secretary, someone who has great legs and a great body and nothing else. At least that way, no one would mess with my business."

"Xi Men!" Dao Ming Si rebuffed him. "Are you even listening to yourself! This is serious!"

Drawing a deep breath, Xi Men smiled. "I was just kidding. Of course I wouldn't fire him. He's the only one who puts up with me." He lifted his glass. "I am alright, and I've never felt better. Toast with me, my friends!"

Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo exchanged knowing glances and decided not to say anything further that might provoke their friend. They lifted their glasses to toast to Xi Men.

Meanwhile an inner war raged within Xi Men.

He should stop caring. He should stop...He should...

* * *

He woke up with the most excruciating pain somewhere in his stomach and he instantly bit his lip to keep from crying out.

Through pain-muddled eyes he looked around the unfamiliar room and remembered where he is. In a hotel room he directly went to late last night after sharing drinks with Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo.

And from the shower he could hear the water running and the sound of a woman humming.

Liz-something. He couldn't remember her name.

Another spasm of pain shot up through him and this time a small cry came out. Curling on his side, he tried to reach for his cell phone on the table beside the bed.

But he could not even find the strength to stretch further.

The last thing he remembered before darkness claimed him was the sound of his own throaty cry of excruciating pain. Then everything went black.


	29. To Get To You

**TO GET TO YOU**

"There you go," the sales clerk smiled at Xiao Yo after she handed in her payment.

"Thanks," Xiao Yo replied and accepted the small bag containing the books she purchased, and hurriedly left the bookstore, racing towards her father's car.

She had been in Toronto for the past two days to fix some of her papers at the university. Later tonight she will be going back to St. Paul. In a few days more Drew will undergo the eye operation, thanks to the doctor who was assigned to his case for his diligence in finding a donor.

Xiao Yo was excited, even more excited than Drew. And she understood. Drew is afraid the surgery might not be successful and he would still not be able to regain his eyesight after everything.

But she is optimistic. Drew still has a lot of things to do still a lot of things in store for him.

Her cell phone suddenly rang when she buckled herself up and frowned when she saw Qing He's name appear.

"Hello?"

"Xiao Yo!" Qing He said, obviously relieved when he heard her voice.

"What time is it out there?" she asked, wondering what he's doing calling her up at this hour.

"Three in the morning," he replied.

"Then why on earth are you still up?"

"Shancai told me to call you and tell you the news myself because their hands are full."

"News? What news?" she asked, suddenly sensing it is something serious, otherwise he wouldn't be calling her up in the wee hours of the morning.

"Xi Men had one of his attacks again."

She sat up straighter, alarmed now. "Attacks?"

"His ulcer," Qing He clarified. "It's bad, Xiao Yo. There's too much bleeding. Even his doctors are worried. Actually, everyone is. I have never seen Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo so worried. Even Hua Ze Lei is flying in from Japan as we speak."

"Where is he?"

"He's in the ER right now, and tonight he will be transferred to surgery." Qing He sighed in concern. "It's bad, Xiao Yo. It's the worst he's had."

"Thanks for telling me, Qing He. I really appreciate it."

He must have sensed something in her voice because he asked, "Xiao Yo? What will you do? Xiao -!"

The line was cut off as Xiao Yo hung up and revved the engine to life and swiftly backed the car out of the mall parking lot.

A million possibilities befalling Xi Men played over and over in her mind but she shut them all down as she called the airport and booked a ticket for the next flight to Taipei.

She was in luck because the minute she arrived at the airport, she only had to wait ten minutes before boarded China Airlines.

It was only when she was miles above the earth, looking down at the clouds below, did she realize what she just did.

She had nothing on her expect her purse and the books she purchased at the store a while back.

And no one even knows where she is right now.

With unsteady hands she dialed the number to the Masters' home and waited nervously until Carol's voice came on the line.

"Carol, it's me," she said. "May I speak with Drew, please?"

"Hang on," Carol said and Xiao Yo waited as she pictured the elderly woman go to Drew's room to give him the phone.

"Raine?" Drew said.

"Drew," she breathed. "Hi. What are you doing right now?"

"Boring myself to death. You?"

"I just came from the bookstore," she replied. "Remember that book I was looking for? The one written by Syd Field? I finally found one."

"That's great," he said. "You've been looking for that book for ages."

Raine took a deep breath, plucking up enough courage. "Listen, something came up." She paused, and went on when he did not say anything. "I might not be able to get back later tonight, I'm sorry. There's somewhere I have to be right now."

He was silent for a while, then said, "No problem."

"I'm really sorry," she said again. "But I promise I will be there in time for the surgery. I wouldn't miss that!"

"OK," he said tersely. "You take care of yourself, Raine."

Her heart warmed and, at the same time, guilt gnawed at her. He's even asking her to take care!

"I will," she said softly.

When she hung up her eyes strayed back to her middle finger, gazing at the diamond that flashed against her skin.

Her thoughts went back to Xi Men and again anxiety reigned over her.

"Please, God," she whispered. "Don't let anything happen to him."

She had no idea how long she will be able to stay away. Any minute the doctor could make the call to tell them when the transplant should be performed, and Xiao Yo had no clear-cut idea when that would be.

She is bound to have a rough time ahead and it has already begun the moment Qing He called and let her know what happened.

Xiao Yo was not sure going to Taipei to see Xi Men is the best thing to do right now but she wants to be there

And, without really thinking about it, she took the ring off her finger and slid it inside her purse.

* * *

It was almost dawn in Taipei when the plane touched down, but Xiao Yo did not seem to notice as she went about the routine procedures through the airline security. With her purse and the bookstore bag under her arms she literally raced out and flagged the first cab she saw and told the driver the name of the hospital.

Mixed feelings roared within her as she willed the cab to suddenly grow wings and take flight amid the city s rush hour traffic. The actual ten minute drive from the airport to the hospital seemed to her like an eternity.

Xiao Yo did not have long to find where Xi Men is. By the time she stepped into the hospital lobby, she instantly saw Mei Zuo walking in from the opposite direction, two cups of coffee in his hands.

His eyes widened when he saw her.

"Xiao Yo!" he exclaimed in disbelief. "What on earth are you doing here!?"

Xiao Yo acknowledged him with a slight nod. "I just got here. Where is he?"

Mei Zuo did not immediately answer her; he was still bewildered to see her there.

"When you said you 'just got here'...you meant 'here' in the hospital, right?"

"I just got here, in Taipei," she clarified and more shock registered on his face. Before he could say anymore, Xiao Yo grabbed the other cup of coffee from him and pulled at his free arm.

"Come on," she coaxed. "Take me to him."

Still speechless, Mei Zuo simply led Xiao Yo to the far wing of the hospital, where she saw almost everyone.

There was Xi Yong and A Li, looking all haggard and worried. Beside A Li sat Shancai and Dao Ming Si who also obviously looked all worn out.

Standing by the side were Hua Ze Lei and Qing He, who was the first to see Xiao Yo.

"Xiao Yo!" Qing He rushed forward to meet her.

Xiao Yo merely nodded at the others as Mei Zuo got the cup of coffee from her hand and gave it to Xi Yong and A Li.

"How is he?" she asked Shancai.

The only reply she got was a slow movement of Shancai's head towards the door nearby. Xiao Yo turned to read the words written across it.

Intensive Care.

She swallowed and looked at Hua Ze Lei, then at Dao Ming Si. They both looked worried. When she glanced at Xi Men's parents, she saw the same stark expressions on their faces.

Mei Zuo was the one who spoke. "He has been in surgery for hours. Right now we are just waiting for any change in his condition."

"How long has he been unconscious?" she asked, fearing the worst.

"He has never regained consciousness since he was brought here." Dao Ming Si sighed. "The doctors said it was a good thing he was brought here in time, or the worst could have happened."

"If Liz had not called..." Qing He's voice trailed as Hua Ze Lei gave a slight jab at him with his elbow.

But Xiao Yo did not comment on this; neither did she ask on who 'Liz' is. Somehow she had an idea who Liz would happen to be. But there's no room for jealousy now...not when Xi Men's life seems to be hanging in the balance.

On leaden feet Xiao Yo moved forward and stopped by the small window of Intensive Care, hesitantly gazing through the glass. Something constricted in her throat as she saw him lying there in repose, tubes connected to him from blinking machines.

Xiao Yo sensed someone coming to a stop beside her and looked up to find Xi Yong also looking in.

"He looks so peaceful, doesn't he?" he said softly and Xiao Yo returned her gaze to the subject of their discussion. "Such a shame, really. The longest sleep he gets in a long time happens to be induced by drugs."

"What happened?" Xiao Yo heard herself ask.

"I thought you might have the answer for that."

Surprised at his remark, her eyes flew to him and she was relieved to find him smiling kindly at her. "Oh, no, I'm not saying you are to blame for any of these. If anything," his eyes turned towards his son, "there is no one else to blame but him."

Finally he answered her question. "Everything went downhill for him...I am guessing since you left. He buried himself in his work and, under other circumstances I would have had no complaints. But he skipped meals, he did not eat much, and every night he would drink himself into a stupor. No one can control him. I only found out about it when it was quite too late."

Absentmindedly she spoke, as though forgetting Xi Yong was there listening.

"I told him to take care of himself."

"Obedience has never been one of my son's strongest points," Xi Yong sighed. Then he turned to look at her. "You flew in all the way from Canada just to see my son?"

When Xiao Yo met the old man's eyes, there was no use trying to hide what is in her heart. Xi Yong nodded, smiling slightly.

"And Drew doesn't know?"

With a degree of guilt, Xiao Yo nodded. At this Xi Yong sighed once again, louder this time.

"You care far more for my son than you appear to be," he said. "But I won't get in the way. You are all old enough to make up your minds. I only hope it all works out for the best for all of you."

He went on. "Love is such a fickle thing but once you feel it, and it is true, there is no stopping it. Not even time. Not even distance. Not even the most well-crafted lies."

But she was no longer listening. Her attention was focused on Xi Men and what she thought was a slight movement of his head.

She cried out when she saw his head move again.

"He's awake!" she exclaimed and, before anyone could stop her, she pushed open the door to the ICU and rushed to his side.

But Xi Men was not entirely awake as she found out when she gazed upon his face. His eyes were visibly trying to open but he could not.

"Xi Men!" she whispered loudly. "You're OK!"

When the doctor came in, accompanied by a couple of nurses, Xiao Yo had to step out of the room and waited outside with everyone else. After a few minutes, the doctor came out with a smile on his face.

"He's out of danger," the doctor declared. "Of course he's been through quite an ordeal and will be needing a lot of rest. He has not fallen into coma, thank God. You now all can rest easy."

"When will he wake up?" A Li asked.

"I just gave him some tranquilizers so he might be fully awake by tomorrow. Meanwhile, I will have him transferred to a private room right now." He nodded at all of them. "This is a wonderful sight, seeing all of you here. I hear Mister Hua Ze even had to fly in from Tokyo."

Hua Ze Lei nodded and looked down, but not after sliding an amused glance at Xiao Yo. She was worse! She had to fly in from Canada!

When the doctor had left and they all saw Xi Men transferred to a private room, Dao Ming Si insisted Shancai should go home and rest and Mei Zuo and Qing He went along. Hua Ze Lei stayed behind and spoke with Xi Men's parents first before finally leaving.

Xiao Yo stayed in her seat, her eyes staring forward at the asleep Xi Men, not even heeding Xi Yong's glances at her.

She only looked up when she felt A Li's hand on her shoulder. "You should go off now," the elderly woman said. "Have you booked yourself into a hotel?" she asked and Xiao Yo shook her head ruefully.

"I didn't have time to," Xiao Yo replied.

"Well, we could have a room arranged for you at our house," Xi Yong offered.

Again Xiao Yo shook her head. "There's no need, Uncle," she said. "I will just stay here until he wakes up."

A Li and Xi Yong exchanged meaningful glances. Then they looked back at her.

"You don't mean to stay here all night, do you?" A Li inquired.

Xiao Yo nodded. "I'll be fine, really."

"Nonsense!" Xi Yong scoffed. "We would not let you stay here! Why don't you go to a hotel and come back tomorrow when he is awake?"

Adamantly she shook her head in refusal. "I will wait until he wakes up."

"But..."

"Please," Xiao Yo said pleadingly, cutting off A Li's protests. "Please let me stay here. I just want to be here when he wakes up. I don't..." she took a deep breath. "I don't have a lot of time..."

Xi Yong stared at her, then nodded in understanding. Tenderly he took his wife by the elbow and said, "A Li, let's leave her alone."

A Li, after a moment of hesitation, relented. She nodded and smiled at Xiao Yo.

"We'll see you in the morning then."

Xiao Yo only nodded and watched them as they left the room. When she was finally alone, her eyes strayed towards the bed.

Suddenly she felt the urge of going to him and shaking him violently until he opens his eyes and explains to her why he is doing this.

She wanted him to wake up, look him in the eyes and tell her exactly what she should do.

Xiao Yo stifled that urge and remained in her seat, determined to stay awake until he wakes up.

What she said to A Li was true. She doesn't have enough time. Any minute a call could come through, and she would have to leave.

But not until she had spoken to Xi Men.


	30. Odds & Ends

**Chapter 30**

**ODDS & ENDS**

Drew turned his head around as he heard the door to his room open quietly. "Dad?" he said softly, recognizing his father's soft tread on the floor.

"What are you still doing up?" Jacob asked, sitting down at the edge of his son's bed, watching silently as Drew reached for the remote control of the CD player and turned down the sound. "You should be resting. It's the big day tomorrow."

"I couldn't sleep. What time is it, anyway?"

"Ten o'clock. Way past your bedtime." The teasing in the colonel's voice was unmistakable.

"You're treating me like a ten-year-old boy," Drew said, laughing softly.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" the colonel asked, his voice becoming serious once again.

Drew thought on this for a moment, then gave a little smile. "'Terrified' would be more like it. I'm not keeping any hopes up, Dad. I know the statistics are in my favor. Still..." He took a deep breath, unable to go on.

"It's just as Raine always tells you...everything will be alright. You will see through the lenses of your camera again."

Drew merely smiled at this, mellowing at the mention of her name. Jacob noticed this and said, "When is she coming in from Toronto? She must be excited to find out the surgery will be on for tomorrow."

When Drew didn't reply immediately, the colonel knew something was wrong. Upon closer inspection of his son's face, Jacob shook his head as realization dawned on him.

"You haven't told her, have you?" the colonel asked, getting his answer when Drew remained quiet. "Carol said Raine called earlier today. I thought you told her then."

Drew heaved a sigh. "She's busy. I didn't want to disturb her."

"That's just silly," Jacob snorted. "Raine's also waiting for this day as much as the rest of us." He straightened and reached for the phone beside his son's bed. "I'll call her right now."

But Drew's hand reached out blindly, effectively stopping the colonel's hands. "Please don't."

"It's not too late to call her. She could take the next flight back here in cold arrive in time for your surgery. Toronto is not too far away."

"She's not in Toronto, Dad."

The colonel turned his head slowly to look at his son.

"She's in Taipei. Xi Men is confined in hospital...right now she's with him."

Jacob paused for a long time, then asked quietly, "She told you this?"

Drew shook his head slowly, a wry smile on his lips. "Right before she called, her friend Qing He called, looking for her. That's how I found out."

"But how can you be sure she is with him right now?"

"I just know. Had I been in her place, I would do the same." When the colonel fell to silence, Drew said, "Don't hate her, Dad. I completely understand how she feels."

Jacob sighed, his mind playing over the conversation he's had with Xi Yong a few days back.

"I don't hate her, son. I'm just...sad." The colonel sees what is coming; he just was afraid to voice it out in front of his son.

"Sad?"

Jacob chose not to elaborate. Instead he playfully ruffled his son's hair and said lightly, "Go to sleep, Drew. Tomorrow we'll be up bright and early."

Drew held on to his father's hand, and the intensity in his voice unmistakable.

"Please, Dad...no matter what you do, don't call her and tell her. I don't want to cause any inconvenience to her."

A few minutes later, Jacob let himself out of the hospital room where Drew is billeted while awaiting the surgery, his heart heavy for the burden his son carries.

In the darkness Drew stared forward, unseeing. A small sorrowful smile appeared then he closed his eyes, knowing it wouldn't make any difference whether he opens them or not.

There would still be darkness.

* * *

Oh, how she hated these places. 

Lord knows she has been in enough clinics and hospitals for the past few months she is practically sickened by the smell. But fate plays such a strange game with her.

She wanted to laugh out loud with the irony of it all. She should have been a doctor; at least her presence among them would have been justified.

She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew it was already four in the morning, and her back was stiff from having sat on the couch for hours.

Xiao Yo straightened her back, feeling sore all over. When her eyes turned towards the bed and saw Xi Men's hand move, she sprang to her feet and strode forward, pressing the buzzer at the headboard at the same time.

In anticipation she waited as his eyes slowly opened. She only moved back when a couple of nurses came in. As the nurses hovered over him, Xi Men slightly moved his head to the side and Xiao Yo noted his surprise to see her there. She merely gave him a small smile of encouragement and waited until the nurses left the room.

When they were finally alone, with only the dim light from the lamp shade illuminating the room, she moved forward and stood by his bed, looking back at him.

"You're here..." he whispered.

"I immediately came when I heard about what happened," she said.

He thought for a moment, and said, "Touching, but completely unnecessary." The slightest hint of hostility could be heard in his voice as he turned to look away from her.

Slightly miffed by his behavior, Xiao Yo said, "When Qing He told me over the phone, I came straight away."

"Don't think this is all because of you," he said coldly, still not looking at her. "No one asked you to come."

She wouldn't let his attitude faze her. "You promised you would take care of yourself."

"Who promised?" he said tartly.

In frustration, she said, "Oh, what am I going to do with you!"

"Why are you here anyway!?" he demanded, wincing as a stab of pain shot up from his newly-operated side. "Nobody asked you to!"

Xiao Yo stared at him, hurt. When she spoke, it was with a calm, albeit shaky, voice. "You're right. What on earth am I doing here anyway? I should be in Minneapolis right now. I shouldn't even have bothered to come and see how you were! Besides, there is nothing I can do here, is there?"

Picking up her purse and the small bag, she strode to the door, but stopped when she thought she heard him say something.

"Wait."

Slowly she turned around to look at him. He still averted his gaze, not looking at her.

"There is something you can do."

His voice was so low that she found herself soften, her annoyance ebbing. "What?" she asked.

"Stay."

He turned his head and looked at her with something akin to pleading in his eyes. "Stay with me. Stay forever."

Xiao Yo felt like she could lose herself in his eyes, but tore her gaze away. "I...I can't," she mumbled, and when she looked back up, she saw the sorrow in his face.

She moved forward. "But I can stay...for as long as I can. Will that do?"

Xi Men was quite for a long while, so long she thought he would not answer her. But then he said, "Yes...It will."

When she sat down by his bed and took her hand in his, he didn't resist. Instead he gripped her hand, as though he was afraid she would let go any time soon.

But she wouldn't even dream of it. She leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "You should take care of yourself more," she whispered. "Do you want them to constantly cut you up?"

Xi Men smiled up at her wistfully. "I don't mind, really, if it means you coming to see me every time."

In spite of herself she smiled. "You're crazy." Then she sobered. "That was a close call, do you know that?"

"Were you scared?" he asked jokingly and she glared at him.

Before he could say any more, she reached up and stroked his hair away from his forehead. "Rest now."

His hand tightened around hers. "Promise me you'll be here when I wake up?"

Xiao Yo smiled at him with reassurance, as though speaking to a child. "I promise."

She watched in silence as he slowly fell back to slumber, everything else forgotten. All that mattered was she was here…right now…with him.

* * *

True enough, she was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes a few hours later. She was still there, her head cushioned by her arms as she slept soundly by her side, her hand still holding his. 

For a long moment he simply gazed at her, longing to reach out and touch her face, but not doing so for fear of waking her up.

He still couldn't believe it. She came all the way from Canada, on short notice, just to see him.

A bittersweet emotion filled him. Oh, if it were only easy to forget everything else and just concentrate on her being here with him...but it's not that easy. There's still Drew to think about.

If Drew were anything like that cad Zhong Ze then come hell or high water he would take Xiao Yo away from him. But Drew isn't like that, much to Xi Men's consternation.

Drew is the guy who is perfect for Xiao Yo. What did Xiao Gen tell him then? Drew is everything he, Xi Men, is not.

To a certain extent, he knew it was true.

He also knew that everything he's going through right now is his fault. It was all his doing. Unwittingly he brought these upon himself, upon Xiao Yo…even upon Drew. But there is no way to undo them now.

Xiao Yo suddenly stirred and lifted her head, smiling sleepily when she saw him awake.

"Sorry," she said. "I dozed off."

"I love watching you in your sleep."

"Even when I snore?" she said jokingly.

"That was snoring?" he feigned surprise. "I thought that was just a sinus problem!"

Xiao Yo slapped at him playfully and he laughed in a controlled manner, his side still hurting. Afterwards, Xi Men inquired, "What time is it?"

"Half past nine," she replied after a brief glance at her watch. "Are you hungry? I could ask the nurses to bring in something."

His nose wrinkled in distaste. "I hate hospital food."

"Well, that's your punishment for being so careless with your health. That's what you'll be getting for the next few days while you're still here." She stood up to call one of the nurses but he tugged at her arm, causing her to lean down towards him.

He gazed deeply up into her eyes and spoke in a quiet voice filled with so much pent-up emotion. "I'm glad you're here," he said, eliciting a small smile from her.

"So am I," she whispered back and went to look for a nurse. Xi Men was left looking after her as the door closed, a serene smile on his face.

He had no idea how long this could be…but he would hold on to every single second...with everything he has.

And so it was with great gusto that he let the day pass, content to merely lie there and let her fuss over him. There weren't any talks about their intentions or their emotions. Both were satisfied with the presence of the other and, for the first time in a long while. Xi Men's laughter rang out once again, bringing about pleased smiles from the nurses, doctors, his parents and the F3 when they visited.

Xiao Yo never left his side for the rest of the day. The only times she left the room were when Xi Men's parents arrived, deciding to give them time alone together. She also took a few minutes to freshen up as she had stayed in his room ever since she arrived.

When she reentered his room, he was already alone. She looked around wonderingly.

"Where are Uncle and Auntie?" she inquired.

"Pa saw Ma to her car. She has some place she has to go to."

Xiao Yo sat down beside him and gazed thoughtfully at his side, where the surgery was performed on. "Does it hurt still?"

"Not anymore," he said. "The worst part was before the surgery. Now that was excruciating."

"And whose fault was that, hmmm?" she asked, her brows lifting at him.

He held his hands up. "Mine. Entirely mine. Honestly if you berate me again, I'd jump out of this bed and give you the thrashing you deserve."

"Thrashing I deserve!" she echoed. "If there's anyone who deserves any thrashing here, it's you."

"You have designs on killing me?" he sputtered.

"Heck, you seem to be bent on doing that all by yourself, I thought you might need a hand."

His laughter rang out once again and Xiao Yo was mesmerized by the sound of it, she simply stared at him with warmth in her eyes.

When he turned to look at her, she said, "I missed hearing you laugh."

He smiled. "Have I been boring lately?"

"Well," she rolled her eyes, "you haven't exactly been Mr. Excitement lately. So yeah...you were boring."

Xi Men glared at her good-humoredly. "You just wait until I am fully healed, and I'll get back at you."

The moment was perfect; not even the fact that she would not probably be there when he was fully healed succeeded in ruining it.

* * *

Later that night while Xi Yong volunteered to stay behind, Xiao Yo went out to buy some food outside, finally relenting to Xi Men's pleas for anything other than hospital food. 

When she came back a while later, Xi Yong was in the hall outside Xi Men's room, obviously waiting for someone.

She smiled up at the old man. "What are you doing out here, Uncle?" she asked, and noted him holding his cell phone in his hand.

"I was waiting for you," Xi Yong replied, confusing her even more. "I just spoke with Jacob over the phone a while back."

"Jacob?" she repeated the colonel's name. "Was he looking for me?" she asked, wondering why he didn't call her straight in her phone.

Xi Yong shook his head. "No. In fact, he specifically asked me not to tell you...but I thought you needed to know."

"Know what?" she asked, having an idea what this was all about.

Xi Yong smiled, as though it took a great deal of effort from him to say the words.

"More than two hours ago...Drew entered surgery. Any minute now he'll be out of it."

* * *

Xi Men glanced up with a ready smile on his face when the door opened and admitted Xiao Yo. "At last!" he exclaimed. "I thought I would die of starvation before you came - " 

His voice trailed when he noted her pale face, and instantly knew.

"Xiao Yo?" he asked, and she looked at him gravely.

Her voice was so soft he almost doubted he heard her right when she said, "I have to go."

Xi Men nodded silently and watched as she laid the styrofoam boxes on the table and reached for her purse from the couch.

"It is time?" he asked.

She nodded sadly. She walked towards him and tenderly kissed him lightly on the lips, pulling away before it got any deeper.

A small smile appeared on her face. "Be strong now," she said softly. "And this time, keep your promise. Be mindful of your health, ok?"

He could only nod mutely, afraid that if he speaks he might say something that would betray the brave front he is putting up right now.

When she was at the door, he finally found his voice.

"Xiao Yo...Thank you for coming..."

She gave him a wistful smile. "You know I'll come running."

Then she was gone.

* * *

In the hospital in Minneapolis, exactly two hours and forty minutes ago, Drew never spoke a word when he was wheeled into the OR. 

Hsi replies to everyone's queries were mere nods and shakes of the head.

Funny, his eyesight is gone...but he seemed to lose all his other senses as well.

He couldn't say anything.

Neither could he feel a thing.

The last thought on his mind when drug-induced sleep cloaked his senses was one name:

Raine...


	31. Like A Child

**Chapter 31**

**LIKE A CHILD**

No thanks to scheduling complications at the airport in Taipei, when Xiao Yo arrived in the hospital in Minneapolis, it was a full day and a half after Xi Yong informed her of Jacob's message.

She was a bundle of nerves, filled with both guilt and sadness. Guilt that she had lied to Drew all along about her whereabouts...and sadness that she was not able to be there at the time he needed her most.

The first people she saw once she neared Drew's room were Will and Rachel stepping out the door, followed by Jacob and Carol. The colonel's eyes registered surprise when he saw her, but he was cautious enough not to say anything.

It was Will who spoke first. "Raine, it's good you're here. How did the trip to Toronto go?"

Lying to Drew was bad enough; doing the same to his family was worse. She forced a nonchalant smile. "Alright," she replied. "How...how is Drew?"

"He's holding up," Carol said. "The operation went well, and the doctors are very optimistic. They will be taking the bandages off in a few days."

"How did the surgery go?" she asked.

"We were all worried," Carol explained, "which is silly, considering the doctors have assured us repeatedly that it is not a dangerous surgery. Lengthy, yes, but it's not like he would die on the table or anything. Of course, there's that possibility of his system rejecting the donated eyes, but that's a minor possibility."

"He's awake right now," Jacob said softly, silently noting the weary and sleepless look on Xiao Yo's face. "You can go right in. He'll be glad to find out you're here."

Mumbling her thanks, Xiao Yo approached the door and, after taking a deep breath, pushed it open.

Lying on the bed, his eyes covered with a bandage, he did not show any reaction, probably thinking it was just one of the nurses.

Xiao Yo silently closed the door behind her, approaching the bed, not knowing exactly how she would go about this.

But Drew saved her from that trouble as he said softly, "Raine...you're back."

Amazed, Xiao Yo moved forward and reached for his hand, feeling him squeeze it. "Hi," she breathed. "How...how did you know?"

A wry smile twisted his lips. "I kinda smelled your scent."

Silently Xiao Yo wanted to laugh. She had not had a decent shower for a few days now since she up and left Toronto for Taipei. And Drew still recognized her scent!

"Listen," she said, clearing her throat. "I'm really sorry I wasn't - "

"Don't apologize," Drew said lightly. "Besides, there's no reason for you to put everything on hold over me. You know me, I'm not too particular about such things. You're here now, that's all that matters."

She was about to say something – anything...probably apologize even more profusely, or tell the truth about her whereabouts...but decided not to. She could no longer change things. Telling him would only make matters worse and right now, he's going through something tougher.

"Carol told me they'll be taking the bandages off soon," she said, and he nodded. "You think the surgery worked?"

"I hope so..." he said and squeezed her hand once more. Before they could say any more, the door opened and a nurse stuck her head in.

"Excuse me, ma'am," the nurse said to Xiao Yo, "but Mr. Masters needs to rest now."

Xiao Yo nodded and turned his attention back to Drew. "Later," she said.

"Ok," he said and let go of her hand.

When the door closed behind her, Drew lifted his empty hand in front of his face, as though he could see it through the bandages covering his eyes.

Her hand had been empty.

She was not wearing his ring.

* * *

Outside, Xiao Yo leaned wearily against the wall, deciding to go to a hotel to freshen up a bit and catch up on some sleep. Straightening, she reached for her purse and took out her cell phone to call one of the small hotels in the area. 

The sound of something clinking on the floor caught her attention and when she looked to see what it was, her breath caught in her throat.

Her engagement ring.

* * *

For the next couple of days Xiao Yo made up for the time she wasn't able to be there for Drew. She literally spent her days in his hospital room, telling him stories, chatting with him, reading him the news and just keeping him company. 

Deep inside, there's nothing else she wanted more than to leave the hospital and not stray within a hundred yards near any medical facility for as long as she lived. But that was pointless hoping.

Countless times she wondered how Xi Men was. Did he already leave the hospital? Is he finally fully healed?

Many times she had almost reached for the phone and made the call that would give her the answers, but it took her great will power not to dial the numbers.

It was better this way, she thought. Painful, but better.

The day the bandages were scheduled to be taken off, Xiao Yo was hyper, too excited to sit still.

"Hey," she said softly, "Are you ready?"

Drew smiled. "Ready." Then he said, "Do you want to know what I would do once I get my sight back?"

"What?"

"I want to go back to Taipei," he said, and Xiao Yo was taken aback, not expecting his words.

He went on, oblivious of the shock that overcame her. "I feel like I have not accomplished much when I was back there. I want to go around the place and take lots of pictures..."

His head turned towards her and she almost had this uncanny feeling that he could see her.

"Will you go with me?"

"Of course," she said with the slightest hint of hesitation.

"Thanks," he said, his mouth twisting into a smile.

The door opened and the doctor came in, two uniformed nurses in tow. The kindly doctor smiled at her and said, "Raine, would you mind joining the family outside for a little while? We still have to do some preliminary tests. Don't worry, we'll call you the moment the bandages are to be taken off."

She nodded and returned her attention back to Drew. Her hand reached up to stroke his cheek. "See you in a bit."

"Yeah," Drew replied. "See you."

The five minutes of preliminary tests seemed like forever to those who stood outside Drew's room. When, finally, they were called into his room, everyone was holding their breaths.

Xiao Yo – and his family – waited with bated breaths until all the white bandages were taken off, and she marveled at how his handsome countenance managed to remain the same.

Slowly Drew's lashes fluttered open and blinked several times as he tried to get accustomed to the light.

Then, slowly, his head moved towards her, looking at her as she stood there trying to keep from weeping with tears of joy upon seeing his eyes.

They were still as blue as his old ones, although lighter now. But they were unmistakably his when his face lit up with a smile.

"I see you," he said and he opened his arms wide. She ran to him, happiness filling her, unmindful of tears that now poured from her.

Drew closed his eyes, his hands stroking her hair. "I see..." he whispered.

* * *

With impatience Xi Men turned the television off, not finding anything he wanted to watch. Completely bored now, he rang for his private nurse and asked for some chips. It didn't matter that the chips he will be served will be one of those nutrition-type ones. He just wanted something to do. 

It has been five days since he came out of the hospital and was forced by his parents to stay at their house for a few days before he moved to his own place. Wanting only to appease his mother, Xi Men agreed.

He realized the scare he had caused over his latest 'trip' to the hospital that when Xi Yong told him to take a couple of weeks off from the office, he didn't complain.

It was just as well that he remained here in his parent's house. For sure, if he went straight to his pad, lots of his old girlfriends would come and go, and he won't have a moment's peace.

So it was a welcoming sight when, later that afternoon, he got a surprise visit from Hua Ze Lei.

They were at the porch, simply soaking in the late afternoon sun, and Xi Men realized he had missed his friend. The last time he saw him was last week, when he flew all the way from Japan. But something came up and Lei had to go back to Tokyo in haste.

"Thanks for coming," Xi Men said.

"This was the only break I saw in my schedule," Hua Ze Lei explained. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you came out of the hospital."

"That's alright. You're busy, I understand."

Hua Ze Lei pushed something in a small brown bag towards Xi Men.

"I only saw that when I went to the villa a couple of days ago. I think that's yours. I thought you might want it back."

Curiously Xi Men retrieved what's inside the bag and recognized the book. Awakenings. He was reading it when he was at the villa with Xiao Yo. He must have left it there after all hell broke loose.

"I read the last poem...You should read it."

With a nonchalant air he laid the book at the edge of the table. "Thanks," he said, deciding to read it when he felt like it. When he even found the strength to go through it and not remember.

Hua Ze Lei was staring at Xi Men thoughtfully but decided not to say anything to that effect. Instead, he said, "I'm surprised you did not put your foot down and insist on going back to work."

Xi Men laughed slightly. "I suddenly developed this penchant of fearing for my health...finally. It looks like from now on I have to watch everything I put into my system."

Besides, he added silently, I made a promise to Xiao Yo. It's the least I could do.

The two spent the better half of the afternoon simply chatting and when Hua Ze Lei left, Xi Men insisted on seeing his friend to his car. The book was left on the table, unread...forgotten.

* * *

Xiao Yo blinked in surprise as the flash of Drew's camera startled her from her reading. 

She glared at him. "You keep doing that!" she exclaimed, fighting the urge to laugh at the same time. "How many rolls of film have you wasted already!?"

Drew laughed and laid his camera down. "Indulge me, Raine. It's not everyday I lose your eyesight and regain it."

It's been three weeks since the bandages were taken off, and now Drew had finally regained full use of his sight. In fact, for the past week he had done nothing but toy with his camera and take pictures of anything that caught his fancy.

And Xiao Yo was not spared. Honestly, he must have used about a dozen rolls of film on her already!

But more than annoyance, Xiao Yo felt childish excitement whenever she watches Drew act like a child who is seeing the world for the very first time.

She missed his old eyes, those that were so darkly blue they seemed almost black...with these new eyes, he looked younger...more innocent.

Perfectly like a child.

Drew finally decided to stop taking pictures for a while and dropped down on the grass beside Xiao Yo. The two of them were at the front lawn of the campus back in Toronto.

"So have you fixed your papers with the registrar?" he asked.

Xiao Yo nodded. "They aren't too strict about letting me go. Anyway, I don't have any backlogs or anything. In fact, I'm even way ahead."

He reached out and ruffled her hair. "That's my girl."

She turned her eyes on him questioningly. "I still don't know where we're going."

Drew shrugged. "Have you forgotten already? I told you I wanted to go back to Taipei. That's where we're going."

Xiao Yo fell silent for a while, then said, uncertainly, "Are you really sure about this?"

Again he lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I don't see why I shouldn't go." He stood up again and reached for his camera. "Seize the day, Raine," he said with a meaningful smile. "Seize the day."


	32. Seize The Day

SEIZE THE DAY

The atmosphere in the kitchen of Meteors was relaxed, probably because it is still a few more hours before the peak of activities outside. Shancai and Xiao Yo were casually lounging around the ovens, waiting for the cake Shancai was baking to be done.

Xiao Yo giggled, eliciting an inquiring glance from Shancai. "Do you remember when you were making those cookies shaped like Dao Ming Si's face?" she asked. "You were such a novice then. But now you are very good at baking."

Shancai laughed in remembrance. "I mastered that, actually. Baking those cookies, i mean. In fact, I actually considered making it a part of the menu here, but A Si was set against it. He said those cookies were for his alone."

"Which is true," Xiao Yo pointed out, and Shancai nodded.

Shancai decided to shift the subject. "What about you?" she asked. "You've been here in Taipei for three days and it is only now that you came around to letting me know."

"Sorry. This was such short notice. Drew wanted to come and so when we got here we had to get settled in a hotel, and arrange everything..."

"You know you could always stay at our place," Shancai said. "We have plenty of room."

"I know," Xiao Yo replied. "But Drew didn't want to cause any inconvenience. Neither did I."

"Silly," Shancai said and brought out the baked cake, laying it on the wide table in front of her. "Does anyone else know you're here?"

Xiao Yo watched as Shancai began putting on some frosting on the first layer of the cake. "None that I'm aware of," she replied. "You're the first I've informed so far. And Dao Ming Si, of course."

"So Xi Men doesn't know..."

"Shancai..."

Shancai held her hand up. "Sorry, that just slipped out." She turned her attention back to the cake and said, "Isn't it amazing how our lives turned out to be?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, look at us. Two plain girls from poor backgrounds, who worked part-time in the same bake shop. Who would have thought I would be married to someone like Dao Ming Si, right?"

Xiao Yo nodded, smiling. Shancai went on.

"Then you...well, you have not had much luck with men before. I still remember that psycho Zhong Ze...But now, two wonderful men – well, Xi Men could be quite the cad with a heart – are fighting over you."

Xiao Yo looked down, smiling slightly. "That's over now," she said. "No more fighting. I have made my decision, and I think it's the best one for everyone."

When Shancai turned to look at Xiao Yo, she gave a small smile. "You must be relieved."

"I am."

Shancai nodded, not fully convinced by her answer. "You know, Xi Men has changed dramatically since he got out of hospital."

"Dramatically?" Xiao Yo stared at her friend, interested to know about Xi Men.

"Well, he still comes here at the pub, he still drinks...but he now limits himself to a glass of beer, no longer the strong alcohols he used to have. His secretary said he now keeps regular meals and eats healthy...he even makes sure to have enough sleep every night."

She turned a searching look at Xiao Yo. "Sometimes we wonder what you did to make him do it."

"Me?" Xiao Yo laughed. In spite of herself she felt a sudden flush of warmth. Did she manage to get through to him at last?

Shancai shrugged. "What else could be the reason? Since you came he has been like that. Also," she paused and her gaze on Xiao Yo became more questioning. "He also rarely goes out to functions anymore. And if he does, he goes to them alone."

"Alone?"

"Without any special 'assistance' from a socialite or a fellow businessman's daughter." Shancai laughed. "I'm not saying he has become celibate all of a sudden because sometimes he still hangs out with women but...you know what I mean."

Xiao Yo shrugged, pretending not to be too affected by what she had been told. "Maybe he already realized how reckless he had lived before. After all, he's already old enough, he ought to have learned by now."

"But we all still think you are mostly the reason why he has changed his ways."

"That's just silly." She is flushing now. "What made you think that?"

"Because you're the only girl who managed to affect him deeply. Surely you know that by now."

"I'm not the only one..."

"You mean Xiao Gen?" Shancai breathed. "Maybe at one time in the past maybe she had been important to him, but her story with Xi Men had been a closed book for a long time now. Xiao Gen has already returned to her husband and, the last thing we heard, they are going for a trip to Europe. Together."

"That's wonderful," she mumbled.

"So, where's Drew?" she asked, wanting to break the ice.

Xiao Yo remembered how Drew woke up very early this morning, cheerfully telling her he's going out to 'look at things'. He looked so serene, so excited, that she did not bother asking where he's off to.

Relieved that they left that sensitive ground, Xiao Yo answered, "He said he has something he has to do, so I let him go at it alone."

"How is it going with Drew?" Shancai asked, pointedly staring at the ring back on Xiao Yo's left hand. "So, the wedding's going to push through?"

Xiao Yo looked down at the ring on her finger. "We haven't set a date as of yet. Drew said he will still let me finish my degree then we'll talk about it."

"So there's no stopping it, then."

She shook her head. "I think so," she said and smiled.

"I was a bit surprised when you said it was his idea to come back here. I mean...Taipei doesn't exactly hold good memories for him. He lost his sight here after all..."

Shancai smiled and her hand reached out and laid on Xiao Yo's. She smiled reassuringly at her friend. "Drew is a wonderful man. You're still very lucky."

"Yeah," Xiao Yo murmured, knowing what Shancai just said was true.

"Well," Shancai said cheerfully, "We still have three more hours before the evening crowd fills the bar, so let's have fun all to ourselves then!"

Suddenly one of the waiters of Meteors approached them. Shancai turned to him. "What is it?" she asked.

"There's someone outside asking to speak with Miss Xiao Yo."

Xiao Yo and Shancai looked at each other. "Me?" Xiao Yo turned back to the waiter, wondering who would be looking for her here. "Who is it?"

"She said her name is Hannah."

* * *

He was not aware of the sounds of traffic all around him. Neither did he seem to notice the people passing him, some of them bumping into him as he walked without looking where he's going.

Disbelief marked his face as he gazed up at the opposite building.

Wanting to make sure, he entered Leisure Lodge and took the elevator all the way up to the top floor. When he stepped out into the rooftop, his suspicions were confirmed.

When Drew turned around, he noticed one of the janitors cleaning at the other end of the rooftop.

"Excuse me," he called out. The janitor looked up and followed the direction Drew was pointing at.

"The billboard across the street," he said, "where is it?"

The janitor said, "It was taken down two weeks ago. The building is undergoing renovation."

Upon closer inspection Drew noticed that, indeed, some parts of the building were being repainted. He turned back to the janitor.

"They took down the billboard? The ad for Siemens?"

The janitor nodded. "Yes. When our boss purchased that building, they took the billboard down."

Drew's ears seemed to ring. "Your boss?"

"Master Xi Men. He bought that building. He was the one who ordered to take down the billboard."

Completely forgetting all about the janitor, Drew moved forward, his eyes fixed on the spot where the billboard originally was.

Then a small smile appeared on his face. After a few minutes, he strode off the rooftop with a smile.

* * *

They had been sitting in the table at the farthest corner of the bar for a few minutes now, but they still had not spoken much. Xiao Yo slid a surreptitious glance at the lady across the table, wondering for the nth time why Hannah sought her out here.

She cleared her throat, unable to bear the silence any longer. "Hannah," she said lightly. "You wanted to talk?"

Hannah's face lit up with relief that Xiao Yo seemed to also want to break the tension.

"Yes. I heard from a friend that you and Drew had returned to Taipei. I called Dao Ming Si and he told me you're here, with Shancai."

Xiao Yo nodded. "What did you want to talk about?" She didn't want to be rude, but she wanted this tense moment to be over as soon as possible.

In the corner of her mind she wondered why she should be nice to Hannah. After all, she had not been exactly the nicest to Xiao Yo. But still…

Hannah could not seem to meet her eyes. "I am guessing you already know...what I did. I already told Xi Men."

"I've been told," Xiao Yo said, feeling pity for the other girl, imagining the position Hannah is in right now, having to confess something that has happened a long time ago. "You know you don't have to tell me anymore."

"But I want to." Hannah met her gaze finally. "It is not enough that I told Xi Men. You were the one that was directly affected, so I had to tell you. And also...I wanted to say sorry."

Xiao Yo sighed. Whatever bitterness she felt towards Hannah had long abated. She reached out and laid her hand on top of Hannah's, smiling reassuringly. "There's no need for that. Not anymore."

Hannah smiled in gratitude, and her eyes fell on Xiao Yo's ring. "I see you're still marrying Drew."

Xiao Yo pulled her hand back, shrugging. "No definite date yet."

Hannah stared at Xiao Yo for a while, then nodded. "Congratulations," she said.

They both shared a smile, everything that has happened in the past, however painful, forgotten.

* * *

The meeting with the Creative Department had just adjourned when Lun motioned to Xi Men about a phone call. Wondering who might be calling him in his private line, Xi Men took the call in his office.

A few seconds later, he laid the phone down, his forehead creased in confusion. He stared at the phone, wondering what is going on and why he received that particular call.

Sitting back on his chair, he stared at the far wall.

What should he do? Should he follow the bidding of the caller? And what would come out of it if he does?

Xi Men spent the better part of the evening and the rest of the night thinking about his words. At half-past four in the morning, he woke up and finally decided to give the phone call a chance.

He gave a slight nod at the guard at the entrance of the lobby when he entered the Lodge. Taking a deep breath, he proceeded straight to the rooftop.

And the first thing he saw when he got there was the figure of Drew, standing at the edge. From where Xi Men stood, too much on the edge.

"Drew," he called out and the other man turned, giving him a small grin when he saw him. "What are you doing there? It's too dangerous!"

Drew looked down, and Xi Men suddenly had the urge to move forward and pull the other man away from the edge but before he could do so, Drew stepped away from the ledge and turned to him with a small smile.

"Don't worry," he said. "I'm not gonna jump. I'm too much of a coward to do that. I'm scared to die. Besides," he gave a small offhand shrug, "if I die, that's not exacly the way I wanna go."

"Why did you call?" Xi Men went straight to the point. "Why did you make me come here?"

"Why did you come?" Drew asked back, and when Xi Men was not able to answer, he glanced at the opposite building. "More importantly...why did you take the billboard down?"

"It's just a billboard," Xi Men commented, realizing Drew must know something about the board. "Paid advertisement, that's all."

Drew looked at him once again, as though he's about to say something. But he turned around and moved towards the edge again.

At the open doorway, Xiao Yo appeared, apparently out of breath. At first she did not see Xi Men standing at the side. She was only looking at Drew.

"Drew," she said, moving towards her boyfriend. "I've been waiting for you all night at the hotel. Sorry I got the message only a while ago."

She stopped when he turned and looked at her with a mysterious smile. "Drew?" she asked.

Drew stretched his hand to the side and Xiao Yo followed the direction he pointed at, finally seeing Xi Men standing there.


	33. To Infinity

Final Chapter: TO INFINITY

Shock filled Xiao Yo as she drank in the sight of him. The last time she saw Xi Men was the day she flew back to Minnesota. How she missed him...

Xiao Yo tore her gaze away and looked back at Drew, who was looking at her strangely.

"Wh-what's going on here, Drew?"

"We're all here," he said simply.

In agitation, Xiao Yo glanced at Xi Men but he also looked as confused as she was.

"What is this?" she asked Drew.

In front of her eyes Drew took her hand and removed the ring.

"I arranged this. I told him to come."

"You?" she asked in disbelief.

Drew let go of her hand and she looked at it, now devoid of the diamond ring. "I'm setting you free, Raine."

"What ? "

He cut her off. "You have always belonged to him. I merely took care of you for a while. Now I am giving you back."

He turned to look at Xi Men, nodding at him slightly. "I won't ask you to love her, because I know you already do. I only ask that you take care of her."

Like a statue rooted to the spot she stood there. When he moved past her she could not move a muscle. Not an inch.

Xi Men was having difficulty grasping everything fully. He heard Drew's words, even felt him tap him lightly on the shoulder as he left.

Xiao Yo had not moved. In truth, he feared she had drawn into herself and had retreated to a catatonic state. But he could not find the strength to go to her.

About five minutes after Drew left, she seemed to have woken up.

Turning abruptly, she only gave him the briefest glance and sprinted past him, out of the doorway, leaving him alone at the rooftop, racing after Drew.

* * *

Trying hard not to break down, Drew got into the waiting car and nodded at his friend behind the wheel. But before they could move, the door beside him opened and Xiao Yo let herself in.

Xiao Yo spoke to the driver without looking at him. "Drive," she said. "I don't care where, just step on it!"

Drew and the man behind the wheel exchanged helpless glances through the mirror and Drew merely nodded. Xiao Yo finally heaved a sigh when the car moved forward.

She moved to face Drew fully.

"I am getting tired of this runaround, Drew," she said wearily.

He remained facing forward, willing himself not to look at her. "So am I. That's why I am doing this. I want a rest, Raine."

"But why!?" She wanted to scream at him.

His voice was calm when he spoke. "Because, contrary to what you have led yourself to believe, I am a very selfish person. I could never bear the thought of having to share you with anyone. I am no saint, Raine. I'm just a man, and I am not blind. At least...not any longer."

A heavy breath released from him. "I can see you still love Xi Men the way you did before...unconditionally...probably even more now. And I also see it is not unrequited."

"But I have made my choice, Drew. I chose you."

"Your heart belongs to another."

"But I - "

"Don't say it. Please..." He closed his eyes, and opened them again. "I do not think I can handle hearing you speak them."

He turned to look at her finally and he saw the tears already spilling out of her lovely eyes. He swallowed.

"I do not hate you. I could never hate you. I know in your own small way, you also found it in your heart to love me, just...not enough. I guess it was wishful thinking for me to hope I could make you forget him."

When she was about to say something, he held up his hand and stopped her.

"Wait, let me finish." He sighed. "We could go back to Toronto right now and pretend the past months never took place. We could pretend we forgot all that's happened...all about him. We could live the life we originally planned together. But we both know it wouldn't last."

He looked deep into her eyes and for a moment she thought she was looking into the deep blue orbs of old.

"Sooner or later, you'll realize your mistake in choosing me - someone you don't love - over him. I couldn't bear the thought of having you look at me with regret in your eyes. Or worse, hate."

"You know that would never happen," she whispered.

"Perhaps." His eyes took a faraway look as he remembered something. "Do you remember when we first met and became friends? I thought, 'this girl is so unhappy.' I swore there and then that someday I will make you the happiest woman. Now I find that the only way I could fulfill that promise is to let you go."

"What if I don't want to go?" she asked with a sniff.

"That's up to you," he said airily, having a hard time putting up a brave front when his heart is breaking. "But I would not keep you. I already told you. I am a selfish guy. I don't want to share."

She wiped a wayward tear but soon it was replaced with yet more. "Don't you love me anymore?"

His voice was filled with emotion as he answered her. "I love you...so much it is killing me. But I also want to live, Raine. So I have to turn away." He reached for her hand and resisted the urge to pull her against him. "You love Xi Men, I can see it in your eyes."

"I don't want to have to choose again..."

"You have made your choice a long time ago. You just didn't know it then." He gave a wistful smile. "Don't be guilty. There's no need for that. I came into this with my eyes wide open. I came into your life when you were at your lowest, and even the despite the knowledge that you were in love with someone else. I was so persistent. You haven't done anything of which you should be guilty about."

A scornful laugh issued out of her. "Just like Hua Ze Lei."

"No." His denial was firm, as he remembered all the stoires he's been told of Hua Ze Lei and his involvement with Dao Ming Si and Shancai. "Unlike Hua Ze Lei, I do not think I can stick around while the two of you bask in your happiness together. I'm brave, but not that brave. After this, you might never see me again. I might never see you again. But if he ever hurts you - even once - if he makes you cry, call me."

He looked deep into her teary eyes. "Call me...and I'll come running."

"You have done so much for me..."

"Then let me do this one last thing. You once told me your greatest fear. Now I am giving you the chance to conquer that fear. Follow what your heart tells you, Raine."

She stared hard at him.

"DON'T FAIL ME NOW."

She searched his eyes. "What about your greatest fear?"

Drew shook his head. "I could never lose you...because I never fully had you."

To his surprise she wrapped her arms around him, holding on tight. "You'll always have me...Always..."

She held on to him...so tight...as though she didn't want to let go.

* * *

He had been walking for a while now - probably for an hour already, without direction, without aim.

Xi Men looked around and noticed the sun had fully risen, and people were now rushing to their work. He could not even figure out exactly where he is right now.

Like a man lost he wandered the streets, his mind blank, his heart empty.

Xiao Yo left him at the rooftop...and went after Drew. Clearly she had made her choice. That was it. Simple as that.

Weakly he leaned against one of the post, completely oblivious of the world moving fast around him. Slowly he slid to the ground until he was seated there, his head down. He was totally unaware of the curious glances the passers-by were giving him.

He closed his eyes and laid his head on his arms wrapped around his knees. For a while he remained in that position, wanting nothing else but for the earth beneath him to open up and swallow him whole.

Suddenly he felt a shadow creep over him, but he still wouldn't look up.

"Xi Men?" a voice said.

He must be hallucinating. Maybe the sun has gotten to him. Maybe he's losing his mind.

The voice came on again, now with a slight trace of amusement in it. "This scene is vaguely familiar. I think it has happened before. Only...I was the one down there...and you were up here."

This time, he knew he wasn't hallucinating. Slowly he lifted his gaze and there she stood.

Xiao Yo, looking down at him, smiling tearfully.

"What are you doing here?" he heard himself ask in a voice that wasn't his. "Aren't you supposed to be leaving for Canada right now?"

"Something tells me I should stay. With you. Forever. I think it was my heart that said it, I'm not sure." She lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. "You don't mind, do you?"

His eyes slid down and spotted her empty fingers. They flew up to her face. She was smiling even wider now.

"Drew..." he began.

"...wants me to be the happiest woman alive. Now I am making sure his wish comes true. Will you help me?"

Slowly he straightened and moved forward, holding her on the shoulders, as though making sure she is real.

"Am I dreaming?" he whispered.

"Want me to wake you up?" She stood on tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. When he felt the sweetness only she could give him, he deepened the kiss, happiness rushing through him in profusion.

When their lips parted she buried her face in his neck. "Oh, why do I love you so much? You're a cad, you're cold, unfeeling...stoic...and I love you so damn much."

Her tirade was stopped by another swoop of Xi Men's lips on hers and, once again she let herself go freely, basking in his love.

"I love you," he whispered repeatedly, feeling as though he could say those words forever and he would never tire of it.

* * *

From afar Drew watched the spectacle unfold before him. But, being the son of a Marine, he dug deep within him for the courage not to cry.

From the driver's seat, Liam turned around and stared at his friend.

"So, that's it, huh? You?re just gonna leave her to that...that guy?"

He turned and smiled at Liam. "That guy is the reason she's alive."

"That guy is the reason she was miserable for the longest time. He is the kind who would do more damage than good to her. He's not worth throwing your happiness away, Drew...He doesn't deserve Raine."

Drew silently looked at his friend, wondering where this hostility for Xi Men was coming from. He said, "In my opinion, nobody deserves her. But he is her one true love. I don't want to take that away from her."

"You're crazy," Liam stated flatly and Drew merely smiled even more.

After throwing Xi Men and Raine another glance, smiling at the sight of the two who were still kissing at the side of the street, oblivious to the cars honking at them. He patted Liam on the shoulder.

"Let's go," he said. "I don't want to miss my flight."

As the car drew away and joined the stream of traffic leading away from where Xi Men and Raine stood, Liam threw one last glance at them, his eyes taking on a dark glint as it settled on Xi Men. Through the mirror he looked at Drew who sat there thoughtfully.

Then they left.

* * *

To have her in my arms - like this - seemed unreal...like a scene in one of those countless dreams I've had that were filled with her. Nothing but her.

I have come full circle. We both have.

I pushed her away, and lost her. She came back at a time when I wanted her finally...and she was the one who once again left...

And I still could not believe I have her in my arms, speaking those words I so longed to hear...those words I never thought she'd say to me.

Whatever's up ahead is bound to be a tricky ride, of that much I am sure. How ever world-wise I claim to be, I know I still have much to learn. But I will learn.

With Xiao Yo beside me, I could not go wrong.

To love Xiao Yo - the woman who has filled my every thought, dream, and my very heart - is like breathing. Once it stops, life itself ends. It's a sign of life. My life.

* * *

To be held in his arms - so tight - is everything. I felt like I have been on a long trek and finally I have found home, where I truly belonged.

It had been an arduous journey, and a few people along the way have been hurt. The most wonderful persons were shattered, ultimate sacrifices have been made...dare I throw them away and render them fruitless?

To love Xi Men - a man both simple and complex - takes both courage and willpower...traits I had long believed were lost to me forever.

Now I have found those traits again...and that strength I drew from the one person I least expected. Drew.

* * *

To let her go was nothing short of ending my very life, but it was the only thing that made sense. Just to see her smile - with no remorse, no regret...no longing - is enough.

I have not been blind; I was merely too bull-headed. I refused to see then.

I am selfish. I am not an angel. I am not a martyr, either. I am a realist.

To love her and to set her free was my ultimate way of showing her how I truly felt.

Do not hate me for loving her and wanting her only to be happy...

Do not hate me for loving her and wanting her...

Do not hate me for loving her...

Do not hate me.

* * *

Across town, in the porch at Xi Men's parents' home, the forgotten book fell on the floor and the pages ruffled to the last page.

An endless stream  
of loneliness freely spill  
through these weary eyes  
as I stare 'cross the street  
held up by lofty dreams  
and soaring hopes  
of you finally seeing me...  
of you finally hearing...  
of you finally feeling...  
of you finally being  
my beloved

FIN.

Note from Jeffer: And so it ends. Gomenasai, mina-san. This took so long. Thank you for sticking with it. :) Happy New Year, too!

Hopefully I will also upload the sequel to this story (yes, there is one. And with quicker updates, too, because it is already actually finished being written.)

Until then. Mata ne!


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